Ed Green
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Quotes for
Ed Green (Character)
from "Law & Order" (1990)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Law & Order: Couples (#13.23)" (2003)
Detective Ed Green: How do you suppose Rafael put in his eight hours at the office and had dinner with the missus at the same time?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: If I knew, maybe I could have held onto wife number two.

Detective Ed Green: [cuffing Carla Perazzo after she has just deliberately run over her husband] Are you out of your skull?
Carla Perazzo: Not anymore.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [Rafael Celaya is moaning in the back of the police car] From what I've been told at least I was a happy drunk.
Detective Ed Green: From what ***I've*** been told, I wouldn't go that far.

Detective Ed Green: You were cheating on your husband with Reynaldo, and Marcela was cheating on Reynaldo with somebody else: am I getting this right?
Patricia Botten: Happens all the time, at least around here.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: And all this time I've been living in the wrong housing complex.

Rafael Celaya: [referring to the victim] She was an evil woman, you know? She was married to Reynaldo and she was cheating on him.
Detective Ed Green: With you!
Rafael Celaya: She'd cheat on him, she'd cheat on me soon enough!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You guys are weird, Rafael, but it's hard to believe you're ***that*** weird.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [about to assist in an emergency childbirth] All right, uh, bring me some towels and boil some water.
Detective Ed Green: Do doctors really do that?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: George Clooney does, and that's good enough for me.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: [referring to babies] She couldn't have one of her own, so she figured she'd take someone else's?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Worked for Tony B.
Detective Ed Green: Who's that?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Took my bike when I was 12.

Detective Ed Green: [answering his cellphone, about to go home after the dealing with three murders and one kidnapping in one day] We've got a jumper!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I may join him
[cut to closing credits]


"Law & Order: Marathon (#10.6)" (1999)
Detective Ed Green: Your boss witnessed a felony, Roger.
Roger Meeks: What are you talking about?
Detective Ed Green: The gun you sold Bobby Sabo?
Roger Meeks: I'm gonna get fired.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: I don't really care. If you come clean with us, maybe you're not gonna get arrested.

Detective Ed Green: I heard the news. We get the gun, they toss it. We get the confession...
Det. Lennie Briscoe: "We"?
Detective Ed Green: I've been saying "we" to cover your ass, out of respect for you.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well, I don't need that kind of respect.
Detective Ed Green: Good. 'Cause I've been walking on eggshells ever since we caught this case.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: It's about as long as you've been pissing me off.
Detective Ed Green: Pissing you off? Why? Because I don't blend in with the rest of the roaches?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Oh, is that what this is about? Because you know that's not how I meant that.
Detective Ed Green: No, no, no, I will tell you what I know. If it wasn't for your screw ups, we'd have nailed this guy a long time ago.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: My screw ups? Your stuff's been getting thrown out of court ever since you got here.
Detective Ed Green: Well, maybe I take chances because my partner can't get it up.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Or maybe you just get off on taking chances.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [hearing the commotion] Briscoe! In my office.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: Don't do me any favors.
Detective Ed Green: I'm not. LaMotte's working a ten by six. I don't need a double shift tonight.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, nobody's calling you a liar.
Detective Ed Green: I never called you a liar.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: The hell you didn't. What was all that back in the squad room?
Detective Ed Green: You got it wrong, Lennie. I'm not the enemy here.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yeah? I don't know what you are.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: You want to look over this DD-5 before I file it?
Detective Ed Green: Sure. Lucky he 'fessed up.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yep, lucky.
Detective Ed Green: How'd you get it out of him so quick?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: What's that mean?
Detective Ed Green: I'm just saying it's pretty amazing. You're alone with the guy for ten seconds and he gives it up.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: You don't believe it happened?
Detective Ed Green: Hey, I'm just asking how.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: I've been doing this for twenty-five years. I think I've earned the right not to be second guessed.

Marisol Benitez: [Briscoe and Green are searching her car] Hey, don't put your shoes on my seat.
Detective Ed Green: Back seat's clean.
Marisol Benitez: You satisfied now?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: You like Pizza Land?
Marisol Benitez: What do you care?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well, maybe you want to eat what's in the bag.
[Lennie pulls a gun out of the bag]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: .25.
Marisol Benitez: That stupid Bobby, I'm gonna kill him.
Detective Ed Green: Be our guest.

Detective Ed Green: Daytime stickup. Haven't seen one of those in a while.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yeah. A real blast from the past.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: Here's our guy... Red Jacket - he's carrying heavy on the right side.
Detective Ed Green: Hold on Lenny, we guess wrong, we spook the guy that bought Bobby's piece.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [Exits car] It's not a guess.
[Crossing the street... ]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Hey, You! Step over here. What's your name?
Flaco Ochoa: They call me Flacco.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Flacco what?
Flaco Ochoa: What's this about?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: It's about the gun in your pocket.
Flaco Ochoa: Whadyou got X-Ray eyes or something?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, that's right... I got X-Ray eyes.
[to Detective Green]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Check his right pocket.
Flaco Ochoa: Whoa, whoa You gotta be kidding me man!
Detective Ed Green: I Wish I was...
[retrieves gun]
Flaco Ochoa: Wh-Wha, I didn't do nothing!
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Aww, Looks like a twenty-five
Flaco Ochoa: Damn!
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Too bad, Flacco. You had to run into Superman today.


"Law & Order: Smoke (#13.24)" (2003)
Detective Ed Green: People get around stars, they get stupid.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Waiting in line to see Madonna is stupid, this is a felony.

Larry Miller: I heard some kid accused Monty of inappropriate behavior.
Detective Ed Green: What, using the wrong fork?
Larry Miller: I don't think Monty would shell out seven figures for that.

Detective Ed Green: [discussing Monty's successful career] Is that a hint of envy, Larry?
Larry Miller: Mister Miller...
[looks at Ed, laughing]
Larry Miller: God, Ed, relax!

Lt. Anita Van Buren: [Ed found Sammy's testimonial against Monty Bender online] Do I want to hear this?
Detective Ed Green: [reading] Monty touched my penis with his mouth...
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The answer's no, bring him in.

Detective Ed Green: [checking Bender's financials] Damn, I wonder what a 200 dollar haircut looks like.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Kind of like a 400 dollar car-wash.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: All three of 'em have the same story.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: That's what a large bank account gets you.
[her phone rings]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Van Buren. You're sure? Thanks.
[she hangs up]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, that makes us 0 for 4. Arson investigator says he can't conclude either way.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: So this bastard's gonna walk?
Detective Ed Green: [having entered the room] Uh, maybe not. I checked the web.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: For what, millionaire perverts?
Detective Ed Green: No, I Googled Sammy Morales. Don't ask. Now, his name was all over this one website, UpYourButt.net. Now, in a deposition from a civil suit against Monty Bender, he said...
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do I want to hear this?
Detective Ed Green: ..."Monty touched my penis with his mouth."
Lt. Anita Van Buren: The answer's no. Pick him up.


