Donald Cragen
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Quotes for
Donald Cragen (Character)
from "Law & Order" (1990)

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"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Payback (#1.1)" (1999)
Policeman: Sergeant just got a call for a Sex Crimes detective at the 96th street I.R.T...
Captain Donald Cragen: Why?
Policeman: Some guy molesting a body.
Captain Donald Cragen: Oh, that is just terrific. Who's up?
Detective Brian Cassidy: Me and Munch?
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, listen, I think a dead molestee can be handled by one detective. Cassidy you go. Munch give Stabler and Benson the benefit of your vast puncture wound experience.

Detective Brian Cassidy: Sir, if the body is dead is that considered a sex crime?
Captain Donald Cragen: Just go. You know, investigate, interrogate, write up a DD-5.

Captain Donald Cragen: [holds up donut] Aren't these fabulous?

Captain Donald Cragen: Okay, Olivia, let's just say the vic had the misfortune of buying the wrong hack license. Spicer's the target. Who wanted him dead?
Detective John Munch: Whoever called the dispatcher.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Wow.
Detective Olivia Benson: Nice. Good stuff. Keep that.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Thanks, thanks a lot.
Detective John Munch: It never stops.
Detective John Munch: [to Cragen about donuts] You know they have more varieties than that.

Detective Elliot Stabler: That was the M.E. The stab wounds... 37 of them. This still reads gay to me.
Captain Donald Cragen: Panacek's prints are clean here, right?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yes.
Captain Donald Cragen: So do this by the numbers. He's illegal, send a set to Interpol too.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Forensics report...
Captain Donald Cragen: What?
Detective Elliot Stabler: They found part of a fingernail in the front seat of the cab with red nail polish on it.
Detective Olivia Benson: Dispatcher said that he thought it might have been a woman who called about Spicer.
Captain Donald Cragen: Kind of undercuts your gay theory, huh?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Could be a he/she?
Captain Donald Cragen: Didn't two of Spicer's married johns take a bust?
Detective Olivia Benson: Yeah, about six months ago vice was targeting the piers.
Captain Donald Cragen: I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.
Captain Donald Cragen: [Munch chuckles] What are you doing?
Detective John Munch: Eavesdropping.

[offers a bucket of licorice]
Captain Donald Cragen: You can't trust the computers. They get backed up and don't input the releases.
Detective Olivia Benson: That's why I talked to the watch captain and had then check personally to see if Spicer's still there.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, why is this ours?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Doer sliced off the vic's unit.
[spits out licorice]

Captain Donald Cragen: We don't get to pick the vic.

Detective Brian Cassidy: What's that?
Elliot Stabler: [handing a report to Cragen] Take a look at that. Fingerprint check on Pancek. I'd say that gives us a whole different kind of motive.
Captain Donald Cragen: [glancing at the report] See if any of the victims are in the New York area. Your partner may not like this.
Elliot Stabler: Why? It's a murder investigation.
Captain Donald Cragen: Yeah. Yeah, it is. Just don't let her forget we don't get to pick the vic.
[Much and Cassidy exchange confused glances]
Detective John Munch: Are we missing some key piece of information here?
Elliot Stabler, Captain Donald Cragen: Shut up, John.

Detective Olivia Benson: [after debating the light punishment given to a murderer who is otherwise a good person] I think we did the only thing that will let me go home and sleep tonight.
Captain Donald Cragen: You just used your Get Out of Jail Free card. There's only one in the pack.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Her Negotiation (#14.24)" (2013)
Captain Donald Cragen: He said something to them?
Alice Parker: Yes!
Captain Donald Cragen: And what was it?
Alice Parker: I'm not comfortable repeating it
Captain Donald Cragen: Okay, uhm, do you think you could write it down?

William Lewis: What do you want to hear? How at the beginning she said she would do anything? She begged me for her life. And by morning time she was begging me to take her out of her misery. Which one do you think I enjoyed more?
[knock knock]
Captain Donald Cragen: [Comes in with Vanessa Mayer] Detectives?
William Lewis: Oh, hey it's my laywer
Vanessa Mayer: You guys can't talk to my client
William Lewis: Yeah I told them they weren't allowed to do this. It was just hypothetical!
Vanessa Mayer: You know better, he's invoked
Olivia Benson: Good,
[stands up and leaves]
Olivia Benson: 'cause I need a shower!

Amanda Rollins: This guy, he knows every trick!
Captain Donald Cragen: That's okay, so does Barba!

Amanda Rollins: Tell you what? Who wants to come with me to shoot the son of a bitch?
Captain Donald Cragen: Rollins!
Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Don't worry captain, I'll take her out, get something to drink! Anyone else while my wallet is open?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: PTSD (#10.9)" (2008)
Donald Cragen: Do we have any idea where this Marine was killed?
Odafin Tutuola: A large pool of blood was found in Battery Park. The lab's testing it now.
Donald Cragen: She was stationed in North Carolina. What was she doing in New York?
Detective Olivia Benson: She went AWOL to join a therapy group that specializes in treating military rape victims with PTSD.
Donald Cragen: That's a long way to travel for therapy.
Odafin Tutuola: It's a long waiting list, and returning vets need help now.

Donald Cragen: What do we know about the sexual assault?
Detective Olivia Benson: Next to nothing. She was raped in Iraq and couldn't, or wouldn't, identify her attacker.
John Munch: Let me guess, the military will not release an active file.
Odafin Tutuola: Well, if it happened in-country, it had to be somebody she worked with.
Donald Cragen: What unit was she assigned to?
John Munch: A squadron in the 2nd Airwing. Maintenance on light attack helicopters.
Odafin Tutuola: Okay, there's fifteen helos per squadron.
John Munch: So?
Odafin Tutuola: Cobra gets a three-man maintenance team to work on engines, navi, weapon systems, and ordnance. Plus there's two pilots and door gunner per bird.
Detective Olivia Benson: That's over seventy-five suspects.
Donald Cragen: Then narrow it down. Go back to the therapist, see if the victim gave her a name.

Donald Cragen: Pruitt's about to ship out again. You think he raped any others?
Odafin Tutuola: There's no record of sexual assault.
Detective Olivia Benson: That means nothing. When women refuse to serve with the men who rape them, they get court-martialed for desertion, dereliction, conduct unbecoming. I mean, their files get red flagged and the men who raped them get a weekend pass.
Donald Cragen: He passed a polygraph, Olivia.
Detective Olivia Benson: Any psycho can do that.

Donald Cragen: I want you to take some personal time off.
Detective Olivia Benson: Why?
Donald Cragen: You know why. Just do it.
Detective Olivia Benson: Is that an order, captain?
Donald Cragen: No. If it was, I'd have to make a notation in your jacket.
Detective Olivia Benson: How much time should I take off?
Donald Cragen: As much as you need.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Merchandise (#12.4)" (2010)
Captain Donald Cragen: [about the father] Well, the only thing he's guilty of is poor judgment. A lot of kids get jobs, Elliot.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Well, whatever happened to a childhood?
Captain Donald Cragen: The work was legal, cut him loose.
Detective Olivia Benson: Should I call Child Services to have them pick up the daughters?
Captain Donald Cragen: They're not abused, they're clean and well-fed.
Detective Elliot Stabler: And homeless.
Captain Donald Cragen: Which isn't a criminal act, and I'm not separating this family for anything less.

