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Quotes for
Laura Ballard (Character)
from "Homicide: Life on the Street" (1993)

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"Homicide: Life on the Street: Strangled, Not Stirred (#6.19)" (1998)
Det. Stuart Gharty: Moxie, huh? I always thought what you had was spunk.
Det. Laura Ballard: I hate spunk.

Det. Laura Ballard: [coming into the squad break room after being hassled by reporters outside] Well, the press is in full-assault mode.
Det. John Munch: Two dead white girls in two days, that's their kind of case.
Det. Laura Ballard: [reading the newspaper headline] Martini murders?
Det. John Munch: Yeah, strangled, not stirred.

Helen Montgomery: The moment she died, our love was perfect - we were like one person.
Helen Montgomery: Then Nick ruined everything.
Helen Montgomery: He killed Elaine Beretta.
Helen Montgomery: He went out, did it, himself - and tried to hide it from me.
Helen Montgomery: I only found out when you came waving the receipt from Soda Sopra.
Det. Laura Ballard: Hmmm.
[smiling, semi-laughing]
Det. Laura Ballard: Why'd you turn him in, Helen?
Det. Laura Ballard: The two of you, you could've... gotten away with both murders.
Helen Montgomery: He cheated on me.
Helen Montgomery: He killed without me.
Helen Montgomery: If he hadn't betrayed me, we could've gone on, happily ever after.
Helen Montgomery: I may be a jealous bitch... but my husband, Nick, is a cheating bastard - and there's no way i was... letting him get away with that.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: The Why Chromosome (#7.21)" (1999)
Laura Ballard: [after Lewis and Falsone leave the room] Ah, the cloud of testosterone has risen!

Rene Sheppard: These Terrace girls aren't talking.
Laura Ballard: [livid] Maybe if we sported a couple of orange bandanas!


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Shaggy Dog, City Goat (#6.11)" (1998)
Det. Stuart Gharty: Are you Douglass and Rodney's sister?
Donna McCord: Sister? No, I'm their mother.
Det. Laura Ballard: [laughs] I'm sorry, but you're too young to be their mother.
Donna McCord: Yeah well, somebody should've told their daddy that.

Det. Laura Ballard: Thanks for the help.
Det. Terri Stivers: No problem, it's a nice change from my life!


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Fallen Heroes: Part 1 (#6.22)" (1998)
Det. Laura Ballard: [being wheeled into an ambulance] Do I still have it?
Det. Tim Bayliss: Have what?
Det. Laura Ballard: My foot! My ankle! Wherever I was shot!
Det. Tim Bayliss: Yes.
Det. Tim Bayliss: Don't lie to me!
Det. Tim Bayliss: I'm not.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: La Famiglia (#7.1)" (1998)
Det. Laura Ballard: [about Bayliss' new attitude] Well, he almost died.
Det. Stuart Gharty: I almost died. You don't hear me quoting Hindu.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Forgive Us Our Trespasses (#7.22)" (1999)
John Munch: Since I don't practice Billie Lou's religion, I had to sign these papers to agree to raise our kids Catholic.
Laura Ballard: [Horrified at the prospect of Munch, who is over a decade older than Billie Lou, having kids with her] ... Whoa, you mean you guys are...
Billie Lou Hatfield: [firmly] NO.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Something Sacred: Part 1 (#6.12)" (1998)
Det. Laura Ballard: [after finding a murdered priest in his office and being told the witness was next door in the church] Tell him we need to ask him some questions.
Officer Salerno: He's kinda, like... prayin'.
Det. Laura Ballard: Heaven can wait... homicide can't.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Brotherly Love (#7.2)" (1998)
Emergency Room Doctor: [Detectives Ballard and Gharty arrive at the hospital to investigate a teenager's death] The victim's name is Scotty Meyers, gunshot to the head.
Det. Laura Ballard: Did he say anything about who shot him?
Emergency Room Doctor: No, ADASTW.
Det. Stuart Gharty: What?
Emergency Room Doctor: Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way.