"Law & Order: Kid Pro Quo (#13.20)" (2003)
Detective Ed Green: Mrs Wagner, we need to know where you were on Sunday night.
Clarissa Wagner: Uh, my husband and I were looking for a house in Greenwich. Well, no point in staying in the city humiliated.
Detective Ed Green: Humiliated?
Clarissa Wagner: Now everybody knows that Chloe didn't get into Knowles, so we have to go someplace else and start over. It's a shame, because we'd just finished putting Botticelli's Primavera on our bedroom ceiling.

Clarissa Wagner: For months we worked like maniacs to get Chloe into Knowles. Extra tutors, the interviews, the tests...
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Sounds like a lot of stress.
Clarissa Wagner: Valium helps.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Not on you; on your daughter.
Clarissa Wagner: Well, you're never too young to learn how to cope.
Detective Ed Green: It's only kindergarten.
Clarissa Wagner: It's not just kindergarten - it's the rest of her life. The right prep school leads to the right college, the right job, the right career, the right husband. It's a carefully calibrated ladder. And if you miss a step - excuse me, that's the caterer, I'll be right back.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Legacies! I wish I had a legacy.
Detective Ed Green: It's like affirmative action for white folks. Ain't that how George W got into Yale - 'cause his daddy went there?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Now come to think of it I do have a legacy: my old man went to PS 21 and so did I.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Where were you Sunday evening, Mr Scofield?
Wyatt Scofield: At home.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Alone?
Wyatt Scofield: Just me and Dante.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Dante?
Wyatt Scofield: ...Alighieri.
[pause]
Wyatt Scofield: "Purgatorio"?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Isn't that a strip club in Queen's?
Detective Ed Green: [referring to Briscoe] I get to spend all day with him!

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Were you home all evening, Mr Scofield?
Wyatt Scofield: Except for my constitutional, which I take every evening religiously at 8 o'clock.
Detective Ed Green: Your "constitutional"?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You should watch more "Masterpiece Theatre", Ed.


"Law & Order: Burn Card (#18.14)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: [at the crime scene] Got some blood.
Ed Green: That's a shell from a .380.
Cyrus Lupo: [finding a cell phone] Look at this. Last call was at 10:04 p.m. from someone named Angela. Wife?
Ed Green: Or widow.

Anita Van Buren: Oh, hey, lieu. I just came back to get my date book and some personal stuff.
Anita Van Buren: Maybe I should have a look at it. Apparently, there's a lot I never knew about you, Ed.
Ed Green: Look, the gambling... I got back into it when Lennie left.
Anita Van Buren: Well, partners aren't forever.
Ed Green: Yeah. Then Lennie died.
Anita Van Buren: So you found comfort in a speakeasy on 121st Street.
Ed Green: As a matter of fact, yeah. I did.

Anita Van Buren: They dropped the charge. There's no criminal case. Dismissal isn't automatic.
Ed Green: I broke every rule in the book and you know it.
Anita Van Buren: You can fight it.
Ed Green: I think... I think I am just too worn out to fight right now.

Anita Van Buren: You know, April's going to be okay. But it wasn't just about her, was it?
Ed Green: No. I've been a cop, a gambler, about twelve other things that don't necessarily go together that well. How do you do it?
Anita Van Buren: One foot in front of the other for thirty years.
Ed Green: [standing to leave] I'll let you know where I land. Thank you, lieu.

[last lines]
Cyrus Lupo: Hey, Ed.
Ed Green: Hey. Thank you.
Cyrus Lupo: Thank me? For what? For digging up the evidence that got you arrested or digging up the girl that you wanted hidden?
Ed Green: For being a good cop.


"Law & Order: Kingmaker (#16.20)" (2006)
Detective Ed Green: So somebody shoots her, drags her all the way up there just to throw her back down?
Detective Joe Fontana: Yeah, and bulls-eyes a squad car.
Detective Ed Green: That domestic disturbance call was bogus.
Detective Joe Fontana: I'd like to know who she pissed off.

Detective Ed Green: Lieu, you ain't gonna believe this.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Her picture's in the damn paper.
Detective Ed Green: It's a column about her father, Tom Baker. He wrote a book, and it says that she's NYPD.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Why didn't anyone catch this and pull her off detail?
Detective Joe Fontana: It may have been too late anyway. It appeared on page thirty of the late edition.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So Ratko pulled the trigger, but this is what got Dana killed.
Detective Joe Fontana: It's the same as if someone pushed her in front of a damn bus.
Detective Ed Green: And it was written by Veronica Drake. Now what do you think she got for outing an undercover officer?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'm gonna find out.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: Fontana, Green. Lieutenant Sullivan. He heard the DOA's name go out on the radio.
Lieutenant Sullivan: [looking at the victim] Oh, god.
Detective Ed Green: How do you know her?
Lieutenant Sullivan: Her real name is Dana Baker. She was on the job; one of my undercovers.

Lieutenant Sullivan: She spent the last year infiltrating an Albanian drug ring. We used heroin money to fund paramilitary groups in Kosovo.
Detective Joe Fontana: She got over as an Albanian?
Lieutenant Sullivan: Well, she spent some years in Kosovo as a teen. Her father had an embassy job with the State Department.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: We should talk to him.
Lieutenant Sullivan: He's on a flight from London. I'm gonna meet his plane at the airport.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Okay.
Detective Ed Green: [approaching] Hey. The cell that made the 911 domestic disturbance call was a disposable, so it was probably dumped.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Did she ever suggest that the Albanians were onto her?
Lieutenant Sullivan: No, no, no, no. I'd have pulled her out.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, that phony call and her hitting the patrol car was not a coincidence. Her cover was blown.
Lieutenant Sullivan: Then she wasn't aware of it. Dana was no cowboy.


"Law & Order: DNR (#10.3)" (1999)
Det. Ed Green: There must be ten, fifteen grand here. Where'd you get the money, Bobby?
Bobby: Bite me!
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [to Ed] Go ahead. Bite him.

Det. Ed Green: A civil court judge needs a gun?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Maybe she hands out too much alimony.

Det. Ed Green: APB went out quick. If the carjacker's got two gunshot wounds, how far can he get? I'm feeling lucky.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Last time I got lucky was 1986.
Det. Ed Green: It's all in the attitude, Lennie.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: You got no record. Why do you want to do this the hard way?
Det. Ed Green: Nice leather upholstery. Cleans up pretty good, but not good enough.
Dr. Matthew Carton: What's that mean?
Det. Ed Green: Blood in the seams. You read the papers?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: A New York state judge was shot over this car. You can probably figure out what that means for you.


"Law & Order: American Jihad (#13.1)" (2002)
Detective Ed Green: My aunt had a spaniel that didn't like tall men.

Detective Ed Green: [Phil calls Ed a primate repeatedly] I want to ask your opinion on Einstein's theory because I'm not sure he was right.
Phil: Headline: 'Cop Cracks Relativity'.
Detective Ed Green: No, not that theory, Phil. His theory on genius. See - and correct me if I'm wrong - Einstein argued that genius has no personality. But after talking to you for this short amount of time, I realize that you actually prove the negative. You definitely have personality. And it makes this primate want to whoop your ass. Now say somethin'.