Detective Odafin Tutuola: [Fin walks into the precinct to see water dripping everywhere] What the hell happened?
Detective Elliot Stabler: [Grabbing evidence boxes] The pipes. They finally burst.
Captain Donald Cragen: We've also got foundation problems. We're moving to the Command Center outside.
Detective Olivia Benson: Until when?
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, they said a week, but I don't believe them.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Why not?
Captain Donald Cragen: [walking outside of the building with an evidence box in hand as Benson and Stabler follow him] The construction company owner who rehabbed the precincts last year just got indicted.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Fraud?
Captain Donald Cragen: Concrete testing was faked. We may have to underpin the foundation.
Detective Olivia Benson: We can't work out of a trailer for that long
Captain Donald Cragen: We'll figure something out.

Detective Odafin Tutuola: [Fin walks up to Cragen, who is staring down the construction workers, who don't appear to be fixing the precinct] Giving them the hairy eyeball isn't gonna make them move, Captain. They're union.
Captain Donald Cragen: They're wasting time.
Detective Elliot Stabler: So are we if we can't get Micah to talk.
Captain Donald Cragen: Did the D.A. decline to prosecute?
Detective Olivia Benson: He doesn't want to charge an underage abuse victim for murder as an adult.
Detective Odafin Tutuola: The kid's looking at juvenile lock-up or the psych ward.
Detective Olivia Benson: Either way, Goldberg isn't going to let him anywhere near us.
Captain Donald Cragen: Unless we give him something he needs.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Like?
Captain Donald Cragen: Psychiatric evaluation of his intent when he chased his sister down.
Detective Elliot Stabler: The juvenile court's an automatic bench trial. The judge will probably cut Micah loose if we can get a shrink to say he didn't mean to kill his sister.
Captain Donald Cragen: I'll call Dr. Huang and set it up.

Detective Olivia Benson: [Benson and Stabler enter to find the precinct leaking everywhere] Is our house falling apart?
Captain Donald Cragen: Old pipes. City won't spring for new ones.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Fix one leak, two more crop up and we're stuck in the mess.
Captain Donald Cragen: Just like the one you made when you questioned Warner's ruling.
Detective Olivia Benson: She called you?
Captain Donald Cragen: You want to tell me why you're challenging the M.E.?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Sure. Can't make a murder charge stick when the abuse didn't actually kill Jane Doe. The cab did.
Detective Olivia Benson: The best we could do is attempted murder.
Captain Donald Cragen: Fin's got surveillance up on the flat screen. Now, I suggest you find the bastard who starved her first and let the D.A. worry about what charges to file.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Stranger (#10.11)" (2009)
Captain Donald Cragen: What, are you waiting for an invitation?
[Olivia and Elliot turn around to Cragen]
Detective Olivia Benson: Just thought we'd give Vasko a taste of his own medicine.
Captain Donald Cragen: I think he's familiar with the tactics of breaking someone. All you're giving him is time to lawyer up.
Detective Elliot Stabler: We're buying ourselves some.
[Melinda comes]
Detective Elliot Stabler: You got something?
Dr. Melinda Warner: It's too soon for DNA results, so I ran an individual specific auto-antibodies test on Mr. Vasko. It's not admissible in court yet but, uh, it only takes two hours.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, how did we get a court order for his DNA already?
Detective Elliot Stabler: We didn't need one. Vasko ran, Fin clotheslined him, bloodied up his nose on Fin's sleeve.
Dr. Melinda Warner: And Fin was kind enough to pass it along to me. He's a match for the semen on your girl's dress.
Detective Olivia Benson: [smiles slightly] That's all we need.
[starts walking]
Dr. Melinda Warner: Hold on. I'm not finished. I did get the DNA results from your Jane Doe's rape kit. She's not Heather.
Detective Elliot Stabler: We figured that one out ourselves.
Dr. Melinda Warner: Did you know her name is Kirsten Vuscelik?
Captain Donald Cragen: What, she's in the system?
Dr. Melinda Warner: No, in CODIS. She was abducted in Ohio six years ago. Her mother Marcie was certain it as a parental kidnapping.

Captain Donald Cragen: $4,595 for one 35mm digital camera, and the Ledger is demanding disciplinary action against you.
Detective Elliot Stabler: I never touched the guy. I just can't believe the vultures got a photo off their memory card.
Captain Donald Cragen: "Sex Slave and the City". Classy.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Used to be no one would ever publish a rape victim's photo.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, that was before newspapers started going the way of the dodo. I'm sure readership will be up today.

Detective Elliot Stabler: Doc, was she abducted or not?
Dr. George Huang: I wouldn't rule it out.
Captain Donald Cragen: Even with the lies about her field trips to church?
Dr. George Huang: After four years, he's established total domination over her. Heather's programmed to follow orders blindly and without question. The ultimate test of his power is taking her out in public.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Well, that doesn't bother me. I mean, he took her to a church. You got two hundred people there, it's a sanctuary. Why not scream, ask for help?
Dr. George Huang: Because his control over her was so complete she couldn't. I once worked a case in Rochester where the perp took a victim who he had kept for two years to a karaoke bar. They got up and they sang a song together. No one suspected.
Captain Donald Cragen: Heather is safe now. Why isn't she helping?
Dr. George Huang: Extreme Stockholm syndrome.
Detective Olivia Benson: She's bonded with her captor as a survival mechanism and now has this misguided need to protect him.
[her phone rings]
Detective Olivia Benson: Detective Benson. Where are they taking her? I'm on my way.
[hanging up]
Detective Olivia Benson: Heather slit her wrists.

Captain Donald Cragen: That was a little too convincing.
Detective Olivia Benson: It was brilliant. Elliot's gonna sucker a full confession out of that idiot.
Captain Donald Cragen: While you do what?
Detective Olivia Benson: Kristen's seventy-two hour psych hold is up. I gotta get the Hallanders to drop the charges before she's transferred to the Tombs.
Captain Donald Cragen: Liv, I checked. Kristen's already on her way there.
Detective Olivia Benson: Well, I gotta get her out.
Captain Donald Cragen: Munch and Fin went to talk to the Hallanders.
Detective Olivia Benson: Where's Greylek?
Captain Donald Cragen: She's tracking down Judge Andrews at a black tie event.
Detective Olivia Benson: You didn't see that basement. I cannot let this girl sit in a cell all night.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Acceptable Loss (#14.4)" (2012)
Captain Donald Cragen: Nice to see the place didn't completely fall apart while I was gone.
Detective Olivia Benson: It hasn't been the same without you.
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: I took a two week coffee break and nobody noticed.

Captain Donald Cragen: [ordering the go-ahead on a bust] If they want to fire me, they know where to find me.

Detective Olivia Benson: Captain. I didn't see you come in.
Captain Donald Cragen: You probably didn't recognize me without the orange jumpsuit.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Fat (#7.20)" (2006)
Captain Donald Cragen: You know why I put Blaine with you?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Cause you started drinking again?

Captain Donald Cragen: [as Elliot is walking out of the interrogation room] He say anything?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Yeah, get me a soda
Captain Donald Cragen: [about the 260 pound teenager] He needs to ease up on the soda

Captain Donald Cragen: You're a good cop. But God knows how Olivia put up with you for so long.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [cynically] Yeah well, Olivia's a saint.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Screwed (#8.22)" (2007)
Alan James: You made sure I lost my rank because you couldn't resist making me look bad in front of the bosses. Now it's my turn.
Captain Donald Cragen: That was fifteen years ago. Some people would call you obsessed.
Alan James: I saw the opportunity. I took it.

