Anita Van Buren
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Quotes for
Anita Van Buren (Character)
from "Law & Order" (1990)

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"Law & Order: Kingmaker (#16.20)" (2006)
Detective Ed Green: Lieu, you ain't gonna believe this.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Her picture's in the damn paper.
Detective Ed Green: It's a column about her father, Tom Baker. He wrote a book, and it says that she's NYPD.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Why didn't anyone catch this and pull her off detail?
Detective Joe Fontana: It may have been too late anyway. It appeared on page thirty of the late edition.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So Ratko pulled the trigger, but this is what got Dana killed.
Detective Joe Fontana: It's the same as if someone pushed her in front of a damn bus.
Detective Ed Green: And it was written by Veronica Drake. Now what do you think she got for outing an undercover officer?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'm gonna find out.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: Fontana, Green. Lieutenant Sullivan. He heard the DOA's name go out on the radio.
Lieutenant Sullivan: [looking at the victim] Oh, god.
Detective Ed Green: How do you know her?
Lieutenant Sullivan: Her real name is Dana Baker. She was on the job; one of my undercovers.

Lieutenant Sullivan: She spent the last year infiltrating an Albanian drug ring. We used heroin money to fund paramilitary groups in Kosovo.
Detective Joe Fontana: She got over as an Albanian?
Lieutenant Sullivan: Well, she spent some years in Kosovo as a teen. Her father had an embassy job with the State Department.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: We should talk to him.
Lieutenant Sullivan: He's on a flight from London. I'm gonna meet his plane at the airport.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Okay.
Detective Ed Green: [approaching] Hey. The cell that made the 911 domestic disturbance call was a disposable, so it was probably dumped.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Did she ever suggest that the Albanians were onto her?
Lieutenant Sullivan: No, no, no, no. I'd have pulled her out.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, that phony call and her hitting the patrol car was not a coincidence. Her cover was blown.
Lieutenant Sullivan: Then she wasn't aware of it. Dana was no cowboy.

"Law & Order: Burn Card (#18.14)" (2008)
Anita Van Buren: Oh, hey, lieu. I just came back to get my date book and some personal stuff.
Anita Van Buren: Maybe I should have a look at it. Apparently, there's a lot I never knew about you, Ed.
Ed Green: Look, the gambling... I got back into it when Lennie left.
Anita Van Buren: Well, partners aren't forever.
Ed Green: Yeah. Then Lennie died.
Anita Van Buren: So you found comfort in a speakeasy on 121st Street.
Ed Green: As a matter of fact, yeah. I did.

Anita Van Buren: They dropped the charge. There's no criminal case. Dismissal isn't automatic.
Ed Green: I broke every rule in the book and you know it.
Anita Van Buren: You can fight it.
Ed Green: I think... I think I am just too worn out to fight right now.

Anita Van Buren: You know, April's going to be okay. But it wasn't just about her, was it?
Ed Green: No. I've been a cop, a gambler, about twelve other things that don't necessarily go together that well. How do you do it?
Anita Van Buren: One foot in front of the other for thirty years.
Ed Green: [standing to leave] I'll let you know where I land. Thank you, lieu.

"Law & Order: Called Home (#18.1)" (2008)
Ed Green: It fits. The bank said he borrowed against his business to pay off his mortgage.
Anita Van Buren: He put his affairs in order. I'm so sorry, detective. All right, let's change the classification on the blue to suspected suicide.
Cyrus Lupo: Lieutenant, if you do that, you know this goes to the bottom of a pile. Maybe my brother suicided, but he wouldn't know where to get these drugs. Somebody helped him. Maybe that woman.
Ed Green: We'll look for her, but real, man. We got open murder cases here. And all due respect, your brother was...
Cyrus Lupo: You don't know anything about my brother, all right? If... if this woman had tried to help him instead of handing him a loaded syringe...
Ed Green: Look, I will give this the time it deserves, but maybe your brother had good reasons to take a shortcut to the exit. Maybe if you called him back and talked to him, you'd know why.

Ed Green: [seeing Lupo outside Van Buren's office] He's been wearing down the linoleum for the last couple hours.
Anita Van Buren: [shutting the door] Now, I talked to his boss at Intel; Lupo broke some big cases in some very unfriendly corners of the world, and he did it with no backup, no warrants, no weapon.
Ed Green: You makin' a sales pitch?
Anita Van Buren: We got a second assisted sucide with a victim he's not related to. It wouldn't be policy violation for him to work that case.