Detective Ed Green: When I was 22, I read "The Razor's Edge" and didn't eat steak for two months.


"Law & Order: Missing (#12.14)" (2002)
Detective Ed Green: It'll be nice not looking at a dead body for a change.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Still, they could've called in Missin Persons.
Detective Ed Green: I don't know if you noticed, but Missing Persons is pretty busy lately.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [looking through a missing woman's apartment] Her wallet's here... makeup's on the night stand.
Detective Ed Green: [in the bathroom] Toothbrush.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: So we're looking for a girl with no makeup and fuzzy teeth.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Mickey Bastone?
Mickey Bastone: That's right.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: NYPD.
Detective Ed Green: We have a warrant to search your bar, your home, and any of your vehicles.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: We also have a warrant for your arrest.
Mickey Bastone: Hey, I'm trying to run a business here.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Well, why don't you think about taking a few days off? All right, everybody, last call!
Detective Ed Green: He means leave.
[the bar patrons are all ushered out of the door]
Mickey Bastone: I'm telling you, you know, you ain't gonna find nothing.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, people say that to us all the time. Next thing you know, they're watching the seasons change in Attica.
Detective Ed Green: [handcuffing Mickey] Put your hands behind your back.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [leading Mickey out] You probably know this next part by heart. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can be used can and will be used against you in a court of law...


"Law & Order: Talking Points (#17.13)" (2007)
[a despondent Ed is staring at his coffee; Cassady enters]
Detective Ed Green: Hey. You want a hot cup of black disappointment?

Det. Ed Green: [talking about Judith Barlow] No wonder why they call her the most hated bitch in America.
Detective Nina Cassady: You mean woman, right?
Det. Ed Green: No, I mean bitch.

Detective Nina Cassady: [teasing Ed after Judith Barlow gives him her cell phone number] Someone's a little sweet on Eddie.
Detective Ed Green: [in disgust] I'd rather get a root canal.


"Law & Order: Tango (#18.10)" (2008)
Sugar: Quit calling me Melinda. My name is Sugar.
Ed Green: No, your name is Melinda. Yeah, you called your parents to ask for money, but you also called them to let them know that you're still alive, 'cause you know they give a damn. And somewhere in your little black heart, you give a damn, too.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: There's evidence of both anal and vaginal penetration. We got fluids to run for DNA. Cause of death was ligature strangulation; could be an electrical cord. There's also blunt-force trauma to the head, which bled profusely. He's not a very nice guy, whoever he is.
Cyrus Lupo: And all we have to do is get his girlfriend to give him up.
Ed Green: [ending a phone call] That's easier said than done. Looks like Melinda's parents gave up on that whole tough love thing. They sprang for a lawyer.

Michael Cutter: You didn't think telling her he was gonna shoot her would come back to bite us in the ass?
Cyrus Lupo: We needed to find the guy. That was item one on the agenda.
Michael Cutter: Well, item two is gonna be watching him walk out of jail.
Ed Green: We still have the surveillance video of him hauling the victim into the hotel.
Michael Cutter: You can't see his face.
Cyrus Lupo: But you can see his clothes, and we found those clothes at another one of his cribs.
Connie Rubirosa: We still have the victim's blood in the room Tito was in.
Michael Cutter: Melinda's room, and he claims Melinda killed her. Could raise reasonable doubt.
Ed Green: Melinda didn't rape and sodomize that girl.
Michael Cutter: Look, I'm not saying the guy didn't do it. I just want enough evidence to nail him six times over. If he walks, I'm gonna feel like an accomplice the next time he does this.


"Law & Order: In Vino Veritas (#17.7)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: [watching a suspect rant] Does he know he has a right to remain silent?
Detective Ed Green: I Mirandized him myself.

Mitch Carroll: Jews are always playing the victim, but all this time I'm the one who's been victimized.
Nurse Esposito: [to Green] Would you tell him to shut up?
Detective Ed Green: Mr. Carroll, shut up please.

Detective Ed Green: [to Mitch Carroll as he's being arrested] You have the right to remain silent.
Detective Nina Cassady: You might want to try it this time.


"Law & Order: Avatar (#17.2)" (2006)
Detective Nina Cassady: I recognize the logo on this bra. Frisky Kitty; lingerie shop off Time's Square.
Detective Ed Green: [his interest in how she knows piqued] Really?
Detective Nina Cassady: I went there for my sister-in-law's bachelorette gift, but thanks for assuming I have crappy taste in lingerie.

Molly Preston: I want to talk to my dad.
Detective Nina Cassady: He's gonna meet you down at the station. We can do this here in front of all your friends, or we can step outside and do it in private.
Molly Preston: I know my rights. I want my lawyer.
Detective Nina Cassady: You know that right? Here's the whole civics lesson.
Detective Ed Green: [standing her up and cuffing her] Molly Preston, you're under arrest.
Molly Preston: Wait!
Detective Ed Green: [leading her out of the room] You have the right to remain silent.
Molly Preston: I didn't do anything wrong! You can't do this!
Detective Ed Green: Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.

Detective Nina Cassady: [to Green] Digging into a teenage rape victim?
Detective Ed Green: Due diligence. Old school.


"Law & Order: Prejudice (#12.10)" (2001)
Ray Burrows: Do you know your ass from your elbow, detective?
Detective Ed Green: I know an ass when I see one.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Any ID?
Detective Ed Green: [looking through the victim's wallet] Well, the money's still here, so it's probably not a robbery. Let's see... Thomas Reddick, Pavilion Publishing. CEO.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hmm. Looks like they publish a string of magazines. News, fashion.
Detective Ed Green: Well, he's on the other side of the camera now.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: He's on the other side, period.

Clerk: I'm not sure you should be going through that.
Detective Ed Green: Look, we're dealing with a homicide investigation.
Clerk: I... I just meant that there might be some sensitive material there.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: That's exactly what we're looking for.
Clerk: I was referring to the corporate financial information, about the buyouts.
Detective Ed Green: Buyouts?
Clerk: Of the other magazines. That's what Mr. Reddick's meetings were about yesterday.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: When was his last appointment?
Clerk: Uh... that would have been his 6:30 with Legal.
Detective Ed Green: And that was the last time you saw him?
Clerk: On his way upstairs. He wasn't very happy; Mr. Reddick didn't really look forward to meetings with lawyers
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I know the feeling.


"Law & Order: Called Home (#18.1)" (2008)
Ed Green: It fits. The bank said he borrowed against his business to pay off his mortgage.
Anita Van Buren: He put his affairs in order. I'm so sorry, detective. All right, let's change the classification on the blue to suspected suicide.
Cyrus Lupo: Lieutenant, if you do that, you know this goes to the bottom of a pile. Maybe my brother suicided, but he wouldn't know where to get these drugs. Somebody helped him. Maybe that woman.
Ed Green: We'll look for her, but real, man. We got open murder cases here. And all due respect, your brother was...
Cyrus Lupo: You don't know anything about my brother, all right? If... if this woman had tried to help him instead of handing him a loaded syringe...
Ed Green: Look, I will give this the time it deserves, but maybe your brother had good reasons to take a shortcut to the exit. Maybe if you called him back and talked to him, you'd know why.

