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"Homicide: Life on the Street: A Many Splendored Thing (#2.4)" (1994)
Kay Howard: Are you gonna dance?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Everything up to the 'Woolly Bully'!
Kay Howard: Now THAT I would pay to see.

Al Giardello: I am NOT grieving...
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: You are still dating the same two women from five years ago! One of 'em you take to dinner at Gellazio's every Friday night! The other you take to the shore! You are still at the funeral!

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [Stan and Linda are gracefully humming a cello song, when suddenly Munch creeps up to them out of nowhere and starts singing loud, off-key notes] Every fairy tale has its nightmare, and this is mine.
John Munch: [gloomy] It's Festivus to you, pal.

ASA Ed Danvers: [disappointed] C'mon Kay, I'll take you home.
Kay Howard: No, I... I need to be alone tonight, okay?
[walks away]
ASA Ed Danvers: [leans over, whispers harshly] Thanks a lot, Munch.
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: We'd better go...
[to munch:]
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I'll deal with you in the morning, and DON'T look forward to it!
Linda: [Linda glances at Munch, who looks forlorn and dejected] C'mon Stan, we can't just leave him...
[Stan sighs in exasperation]

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [livid] Munch, if you don't shut up, and shut up fast, I'll GUT you!
John Munch: [oblivious to Stan's threat] The truth hurts, doesn't it, Stan?

John Munch: Linda... it is Linda, isn't it?
Linda: [laughs] Yes!
John Munch: ...You're a very nice person... and obviously you're capable of the impossible by making Stanley happy. Your homespun stories don't play with me, I'm a homicide cop. Nothing surprises me!
Linda: Nothing?
John Munch: Absolutely nothing!
[suddenly numerous rainbow-coloured fireworks go off, sparkling in the air, startling him]
John Munch: What the HELL was that?
Linda: [laughs] I don't know... your heart, maybe?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [walks over] WOW! Look at that!
John Munch: [laughs nervously] Yeah, look at that...
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Wow, god!
John Munch: [suddenly seeming more cheerful] ... You know, Stanley... this woman, you gotta respect her. Why she goes out with you, I'll never know. As far as I'm concerned, your great fortune lies right there in the mysteries of life, right alongside the whereabouts of the lost tribes of Israel, and the meaning of the lyrics to 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'.
[Linda laughs]
John Munch: I think I'll go look for a couple of those lost tribes right now...
[walks away]
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I'm sorry 'bout him...
Linda: Oh, he's alright, Stan... you just don't understand him at all, do you?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Nope, I don't... but then again, I don't need to.
[Linda laughs and she and Bolander gaze at the fireworks in awe]


"Homicide: Life on the Street: A Shot in the Dark (#1.4)" (1993)
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [disappointingly, to Munch] God! It gets so I can't depend on you for anything!
John Munch: What's the big deal? It's a phone call, I'll take care of it.
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: No, it's sloppy... when I was partnered with Mitch, I...
John Munch: Oh no, here we go again...
[imitating him in a fake voice]
John Munch: 'Mitch, Mitch, Mitch'!

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: The depth of your stupidity frightens me sometimes.

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: You got two things right, you got a drug deal and a shootout, but not between those two guys! Lowe is lying wounded on the floor, and Cole is lying dead on top of him on his back!
John Munch: ...They shoot each other!
[holds out his finger, mimicking a gun]
John Munch: BANG! BANG! Cole gets shot in the chest,
[places his hand over his heart]
John Munch: then he spins around,
[spins backward dramatically]
John Munch: falls over on Lowe!
[pretends to faint onto Bolander, who shoves him forward]
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Okay, where's Cole's gun? We only recovered ONE gun!
John Munch: So far...
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [angry] What'd he do, SWALLOW it?

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Had you been dating Cole long?
Alison Ashley: About an hour. I'm a hooker... are you shocked?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [evidently Bolander is mortified, but tries to be polite] ... Ah, no, uh... in my line of work, we uh, deal a lot with prostitutes...