"Law & Order: Baby, It's You (#8.6)" (1997)
Detective Rey Curtis: Mmmm, how do you want to work the Baltimore angle? There's a housekeeper, Helen Crane? We should talk to her.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: We know people down there.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Pembleton?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: No, the one whose ex-wife I was sleeping with.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [to Curtis] Tell him he'll have to be more specific.
[Curtis holds up his hand to say "No thanks"]
Detective Lennie Briscoe: The mediocre pool player.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Munch!

Jack McCoy: [turning off a news report about the murder] These anonymous sources, the wouldn't be wearing blue, would they?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Those leaks did not come out of my squad.
A.D.A. Jamie Ross: They got the M.E.'s report before we did.
Jack McCoy: I want these leaks stopped, Lieutenant.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do you want me to compile an enemies list while I'm at it?
Jack McCoy: I don't see anything funny here.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, a case this big, we're going to get leaks. We might as well get used to it.
Jack McCoy: No, that's not good enough. By the time we present this case to a jury, the details will be clues in the Daily News Sunday crossword.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Which could be the whole point of leaking the information in the first place. The Janaways know people who know people in the department.
A.D.A. Jamie Ross: The Janaways are the anonymous source?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Why not? If they got a heads-up that this investigation's about to turn back on them, these leaks could just be preemptive.
Jack McCoy: Have your people talked to Mrs. Janaway about her husband and her daughter?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: They're going to try today.
Jack McCoy: Good. This time, let's try to stay one step ahead of the media.

"Law & Order: Burn Baby Burn (#11.6)" (2000)
[a cop has been murdered]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I just got the page.
Detective Ed Green: [to the witnesses who called in the DB] Excuse me, fellas.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Any idea how it went down?
Detective Ed Green: No, not yet.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Kearsey get any rounds off?
Detective Ed Green: Yeah, two.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hopefully one of them's in the killer.

Det. Ronnie Blair: [going to notify his partner's widow of his death] You ever done this before?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Yeah. Twice. Two times too many.

"Law & Order: Apocrypha (#4.7)" (1993)
Detective Mike Logan: This isn't church. Church is stain glass windows and nuns running around with rulers hitting you.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The gospel according to Logan.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: She spent 8 years riding horses, he's the one with 4 years' experience in building explosives.
A.D.A. Claire Kincaid: How about a motive?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Maybe he saw a burning bush.

"Law & Order: Deadbeat (#7.7)" (1996)
Max Schaeffer: They think I killed Mike.
Leon Storch: They do? You didn't, did you?
Max Schaeffer: No.
Leon Storch: Well then just tell them the truth! I never saw anybody get hurt by the truth!
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [watching through the mirror] This man says he's an attorney?
A.D.A. Jamie Ross: Suspects are entitled to a lawyer, not a good lawyer.

Detective Rey Curtis: You know, when we were in Billy Weber's hospital room, he had a brand new video game system.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, Nintendo CD-Rom?
Detective Rey Curtis: Yeah, kid had a bunch of new games.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Ooh, Crash Bandicoot?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Excuse me, young parents? My daughter's idea of high tech toys was Barbie's convertible.
Detective Rey Curtis: No Lennie, we're talking five-six hundred dollars' worth of games.

"Law & Order: Suicide Box (#13.16)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [watching defense attorney Carl Halpert leave the squadroom] There he goes: Johnnie Cochran without the rhyme.

[last lines]
Detective Ed Green: Hey, lieu. We're in no rush to get home tonight?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: You know, I used to wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, look in the mirror, and see a cop looking back at me.
Detective Ed Green: Hmm. Stevie Thomas shattered that mirror?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Now I got six eyes looking back. A cop, a black woman, a mother.
Detective Ed Green: That's lucky. You know what Eric Thomas sees? Nothing.

"Law & Order: Empire (#9.20)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [asking why Briscoe and Curtis think that Sanderson's death was the result of foul play] What are we going on here?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Man's intuition. Hey, after a certain age there's two things a guy has, he doesn't want to screw up.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Uh - his golf swing, and the remote control?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: His heart, and his, you know, "plumbing".

Detective Rey Curtis: [referring to his weekend with Ludlow] Nothing happened, Lieutenant.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [throws up hands] All right.
Detective Rey Curtis: [angrily] You don't believe me!
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Actually I do, Rey. But with women it's not only "Did you jam it to some stray?", it's that you open your heart to her, or even want to. It's the emotional betrayal we can't stand.