Ed Green: [seeing Lupo outside Van Buren's office] He's been wearing down the linoleum for the last couple hours.
Anita Van Buren: [shutting the door] Now, I talked to his boss at Intel; Lupo broke some big cases in some very unfriendly corners of the world, and he did it with no backup, no warrants, no weapon.
Ed Green: You makin' a sales pitch?
Anita Van Buren: We got a second assisted sucide with a victim he's not related to. It wouldn't be policy violation for him to work that case.


"Law & Order: Panic (#10.13)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: Any of Mr. Haas' other clients have problems with him?
P.K. Todd: I have no idea. You collar the shooter?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Not yet. Is, uh, Mr. Haas married?
P.K. Todd: Yes. Witnesses see who did it?
Detective Ed Green: No. He have anything on the side?
P.K. Todd: A fifty year old accountant with a comb-over? Please. He loved his wife. Any forensics at the scene?
Detective Ed Green: Shell casings. You had...
P.K. Todd: What caliber?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: .380.
P.K. Todd: Garden variety semi-auto. Won't be much help tracking the shooter.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [sarcastic] Yeah, thanks.

Detective Ed Green: Where were you headed when you left the restaurant?
P.K. Todd: I told you, Marty said he wanted to walk.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Marty had to run to catch up to you. Where were you going?
P.K. Todd: All right, he was boring me stiff. I just wanted to get rid of him. I knew he was on his way uptown, so I walked downtown. Didn't work. He followed me.
Detective Ed Green: You know that means you were the target and not him.
P.K. Todd: I told you that the first time I talked to you. Who in the world do you think would waste bullets on a nobody like Marty Haas?


"Law & Order: Mother's Milk (#10.12)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: How many of these you done?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Stakeouts?
Detective Ed Green: No. Dead babies.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hey, we don't know the baby's dead.
Detective Ed Green: [skeptical] Right.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: To answer your question, too many.
Detective Ed Green: It's my first.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: That's too many.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: It's never a happy ending.
Detective Ed Green: We found blood in the apartment.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: I don't know yet whose it is. Haven't done the autopsy.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Cause of death?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: At first glance, it looks like the baby was more than likely put in the bag and buried alive.
Detective Ed Green: Looks like skin and bones. What did he die of?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Hard to tell. Asphyxiation. Dehydration. Exposure. I won't know until I do the autopsy.
Detective Ed Green: How long can a baby live like that?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: The Mexican earthquake, babies survived nine days buried alive.
A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael: Arrest the son of a bitch.


"Law & Order: Flaw (#16.2)" (2005)
Olivia Benson: So what do we got?
Detective Ed Green: I'm not sure. Now, you didn't get any strange phone calls last night? Any messages, anything logged in as a miscall?
Olivia Benson: No. And you're certain that your vic was trying to call me?
Detective Joe Fontana: His life flashed before his eyes. You were the star player.
Olivia Benson: And you say his name is Patrick Sullivan?
Detective Ed Green: Ring any bells?
Olivia Benson: None.
Detective Joe Fontana: Maybe his face will.
Olivia Benson: [Green pulls back the sheet over the victim] Never seen him before in my life.
Detective Joe Fontana: Which begs the question...
Olivia Benson: Why did he die trying to call me?

Olivia Benson: [searching April and Lorraine's hotel room, Benson leaves to search another room] Hey, Green.
Detective Ed Green: Yeah?
Olivia Benson: What caliber was the gun used to shoot Sullivan?
Detective Ed Green: It was a .38.
Olivia Benson: [returning with a gun on the end of her pen] Kind of like this one?


"Law & Order: Fools for Love (#10.15)" (2000)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I guess there's no point in asking...
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Indication of brutal sexual penetration both vaginally and anally. Bad news, no semen.
Detective Ed Green: Condom?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Douche.
Detective Ed Green: No DNA.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: I didn't say that. This girl fought back. Got his flesh under her fingernails. I sent it for DNA typing.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: So he douched them but he forgot to clean under their nails?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: No, he didn't forget. He just didn't get it all.

Laura Kendrick: [to Detective Green] Were you here when the police searched this place?
Detective Ed Green: Yeah, why?
Laura Kendrick: Peter gave me this really pretty pair of garnet earrings. They matched this bracelet. I think I left them here. Did you guys find them? I'd like them back.


"Law & Order: Hitman (#13.6)" (2002)
Detective Ed Green: Took one in the back of the head. Close range, small caliber. No exit wound, no brass. Very tidy. Very professional.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, what do you bet there's no prints, either?
Detective Ed Green: Well, we'd better find Mrs. Rosatti, tell her her husband's dead.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: If she doesn't already know.
Detective Ed Green: Man, you are such a cynic when it comes to love.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Not love. Marriage.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Now there's a refreshing change.
Detective Ed Green: What, a wife leaving her husband for a younger guy?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: No, a wife who doesn't want her ex-husband dead.


"Law & Order: Fame (#17.1)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I said "watch and learn". You just promised to close this case.
Detective Nina Cassady: I was only offering condolences.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Watch and learn.
Detective Ed Green: [Van Buren leaves] What are you gonna do if the case falls apart? What are you gonna say to the widow then? Lesson one.

Detective Nina Cassady: I know I... I lost my temper with little miss superstar.
Detective Ed Green: Hmm. Now that seemed justified.
Detective Nina Cassady: Yeah, but I get it if the boss has to know.
Detective Ed Green: If you knew me a day longer and you were a dude, I'd pop you in the mouth for saying that. If I have a disagreement with you, I'm gonna say it to your face. You're not gonna hear about it through the lieutenant. That's lesson number two.


"Law & Order: Dissonance (#11.3)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: You going somewhere?
Jay Brannigan: I thought I'd go to Maine for a few days, do some fishing.
Detective Ed Green: I thought you were sick.
Jay Brannigan: I'm feeling better - hey, what the hell are you doing?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [finds large bundles of cash] Woohoo! The price of worms must've gone through the roof.

Detective Ed Green: Lennie, when I grow up I want to be as smart as you.


"Law & Order: Burn Baby Burn (#11.6)" (2000)
[a cop has been murdered]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I just got the page.
Detective Ed Green: [to the witnesses who called in the DB] Excuse me, fellas.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Any idea how it went down?
Detective Ed Green: No, not yet.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Kearsey get any rounds off?
Detective Ed Green: Yeah, two.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hopefully one of them's in the killer.

Detective Ed Green: Mr. Miller? Please don't make us disrespect your house of worship.
Latiff Miller: You already have.
Detective Ed Green: I need you to come with me.
Latiff Miller: I want to go out the front.
Detective Ed Green: The back is better.
Latiff Miller: So you can shoot me?
Detective Ed Green: If they shoot you, they're gonna have to shoot me, too.


"Law & Order: Sundown (#10.9)" (1999)
Detective Ed Green: She came in for a biopsy and they managed to kill her?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: That's why they call it "managed care."

