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from Waiting... (2005/I)
Monty's Mom: So I called your house today, at two. You were still asleep, weren't you?
Monty: That's an understatement.
Monty's Mom: So what did you do last night? I trust my little angel didn't do anything immoral.
Monty: Well, ummm... Let's see. I started by getting completely hammered drunk. It was bad. Then drove, while intoxicated, to pick up this disease-infested hooker.
Monty's Mom: Uh huh...
Monty: From there... uh, let's see. Me and the hooker went back to my place...
Monty's Mom: The hooker and I.
Monty: Excuse me. The hooker and I went back to my place and from there... God, it was just a blur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex, while taking the Lord's name in vain.
Monty's Mom: Dean, did you know that when Monty was a child everyone thought he was retarded?
Monty: Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?
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