"Law & Order: Paranoia (#6.6)" (1995)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I read an article on the Internet. Did you know a hundred million words get added to that damn thing every day?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [laughing] What?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: A hundred million.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: [reading] "The more I stab you the more I want you."
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Sounds like Gershwin.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Damn. My college's idea of sex in literature was Jane Eyre.
Detective Rey Curtis: It's not just the colleges. It's everywhere. I won't let me kids near network television.

"Law & Order: Sanctuary (#4.19)" (1994)
Anita Van Buren: [to Reverend Ott] Look, Reverend, nobody and I mean Man of God or garbage man, comes into my office and accuses my detectives of giving preferential treatment according to religious persuasion. Now I think you'd better leave.

Anita Van Buren: [to Reverend Ott] You really think the only way to get justice is through lying and cheating?
Reverend Ott: If it does produce justice, yes, I do.

"Law & Order: Corpus Delicti (#6.11)" (1996)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Brandson calls the insurance company and says he doesn't want the money.
Detective Rey Curtis: Necropsies are expensive, so they called it off.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: No necropsy, no proof Mister Wickets didn't die of natural causes. You think the department would go a couple of grand to find singe marks on a horse's ass?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: To investigate no crime? I can't even get pencils with erasers.
Detective Rey Curtis: So the guy has a zillion dollars. He just buys his way out of a beef?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [sarcastically] Unbelievable, in the United States!

Lt. Anita Van Buren: You've got your assignment, Detective.
Detective Rey Curtis: Fine. You want me to question the horse's friends and neighbors? Find out if maybe he was having some problems in his love life? It's a nothing case.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Say something one... more... time.

"Law & Order: Marathon (#10.6)" (1999)
Detective Ed Green: I heard the news. We get the gun, they toss it. We get the confession...
Det. Lennie Briscoe: "We"?
Detective Ed Green: I've been saying "we" to cover your ass, out of respect for you.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well, I don't need that kind of respect.
Detective Ed Green: Good. 'Cause I've been walking on eggshells ever since we caught this case.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: It's about as long as you've been pissing me off.
Detective Ed Green: Pissing you off? Why? Because I don't blend in with the rest of the roaches?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Oh, is that what this is about? Because you know that's not how I meant that.
Detective Ed Green: No, no, no, I will tell you what I know. If it wasn't for your screw ups, we'd have nailed this guy a long time ago.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: My screw ups? Your stuff's been getting thrown out of court ever since you got here.
Detective Ed Green: Well, maybe I take chances because my partner can't get it up.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Or maybe you just get off on taking chances.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [hearing the commotion] Briscoe! In my office.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: I just heard from the D.A. They cut a deal with Bobby Sabo.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [sarcastic] No needle? Big surprise.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: No, six to twelve.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: What, years or weeks?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Sabo gave up the Murray Hill rapist. They collared the guy two hours ago.
[Briscoe and Green turn to leave]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: And Lennie? McCoy says Sabo copped to the confession.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [sarcastic again] How nice of my pal Bobby. And tell him I plan on doing this job from my wheelchair.

"Law & Order: Acid (#16.10)" (2005)
[in the middle of a sting operation, the victim's sister unexpectedly showed up and threw something in Corley's face]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: What did you throw on him?
Callie Newton: Vinegar.

Christine Hill: Anita, I can't lose another child.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: And you won't if you let me put this man away, but girl, you got to come clean!
Christine Hill: Why are you all over me?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: You remember when I was a rookie, and I wanted to quit because all the crap I was taking on the job? Well, you said to me "Don't let them beat you." And the reason I hung in was because you wouldn't let me give up, and I'm not gonna let you give up now.

"Law & Order: Paradigm (#15.1)" (2004)
[knock on Van Buren's door]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Can I help you?
Det. Joe Fontana: I'm Fontana.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, hey, Anita Van Buren. This is your new partner.
Det. Ed Green: Hey, man. Ed Green.
Det. Joe Fontana: It's about time they gave me a partner with a little smooth.

[watching Fontana leave Van Buren's office]
Det. Ed Green: Wasn't sure if he was a cop or a wiseguy.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Make it work Ed.

"Law & Order: Smoke (#13.24)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [Ed found Sammy's testimonial against Monty Bender online] Do I want to hear this?
Detective Ed Green: [reading] Monty touched my penis with his mouth...
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The answer's no, bring him in.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: All three of 'em have the same story.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: That's what a large bank account gets you.
[her phone rings]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Van Buren. You're sure? Thanks.
[she hangs up]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, that makes us 0 for 4. Arson investigator says he can't conclude either way.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: So this bastard's gonna walk?
Detective Ed Green: [having entered the room] Uh, maybe not. I checked the web.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: For what, millionaire perverts?
Detective Ed Green: No, I Googled Sammy Morales. Don't ask. Now, his name was all over this one website, Now, in a deposition from a civil suit against Monty Bender, he said...
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do I want to hear this?
Detective Ed Green: ..."Monty touched my penis with his mouth."
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The answer's no. Pick him up.

