Detective Brian Cassidy
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"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Payback (#1.1)" (1999)
Policeman: Sergeant just got a call for a Sex Crimes detective at the 96th street I.R.T...
Captain Donald Cragen: Why?
Policeman: Some guy molesting a body.
Captain Donald Cragen: Oh, that is just terrific. Who's up?
Detective Brian Cassidy: Me and Munch?
Captain Donald Cragen: Well, listen, I think a dead molestee can be handled by one detective. Cassidy you go. Munch give Stabler and Benson the benefit of your vast puncture wound experience.

Detective Brian Cassidy: Sir, if the body is dead is that considered a sex crime?
Captain Donald Cragen: Just go. You know, investigate, interrogate, write up a DD-5.

Detective John Munch: What about your erstwhile partner?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Oh, I'd love to John, but my presence is required in court this morning.
Detective Brian Cassidy: I read about it in the news. City councilman right?
Detective Elliot Stabler: Weenie wagger.

Detective John Munch: A military plane drops J.F.K.'s coffin in the middle into 9,000 feet of water three years after the assassination. You don't fund that suggestive-perhaps even a tad bit disquieting?
Detective Brian Cassidy: No.
Detective John Munch: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people. And then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you sheep? Will you believe anything?

Detective Monique Jefferies: Hey, you guys going to eat all this?
Detective John Munch: Suppose we say 'yes'?
Detective Monique Jefferies: Suppose I'm just being polite?
Detective John Munch: Oh, that would be a first...
Detective Brian Cassidy: That's cool, John doesn't eat vegetables.
Detective Monique Jefferies: Yeah? The way I heard, that's the only thing John never gets to uh... eat.
Detective Brian Cassidy: Ouch.

Detective Brian Cassidy: What's that?
Elliot Stabler: [handing a report to Cragen] Take a look at that. Fingerprint check on Pancek. I'd say that gives us a whole different kind of motive.
Captain Donald Cragen: [glancing at the report] See if any of the victims are in the New York area. Your partner may not like this.
Elliot Stabler: Why? It's a murder investigation.
Captain Donald Cragen: Yeah. Yeah, it is. Just don't let her forget we don't get to pick the vic.
[Much and Cassidy exchange confused glances]
Detective John Munch: Are we missing some key piece of information here?
Elliot Stabler, Captain Donald Cragen: Shut up, John.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Uncivilized (#1.7)" (1999)
Brian Cassidy: Have you ever thought about having kids?
John Munch: Why? I have you.

Brian Cassidy: So why didn't you ever have kids? Didn't want the responsibility?
John Munch: I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibility of me.

John Munch: When I was a kid, my parents told me to never eat sweets.
Capt. Donald Cragen: So, as an adult, you overcompensate?
Brian Cassidy: So I guess your parents said 'never get married either', huh?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Disrobed (#1.13)" (2000)
Det. Monique Jefferies: Wow, 4.7 million in one year.
Det. Brian Cassidy: That's pretty good for a fledgling charity.
Det. Olivia Benson: Fledgling - I'm impressed.
Det. Brian Cassidy: Yeah, that's right, I'm a real dope, aren't I? You know what I did last night? I looked it up and I memorized it just so I can impress you.

Brian Cassidy: [drinks, pauses; talks about a case that haunts him] There was this guy in the hood that she liked, this guy named Vince. She went down to Coney Island to, uh, to see him. You know that whole 'under the boardwalk, down by the sea' thing? After Vince... did her... his whole set wolf-packed her. Seven, eight guys... she's not sure. Which is bad enough, Captain, but it just gets worse. They left her there, uh, by herself, in the cold, wrapped up in a beach towel. It was after dark, you know, and she couldn't walk. She just sat there in what was left of her... clothes, and this guy comes along and asks her if she needs some help, and she says, "Yes, please... thank you." And this guy... this, uh... this Good Samaritan, he, uh... he...

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Her Negotiation (#14.24)" (2013)
Olivia Benson: Hey Bri, there's an exhibit of the Plein Air Painters at The Whitney! What do you say we head up town and grab some brunch? Sound good?
Brian Cassidy: Museum? You're talking to me?
Olivia Benson: I'll take that as a no

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Russian Love Poem (#1.12)" (2000)
Detective Brian Cassidy: [Discussing victim's sex life] For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Captain Donald Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Detective Brian Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Stocks & Bondage (#1.9)" (1999)
Det. Brian Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, hurt me, it turns me on. Come on, what's up with that?
Det. John Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Det. Brian Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just a gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [putting his right arm around Cassidy and turning his left arm so one tattoo shows] You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Det. Monique Jefferies: Seriously, did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Det. Elliot Stabler: No, I get that from workin' with you.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Internal Affairs (#15.4)" (2013)
Officer West: Gretchen, is there a problem here?
Gretchen Lyons: Yes, that guy grabbed my ass!
Brian Cassidy: Which guy?
Gretchen Lyons: [points to someone in the crowd] The wrong one!
Brian Cassidy: Yeah, yeah, so let me get this straight: if the right guy grabs your ass, you're okay with that?
Gretchen Lyons: [giggles] Like you?
Gretchen Lyons: nice upgrade on your partner!

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Wanderlust (#1.5)" (1999)
Detective Elliot Stabler: Virginia, Detectives Munch and Cassidy will escort you home.
Virginia Hayes: Can I drive?
Det. John Munch: Well seeing as how you're about as old as my partner, I don't see why not.
Detective Brian Cassidy: Huh?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Bad Blood (#1.11)" (2000)
Captain Donald Cragen: There are two R's in hemorrhoids.
Detective Brian Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey, what do you want?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Stalked (#1.8)" (1999)
Brian Cassidy: [Munch has just pointed out to Cassidy how hard it might be for the Canadian police to find their suspect] Sure, rain on my parade.
John Munch: I don't want to just rain on it, I wanna blow up all the floats.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Downloaded Child (#15.19)" (2014)
Sergeant Olivia Benson: How about dinner tonight?
Brian Cassidy: Fine, our usual place?
Sergeant Olivia Benson: Why not we try that new bistro? Something different!
Brian Cassidy: [Mumbles to himself] What's wrong with our place?

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Undercover Blue (#14.17)" (2013)
[Cassidy has been cleared of a bogus rape charge]
Detective Olivia Benson: Brian, you didn't do anything.
Detective Brian Cassidy: Once accused, always under suspicion. Even from you.
Detective Olivia Benson: From me? Brian, I believed you.
Detective Brian Cassidy: I'd like to believe that.