Robert Goren
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Quotes for
Robert Goren (Character)
from "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" (2001)

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"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Mad Hops (#3.11)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: [pulling a new iPod from a teen athlete's pocket] You pay for that out of your paper route?

Coach Perry Powell: [addressing Goren's partner, Detective G. Lynn Bishop] Does he always beat around the bush?
Detective Robert Goren: I can be direct. You're divorced. You've got no kids. And basketball is pretty much it for you, Coach. You haven't won a championship in the past seven years. You might be hungry for a big win to cap your career. Hungry enough for you to get into business with Curtis Romney?
Coach Perry Powell: I can be direct, too. I see a problem with authority figures. You defy them. You disrespect them. The truth is, you're intimidated by them. It's the mark of a boy with an indifferent father. His absence took the joy out of playing basketball.
[Powell dismissively turns his attention back to Detective Bishop]

Captain James Deakins: You play ball in school?
Detective Robert Goren: [after a pause] JV power forward. Gave it up.

Curtis Romney: It's called grass-roots boosterism - giving the community a team they can be proud of.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, I call it a long-term investment. You recruit the players. You touch their young lives with your "generosity." And then you leave a stain that they carry through their college or professional careers. A taint that you can threaten them with any time you need to shave some points.

Detective Robert Goren: I know this guy. He's a lonely man, with a shot at happiness. He's gonna fight for it.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: [looking at Coach's photographs] These must be his former players - and their kids. It's beginning to look a little like "Goodbye, Mister Chips" in here.
Detective Robert Goren: [picks up a potted plant] At least Mister Chips had a wife... Cranberry seedling. With my dad, it was avocado pits in a glass of water... TV. He stands over the kitchen sink and he eats while he watches TV. I found the same arrangement when I cleaned out my dad's apartment.

Coach Perry Powell: [bitterly] "Heads-up," huh? You really got the old man good, didn't you.
Detective Robert Goren: Yeah, well, that's how I beat all my men on the court, Coach: head fake.

Detective Robert Goren: When my father died - he had just enough money to, uh, cover his funeral. That shouldn't happen to you.
Coach Perry Powell: Thanks for the heads-up.

Detective Robert Goren: Picket-fence play, that's - that's a classic of teamwork.
Coach Perry Powell: They all play the one-on-one game now.

Detective Robert Goren: [to Mrs. Watkins] Coach started paying more attention to Ben; you started paying more attention to Coach. You paid attention to him; Coach paid attention to Ben; Ben's stats kept improving. It's nice how that worked out, isn't it?

Detective Robert Goren: A guy can only - spend so many nights eating over the kitchen sink. He can only look at so many pictures of his former players, with their wives and their kids - before he's gotta grab that brass ring for himself.

Detective Robert Goren: Oh, listen to Coach. He's just moldin' that clay. Moldin' it until he gets what he wants out of it.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Lady's Man (#8.11)" (2009)
Detective Robert Goren: Carl Jung believed that... rage is the... um... female side of our nature. Anima - an aggregate of all the women in our lives. Gives us strength. Makes us strong.

Detective Alexandra Eames: [looks under sheet, at murder victim's groin] So where is his - ?
Detective Robert Goren: Killer might've taken it. Fetish.
Detective Robert Goren: [looks out at beach, sea, and sky] Seagulls are always hungry.

Faith Yancy: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
Detective Robert Goren: You just did.

Bartender: They had white wine and bourbon. I never forget a drink.
Detective Robert Goren: [referring to Eames] She likes wine, huh?
Bartender: She was the bourbon.

Detective Robert Goren: [poking around ADA Mulroney's office, delightedly] Is this a *closet*?

Detective Robert Goren: [apparently tipsy, to ADA Mulrooney] You might as well be working in traffic court!
[Goren laughs uproariously]

Detective Robert Goren: [looking in ADA Mulrooney's bedroom closet] It's like two different people live here.

Detective Alexandra Eames: It won't be pleasant for me.
Detective Robert Goren: Mm-mmm.
Detective Alexandra Eames: It's about getting *him*, right?
Detective Robert Goren: Mm-hmm.
Detective Alexandra Eames: So what's the problem.

Kevin Mulrooney: You're looking for a woman.
Detective Robert Goren: We found a woman.