Detective Ed Green: What's that on your phone? Brains?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: It's egg salad maybe.
Detective Ed Green: You got another phone?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: When will you know what time Mrs. Hallenbeck was attacked?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Tomorrow morning. Maybe earlier. Right now I gotta get a javelin out of somebody's chest.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: What made you go into this line of work?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Free javelins.


"Law & Order: Blood Money (#10.8)" (1999)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: So, I heard you went in hot pursuit today.
Det. Ed Green: Yeah. Perp tried to climb out the window.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'm surprised you didn't push him.
Det. Ed Green: [pause] Me, too.

Det. Ed Green: This guy was stabbed AND shot?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: New York's a tough town.


"Law & Order: Bounty (#14.2)" (2003)
Detective Ed Green: [holding blood-stained ashtray in hotel room] Looks like a couple of cracks to the skull with this did the trick.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: That's why I always get a non-smoking room.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [examining murder victim] Good news: death came quickly.
Detective Ed Green: And the bad news?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: My cable's on the fritz.


"Law & Order: Stiff (#10.23)" (2000)
Abbie Carmichael: [discussing a case] What do you call this?
Det. Ed Green: Besides a bunch of crazy, rich white people with too much time on their hands?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: The best Skoda could come up with was "necrophilia without tears".

Det. Ed Green: [finding a white substance in the waste bin] What's this?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I'm bettin' it ain't Sweet'N Low.


"Law & Order: Swept Away - A Very Special Episode (#11.15)" (2001)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: The last time we spoke, you gave us the impression that everybody more or less got along.
Melanie Kaufman: Everyone more or less does.
Detective Ed Green: And that's not what it sounded like in those one-on-ones.
Corey Kaufman: Everyone gets along perfectly, you have a flat line.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: And if, by chance, they do happen to get along, you turn them against each other?
Corey Kaufman: Well, I prefer to call it stirring the pot. We take whatever conflicts are already under the surface and tweak them, that's all.
Detective Ed Green: Well, do you think this "stirring the pot" led to one of them going off the roof?
Melanie Kaufman: Absolutely not.
Detective Ed Green: Well, we're gonna need to hear that from them.
Corey Kaufman: You already talked to them.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: That was when we thought everybody was being straight with us.

Detective Ed Green: That's a wrap.
Melanie Kaufman: How did you get in here?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [holding up his badge] With this.
Detective Ed Green: You're both under arrest for the murder of Wesley Tatum.
Corey Kaufman: Wait, you can't arrest us. We have a show to finish.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Consider yourself canceled.


"Law & Order: Illegal (#18.8)" (2008)
CITU Tech Rowland: I'm up here 48 hours straight and then you hand me a cell with a toasted screen and a mushed USB port.
Ed Green: Aw, you almost make it sound sexy.
CITU Tech Rowland: [amused laugh] Detective, you really know how to push my pixels.

Ed Green: The blood from the slug belonged to Maria Soriano. Slug's a nine millimeter hollow point round fired from a Glock.
Cyrus Lupo: A cop bullet.
Ed Green: CSU also found two nine millimeter casings about ten yards away from where Maria went down.
Anita Van Buren: I'll call the Chief of D's and the D.A. Ignacio's our main witness; let's get him into protective custody. And mind who you talk to. This is gonna get ugly, real quick.


"Law & Order: Ill-Conceived (#14.10)" (2003)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [holding Maria's baby while she's out of the room] Just like riding a bike.
Detective Ed Green: Yeah well I think you're riding too hard, he's starting to drool.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Detective Ed Green: If you're thinking 'why does this baby have blue eyes?' then yeah.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: You had something sent to the DNA lab?
Detective Ed Green: Yeah, Maria's baby got up close and personal with Lennie's jacket.
[Lennie opens his coat and shows he's just wearing a shirt]


"Law & Order: Justice (#10.5)" (1999)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [investigating the scene of a crime] Gate's always open.
Detective Ed Green: And let me guess, nobody saw or heard anything.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You're good.

Detective Ed Green: [reading the victim's ID] This guy's a lawyer.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hm, I'll be in mourning for the next five minutes.


"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: ...Or Just Look Like One (#1.3)" (1999)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [handing Stabler his murder weapon] You are looking at the fruits of four hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. Nine dumpsters in all.
Det. Elliot Stabler: You trying to tell me the two of youse went dumpster diving?
Detective Ed Green: Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do dirty diapers.

Ken Briscoe: Hey, Uncle Lennie.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Ken. Good to see you. Say hi to Eddie Green.
Detective Ed Green: Hey.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Listen, uh, cool it with the "Uncle Lennie" stuff around the stationhouse, okay?
Ken Briscoe: Yeah, so, uh, what do you want me to call you?
Detective Ed Green: Why don't guys save this for Family Court.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Well, just, uh, call me Briscoe.
Ken Briscoe: Well, what are you gonna call me?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Briscoe.


"Law & Order: Deep Vote (#11.24)" (2001)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: How do you tell someone somebody wants them dead?
Detective Ed Green: Quickly?

Detective Ed Green: "Crooked cops: exception or the rule?". Is this typical of your work?
Kate Pierce: I'm an investigative journalist.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Pissed anybody off lately?
Kate Pierce: If I'm doing my job right.


"Law & Order: Fixed (#15.11)" (2004)
Captain Donald Cragen: Lowenstein was a coked-out crazy creep. He used Carla as a punching bag for years. Bruises, broken bones. By the time we got there, her jaw was so swollen, she couldn't talk.
Detective Ed Green: What about the little girl?
Captain Donald Cragen: She was black, blue, and burned. When I'm having a bad night, this is the one that comes back and haunts me.
Detective Ed Green: His P.O. said he had a son?
Captain Donald Cragen: Ezra. Two years old. Malnourished, neglected. Spent most of his time tied to the radiator like a dog.
Det. Joe Fontana: Parole officer also said that he's living on Long Island.
Captain Donald Cragen: I'll get you a name and address. He was doing well last I heard.
Detective Ed Green: Happy ending, considering.
Captain Donald Cragen: Speaking of happy endings, how's Lowenstein?
Det. Joe Fontana: Well, he's still on the critical list.
Captain Donald Cragen: I hope he lingers a long time in excruciating pain.

Detective Ed Green: Sheryl, do you know why he was in prison?
Sheryl: I was, like, in grammar school when that happened. If it happened.
Det. Joe Fontana: So, uh, you're not worried about any of this?
Sheryl: About what?
Detective Ed Green: Okay, listen. We're gonna give you a card. If you need anything.
Sheryl: What would I need?
Detective Ed Green: How did you two meet?
Sheryl: Oh, uh, I read an article about him, and then I wrote him a letter, and he wrote back. So I looked him up on the Corrections Department website. They even had a map and instructions.
Det. Joe Fontana: Must have made visiting day a snap.
Sheryl: Yeah, well, we just wanna put this all behind us. You know, get married, get on with our lives. Jake's so good with my kids.
Detective Ed Green: You have kids?
Sheryl: Yeah, a boy and girl. They've been so happy since he moved in with us.
Det. Joe Fontana: Wait a second. This guy is living with you?
Sheryl: Since he left the halfway house.
Det. Joe Fontana: Well, what the hell is the matter with you? If you want to screw up your own life, be our guest, it's a free country. But to bring this guy into your house with your kids?