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Ghost of a Chance (#1.2)" (1993)
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I'm so glad I didn't send those flowers.
Det. John Munch: I sent the flowers.
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I mean a man my age making goo goo eyes at... who did you send flowers to?
Det. John Munch: Dr. Blythe.
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I'll gut you!

Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: She may have wanted her husband dead, but she didn't kill him.

Det. John Munch: Thank you, Dr. Blythe.
Dr. Carol Blythe, M.E.: Sure.
[awkward pause]
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Uh... I uh, hear you tend to get crabs.
[Munch stifles his laughter, looking away]
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: ... At the restaurant...


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (#1.8)" (1993)
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Getting hit in the head with a bat, I guess that's the most affection he ever got.

Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: I remember when kids used baseball bats to hit... baseballs.

Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [a gang member confesses to beating a new member in the head with a baseball bat to show his love for him] Homicide just ain't what it used to be.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: All Through the House (#3.8)" (1994)
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: All I'm saying is that you are a pessimist, Munch!
Det. John Munch: A pessimist?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Yeah, you're always seeing the worst in everything! You never see anything good, a moment of redemption! You don't believe in anything!

Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: The only thing beautiful women ever say to you is, 'excuse me, you're blocking the view!'
Det. John Munch: [annoyed] NOW who's the pessimist?


"Homicide: Life on the Street: A Dog and Pony Show (#1.6)" (1993)
John Munch: Do I get to witness your historic meeting?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [hostile] Sure, unless I GUT you first...

Danny Blythe: Eh Stan, anyone ever jump off this balcony?
[glances out a huge window onto the street]
Danny Blythe: You know, did you ever have a killer, and you were just about to put him away, and he, like, made a break for it
[unlocks window, earning a nervous glance from Bolander]
Danny Blythe: and he runs out the doors... AND OFF THE BALCONY ONTO THE DECK!
[rushes forward excitedly, screaming and laughing]
Danny Blythe: Ah, that's cool, man! That ever happen?
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: No... no.
John Munch: We got a call... Barney Street, shooting.
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Okay.
Danny Blythe: That's cool, man! Let's do it, let's do it, c'mon... fresh...
[Danny wanders away, leaving Bolander smiling and Munch looking worried]
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Did he say things are gonna be 'fresh'?
John Munch: [nods his head in puzzled agreement] ... 'Fresh'.
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [confused] You wanna tell me what that means?
John Munch: It means... uh, neato, keen.
Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [even more confused] ... 'Neatokey'...? I'm glad you understand these things.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: And the Rockets' Dead Glare (#1.7)" (1993)
Det. John Munch: Have you ever been high, Stan?
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Be serious, Munch.
Det. John Munch: I am being serious. They call it a high for a reason.

Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Have you ever smoked dope, John?
Det. John Munch: I don't have to answer that.
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: Nurse, can I have a cup over here? I'd like to test this man's urine.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Gone for Goode (#1.1)" (1993)
Det. Stan Bolander: What's a lady like you doing in a place like this?
Dr. Carol Blythe, M.E.: Looking for Mr. Right.

[it is Detective Tim Bayliss' first day in the homicide unit]
Det. Tim Bayliss: Excuse me, hi - where could I get a cup of coffee?
Det. John Munch: There's a machine on the first floor.
[Bayliss leaves]
Det. Stan Bolander: There's coffee right in there.
Det. John Munch: That's our coffee.


"Homicide: Life on the Street: Nothing Personal (#3.18)" (1995)
Det. Stan Bolander: A woman can affect a man totally. How a woman feels about a man, that's how he is gonna feel about himself, his friends, his job...


Homicide: The Movie (2000) (TV)
Det. Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander: [after Billie Lou finishes mocking Munch and then walks away] ... Wow. So, that was Mrs. Munch Number 4?
Det. John Munch (NYPD): [sadly] Yeah... do you think I'll never be cut out for the married life?


"Homicide: Life on the Street: The Night of the Dead Living (#1.9)" (1993)
Det. Stan Bolander: I know what to do with a dead body. I do *not* know what to do with a live baby.