"Law & Order: Stalker (#8.18)" (1998)
Anita Van Buren: [to Briscoe after hearing about his testimony] Where the hell do you get off pulling a stunt like this?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: They were gonna dismiss the charges.
Anita Van Buren: So you lied to a judge?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I didn't lie.
Anita Van Buren: I'm looking at the transcript, Lennie. You're an inch away from perjury!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: More like a foot, foot and a half.
Anita Van Buren: [slams the transcript on her desk] I am not laughing. How dare you go behind my back on something like this.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: We owe this girl something. We called her a liar and we sent her straight into Lowry's arms. Well, I don't think she lied, and that's what I said.
Rey Curtis: And thanks to you, Lowry's gonna walk.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: What the hell's that supposed to mean? I stopped him from walking.
Rey Curtis: What, for a couple of minutes? His lawyer just subpoenaed me to testify at the trial. For the defense!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Fine! So back me up.
Anita Van Buren: One of my detectives lying under oath is more than enough! Thank you! That's it!

"Law & Order: Panic (#10.13)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [the detectives are looking through P.K. Todd's fan mail] Oh, this is lovely: "You write worse than an uneducated trout."
Detective Lennie Briscoe: If I was the fish, I'd take offense.

"Law & Order: Survivor (#7.4)" (1996)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Latent came up empty on the murder weapon: the surface was bumpy.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: From now on, we'll have to issue smooth lead pipes to all the murderers.

"Law & Order: American Jihad (#13.1)" (2002)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I'd love to smack that little pompous schmuck.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Me first.

"Law & Order: Mad Dog (#7.18)" (1997)
Anita Van Buren: Forensics compared every kind of fiber from Darnell's work and home from clothing to carpeting to what was found at the Perez place. Nothing matched.
Jack McCoy: That's not good enough.
Anita Van Buren: I beg your pardon?
Jack McCoy: You've had this case for weeks. You haven't given me a single piece of evidence I can hang an arrest warrant on.
Anita Van Buren: Mr. McCoy, when my detectives get back from their needlepoint classes, I'll put them on the case.

"Law & Order: Return (#11.5)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: We can hold them both for now, but Sal's right about one thing: we've got no motive.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You believe him?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, I didn't say that. But what do we have? The testimony of a mentally questionable co-conspirator; that's it.
Detective Ed Green: Well, if Eddie's telling the truth, Sal either had reasons of his own to get rid of Caplan - what they are, we don't know - or he was doing it for somebody else; who that is, we don't know.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, what he said.

"Law & Order: Illegitimate (#19.12)" (2009)
Connie Rubirosa: [seeing Lupo and Bernard questioning a suspect] Why are they talking to him? Didn't he call a lawyer?
Anita Van Buren: Yes, but he waived his rights. He can't help himself; he likes to hear the sound of his voice.

"Law & Order: Black Tie (#4.5)" (1993)
[an elderly witness has called the police department]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [Hangs up phone] Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?
Det. Mike Logan: That would be Lennie.

"Law & Order: Slave (#6.19)" (1996)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Your conduct was unacceptable.
Detective Rey Curtis: Why? Cause I let a father discipline his kid?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: No one lays a hand on a suspect in my interrogation room. Now that man was out of control and it was up to you to manage it.
Detective Rey Curtis: Well, that kid was out of control and you know what scares me? That somebody like that can go to school with my daughter.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: You think you're the only one who loses sleep? Look, if you don't like the way this place is run... transfer.

"Law & Order: Scrambled (#9.6)" (1998)
Det. Rey Curtis: You know, the newsletter guy's right. Rutland IS playing God.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: He's playing with the brains God gave him: isn't that kosher?
Det. Rey Curtis: What - making babies in a test tube? Storing leftover babies in a freezer?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [correcting Curtis] Embryos!
Det. Rey Curtis: Fine - embryos.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: My sister couldn't have a baby. They tried for years. It was really painful.
Det. Rey Curtis: Well maybe she wasn't meant to have a baby.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [pause] Excuse me?