Detective Robert Goren: She's a big girl. Confident. Struts her stuff.

Detective Alexandra Eames: Did you find out everything you wanted to know about me?
Detective Robert Goren: Yeah, sure did. Bourbon, eh?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Con-Text (#2.10)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: They use the same psychological coercion as cults.
Detective Alexandra Eames: So did the guy who sold me my car.

Detective Robert Goren: You wanted to transform your context.
Doug Morgan: Yes. That's what I did.
Detective Robert Goren: What's a "context," Doug?
Doug Morgan: [looks flustered, stutters] I... It's - it's hard to say.
Detective Robert Goren: It's in your letter; you don't know what it means?

[Goren and Eames are pretending to be a "civilian" married couple interested in attending a self-help seminar]
Detective Robert Goren: Mr. Fuller, we were invited by someone here who works for you.
Detective Alexandra Eames: We don't know that, honey.
Detective Robert Goren: Anyway, no one seems to know her, uh...
[pauses, looks directly at Fuller]
Detective Robert Goren: You made us, didn't you? What gave us away?
Randall Fuller: Her sensible shoes. And her sleeve. It's, uh, shiny from rubbing against her holster.
[He looks at Goren]
Randall Fuller: Oh, and your belt is scratched where you clip your badge.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He's good.

Detective Robert Goren: Look, strip down all their double-talk. What is it that Randall Fuller really said to those people?
Detective Robert Goren: "Everything you've done is wrong." "Everything you are is false."
Detective Alexandra Eames: "But it wasn't your fault; you were 'programmed' that way."
Detective Robert Goren: "Leave it to Grace Note to give you back your life." It's *very* seductive.

Detective Robert Goren: And that's when you overcame your biggest fear. You changed your way of being.
Doug Morgan: Yes!
Detective Robert Goren: You killed your dad and transformed your life.
Doug Morgan: [nods, smiling] Yes, I did.
Detective Alexandra Eames: And you killed your brother for the same reason.
Detective Robert Goren: The brother who had loved you, who watched over you.
Doug Morgan: It's wasn't real love. The context wasn't authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. It's old stuff.
Detective Robert Goren: It's in the past. You killed your dad and you... let it go.
Doug Morgan: Yes!
Detective Robert Goren: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! You're a success story!

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Is it a cult? Brain control?
Detective Robert Goren: Yes.
Detective Alexandra Eames: No.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: How reassuring.

Detective Robert Goren: Every time before he spoke, he looked up. The Manson girls did the same thing during their murder trial. They were visualizing.
Detective Alexandra Eames: What's he visualizing?
Detective Robert Goren: Not what... who?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Self-made (#7.7)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: [up-ends a soft drink can, from which a marijuana cigarette falls] You've got roaches.

Lionel Shill: [referring to Gareth Sage] A snake of a man.
Detective Robert Goren: A snake? So he's an agent.

Detective Robert Goren: You're a fake. A hack...
Lionel Shill: And you're being hyperbolic, detective.
Detective Robert Goren: [shouting] I'm not done!

Paige Aldwyn: He was... really black.
Detective Robert Goren: "Really black"? You mean, obsidian?

Detective Robert Goren: [waving one hand tauntingly in TJ Hawkins's face] Sorry about the flies, they're all over the place.

Detective Robert Goren: He stole her voice and her life.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Slither (#5.11)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: He was Nicole's boyfriend. He taught her how to kill... He's the "School of Murder".

Detective Robert Goren: [to Bernard Fremont] I guess I ask myself how Nicole would have turned out if she hadn't run into you.

Detective Alexandra Eames: [referring to Bernard Fremont] What is it that women see in him?
Detective Robert Goren: The door to another world.

Detective Alexandra Eames: [Inquiring about Bernard's relationship to Nicole Wallace] Have you heard from her lately?
Bernard Fremont: Nicole is a fugitive, thanks to you two. And, no, she'd never put me in that kind of danger. She's very protective.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, you'd be very proud of your star pupil.
Bernard Fremont: I can't take the credit. She's a natural.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, she's very adept at poisons. Is that something that you taught her?
Bernard Fremont: I'll take a pass on that.