Alan James: If the state loses this trial over the perception of police misconduct, they'll ask for your resignation.
Captain Donald Cragen: Which they won't get.
Alan James: Then they'll transfer you to outer Mongolia.

Captain Donald Cragen: Detective Lake is transferring in from Brooklyn SVU. He's gonna pick up our slack during the trial, he's going to stay here after, so make him feel welcome.
Detective John Munch: Should Fin be concerned?
Captain Donald Cragen: There's more than enough work for everybody, John. Why don't you do some?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Sophomore Jinx (#1.6)" (1999)
A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael: What was it called before we invented the terms date rape and sexual assault?
Captain Donald Cragen: Boys will be boys?

Captain Donald Cragen: [to Abbie Carmichael] I think I'm falling in love with you, Abbie.

[learning the victim's BAC was three times the legal limit]
Captain Donald Cragen: There was a time I yearned for a woman who could drink like that.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Night (#6.20)" (2005)
Captain Donald Cragen: Elliot in here now.
Eleanor Duvall: Dective Stabler. Gabriel says that you entered his apartment and threatened him?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yes. I was conducting an investigation. A colleague of mine was beaten nearly to death in her office.
Eleanor Duvall: Well, if you had investigated further you would have known that Gabriel was out having dinner.
Detective Elliot Stabler: I didn't know that at the time.
Eleanor Duvall: Tell me Detective Stabler do you like your job?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yes I do.
Eleanor Duvall: You have 42 prior arrests that's very commendable. But I know the mayor of this town. Don't make me go to him.

Detective Elliot Stabler: [after being chewed out by Eleanor Duvall for arresting her son] Captain...
Captain Donald Cragen: Save it, I probably would've put Gabriel Duvall through a window.

Captain Donald Cragen: Let Casey talk to her.
Detective Elliot Stabler: She's not back at work yet, I don't think she wants anyone to see her.
Captain Donald Cragen: Exactly.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Undercover (#9.15)" (2008)
Detective Olivia Benson: Send me to Sealview. Undercover.
Donald Cragen: Not a chance.
Detective Olivia Benson: Why?
Donald Cragen: Because it's a suicide mission.
Detective Olivia Benson: I've done it before. I can do it again.
Donald Cragen: With tree huggers, not convicts and corrections officers.
Detective Olivia Benson: Captain, you know that I can handle it.
Donald Cragen: You go inside, you have no authority, no right, no backup.
Detective Olivia Benson: And if we don't stop this guard, he will continue to rape and abuse women.

Donald Cragen: It's not our job to police the prisons.
Detective Olivia Benson: And what should I tell Ashley, that "your mother is an inmate so she doesn't really count. She's not a real victim."
Donald Cragen: The warden stonewalled Elliot. She's not gonna go along with this.
Detective Olivia Benson: So don't tell her.
Donald Cragen: Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?
[Benson doesn't reply, but Cragen can see she's determined]
Donald Cragen: I'll see if I can convince the corrections commissioner. Work with Huang. Put together a bulletproof cover.

Detective Elliot Stabler: CSU says the crime scene was clean. Guy even dug up plants.
Donald Cragen: What about the victim? He leave anything on her?
Detective Olivia Benson: Oh, the nurse found fluids. But without Ashley's consent, the hospital won't release the rape kit.
Donald Cragen: Well, we can't force her to cooperate.
Detective Olivia Benson: No, but we can keep the case open if we suspect abuse.
Donald Cragen: Well, what about the machete-wielding gardener?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yeah, he's a fruitcake, not a rapist.
Detective Olivia Benson: I still like the foster dad for it.
Donald Cragen: Or maybe you're just looking for a reason to keep investigating.
Detective Olivia Benson: Captain, the girl was traumatized. She was raped until evidence proves she wasn't.
Donald Cragen: You got the rest of the day. Find something or move on.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Secrets (#2.12)" (2001)
[interrupting an argument between Munch and Fin]
Captain Donald Cragen: Alright, last time I checked, this was the Special Victims Unit, not the Sex Police.

Capt. Donald Cragen: The law isn't always about justice.
ADA Alexandra Cabot: Who let you in on our dirty little secret?

Captain Donald Cragen: Don't beat yourself up. From where I'm sitting, you did everything right. And I'd be the first to tell you if you didn't.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Haystack (#8.15)" (2007)
Donald Cragen: Ms. Marino must be here for the obligatory grieving-mother footage.
Detective Elliot Stabler: There's nothing better than a parent's worst nightmare for must-see TV.

[after seeing Cindy Marino's interview with Laura Kozlowski]
Donald Cragen: If we did that to Laura, we'd have every victim rights group in the country picketing the station house.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Loss (#5.4)" (2003)
Elliot Stabler: TRW and Equifax both show no activity on that social prior to June 2001. No bank accounts, no student loans, no jobs. All of her credit cards were issued around the same time also.
Olivia Benson: DMV says Livia Tellez was issued a New York State driver's license same month, same year. No prior driving record in any other state.
Donald Cragen: And nobody knew anything about this girl?
John Munch: Neighbors were just passing acquaintances.
Fin Tutuola: Vital statistics doesn't have anything on her or any living relative.
Donald Cragen: We can rule out identity theft. Can't steal an identity that didn't exist until a couple of years ago.
Olivia Benson: Everything that we've found says that Livia Tellez just appeared out of nowhere.
Donald Cragen: What about witness protection?
Elliot Stabler: We checked. She's not one of theirs.
John Munch: Feel free to express your derision and ridicule, but I'm gonna say it: spook.
Fin Tutuola: I'm not ridiculing. We probably got spies from every country all over this city.
Donald Cragen: Uh, before we call in the CIA, let's see if the body can shed some light on who this girl really was.

Donald Cragen: Why is the DEA following my detectives?
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: We needed to make sure that they weren't working for the people we were investigating.
Elliot Stabler: You sure now?
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: If I weren't, you'd already be in federal lockup, Detective Stabler.
Tim Donovan: Officer Sandoval's prints were red-flagged in the system. When you ran them, it tipped us off.
Olivia Benson: And it never occurred to you that we ran them because we were investigating her murder?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Tangled (#3.5)" (2001)
Capt. Donald Cragen: Drugs, I get, but ponies?

Capt. Donald Cragen: It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Perverted (#11.9)" (2009)
Detective Olivia Benson: I lived in New York all my life, I never needed a car. Then I guess I hit a midlife crisis.
Captain Donald Cragen: What else did you hit?
[finds a large dent on the front of her car]
Detective Olivia Benson: Captain, I haven't driven this car in a month!

Captain Donald Cragen: It's all fun and games til somebody losese a penis.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Venom (#7.18)" (2006)
Captain Donald Cragen: [when Fin finds out Ken's been arrested and Fin tries to see him] You're not going in there.
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: That's my son in there, Captain. Why didn't you call me?
Captain Donald Cragen: Because he didn't want us to. He's over 18 and he's in a lot of trouble. You plan on making it worse?
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: I plan on asking him what the hell he was doing looking for a body.
Detective John Munch: When you should be asking why he called Olivia instead of you.
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: That's a separate issue and trust me, I will address that.
Detective John Munch: No doubt with your usual diplomacy.
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: [yelling] What goes on between me and my son is none of your damn business!
Captain Donald Cragen: [yelling] But it is mine! And right now, I want to know whose body it is, where it is, and who put it there.
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: You mind if I listen in?