"Law & Order: Genius (#13.17)" (2003)
[after Ed had an informal discussion with a suspect that led to a partial confession]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Five hours? I hope the hell he called you in the morning.
Det. Ed Green: Hey, the best way to get a drunk to open his mouth is to let him drink, isn't that right, Lennie?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [looking up from his desk] Hear, hear!

"Law & Order: Fame (#17.1)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I said "watch and learn". You just promised to close this case.
Detective Nina Cassady: I was only offering condolences.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Watch and learn.
Detective Ed Green: [Van Buren leaves] What are you gonna do if the case falls apart? What are you gonna say to the widow then? Lesson one.

"Law & Order: Refuge: Part 1 (#9.23)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [referring to the dead shooter] Well, if he emigrated here, maybe INS has him; they can ID him off his right ear.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You're kidding!
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, you didn't know? Every ear's unique, like snowflakes.
Detective Rey Curtis: No wonder Evander was so upset!

"Law & Order: Girlfriends (#6.20)" (1996)
Lennie Briscoe: You read about the college where they have a rule that a guy has to get permission for every stage of a make-out session? "Can I touch you here? Thank you. Now, can I put my hand there?"
Detective Rey Curtis: Isn't that the way you do it, Lennie? Beg?
Lennie Briscoe: Mr. Young Married. You don't even have any idea what you're missing.
Anita Van Buren: Yeah, late night reruns of I Dream of Jeannie.
Lennie Briscoe: Isn't that sexual harassment?
Anita Van Buren: File a charge.

"Law & Order: Chattel (#19.8)" (2009)
D.A. Jack McCoy: Eight and a half million, that's how many children are sold into slavery each year.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well this plantation has closed.

"Law & Order: Killerz (#10.2)" (1999)
Anita Van Buren: [to McCoy about Jenny and Tara] You should've been there. The ankle monitors we had didn't fit. We had to punch extra holes. If it wasn't so pathetic...
Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy: What about this confession?
Anita Van Buren: If there was manipulation, her mother could have jumped in.
Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy: [reading Tara's confession] "Share your pain with me, "the next Mia Hamm."
Anita Van Buren: What I hear is damn good police work.

"Law & Order: Harm (#9.16)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: If Lennie's siding with the ex-wife, there's GOT to be more to this.

"Law & Order: Second Opinion (#5.1)" (1994)
Detective Mike Logan: If it was me, I'd just have the operation.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh really? You got anything you'd think twice about having cut off? 7th grade, what was the first thing that made you notice Susie sitting across from you?
Detective Mike Logan: Come on, I was 13 years old.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, and everything's changed since then?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: That was the first thing that made Susie feel like a woman, and that never changes.
Detective Mike Logan: So what're you saying, Lieutenant? If you got the big C you'd just curl up with a bowl of chicken soup and a rabbit's foot under your pillow?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: What I wouldn't do, Mike, is be sitting around here eating cold pizza with you guys. No offense but in my last days I'm going to spend it with my husband and my kids.

"Law & Order: Blood Money (#10.8)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So, I heard you went in hot pursuit today.
Det. Ed Green: Yeah. Perp tried to climb out the window.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'm surprised you didn't push him.
Det. Ed Green: [pause] Me, too.

"Law & Order: Haven (#9.12)" (1999)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [about Affirmative Action] You wouldn't have gotten any complaints from me; it came in after I left the department and it'll still be there when I'm gone.
Detective Rey Curtis: Well you wouldn't have liked my answers. When I was filling out my application, when it asked about race, I checked 'none of the above'.
A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael: Well I'd like to think I got where I am on my own merit.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So would I, but I got 2,000 pages of legal documents that say contrary.

"Law & Order: Mother's Day (#13.10)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Murder weapon?
Detective Ed Green: We found a carving knife in the dish rack.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, at least our bad guy's tidy.

"Law & Order: Refuge: Part 2 (#9.24)" (1999)
Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy: Why wasn't a police officer stationed in the apartment?
Anita Van Buren: In a one-bedroom? That would have been cozy. We tried putting someone downstairs in the vestibule, but the tenants complained.
Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy: Lieutenant, I don't have to tell you...
Anita Van Buren: No, you don't. We're treating this like Ricci was one of our own.

"Law & Order: Turnstile Justice (#11.2)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, when you do find the girls, I want you to add a charge of felony bad taste. Wearing white after Labor Day?

"Law & Order: Stiff (#10.23)" (2000)
Jack McCoy: I've never liked doctors.
Abbie Carmichael: I don't like people who pick on their mothers.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I don't like people we can't make a case against.

"Law & Order: Swept Away - A Very Special Episode (#11.15)" (2001)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [hearing Ed describe "Deal with It"] Never seen it, already hate it.