Detective Robert Goren: I've never seen a robbery like this. I think they actually stole the toilet.

Detective Robert Goren: He looked like he already knew our names.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Don't flatter yourself.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Untethered (#7.9)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: I was willing to take the investigation to the end of the line.

Detective Robert Goren: [to a panhandler] Excuse me, sir. I have twenty dollars. I could use a brick like that.

Detective Robert Goren: Frank is not in program. Frank *talks* program.

Captain Danny Ross: I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours.
Detective Robert Goren: I'm fine. How are you?

Detective Robert Goren: [to prison doctor] If I take those pills, you'll put batteries in me.

Donny Carlson: My mom said I had a problem with authority figures.
Detective Robert Goren: My mom said the same thing about me, it doesn't mean you're crazy.
Donny Carlson: To me, the really crazy people are the ones who watch reality TV, hook up with people they meet online... but that's everybody, isn't it?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: A Person of Interest (#2.23)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: I believe there is a part of you, Nicole, that loves Gavin. In that bunker you call a heart.

[referring to notes on Goren's desk]
Detective Alexandra Eames: Admirers?
Detective Robert Goren: No, reporters. They want a comment.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Can they print a hand gesture?

Nicole Wallace: Did it ever occur to you how much you despised him?
Detective Robert Goren: Who, Croydon?
Nicole Wallace: No. "Daddies," Bobby; the subject is "daddies."

Detective Robert Goren: You blew it, Nicole: your one chance for happiness, with Gavin. One chance, and you had to come back to *me*? You couldn't leave well enough alone. That's the price of denial.

Nicole Wallace: [as Goren holds her hand to administer an anthrax test] Is it everything you imagined?
Detective Robert Goren: Don't flatter yourself.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Unblinking Eye (#4.21)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [while observing a suspect in the interrogation room] She rages on, inspite of all the evidence against her.
Detective Alexandra Eames: She could confess, but where's the fun in that?

Detective Robert Goren: When was the last time you went on a treasure hunt?
Detective Alexandra Eames: How 'bout never.

Michael Pike: I lost my fiancée.
Detective Robert Goren: But you got a new agent and a lot of auditions.

Detective Robert Goren: Your acting coach told us how you're obsessed with James Dean, you try to move like him, you try to talk like him, you even... is it true you have your own Sal Mineo waiting for you at home?
Johnny Santos: You son of a bitch!

Detective Robert Goren: If you want to smoke that cigarette, go ahead, don't mind us.
Johnny Santos: [takes it from behind his ear] Uh, no, I don't smoke.
Detective Robert Goren: [noticing] The filter's pinched.
Johnny Santos: It's for a character I'm working on.
Detective Robert Goren: [to Eames] Another actor.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Cold Comfort (#2.17)" (2003)
Detective Alexandra Eames: This wasn't a robbery gone bad.
Detective Robert Goren: It's murder gone good.

Detective Robert Goren: But then, you'd be worth bringing back.
Spencer Durning: I don't plan on dying.

Detective Robert Goren: Will a show-and-tell help?

Detective Robert Goren: His future? Your future! You don't plan on dying, remember? You want to be immortal, you *got* to be immortal! And not in a, a tub of nitrogen, no! Your vessel to eternity is the Durning Foundation. To carry your legacy burning bright through the centuries. No, it's not enough for you to be humanitarian of the year; you got to be humanitarian of the millennium.
Detective Robert Goren: [disgusted] Shame on you.... Humanitarian... to everything and everyone, except your son... your son's tragedy. Because, Spence, however much you may like humanity, it's people that you can't stand.

Detective Robert Goren: [about the travel arrangements for Miss Kittridge's remains] Private jet? Yeah, man, even dead these people go first class, huh.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Zoonotic (#2.22)" (2003)
Dr. Scott Borman: You do know, of course, that "zoonotic" doesn't mean that the viruses came from the zoo.
Detective Robert Goren: It doesn't? Well, my partner was telling me that, but it doesn't make sense to me, because there's the word "zoo"...
Dr. Scott Borman: [Leers at Eames] Guys... we never listen.
Detective Robert Goren: [Moves to stand between half-naked Borman and Eames] You conducted seminars for 'Special Friends of the Zoo'.
Dr. Scott Borman: Well the directors think I'm a good ambassador, for the zoo.
Dr. Scott Borman: [Spits]
Detective Alexandra Eames: [Disgusted] Because you have so much in common with your animals?