"Law & Order: Acid (#16.10)" (2005)
Barrington: The clientele at Rock Ridge insists on anonymity.
Detective Joe Fontana: Look, pal, it's been a very long day. Will you just please give us the name?
Barrington: Please don't raise your voice, sir.
Detective Joe Fontana: Don't tell me not to raise my voice. We've come all the way up here from New York.
Barrington: It doesn't matter if you came all the way from the Vatican. We don't release the names of our clientele.
Detective Ed Green: Hey, look here, before my partner smacks you, let me show you what kind of work your clientele does.
[showing Barrington pictures of Emily]
Detective Ed Green: This is before. This is after.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Emily Newton's tox screen. Positive for zolpidem and Oxycodone. It's Ambien and Percocet, which she was prescribed by the burn unit. But on the night she died, she took a handful of each.
Detective Ed Green: You said she died of strangulation.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: She did. After she drugged herself into oblivion.
Detective Joe Fontana: She doped herself up so she wouldn't feel anything.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: All she had to do was get on a chair, rig the noose, and wait for the cocktail to kick in.


"Law & Order: Fluency (#15.14)" (2005)
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Cause of death, acute pulmonary edema. A direct result of the flu.
Detective Ed Green: So why'd you call us here?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: His parents said he got a flu shot about a month ago, so I pulled his pediatrician's chart. According to the records, he was vaccinated, but when I ran blood titers, he had no antibodies.
Detective Joe Fontana: And he should have had?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: If he'd been immunized, absolutely.
Detective Ed Green: I still don't get why we're here.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Well, there have been a lot of flu-related deaths in the past few weeks. I went through the autopsy records and found half a dozen other victims who had also supposedly been vaccinated but had no antibodies.
Detective Joe Fontana: Supposedly?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: These people were not injected with the flu vaccine. They couldn't have been.
Detective Ed Green: It wasn't just a bad batch of the vaccine?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Even with an expired or a contaminated vaccine, there'd still be antibodies.
Detective Ed Green: So if it wasn't the vaccine, what were they injected with?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Good question. Now, there's no sign of anything toxic, so it has to be something neutral. Sterile saline solution, maybe.
Detective Joe Fontana: So these people all thought they were getting vaccinated. They weren't, and get the flu anyway and it killed 'em?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Exactly.
Detective Joe Fontana: [to Green] We could be looking at a whole bunch of homicides here.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: That's why I called you.

Detective Ed Green: Elliot Peters, you're under arrest.
Elliot Peters: What for?
Detective Ed Green: For killing a whole bunch of people! I'd read you a list, but it's too long, you bastard. Turn around.


"Law & Order: Paradigm (#15.1)" (2004)
[knock on Van Buren's door]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Can I help you?
Det. Joe Fontana: I'm Fontana.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, hey, Anita Van Buren. This is your new partner.
Det. Ed Green: Hey, man. Ed Green.
Det. Joe Fontana: It's about time they gave me a partner with a little smooth.

[watching Fontana leave Van Buren's office]
Det. Ed Green: Wasn't sure if he was a cop or a wiseguy.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Make it work Ed.


"Law & Order: Patriot (#12.24)" (2002)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hey, take a look, partner. There's supposed to be two towers standing over there.
Detective Ed Green: Look, man, I know, but it's that kind of thing that gets me pulled over on the turnpike every other month. You forget, I lived in the Middle East. Not every guy wearing a kufi is the enemy.

Detective Ed Green: Frank Miller, you're under arrest for the murder of Yusef Hadad. On your feet.
Frank Miller: I didn't murder anyone.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, yeah? There's somebody down at the M.E.'s office doing a pretty good impression of a dead guy.


"Law & Order: For Love or Money (#12.3)" (2001)
Detective Ed Green: Can you believe what a high-definition TV goes for? $10,000.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Instead of "high def", they ought to call it "outrageously high def".

Detective Ed Green: Lennie. Found this under the front seat of her car.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, a parking stub from A&N.
Detective Ed Green: The lot where Ronnie Buck was killed.
Lorraine Cobin: You didn't find that in my car. You put it there.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [sarcastically to Ed] I knew these fake parking stubs would come in handy someday.


"Law & Order: School Daze (#11.22)" (2001)
Jack McCoy: I'm sick of learning things about this case after the fact.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Hey, we talked to fifty-two kids who were either in the cafeteria or had been identified as friends of Semple.
Detective Ed Green: Nobody indicated that there were prior threats.
Jack McCoy: Well, apparently someone knew.
A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael: The parents claim that Semple told some kids he was gonna shoot the place up.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Did they have any names?
Jack McCoy: Detective, I had just told them that we had to cut Semple loose because of your screw-up. I wasn't about to let them know they knew more than we did.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Any time you think you can do my job better than me, just let me know.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: [Talking about their suspect] Has he even had breakfast yet?
Detective Ed Green: He won't eat. And he said he won't talk until his lawyer shows up.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: When is that supposed to be?
Simone Adams: [Entering the room] Well, well, well, what do we have here? Conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Speak of the devil.


"Law & Order: Attorney Client (#12.22)" (2002)
Detective Ed Green: He thinks he's Spiderman.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, only without the superpowers.

Detective Ed Green: When are people gonna learn? Just give up the car; it's not worth a life.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Spoken like somebody who never owned a Jag.


"Law & Order: Red Ball (#16.1)" (2005)
Detective Joe Fontana: Boy, would I like to do this the old-fashioned way. 15 minutes with Jacobs, I guarantee you, we'd have that kid.
Detective Ed Green: If it comes to that, you're gonna have to get in line behind me.

Jimmy Clark: I didn't do nothing!
Detective Ed Green: You run pretty fast for someone who didn't do nothing.


"Law & Order: Oxymoron (#12.23)" (2002)
Alexandra Shabtai: You don't actually think I had something to do with Eliza's murder?
Detective Ed Green: You deal the same kind of drug that was found in her system. And a few hours before she was killed, you two were "talking" about money.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: In our neck of the woods, that adds up to a drug deal gone bad.
Alexandra Shabtai: Ugh... that is just insane.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Uh... if I were you, that defense never works.


"Law & Order: Profiteer (#17.6)" (2006)
Detective Ed Green: [while restraining a suspect, Cassady got her lip split open] Damn! Are you all right?
Detective Nina Cassady: Yeah, yeah. I should have yelled for you.
Detective Ed Green: It's all right. You got him.
[they pick him up and lead him away]
Detective Ed Green: [snickering] Damn, dude, you got your ass kicked by a girl.


"Law & Order: Sheltered (#13.22)" (2003)
Detective Ed Green: What'd you find out?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Could have been a stray bullet.
Detective Ed Green: Six inches to the right, she'd still be here.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Six inches to the right and Lincoln would have seen the end of the play.