Captain Donald Cragen: Nobody in my department cuts corners or goes for an easy close.
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: And that's your opinion, Captain?
Captain Donald Cragen: And for your son's sake, you better be grateful it's the only thing that matters.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Russian Love Poem (#1.12)" (2000)
Detective Brian Cassidy: [Discussing victim's sex life] For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Captain Donald Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Detective Brian Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.

Detective Elliot Stabler: I'm sure sleeping with the girlfriend of a Russian mobster had a certain...
[speaking French]
Detective Elliot Stabler: je ne sais quoi.
Detective Olivia Benson: Je ne sais quoi?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yeah.
[More French]
Detective Elliot Stabler: N'est-ce pas.
Captain Donald Cragen: One language at a time, merci.

"Law & Order: Confession (#2.1)" (1991)
[about Max Greevey's killer, who'd also considered trying to kill Max's wife]
Capt. Donald Cragen: 'Maybe threaten his old lady'... too bad he didn't take that route. Marie would have kicked his ass!

Det. Mike Logan: What the hell is this? You expect me to sit on my ass while my partner's killer walks around free?
Executive A.D.A. Ben Stone: Either way, that is exactly what is going to happen. Because if the first confession is coerced, then so is the second, and the third, no matter how many times you Mirandize the suspect.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Coercion is a judgment call, Stone. My guy never laid a glove on the son of a bitch.
Executive A.D.A. Ben Stone: That doesn't matter. If he coerced the first confession, it is still "fruit of the poisonous tree."
Det. Mike Logan: What "fruit!" What's it some stupid technicality?
Executive A.D.A. Ben Stone: [to Cragen] Perhaps you can explain the concept to your men, so they don't let another cop killer walk.
[starts to leave, then pauses and turns back]
Executive A.D.A. Ben Stone: I doubt if Max Greevey would've considered it a "technicality."

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Dirty (#12.14)" (2011)
Donald Cragen: [as Benson, Fin and Sunny go over the case, Cragen walks in talking on the phone] There's nothing else to say. Liv?
[as Benson follows him, Cragen resumes his phone conversation]
Donald Cragen: No. No, I am not talking off the record. Call the press room at 1pp.

Olivia Benson: Press found out that Page was a DA?
Donald Cragen: Yeah. And I am tempted to hand them Rivera on a platter.
[Cragen slams his cell phone down in frustration]
Olivia Benson: He didn't do it.
Donald Cragen: The guy's a creative killer. What makes you think he didn't orchestrate a hit?
[the phone rings but Cragen immediately hangs up without answering]
Olivia Benson: The Latin Kings would've done her and dumped her, not held her for hours and cut her up.
Donald Cragen: It's personal.
Olivia Benson: Page was in an abusive relationship with a coworker. She showed all the signs of a battered woman.
Donald Cragen: Okay, yeah. But talk to Rivera, cover your ass.
Olivia Benson: And yours too.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Taken (#2.8)" (2000)
John Munch: There should be a special level of hell for this pus-sucking, gangrenous malignancy of a mental amoeba.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Did somebody steal your parking space again?

Det. John Munch: Ramsay just sent in his first victim to defend him against his second.
Capt. Donald Cragen: From the statutory rape case?
Det. John Munch: Shelly Leevak, the sweet little thing he deflowered at 15. She's five years older but none the wiser.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Don't tell me she's trying to alibi him.
Det. John Munch: Everything but. Explain to me how shmoes like us spend every night at home alone watching the History Channel while a scum like Ramsay has this nice girl's complete devotion. She's so convinced.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Well, if there is any karma, Ramsay won't be doing much sitting down in Rikers.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Limitations (#1.14)" (2000)
Police Commissioner Lyle Morris: I heard we have a guy who likes to masturbate on the Midtown bus.
Captain Donald Cragen: Yes, Detectives Stabler and Benson made an arrest yesterday.
Police Commissioner Lyle Morris: Did they?
Detective Olivia Benson: Yes.
Det. Elliot Stabler: He has multiple priors.
Police Commissioner Lyle Morris: Well, let's hope they clean the seats.

[a rape victim has been found in contempt of court for refusing to reveal her rapist's identity]
Captain Donald Cragen: Are you okay?
Detective Olivia Benson: We just put a rape victim in the lockup. No, I'm not okay.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Misleader (#1.17)" (2000)
Ben Hadley Jr.: [confirming the DNA match inside Sylvia] What's going on?
Captain Donald Cragen: Why don't you ask your father? It's his sperm.

Captain Donald Cragen: [Dr. Hadley doesn't believe he impregnated his daughter-in-law] It's not something the medical examiner would easily miss.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Careless (#5.18)" (2004)
Elliot Stabler: What about that autistic kid in Milwaukee last year? Parishioners held him down, they were laying on top of him to cure him.
Olivia Benson: That could explain the ring mark.
[walks around behind Cragen and wraps her arms around him to demonstrate]
Olivia Benson: Someone holds Jamie, he struggles, they hold him tighter.
Capt. Donald Cragen: [a little breathless] Until he can't breathe.
[Olivia removes her arms and walks around in front of him]
Capt. Donald Cragen: Thank you, I enjoyed that.

[last lines]
Capt. Donald Cragen: Are you okay?
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: I'm cool.

"Law & Order: Manhood (#3.21)" (1993)
A.D.A. Paul Robinette: [after telling the defense attorney they are going to arraign the suspect and wait for additional evidence] Five days... From here to eternity.
Captain Donald Cragen: Maybe a little closer.
[holds up a folder]
Captain Donald Cragen: Call to 911. Somebody heard the shots. Maybe they saw a face.
Detective Mike Logan: Yes!
Captain Donald Cragen: No... First you have to find him. He didn't leave a name.

Captain Donald Cragen: Did Oswald kill Kennedy? If he didn't, it's the greatest conspiracy in history and nobody said a word. 140 officers in that precinct. Nobody knew?
Detective Mike Logan: You stick your head out, it gets cut off. You gonna risk that for a gay cop?
Captain Donald Cragen: All right, I'll call Internal Affairs.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: They'll run into a wall so big, a jackhammer won't get through it.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Wanderlust (#1.5)" (1999)
Capt. Donald Cragen: Don't worry when you feel something. Worry when you don't.

Capt. Donald Cragen: You know I'm getting a headache. So far we have one convicted sex offender who may not have molested anyone, and a dead guy who wasn't a sex offender who may have.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Design (#7.2)" (2005)
Captain Donald Cragen: How's the baby?
Olivia Benson: Sarah's fine. Not that April or her mother give a damn. I bet you they're in a bar right now laughing at us.
Captain Donald Cragen: Let it go.
Olivia Benson: I can't. They scammed everyone, and we just let them walk.
Captain Donald Cragen: We got the baby.
Olivia Benson: I know. But we haven't seen the last of them. They will never stop playing their sick games.

Captain Donald Cragen: Liv, you gotta stop beating yourself up. The baby matters more. Now she'll be loved.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Dominance (#4.20)" (2003)
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Ready for this? We're looking for one perp. Lab found a bunch of bloody footprints all made by the same pair of shoes. And I checked VICAP; nobody's active with a similar M.O.
Donald Cragen: It's hard to believe this sadistic son of a bitch just suddenly popped up on the radar screen.
Dr. George Huang: Guy like this was probably in the system before. Sexual assault, rape, burglary, maybe a few street holdups.
Detective Dave Duethorn: Pretty big step from there to making four people sodomize each other and then whacking them. What set 'em off, doc?
Dr. George Huang: Probably one of the victims said or did something to challenge his masculinity. The sodomy was to humiliate them. Killing them was the ultimate power trip.
John Munch: Is this nut job gonna hit again?
Dr. George Huang: If he is a sadist, he enjoyed it, and he'll want more.