Detective Robert Goren: [Talking about three-somes with Scott, Roger, and dates] Scott told us that your girlfriends had the time of their life with him.
Dr. Roger Stern: What are you talking about? They were debased, humiliated. I turned them into the corn cob in the pig sty, with that rutting hog on top of them. They'd look at me... wanting me to call him off!

Dr. Scott Borman: We, uh, classify viruses with what we call the Baltimore System.
Detective Robert Goren: [mutters] Now I'm lost. You lost me again.
Dr. Scott Borman: [dismissively] It doesn't matter.

Detective Robert Goren: How many 8 year old girls do you know that love sports cars?
Detective Alexandra Eames: Besides me?

Detective Alexandra Eames: Typhoid Roger, after you dump him, you get sick.
Detective Robert Goren: Blackmail him and you get killed.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Poison (#1.7)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: As Leonard Palmeranski might say, "Why me?"

Detective Robert Goren: [to DA Carver] Don't you have the grand jury eating out of your hand? I bet you could indict that clock.

Detective Ed Green: Hey, does someone mind filling us in on what's going on here?
Detective Robert Goren: Someone's got Anthrax. A whole lot of it.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Great. And exactly when are you going to share this with the rest of the world?
Detective Alexandra Eames: That's up to the Comissioner's Office.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Great. Those Idiots.

Detective Robert Goren: You put this in the mail.
Trudy Pomeranski: No!
Detective Alexandra Eames: We have you on film.
Detective Robert Goren: It smells like almonds. I bet you know what else smells like almonds?
Detective Alexandra Eames: You're under arrest.
Trudy Pomeranski: No! No! Oh no!
Detective Alexandra Eames: I don't want to hurt you.

[last lines]
Detective Alexandra Eames: They are adorable.
Detective Robert Goren: They are what dreams are made of. *Bad* dreams.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Jones (#1.5)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: The only medical condition you have is denial.

Detective Robert Goren: Hey, Don Juan, you're under arrest.

Detective Robert Goren: Come on, you're a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?
[throws his leg up on the table]
Detective Robert Goren: I wear a 13.
[stands up and peers under the table]
Detective Robert Goren: You look like a 9, or... what, like an 8?
Henry Talbott: I'm an...
[waves his hands around]
Henry Talbott: Oh, God, why am I even, I don't want to talk to you about this! Don't drag me into this!
Detective Robert Goren: Ah! You've got small hands, too!

Detective Robert Goren: Unless they're scenting the ocean with lavender, this woman was drowned in a bathtub.

Detective Robert Goren: I have a theory about petite women, you want to hear it?
Henry Talbott: Not particularly.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Yesterday (#1.18)" (2002)
[Eames, while examining a recently discovered, 20 year old partly decomposed corpse, realizes the victim was wearing a very rare mini skirt]
Detective Robert Goren: You wore one of those?
Detective Alexandra Eames: Looked good in it, too.

Maureen: [fondling her fur coat] All right, Ricky was here. He bought this for me.
Detective Robert Goren: How'd you get him to do that? Did you get him drunk?
[There is a long pause]
Detective Robert Goren: Is that what you did?
[Maureen stares impassively at Goren]
Detective Robert Goren: You got him drunk, and you took all his money.
Maureen: [defiantly] He owed me.

Detective Robert Goren: I like how you made me do that. Made me cross the room, by keeping your voice down.
Jay Lippman: [smiling] It wasn't deliberate.
Detective Robert Goren: Come on. It's the classic "Sicilian gambit." To get me to the door. We're done anyway. Thank you for seeing us.
[Goren and Eames halt in the door frame]
Detective Robert Goren: Oh, by the way...

Detective Robert Goren: If you want to tell your husband we were here, by all means, we have no secrets from him. The more he knows, the better it is.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Badge (#1.20)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: You're in deep serious now, kid.

Detective Robert Goren: [Boston accent] Actually Randolph...
Terry Randolph: Detective, I'd like to be refered to by my rank.
Detective Robert Goren: [salutes, sarcasticly] Cluster, Sargent.