"Law & Order: Shrunk (#14.4)" (2003)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: My ex-wife used to make me go to therapy.
Detective Ed Green: Money well spent.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Twice a week I'd lay on the couch and tell him how the orphanage headmaster would beat me on the head with a shoe.
Detective Ed Green: [laughs] Sounds like something out of Oliver Twist.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: It was.


"Law & Order: Who Let the Dogs Out? (#12.1)" (2001)
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [When searching for aggressive dogs] On the bright side, at least there's no barking.
Det. Ed Green: Maybe they were trained not to bark.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well, there's a cheerful thought.


"Law & Order: Return (#11.5)" (2000)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: We can hold them both for now, but Sal's right about one thing: we've got no motive.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You believe him?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, I didn't say that. But what do we have? The testimony of a mentally questionable co-conspirator; that's it.
Detective Ed Green: Well, if Eddie's telling the truth, Sal either had reasons of his own to get rid of Caplan - what they are, we don't know - or he was doing it for somebody else; who that is, we don't know.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, what he said.


"Law & Order: Executioner (#18.9)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: I got hair and blood on what's left of the champagne bottle.
Asst. M.E. Wong: Cause of death looks like acute cerebral hemorrhaging from a blow to the head between midnight and 3:00 this morning.
Ed Green: That's a lot of blood.
Asst. M.E. Wong: Yeah. It looks like our perp whacked him at least three or four times.
Ed Green: [finding a travel ticket] It's Burns' Amtrak ticket.
Cyrus Lupo: [searching the victim's pocket] ATM receipt. He took out $800 at 11:07 p.m. from the CitiBank around the corner. What's he need 800 bucks that late at night for?


"Law & Order: Possession (#12.5)" (2001)
Detective Ed Green: [reading complaints Martha Taylor filed against her tenants] Claimed the tenant left a stale cake and used tea bags on her doorstep.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, call in the SWAT Team.


"Law & Order: Genius (#13.17)" (2003)
[after Ed had an informal discussion with a suspect that led to a partial confession]
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Five hours? I hope the hell he called you in the morning.
Det. Ed Green: Hey, the best way to get a drunk to open his mouth is to let him drink, isn't that right, Lennie?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: [looking up from his desk] Hear, hear!


"Law & Order: Driven (#18.5)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: [trying to talk to uncooperative witnesses] Man, I'm getting nothing. You?
Ed Green: Man, let's get out of here before I lose it.


"Law & Order: Cry Wolf (#15.8)" (2004)
Detective Ed Green: You know Tina was seeing Ruffino, too, right?
Christoff: I didn't like it, but I was in no position to tell her what to do.
Detective Joe Fontana: Does he know about you?
Christoff: I don't think so. Wait a minute, you don't think that's why he might've tried to bump me off, do you?
Detective Joe Fontana: [sarcastic] Hmm, let me take a guess... yeah, it's a thought.


"Law & Order: The Collar (#12.11)" (2002)
[a murder suspect whom Briscoe and Green are chasing ends up in a dead end]
Detective Ed Green: Get your ass back here, stupid!


"Law & Order: Shangri-La (#13.2)" (2002)
Detective Ed Green: They found the
[teacher's]
Detective Ed Green: body over here in this janitor's closet with a whole bunch of bloody rags. Must have killed her someplace else, dumped the body here, and used the rags to clean up.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: He gets an A+ for Neatness.


"Law & Order: Church (#17.14)" (2007)
Dawn Sterling: Can I help you?
Detective Ed Green: We need to speak with Reverend Sterling.
Dawn Sterling: About what?
Detective Ed Green: Is he home?
Dawn Sterling: I'm his wife, perhaps I can help?
Detective Ed Green: You can help by answering the question.


"Law & Order: Suicide Box (#13.16)" (2003)
[last lines]
Detective Ed Green: Hey, lieu. We're in no rush to get home tonight?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: You know, I used to wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, look in the mirror, and see a cop looking back at me.
Detective Ed Green: Hmm. Stevie Thomas shattered that mirror?
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Now I got six eyes looking back. A cop, a black woman, a mother.
Detective Ed Green: That's lucky. You know what Eric Thomas sees? Nothing.


"Law & Order: Foul Play (#12.21)" (2002)
Det. Ed Green: Frank Leahy, you're going to have to come with us.
Frank Leahy: Why?
Det. Ed Green: We're placing you under arrest.
Frank Leahy: What for?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: It ain't for stealing home.


"Law & Order: Mother's Day (#13.10)" (2003)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Murder weapon?
Detective Ed Green: We found a carving knife in the dish rack.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, at least our bad guy's tidy.


"Law & Order: Darkness (#18.2)" (2008)
Ed Green: [finding a hand-held crank at the crime scene] See, they used it to crank open the door when the power went out. But the question is why'd they take it with them?
Cyrus Lupo: Yeah, and why would Conlan have two in his garage?
Connie Rubirosa: Well, the answer is he wouldn't, would he?
Ed Green: Nick and Rory brought this one. They probably didn't leave it behind because they knew it can be traced back to them.
Connie Rubirosa: And how did they know they were gonna need this thing to open the garage door in the first place?
Ed Green: Exactly.


"Law & Order: Murder Book (#17.16)" (2007)
Detective Ed Green: [chasing a suspect] Get your ass back here!
Gerald Stockwell: [struggling as Green cuffs him] What are you doing?
Detective Ed Green: Your hands.
Detective Nina Cassady: [taking his license out of his wallet] Oh, what do you know? Gerald Stockwell.
Gerald Stockwell: I don't have money, okay? I can't pay you right now, yeah?
Detective Ed Green: Who do you think we are?
Gerald Stockwell: What? You're cops?
Detective Nina Cassady: Homicide.
Gerald Stockwell: Homicide? What? I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything!
Detective Ed Green: [dragging him out of the building] They always say that when they run.


"Law & Order: True Crime (#13.3)" (2002)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Neighbors said this used to be home to one of those flat screen TVs.
Detective Ed Green: Man, those things go for like 6 grand!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: For 6 grand, it should make coffee and do the dishes.


"Law & Order: Maritime (#13.18)" (2003)
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: I think I can help you with an ID. I found this ring on her toe. There's an inscription on the inside.
Lennie Briscoe: It's Greek to me.
Ed Green: [Looks at the ring] Psi Kappa Gamma. She's a sorority girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Don't look at me. I didn't even learn how to apply lipstick until I was 25.
Lennie Briscoe: Well, it looks like you got the hang of it now.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Thank you, Detective.


"Law & Order: Everybody Loves Raimondo's (#14.20)" (2004)
[At the scene of a double homicide]
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I knew being Chief of Detectives had its benefits. I didn't know they included a table at Raimondo's.
Detective Ed Green: I hear the food here is really good.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Oh, it's to die for.


"Law & Order: Trial by Jury: Skeleton (#1.8)" (2005)
Det. Joe Fontana: [attempting to sound stern, but with affection] Do you have any idea how much crap I've had to go through because of you?
Detective Ed Green: [weakly, but grinning] Hey, Joe.