Olivia Benson: Add Paul Dumont to the loss column. Hospital called; he died an hour ago.
Donald Cragen: Seven victims. Except for Mr. Dumont, they were all robbed, sexually assaulted, and then shot. Both scenes were within twenty blocks. This guy has killed as many people in two days as Son of Sam did in four months. Now, you all have your assignments. Let's get this guy.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Wonderland Story (#15.5)" (2013)
Captain Donald Cragen: I've been meaning to give this to you.
[hands Olivia a folder]
Detective Olivia Benson: The Sergeant's exam?

Captain Donald Cragen: [offering Olivia the sergeant's exam] You've been my number two for a while. Let's just make it official.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Pure (#6.18)" (2005)
Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: They being cooperative?
Capt. Donald Cragen: No, it's not looking good. Sebastian's too sharp to slip and Carlene is almost too dim to exist.

Sebastian Ballentine: I know what you're thinking.
Detective Elliot Stabler: [skeptical] Of course you do. You're psychic.
Sebastian Ballentine: You think I'm mentally ill.
Capt. Donald Cragen: He's good.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Quickie (#11.11)" (2010)
Captain Donald Cragen: Attempted murder?
Detective Elliot Stabler: The way this guy was plowing through women, he might as well have been shooting a gun into a crowd.
Captain Donald Cragen: We can't get him on rape, so we go after him for spreading HIV? Do we have proof he infected somebody?
Detective Olivia Benson: He's positive, he's slept with hundreds of women, and he's bragging about riding bareback.

Captain Donald Cragen: We want to encourage people to get tested, not arrest them.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Butler brags about nailing a different piece of tail every night.
Detective Olivia Benson: Captain, he's just like a rapist. He gets off on hurting women.
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: Only he's found a way to injure his victims without technically raping them.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Intoxicated (#6.19)" (2005)
Detective Olivia Benson: Those two are like magnets. Romeo and Juliet.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yeah, except Juliet's too young and Romeo's too old.
Donald Cragen: Any chance we can get Romeo's parents to put some pressure on him?
Detective Elliot Stabler: No, they died in a car accident two years ago.
Detective Olivia Benson: Wouldn't matter. Neither one of 'em's ever gonna admit that they did anything.
Donald Cragen: Well, unless mom was in bed with them and saw what they were doing, there's no rape case.

Donald Cragen: Why is Denise Eldridge screaming to 1PP that you talked her daughter out of a rape kit?
Detective Olivia Benson: Carrie didn't want it.
Donald Cragen: Now, that's exactly what Simone Bryce told Carrie's mother. That's funny how a children's rights attorney just happened to show up at the ER.
Detective Olivia Benson: She was there because I called her.
Donald Cragen: You've got enough on your plate without taking on this kid as a cause.
Detective Olivia Benson: Well, somebody's gotta protect her from that lunatic mother of hers.
Donald Cragen: Why are you calling her that?
Detective Olivia Benson: You saw how she humiliated Carrie in front of the entire squad. I don't like her.
Donald Cragen: Well, she has a right to be upset.
Detective Olivia Benson: She's upset because she thinks Carrie is gonna end up just like her: pregnant without a man.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Closure: Part 2 (#2.3)" (2000)
Captain Donald Cragen: Go slow on this one, if Cleary knows we're onto him we'll lose him again.
Detective Elliot Stabler: We can't go too slow or he'll rape again.
Captain Donald Cragen: Go slow as fast as you can!

Captain Donald Cragen: We did everything we could, we didn't have enough to hold him, we had to let him go, that's not our fault.
Detective Elliot Stabler: [about Cleary's latest rape victim] You want to tell *her* that?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Popular (#3.16)" (2002)
Capt. Donald Cragen: I am really getting sick of these kids, which is probably why I don't have any.

Capt. Donald Cragen: Since when is oral sex not sex?
Detective Olivia Benson: Since Bill Clinton said so.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Entitled (#1.15)" (2000)
Detective Olivia Benson: The crime scene is a big grope spot.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Romantic. Teenagers, honeymooners...
[glances at Olivia]
Detective Elliot Stabler:
Captain Donald Cragen: So where's this guy's love interest?
Detective Olivia Benson: Uh... we're running down the prints.
Det. John Munch: Maybe he was alone.
Detective Olivia Benson: [sarcastic] Well, maybe his pants came off from the force of the shot.
Det. John Munch: All I'm saying is he could have been having safe sex with himself.

Jack McCoy: [Referring to investigating the Mulroneys] I hope we're right on this.
Captain Donald Cragen: I heard Logan's learning to love Staten Island.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Confession (#10.2)" (2008)
Detective Olivia Benson: Can't we get him help now? He clearly doesn't want to do anything.
Captain Donald Cragen: The only programs are for registered sex offenders.
Detective Olivia Benson: So he comes to us for help and we can't do anything until he rapes a kid?

Sergeant John Munch: Captain, we have a major problem.
[shows picture of a young girl]
Captain Donald Cragen: This one of the kids off the site?
Sergeant John Munch: Yeah, I didn't recognize her at first.
Captain Donald Cragen: Who is it?
Sergeant John Munch: Stabler's daughter, Elizabeth. She's 15 now.
Captain Donald Cragen: He see this?
Sergeant John Munch: Yeah, then he suddenly had an errand to run.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: A Single Life (#1.2)" (1999)
Detective Elliot Stabler: [Stabler and Benson are looking through a victims belonging's as part of their investigation] She must have had fun naming her computer files... Uh, this is "Penis.Quotes." You want to read it or should I?
Detective Olivia Benson: Oh, knock yourself out.
Detective Elliot Stabler: [Takes a quick glance and a moment later gives it to Benson with discomfort] No, that's yours.
Captain Donald Cragen: Anything?
Detective Elliot Stabler: No.
Detective Olivia Benson: Okay, "Biology of the Amazons" by Grethen Quinn. "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a..."
Captain Donald Cragen: Candiru.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Say what?
Captain Donald Cragen: This is beautiful. Tell him.
Detective Olivia Benson: [Reading a passage] "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines." Ow.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Erecting sharp spines... That's a fish with a sense of irony. How'd you know that?
Captain Donald Cragen: In the jungle they always taught us, "Don't hose your nose; Hold your stones."

Detective Olivia Benson: I thought you didn't drink.
Captain Donald Cragen: I don't. But that doesn't mean you can't.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Amaro's One-Eighty (#15.11)" (2014)
Detective Nick Amaro: That was Munch. He thinks I should just take a plea. Get this over with.
Captain Donald Cragen: He said that?
Detective Nick Amaro: He said just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I don't have enemies.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, that sounds like Munch.

Captain Donald Cragen: [Last words] Oh, ehm, Oliva, do something with the place, will you?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Guilt (#3.18)" (2002)
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: [about Kessler] He is as bad as his client! Hoping the victim is too tramatized to testify. He's lucky I didn't knock his teeth down his thoat!
Captain Donald Cragen: [smiling] I'd pay real money to see that.