"Law & Order: Darkness (#18.2)" (2008)
Anita Van Buren: Sgt. Simmons, where's my generator?
Sgt. Simmons: Same place it was a half hour ago, LT. Traffic.
Anita Van Buren: Well, there's a hardware store two blocks north on Lex. If they have any portable generators, commandeer them.

"Law & Order: Passion (#7.21)" (1997)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Nothing like fathering another woman's child to cement a relationship.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Almost as good as panties in the glove compartment.

"Law & Order: Rapture (#19.14)" (2009)
Anita Van Buren: [watching Bernard question a person of interest] So, okay, what the hell are they talking about?
Cyrus Lupo: The rapture.
Anita Van Buren: The rapture? As in the last days, the Book of Revelation.
Cyrus Lupo: Right, when Jesus comes back and takes all good Christians to Heaven.
Anita Van Buren: Well, I'm planning on retiring before that.

"Law & Order: Illegal (#18.8)" (2008)
Ed Green: The blood from the slug belonged to Maria Soriano. Slug's a nine millimeter hollow point round fired from a Glock.
Cyrus Lupo: A cop bullet.
Ed Green: CSU also found two nine millimeter casings about ten yards away from where Maria went down.
Anita Van Buren: I'll call the Chief of D's and the D.A. Ignacio's our main witness; let's get him into protective custody. And mind who you talk to. This is gonna get ugly, real quick.

"Law & Order: Narcosis (#10.21)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Have Lamont check out the topless bars.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: He'll be thrilled!

"Law & Order: Cherished (#9.1)" (1998)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: We take this to a judge and say what, 'the devil made them do it?' She'll say we need an exorcist.

"Law & Order: Falling (#19.4)" (2008)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The forensic accountant is very anxious to talk to you.
Detective Cyrus Lupo: Great. After a morning of forensic engineering, nothing beats a little forensic accounting.

"Law & Order: In Vino Veritas (#17.7)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [watching a suspect rant] Does he know he has a right to remain silent?
Detective Ed Green: I Mirandized him myself.

"Law & Order: Ramparts (#9.11)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: How's your shooter?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: He confessed so fast, I thought I'd have him do the paperwork.

"Law & Order: Thrill (#8.1)" (1997)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: A thrill killing. I take it back, Lennie: some people don't need a reason.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I guess the Macarena wasn't exciting enough for them.

"Law & Order: Ill-Conceived (#14.10)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: You had something sent to the DNA lab?
Detective Ed Green: Yeah, Maria's baby got up close and personal with Lennie's jacket.
[Lennie opens his coat and shows he's just wearing a shirt]

"Law & Order: Avatar (#17.2)" (2006)
Detective Nina Cassady: [about Molly's list of friends] I kinda thought we'd ruled them out electronically.
Anita Van Buren: Well, computers aren't foolproof.
Detective Nina Cassady: Absolutely. We'll do it old school.
Anita Van Buren: Old school. You mean like doing it right?

"Law & Order: Knock Off (#19.5)" (2008)
Anita Van Buren: Did you know William Timmons when you lived up in Dargerville?
Dianne Cary: Thousands of people live in and around Dargerville.
Anita Van Buren: No doubt. What happened to you two up there?
Dianne Cary: Nothing happened. I don't think you have the right to ask...
Anita Van Buren: Ms. Cary, the code on this itemized bill is from your hospital visit three years ago. This code is for a rape kit. The doctor took evidence in a rape investigation, and William Timmons was arrested the next day. Now, he was arrested, but no charges were ever filed and he was released. Did he rape you and get away with it? Is that what this is about?

"Law & Order: Homesick (#6.22)" (1996)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [referring to the Karmels] He's 48; she's 27?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: My hero!

"Law & Order: Cruel and Unusual (#5.19)" (1995)
Anita Van Buren: What would you do if you thought someone was abusing your kid?
Detective Mike Logan: This is America, I'd sue the bastard.

"Law & Order: Bad Faith (#5.20)" (1995)
Anita Van Buren: [about Krolinsky] There's people like him in every neighborhood. Could be the Little League coach, your kid's favorite teacher. It's too bad they don't glow in the dark.