"Law & Order: Narcosis (#10.21)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: Four grand in one week telling a stripper how to take her clothes off.
A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael: You guys are such suckers!


"Law & Order: The Dead Wives Club (#15.2)" (2004)
Detective Joe Fontana: When you were a kid, did you ever call your old man by his first name?
Detective Ed Green: Not unless I wanted to smell the Aqua Velva on the back of his hand.


"Law & Order: Misbegotten (#18.3)" (2008)
Ed Green: The other guard went to the hospital with the victim.
Cyrus Lupo: Yeah, from what I hear, he could end up being our only living witness.
[showing Ed a pamphlet he picks up]
Cyrus Lupo: Ugh. Yoga classes. Prenatal.
Ed Green: Two victims now.


"Law & Order: Phobia (#11.13)" (2001)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: [finding an abandoned baby stroller] Get CSU down here.
Detective Ed Green: [picking up a nearby baby bottle] Still warm.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Let's hope the kid is.


"Law & Order: High & Low (#10.22)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: [about Alston] As far as we can see, she's a retired porn star living off her investments.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: God bless America.


"Law & Order: Submission (#18.12)" (2008)
Det. Ed Green: You sure this is kosher? Because we got a search warrant for body parts.
A.D.A. Connie Rubirosa: So, look for body parts. Start with Carlin's day planner.
Det. Ed Green: No fingers between the pages.


"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Poison (#1.7)" (2001)
Detective Ed Green: Hey, does someone mind filling us in on what's going on here?
Detective Robert Goren: Someone's got Anthrax. A whole lot of it.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Great. And exactly when are you going to share this with the rest of the world?
Detective Alexandra Eames: That's up to the Comissioner's Office.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Great. Those Idiots.


"Law & Order: Hubris (#11.9)" (2001)
Detective Lennie Briscoe: How does a con man bamboozle so many smart women?
Detective Ed Green: Practice, practice, practice.


"Law & Order: Good Faith (#17.17)" (2007)
Detective Ed Green: [on an SUV with no plates used at church burnings] Did you check the doorjamb?
Uniform: Yeah. DMV says it's registered to Emily Barton, 44, lives in Poughkeepsie.
Detective Nina Cassady: [pointing to a bumper sticker labelled "Death Ferrets"] And she listens to death metal?


"Law & Order: Home Sweet (#17.3)" (2006)
Detective Nina Cassady: Is it a bomb?
Fire Marshall: Nope. Just a good old-fashioned electrical burner. Hit a gas leak and boom. The owner's a lucky bastard.
Detective Ed Green: What caused it?
Fire Marshall: Gas pipe in the basement's punctured; electrical wire was cut.
Detective Ed Green: Please tell me a rat did that.
Fire Marshall: Only if the little guy had a very sharp steak knife in his claw. This wasn't an accident. Somebody definitely wanted this puppy to come tumbling down.


"Law & Order: Bottomless (#18.4)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: So she's gonna tell him we were here, right?
Ed Green: Hell, yeah. Some guy didn't want anybody to know he was out of his pants in her apartment?
Cyrus Lupo: It'd be nice if she went to tell him in person so we don't have to wait around to subpoena her phone records.


"Law & Order: Angelgrove (#18.13)" (2008)
Cyrus Lupo: [investigating a stoning death] Looks like they started throwing rocks at her over there. Cornered her back here. One direct hit would have put her down.
Ed Green: Any one of these tools would have done the job a whole lot quicker, not to mention the ten story drop.
Cyrus Lupo: Maybe quick wasn't the point.


"Law & Order: All in the Family (#15.9)" (2004)
[Fontana and Green are questioning the bartender in an obviously mobbed up "social club"]
Detective Ed Green: If you don't talk, I'm sure Granados will.
Bartender: I thought you don't know where he is.
Detective Ed Green: Oh, we're gonna find him. Doctors say in his condition he ain't gonna get that far.
Detective Joe Fontana: [leans in close and whispers] You know what I've got here, tovarisch? Huh? In about ten seconds, I'm gonna start smilin' like a village idiot and peelin' off hundred dollar bills onto your shiny brass bar.
Bartender: What are you talkin' about?
Detective Joe Fontana: And then my partner here is gonna start droppin' "thank yous" and "tell us more" like there's no tomorrow.
Detective Ed Green: Which means, if your friends back there aren't deaf, dumb, and blind, you're gonna have a little trouble.
Bartender: Don't.... I don't know why he was here. I put him on books as favor.
Detective Ed Green: A favor to who? Andropov?
[the bartender is very reluctant to answer]
Detective Ed Green: Where's Granados?
Detective Joe Fontana: Here comes the first C-note. Is there anything you'd like us to tell your widow?
Bartender: I'll tell you what I know. There is this doctor...


"Law & Order: Age of Innocence (#16.4)" (2005)
Shelly Denton: You haven't seen them? They went on the news. They called him a monster. They called me a whore for having kids with him. When I met him, she had been like that for six years. Robert dedicated his life to her. He fought to get money for her care.
Detective Joe Fontana: Fought how?
Shelly Denton: A malpractice suit. It took him four years to get a settlement.
Detective Ed Green: How much money are we talking about?
Shelly Denton: 3.2 million.
Detective Joe Fontana: And who will control this money now?
Shelly Denton: Guess.


"Law & Order: Surrender Dorothy (#10.19)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: Harlan Graham just called; he wants us to meet with him and his son to get this matter straightened out. He's a shrink too.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Oh, good. One for each of you.


"Law & Order: New York Minute (#16.8)" (2005)
Terry Dorn: [while getting arrested.] What kind of country locks up its patriots?
Det. Ed Green: The same kind that gives you the right to remain silent. Exercise it.


"Law & Order: Entitled (#10.14)" (2000)
Detective Ed Green: My dad used to call me 'Fast Eddie'.
Detective Olivia Benson: [Raising eyebrows] Oh yeah?


"Law & Order: Fallout (#17.19)" (2007)
Karl Rostov: Your case is based on what, what some whores say about me? You know I'm the one who lost a brother.
Det. Ed Green: Go ahead, call them whores one more time.


"Law & Order: Invaders (#16.22)" (2006)
Detective Ed Green: Borgia missed her hearings this morning. They sent an officer, and he found the door cracked.
Detective Joe Fontana: Last time anybody saw her was last night about ten o'clock.
Detective Ed Green: Obviously, her bag's still here. Her cell phone was over here.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Hell of a struggle from the looks of it.
Detective Joe Fontana: Yeah, we think they forced their way in.


"Law & Order: Deadlock (#17.9)" (2006)
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Lots of folks gonna remember this face.
Detective Nina Cassady: It doesn't place.
Detective Ed Green: He slaughtered five people in a burger joint in '97.
Detective Nina Cassady: The Midtown massacre? That I remember.
Detective Ed Green: I was working Narcotics around the corner at the time. I was one of the first to respond. I testified at his trial.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: They put him on death row.
Detective Ed Green: Three times over, but they changed the law before they got the needle in him. This is the bastard that's supposed to be dead.