Elliot Stabler: Barnett's being processed, we're heading to Mulligan's to celebrate.
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: You're probably not gonna want to do that.
Olivia Benson: And why's that?
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Dad's mad.
Captain Donald Cragen: [to Benson and Stabler] Get your asses in my office.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Poisoned Motive (#14.22)" (2013)
Captain Donald Cragen: That's the trouble with hospitals: the longer you stay, the sicker you get.

Captain Donald Cragen: Lieutenant, we are very sorry about your son!
Lt. Toni Howard: I said that line so any times! I'd never imaged I'd hear it!

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Brief Interlude (#14.23)" (2013)
Captain Donald Cragen: Harbor and Aviations know where she floated in from?
Amanda Rollins: No, they said: if we know when they could tell where and if we know where, they could tell when
Captain Donald Cragen: That's not so helpful as I'd like!

Captain Donald Cragen: Call Harbor and Aviation back, see whether they can figure out how she washes ashore Gracie Mansion
Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: No need to use them, captain! That's why I brought my rope guy, Colin Bennett.
Captain Donald Cragen: So, your rope guide is tide guy?
Colin Bennett: Ropes, tides, paints, solvents. CSU calls me their renaissance man
Captain Donald Cragen: OK, Michelangelo

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Birthright (#6.1)" (2004)
Captain Donald Cragen: Three thousand dollars' worth of damage to the car?
Elliot Stabler: What can I tell you? I zigged when I should've zagged.

"Law & Order: The Torrents of Greed: Part 2 (#1.16)" (1991)
Donald Cragen: We think Beigal fled jurisdiction?
Max Greevey: We think Beigal's dead, and Mrs. Beigal does too.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Uncivilized (#1.7)" (1999)
John Munch: When I was a kid, my parents told me to never eat sweets.
Capt. Donald Cragen: So, as an adult, you overcompensate?
Brian Cassidy: So I guess your parents said 'never get married either', huh?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Choreographed (#8.9)" (2006)
Capt. Donald Cragen: [to Elliot] You're not my type.
[Stabler laughs]

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Countdown (#2.15)" (2001)
[Cragen comes out of a bathroom stall to find all the detectives waiting for him]
Capt. Donald Cragen: I'm not tipping *all* of you.

"Law & Order: Poison Ivy (#1.8)" (1990)
Captain Donald Cragen: If you're wrong, and you go after cops...
Sgt. Max Greevey: If I'm wrong, I'll go to the grand jury and say I killed the kid.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Taboo (#7.14)" (2006)
Captain Donald Cragen: This nutcase is a serial baby killer.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Born Psychopath (#14.19)" (2013)
Dr. George Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Captain Donald Cragen: But?
Dr. George Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life... with death row serial killers.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Abomination (#5.8)" (2003)
Captain Donald Cragen: What did you get from the people at Reed's funeral?
Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola: Not much - after the fight broke out, a bunch of people left before we got their names.
Detective John Munch: [brandishing a camera] Yeah, but... we got their pictures.
Captain Donald Cragen: Where the hell is that from?
Detective John Munch: One of Reverend Shaw's church members, he must've left it behind.
A.D.A. Casey Novak: [smiling] I didn't hear that.
Captain Donald Cragen: Get it back to him, John.
Detective John Munch: I'll be happy to, I'll even develop his film for free.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Pixies (#2.9)" (2001)
Captain Donald Cragen: Whatever happened to just hanging out on the jungle gym?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Gone the way of the 8 track tape.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Justice Denied (#13.17)" (2012)
Detective Olivia Benson: He was about to confess.
Captain Donald Cragen: That doesn't mean he did it.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Wet (#12.5)" (2010)
A.D.A. Mikka Von: [walking out of the courthouse with Stabler] I think we're gonna make a great team
Detective Elliot Stabler: Me too.
[Stabler sees Cragen walking up the courthouse steps]
Detective Elliot Stabler: Captain. How's the old place?
Donald Cragen: It's all getting squared away.
A.D.A. Mikka Von: Captain Cragen. I've been looking forward to meeting you. Mikka Von, your new ADA.
Donald Cragen: Yeah, well, nice knowing you. Your boss called. He's tied up. Asked me to deliver a message. Pack your bags. Go back to Chicago.
A.D.A. Mikka Von: [scoffs] I'm being fired by proxy?
Detective Elliot Stabler: What's going on?
Donald Cragen: Apparently, you sent a defense attorney on vacation, sub rosa. D.A. doesn't like dirty tricks.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Unless he's the one doing them.
Donald Cragen: I'm sorry.
A.D.A. Mikka Von: [to Stabler] Well, I guess I gotta go take my loft off the market.
Detective Elliot Stabler: [shakes hands with Mikka] Been nice working with you.
A.D.A. Mikka Von: Back at you.
[Mikka walks away]
Donald Cragen: She one of the good ones?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yeah.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Hardwired (#11.5)" (2009)
Captain Donald Cragen: So Cory didn't molest Patrick, he just acted out his own demons because HE was molested.