"Law & Order: Admissions (#9.22)" (1999)
Dr. Emil Skoda: You sure there was there no connection between Clayman and the dead girl?
Detective Rey Curtis: Just the connection of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Dr. Emil Skoda: He's not your man.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Mind sharing how you know that?
Dr. Emil Skoda: The killer knew her. Draped a scarf over her face; wanted her to preserve some dignity.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Dignity.
Dr. Emil Skoda: [shrugs] Best he could do under the circumstances.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Like that carjacking a couple years ago.
Detective Rey Curtis: Then why cut her up?
Dr. Emil Skoda: Make it look like a lunatic had done it. See these cuts? They're hesitation marks. He was having a hard time at first, got bolder as he went along.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: So you're saying he staged the whole thing?
[Skoda gives a shrugging nod]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do you think Eddie Clayman could have put all this on to throw us off the track?
Dr. Emil Skoda: I think you've got the wrong guy.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Hold Clayman on a parole violation 'till we sort all this out.
Dr. Emil Skoda: Whoever killed Sarah Kincaid knew her, and cared about her. Have you talked with her boyfriend?
Detective Rey Curtis: Her father said that she wasn't seeing anybody regularly.
Dr. Emil Skoda: She was pregnant.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So she did something with somebody nine weeks ago.

"Law & Order: Performance (#5.14)" (1995)
Anita Van Buren: [to Corey] Look, you can play these games with your mother all you want, but you play them with me, little girl and I cause you real trouble. Either that boy committed a crime or you did by lying about it. Somebody's gonna be arrested here and I'm getting so I don't give a damn who it is.

"Law & Order: Bad Girl (#8.21)" (1998)
Anita Van Buren: [to Monica Johnson] You want to take me on, little girl? Well, let me tell you something: you better be packing more than a dirty mouth.

"Law & Order: DWB (#9.2)" (1998)
Raymond 'Ray-Ray' Davis: I told you, but I ain't tellin' nobody else. I don't want no trouble with The Man.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, you don't have to worry, Mr. Davis. In this house, I'm The Man.

"Law & Order: Discord (#4.3)" (1993)
Julia Wood: I went to the bathroom. When I came out he was naked. He pinned me to the floor, he pulled up my skirt. Do you know what it's like? You're helpless. You just close your eyes and wait for it to be over.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [pause] Julia, I'm gonna get a cup of coffee, you need anything?
[Julia shakes her head, Anita leaves the room]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Give her a ride home.
Det. Mike Logan: We dropping it?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: No.
Det. Mike Logan: What, did she slip you a note or something?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: "Close your eyes and wait for it to be over"? This girl was raped.

"Law & Order: Competence (#5.6)" (1994)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Were you born a smart-ass, or did it just come with the job?
Jack McCoy: I'm a pussycat. You should've met my old man.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Lawyer?
Jack McCoy: Cop.

"Law & Order: Angelgrove (#18.13)" (2008)
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: I count over thirty major contusions on her head, face, and upper torso. Most were inflicted postmortem.
Anita Van Buren: Overkill. Someone was venting.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Or they're practicing their fastball. I've never seen this M.O. before.

"Law & Order: Burden (#8.20)" (1998)
Lennie Briscoe: [to Joe Sutter] Look what's happened to your beautiful family: your wife is sleeping with some dance instructor, your daughter is one step away from living on the street and you have no money and it's all because of that kid!
Joe Sutter: You don't know me, if you knew me, you would see...
Lennie Briscoe: Oh, I know you. If you had the stones...
Rey Curtis: You don't know this man, Lennie. This isn't about money or adultery or anything like that, is it, Joe? My wife's got MS. I picture her life 10 years from now, and it kills me because it might not be a pretty picture. You picture your son. He used to be strong. Played soccer, yeah?
Joe Sutter: Yes.
Rey Curtis: My wife used to run three miles every morning. Did you imagine Michael at 20 years old, 40 years old, still in the same bedroom, still in the same tortured pain?
Joe Sutter: [choked up] Yeah.
Rey Curtis: Me, too. And you wanna know the worst part? I know why it's happening. It's my fault. God is punishing her for something I did.
Joe Sutter: No, you can't think that way!
Rey Curtis: I try to tell myself that. I try to think that. But every time I look at her, I feel the guilt. Every time I look at my daughters and think about what they're going to lose. Someone you love is in pain. They have no hope. What can you do to help this person? How often have you asked yourself this question? Every time you bathe him?
Joe Sutter: [now in tears] Every time I kiss him good night.
Rey Curtis: And you knew there was only one way out. You had to do it. You had to do it because you loved him. Let it go. It was an act of love, Joe.
Joe Sutter: [sobs] I love Michael! Maybe I... but I didn't do this. I didn't kill him. Can I leave?
Anita Van Buren: Not for another 30 years.