"Law & Order: Out of the Half-Light (#1.11)" (1990)
Mike Logan: Ooooooohhh.
Donald Cragen: What's that supposed to mean?
Mike Logan: It means I wonder just how much fuel this fire can take.
Donald Cragen: Implying WHAT?
Mike Logan: She's the victim, we're treating her like a suspect.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Shaken (#5.10)" (2003)
Casey Novak: Why'd you go over my head?
Detective Elliot Stabler: I'm trying to do what's right for that child.
Casey Novak: So am I. But it's my case now, and it's my choice, not yours, okay? You should have come to me first.
Detective Elliot Stabler: I apologize. You're right. You have every right to be pissed at me. Now, you tell me, you think it's wrong to stop life support?
Casey Novak: I'm not a mother. I don't know what I'd do if she were my child.
Donald Cragen: Welcome to Special Victims. It's not always black and white.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Tortured (#4.16)" (2003)
Captain Donald Cragen: This girl was not spanked to death.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Counterfeit (#3.14)" (2002)
[Munch walks by on crutches]
Fin Tutuola: I can't wait to hear this.
John Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Olivia Benson: What happened to you?
John Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Elliot Stabler: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Chameleon (#4.1)" (2002)
Captain Donald Cragen: [to Elliot] We thought we'd better get you out of there before she took off ALL her clothes.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Lost Traveller (#13.9)" (2011)
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: You want a deal? Your client tells us what we want to know, and he does time.
Bureau Chief Michael Cutter: And how much is up to you.
Marvin Exley: What Ledger would love nothing more than to have a test case involving First Amendment and NYPD. Please, go ahead. Try us.
Captain Donald Cragen: You three are playing this while there's a missing kid out there?
Bureau Chief Michael Cutter: Yeah, let's cut to the chase, Mr. Exley.
Marvin Exley: Okay. Griscomb gives you everything he has on the missing boy's phone records, he gets full immunity from prosecution.
Bureau Chief Michael Cutter: No, this is how it works: wiretapping is federal. It's out of our hands. He give us something we can is use, we'll mis-D the felony eavesdropping. Take a minute to think about it. And by a minute, I mean fifty-nine seconds.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Girl Dishonored (#14.20)" (2013)
A.D.A. Rafael Barba: Find the others!
Captain Donald Cragen: That's easy for you to say!
A.D.A. Rafael Barba: What's the matter? NYPD run out Trojan horses?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Consent (#2.10)" (2001)
Capt. Donald Cragen: Only one reason to give someone the date rape drug.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: P.C. (#11.13)" (2010)
[the detectives suspect a death metal musician with a vampire schtict of rape]
Captain Donald Cragen: Fin, put up a face union page for Jane Doe. Hopefully it goes viral, and somebody recognizes her.
Detective Olivia Benson: El and I will track down Count Chocula.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Trials (#10.1)" (2008)
Sergeant John Munch: Captain, Fin and I are thinkin' of going in on a bar. You wanna buy in?
Captain Donald Cragen: Well gee, John, I don't know. Let me run it by the guys at my next AA meeting.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Hammered (#11.4)" (2009)
Captain Donald Cragen: I've been sober over twenty years. But I struggle with it every day. It's not something you ever get over.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Rooftop (#3.4)" (2001)
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: [Watching Leon through window] I'm surprised he said as much as he did.
Captain Donald Cragen: He has the personality of a repeater: he can do no wrong andnothing is his fault.
[sound of door; Cragen looks back and Elliot walks in]
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: [off-screen] What was he in prison for?
Elliot Stabler: Five years; sodomy two, after I finally convinced one of the numerous underage girls he'd had oral sex with to come forward and file a complaint; now he's escalating to intercourse.
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: You're speculating, Elliot.
[gets up]
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: He wasn't in the act when you stopped him. That's a problem.
Elliot Stabler: Attempted rape two, attempted reckless endangerment because he didn't disclose that he was H.I.V. positive. W... where's the problem here?
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: We can't hold him based on what he might do.
Elliot Stabler: So, we're supposed to wait until after he infects the girl?
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: She consented. His attorney will say he was carrying condoms and planned to use them; we can't prove otherwise.
Elliot Stabler: We know that Leon was about to have unprotected sex with a minor. Now we cut him loose, he's going to.
Captain Donald Cragen: You got anything in your bag of tricks, Counselor, now's the time to pull it out.
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: I have something, but I'll have to check and I'll have to involve your psychiatrist.
Captain Donald Cragen: I'll give him a call.
A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot: Get him Tate's prison history, arrest records; whatever you can find.
Elliot Stabler: Leon's rap sheet starts when he was seven years old. He had 11 arrests by his 13th birthday. The record was sealed because he was a juvenile.
Captain Donald Cragen: Let's get 'em unsealed.
[they nod at each other and Alexandra exits and Elliot follows]
Captain Donald Cragen: Elliot.
[Elliot turns in the doorway and Cragen gestures]
Captain Donald Cragen: Close the door.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah?
Captain Donald Cragen: [arms tightly crossed] I don't remember telling you to tail Leon Tate.
Elliot Stabler: I heard he was out; just keepin' my eye on him.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, this squad doesn't have enough bodies for you and your partner to go freelancing.
Elliot Stabler: [nods understandingly] I'd like to think that we saved a young girl's life tonight.
Captain Donald Cragen: [begins walking] And we would need a new unit if we were to follow every perv that we thought might repeat. Leon Tate did his time. And until somebody makes a complaint, he has rights.
Elliot Stabler: This guy's penis is a deadly weapon and he's got a thing for young girls. They got rights, too.
Captain Donald Cragen: Until Cabot gives us the word, you back off. Are we clear?
[Elliot is silent]

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Fault (#7.19)" (2006)
Captain Donald Cragen: Olivia, what's up?
Det. Olivia Benson: I want a new partner.

"Law & Order: Virus (#3.19)" (1993)
Captain Donald Cragen: [watching interrogation] Little nose-wipe's holding up.
A.D.A. Paul Robinette: Why not? We don't even have enough to hold him for stealing time from Ma Bell.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Scorched Earth (#13.1)" (2011)
Captain Donald Cragen: You and Liv take him out the side exit, no cameras, no perpwalk.
Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: No doubt, we're professionals, Captain.

"Law & Order: Prisoner of Love (#1.10)" (1990)
Capt. Donald Cragen: People always know things they don't think they know, you know?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Raw (#7.6)" (2005)
Captain Donald Cragen: [examining a map that was hit by a stray bullet] Looks like he took out Tulsa. Probably unintentional.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Storm (#7.10)" (2005)
A.D.A. Casey Novak: [after observing Stabler's interrogation of Dutch with Captain Cragen] He said the magic words.
Donald Cragen: And while we wait for legal aid to waltz Mr. Corman out the door, God only knows where Nicki is or what shape she's in.
A.D.A. Casey Novak: Do you think she's still alive?
Donald Cragen: He's antsy, sweating. If he'd hidden the body, he'd be calm.
Elliot Stabler: [exiting the interrogation room] Casey? You've got to help us out here, 'cause I'm not cutting this guy loose.
A.D.A. Casey Novak: [matter-of-factly] Print him.
Donald Cragen: [Cragen and Stabler look at each other confused] Counselor, without grounds to arrest, we need a court order to compel his fingerprints.
A.D.A. Casey Novak: Do you think he knows that?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Closure (#1.10)" (2000)
Olivia Benson: He smells expensive
Capt. Donald Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to smell the defendant.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Legacy (#2.4)" (2000)
Detective Elliot Stabler: This whole case is like a jigsaw puzzle.
Captain Donald Cragen: Well let's look at the pieces we've got; one suspect eliminated, one cooperating, and one hiding behind his lawyer.
Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Picture's getting clearer.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Perverted Justice (#16.21)" (2015)
Donald Cragen: You know, I never thought I would say it, but turns out there's more to life than NYPD.
Nick Amaro: Oh, yeah? Well, the place is falling apart without you
Olivia Benson: Thanks, Nick.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Internal Affairs (#15.4)" (2013)
Captain Donald Cragen: Munch put in his papers.
Detective Olivia Benson: [surprised] No, he didn't.
Captain Donald Cragen: The Mehcad Cater case hit him pretty hard. Liv, it's okay. Nothing changes, except what has to.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Mean (#5.17)" (2004)
Brittany O'Malley: No. They didn't do anything.
Donald Cragen: I'm glad you're saying that, Brittany, because it's consistent with your friends' stories: that they're innocent and you killed Emily all by yourself.
Brittany O'Malley: They're not saying that.
Donald Cragen: You better believe they are, little girl.
Lionel Granger: Okay, I think that wraps it up for today...
Brittany O'Malley: No. What are they saying?
Donald Cragen: That you killed Emily because she stole your boyfriend. Oh, and that you're nuts.
Sarah O'Malley: They're clearly lying.
Brittany O'Malley: [stands up] Shut up! You're not helping.
Olivia Benson: Brittany, sit down.
Brittany O'Malley: No! Where are they? I want them to say this to my face!
[crosses the room to the two-way window and starts to pound it with her fists]
Brittany O'Malley: Huh? BITCHES! SAY IT TO MY FACE!

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Florida (#8.19)" (2007)
Captain Donald Cragen: [to Benson and Stabler] I put my head on the chopping block for you two dozens of times, and you hit me with this 'Thin Blue Line' crap?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Repression (#3.1)" (2001)
[Megan's sisters arrive for questioning]
Captain Donald Cragen: Okay, separate rooms. See if either one confirms Megan's story. Meanwhile, I'll see if I can wear down Mom with my charm.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Hysteria (#1.4)" (1999)
Capt. Donald Cragen: Well, while you wait take her photo around, see if you can find a co-worker who knew her, all right. Munch, Cassidy! You available?
John Munch: To do with as you will, after court.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Oh, right, Doctor Buzzjoy.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Oh, that's an open and shut case, Munch, try not to screw it up with your insane rambling.
[She walks away, Munch continues to stare at her]
Det. Monique Jefferies: And stop looking at my ass.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Streetwise (#9.11)" (2008)
Captain Donald Cragen: That kid's starving.
Detective Elliot Stabler: You want us to bribe her with food?
Detective Olivia Benson: Coercion is more like it.
Captain Donald Cragen: Intervention isn't always pretty.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Rhodium Nights (#13.23)" (2012)
Olivia Benson: Why are we treading lightly?
Captain Donald Cragen: The harder we push, the faster they'll lawyer up.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Shattered (#11.24)" (2010)
Captain Donald Cragen: [Stabler is offering to retrieve a kidnapped child] Culross is a mercenary. The Army trained him.
Detective Elliot Stabler: Yeah, and the Marines trained me.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Delinquent (#12.23)" (2011)
Captain Donald Cragen: Do you need a remedial English course, Elliot? How do I make you understand the words "Stay away from Hunter Mazelon"?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Damaged (#4.11)" (2003)
Donald Cragen: If you don't know there's a trampoline in the room, you're not going to dust the ceiling for fingerprints.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Bad Blood (#1.11)" (2000)
Captain Donald Cragen: There are two R's in hemorrhoids.
Detective Brian Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey, what do you want?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Contact (#1.19)" (2000)
Dr. Audrey Jackson: [watching Benson & Stabler questioning a rape suspect] He feels guilty about something.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Maybe he's Catholic. He'd feel guilty about everything.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Rotten (#4.13)" (2003)
Captain Donald Cragen: We cut deals with guilty people all the time.
Olivia Benson: Cops should be held to a higher standard.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Crush (#10.20)" (2009)
Captain Donald Cragen: It's not private when these begin sexting. College admissions officers, future employers even their own children might see these pictures one day. They don't realize the consequences of their actions.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Risk (#4.12)" (2003)
IA Sgt. Ed Tucker: You need anger management, Captain.
Capt. Donald Cragen: And you need to kiss my ass.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Appearances (#4.19)" (2003)
Captain Donald Cragen: As the wise man once said, I can resist everything but temptation.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: ...Or Just Look Like One (#1.3)" (1999)
Captain Donald Cragen: [pulling Briscoe and Green away from Benson and Stabler] Lennie. Lennie, come on, I haven't eaten in an hour. You guys go ahead. These guys owe me a lunch.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I don't owe him anything. I'm just gonna supervise his donut withdrawal.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Ghost (#6.16)" (2005)
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: [barges into Cragen's office] What the hell are you people doing?
Captain Donald Cragen: Agent Hammond. Most people knock first.
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: You should have called me before your detectives arrested Liam Connors for the murder of Alex Cabot.
Captain Donald Cragen: Connors blew up one of your agents. I didn't expect flowers, but I thought you'd be pleased.
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: If Connors goes to trial and I'm called to testify, what am I supposed to do?
Captain Donald Cragen: Do your job.
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: [angrily] That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I just came to tell you that you're on your own. I'm not gonna ruin my career by committing perjury. Do we understand each other, Captain?
Captain Donald Cragen: [realizes, stunned] She's alive. You son of a bitch, you stashed Alex in Witness Protection.
D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond: [equally surprised] You didn't know.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Influence (#7.22)" (2006)
Captain Donald Cragen: [Discussing Jamie's rape allegations] So she solicited two of her classmates so a third boy would have sex with her?
Detective Elliot Stabler: It looks that way.
Detective John Munch: When I was a kid, girls who had sex were afraid of being called sluts. Now they're auditioning for the title.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Stalked (#1.8)" (1999)
Olivia Benson: He's stalking her.
Captain Donald Cragen: Impossible, New York doesn't have a stalking statute, therefore he can't be stalking her.

"Law & Order: Fixed (#15.11)" (2004)
Captain Donald Cragen: Lowenstein was a coked-out crazy creep. He used Carla as a punching bag for years. Bruises, broken bones. By the time we got there, her jaw was so swollen, she couldn't talk.
Detective Ed Green: What about the little girl?
Captain Donald Cragen: She was black, blue, and burned. When I'm having a bad night, this is the one that comes back and haunts me.
Detective Ed Green: His P.O. said he had a son?
Captain Donald Cragen: Ezra. Two years old. Malnourished, neglected. Spent most of his time tied to the radiator like a dog.
Det. Joe Fontana: Parole officer also said that he's living on Long Island.
Captain Donald Cragen: I'll get you a name and address. He was doing well last I heard.
Detective Ed Green: Happy ending, considering.
Captain Donald Cragen: Speaking of happy endings, how's Lowenstein?
Det. Joe Fontana: Well, he's still on the critical list.
Captain Donald Cragen: I hope he lingers a long time in excruciating pain.

"Law & Order: Right to Counsel (#3.12)" (1993)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: If Barbara Spiegelman was anything like my ex's mother...
Captain Donald Cragen: Hey, Marge's mother and I aren't exactly hugs and kisses. I smile a lot at Christmas and do everything I can not to answer the phone on Sundays but I don't play Jack the Ripper with a steak knife.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Marge's mother isn't dangling $20 mil in front of your nose.
Captain Donald Cragen: Okay. Talk to them.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Chat Room (#1.18)" (2000)
Detective Elliot Stabler: Captain, you're not suggesting we lie to the poor man, are you?
Donald Cragen: Of course not. Role playing, fantasy, make believe, all that crap he's been peddling about 'victimless' crimes.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Control (#5.9)" (2003)
Captain Donald Cragen: So either Gorman was snipped by a homeless guy, or had a voluntary penectomy.
Captain Donald Cragen: Not a word I get to use everyday.

"Law & Order: Heaven (#2.10)" (1991)
Captain Donald Cragen: What's less than nothing? Minus zero? Negative bupkis?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Resilience (#4.10)" (2002)
Capt. Donald Cragen: You think Landricks is a murderer and not just a sick freak?
John Munch: Since when do those two exclude each other?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Lust (#4.4)" (2002)
Capt. Donald Cragen: [about a man who has infected numerous people with HIV] Let's go find Typhoid Mario.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Blood (#6.21)" (2005)
Donald Cragen: How can you claim elder abuse when Jenny Rogers never reported it?
Jenny's Attorney: Because she's one of the 3 1/2 million people in this country who never do. You don't believe me, tell your detectives to ask Jenny WHY she had to sell her house.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Starved (#7.8)" (2005)
Capt. Donald Cragen: Romeo just signed up for tonight's event.
Olivia Benson: He's looking for a new Juliet.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Home Invasions (#13.14)" (2012)
[Rollins has admitted to being a gambling addict]
Captain Donald Cragen: I've been exactly where you are, I know how this job can weigh on you.
Detective Amanda Rollins: What do you mean?
Captain Donald Cragen: I used to drink. And I mean *drink*. Soon as I got off duty, I was at the bar pounding. And then I started having a few on the job. You know, just to get through. I thought nobody noticed. Now, my captain could've canned my ass. Should've. But he got me help instead.
Detective Amanda Rollins: Wow.
Captain Donald Cragen: You're a good detective, Amanda. I don't want to end your career.
Detective Amanda Rollins: I don't want that, either.
Captain Donald Cragen: So I'm gonna get you help. But you screw up again, you're gone.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Russian Brides (#13.7)" (2011)
Captain Donald Cragen: I'm not a drinking man anymore, but please don't let that spoil your fun.
Lena: A man who doesn't drink. You're different to me already.