"Law & Order: Surrender Dorothy (#10.19)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: Harlan Graham just called; he wants us to meet with him and his son to get this matter straightened out. He's a shrink too.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, good. One for each of you.

"Law & Order: I.D. (#7.2)" (1996)
Lucy Sullivan: I want a lawyer.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Honey, you need one.

"Law & Order: Slaughter (#12.19)" (2002)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So we're looking for a killer transvestite?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: ...with a taste for sausage.

"Law & Order: Couples (#13.23)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [referring to babies] She couldn't have one of her own, so she figured she'd take someone else's?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Worked for Tony B.
Detective Ed Green: Who's that?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Took my bike when I was 12.

"Law & Order: Bogeyman (#18.15)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: The M.E. never did an autopsy on the baby. Once they get a diagnosis from the doctor, it's rubber stamp time. The kid was cremated.
Anita Van Buren: "The Life System" by Ellison Conway. "The bestselling guide to reclaiming your human destiny". How did I get through life without reading this?
Cyrus Lupo: Well, I couldn't get through it without aspirin, but there's no mention of detoxing babies.
Anita Van Buren: Well, could the Camerons have imagined the whole thing?
Kevin Bernard: [handing her a report] They'd have a hell of an imagination. Sofia's notes. She alleges that there was a conspiracy against them by Systemotics. There's a list there of sabotaged gallery openings, lost friendships, people following them.
Anita Van Buren: People who write stuff like this usually line their hats with aluminum foil.
Kevin Bernard: And sometimes commit suicide.
Cyrus Lupo: And sometimes they're right and nobody believes 'em.

"Law & Order: Untitled (#10.20)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [seeing painting of woman with no mouth and no hands] A woman this perfect had to be painted by a man.

"Law & Order: Pro Se (#6.21)" (1996)
Police officer: The prints matched up with a James Stephen Smith.
[hands file to Van Buren]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Great, thank you.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Besides battling the forces of evil, what other trouble's he been in?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [reading his file] Only one arrest, for stalking a woman 16 months ago. He pleaded out on harassment two, six months' probation and a 500 dollar fine.
Detective Rey Curtis: [sarcastically] I guess if he'd killed her, it would have been 1000 dollars.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: What idiot in the D.A.'s let him off?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [to Kincaid] Say hello, Counselor.

"Law & Order: Mayhem (#4.17)" (1994)
[regarding a case where the wife cut her husband's penis off]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: She might as well have put it through the heart.
Det. Mike Logan: That's not very compassionate.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: What kind of life is this guy gonna have without... you know?
Det. Mike Logan: Maybe he's got some other life-long pursuits.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Like what? You think he plays the clarinet?
Det. Mike Logan: I hope he plays the clarinet.

"Law & Order: Dignity (#20.5)" (2009)
Anita Van Buren: [Discussing possible caustic cancer treatments with her doctor, after a failed initial treatment] The nausea I can handle, dying not so much. So bring it on, doctor.

"Law & Order: Invaders (#16.22)" (2006)
Detective Ed Green: Borgia missed her hearings this morning. They sent an officer, and he found the door cracked.
Detective Joe Fontana: Last time anybody saw her was last night about ten o'clock.
Detective Ed Green: Obviously, her bag's still here. Her cell phone was over here.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Hell of a struggle from the looks of it.
Detective Joe Fontana: Yeah, we think they forced their way in.

"Law & Order: C.O.D. (#14.24)" (2004)
[Lennie is retiring]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: So what's it been for you and me... 11 years?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Something like that.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: It's the longest I was ever with any woman.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Now that's pitiful.

"Law & Order: House of Cards (#16.7)" (2005)
Det. Joe Fontana: He seems like a pretty stand-up guy.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Yeah, well, so did Scott Peterson.

"Law & Order: School Daze (#11.22)" (2001)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [Talking about their suspect] Has he even had breakfast yet?
Detective Ed Green: He won't eat. And he said he won't talk until his lawyer shows up.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: When is that supposed to be?
Simone Adams: [Entering the room] Well, well, well, what do we have here? Conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Speak of the devil.

"Law & Order: Deadlock (#17.9)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Lots of folks gonna remember this face.
Detective Nina Cassady: It doesn't place.
Detective Ed Green: He slaughtered five people in a burger joint in '97.
Detective Nina Cassady: The Midtown massacre? That I remember.
Detective Ed Green: I was working Narcotics around the corner at the time. I was one of the first to respond. I testified at his trial.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: They put him on death row.
Detective Ed Green: Three times over, but they changed the law before they got the needle in him. This is the bastard that's supposed to be dead.