Detective Robert Goren: Your girls. They go to Mary Hill. That's ten, fifteen thousand a year for each. How do you afford it?
Terry Randolph: If something's important enough, you find a way. We're very frugal.
Detective Robert Goren: [chuckles] Oh... oh... My partner's a, a miser. I'm frugal. And neither of us could afford a house, two kids in a private school...
Terry Randolph: You're not that frugal. You buy nice clothes. Pay full price; nothin' in your size is ever on sale. You buy good-quality accessories, like that leather case. You're not married, so you spend money on dates. You like good food. You have someone in to clean your apartment every week. You're smart, have lots of interests and hobbies, and you spend a fortune on them. I don't wonder that you don't have money for a house; I wonder how you make subway fare, the way you spend money.

Detective Robert Goren: One of those hobbies of mine, is studying laws, the laws you used to be paid to enforce.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Unrequited (#3.12)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: You must love dancing. You're just so - so light on your feet.
Marion Whitney: I'm a student of the dance.
[Marion exits the room]
Detective Alexandra Eames: Dance of the Merry Widow.

Detective Robert Goren: Do you have a lot of students in their sixties? Fifties? Forties?
Lawrence Bradley: No.
Detective Alexandra Eames: I'm guessing twenty-five is the cutoff for actresses. Twenty-six if they're pretty.
Lawrence Bradley: You have no idea.

Detective Robert Goren: [admiringly, as Esther blocks her apartment entrance] You are *tough,* Mrs. Gruenwald. 'Cause normally, Detective Eames and I - we'd be in the living room by now.

Detective Robert Goren: You see, Harvey, you need the approval of one special person; but Marion here, well, she wants - you know, the whole *world* to love her.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Vanishing Act (#7.17)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: It's the classic misdirect, right?

Detective Robert Goren: We saw your show and... Well, you were phoning it in.
Dean Holiday: What about you, detective? Lost a step or two over the years, or still think you can pull off the big solve?

Detective Robert Goren: [to Dean Holiday] You leave your eyes open when you do a read. That's your tell.

Detective Robert Goren: You need to take him down; there's only one way.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Crazy (#1.12)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it!

Detective Robert Goren: [discussing a murder victim] Alimony orders: Feldman was pulling down $700,000 a year, and the judge awarded Mrs. Feldman $1,000 a month. Out of five million in community assets, Mrs. Feldman gets $300,000.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Who *is* this judge, the Honorable O.J.?

Detective Robert Goren: But she wasn't loving you back, and you thought that maybe you weren't man enough, didn't you. You had to show her that you were man enough, so you dug into your reptilian brain, and this is what you came up with: Kill the wolf at the door! Throw the body at her feet, and gates of paradise will open wide! She will give herself to you! You'll be "King of the World!" instead of a scared, old, man.

Detective Robert Goren: I've been there; every man in this room has. You were sixteen again, in your new *sweet* car. You never felt better in your life! You *had* to have her.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Gemini (#3.2)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: Yeah, he may be crazy, but you're evil.

Detective Robert Goren: You - you know, I - I find paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses.

Detective Robert Goren: The twisted tango of brotherly love.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Chinoiserie (#2.5)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: You don't look so plump and happy now, George.

Detective Robert Goren: This must be some kind of situation you've got on your hands.
Stuart Gaston: Why do you say that?
Detective Robert Goren: Well, you've loosened your tie, you've got a drink on your desk, you've got three phone lines blinking, and you're chewing the inside of your cheeks like some kind of frantic chipmunk.
Detective Robert Goren: [pauses, Stuart looks flustered] Are you under a lot of stress?

Detective Robert Goren: We are - discreet - with innocent victims... if they behave like innocent victims.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Pardoner's Tale (#1.8)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: I could get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.

Detective Robert Goren: That's not going along, Larry, that's stickin' it to ya!

Detective Robert Goren: Boo! Made ya look!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Undaunted Mettle (#3.1)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: She was the tail wagging the dog.

[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: Buildings may crumble, but infamy's forever.

Detective Alexandra Eames: He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister, and he said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.
Detective Robert Goren: Oh no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what'd you say?
Detective Alexandra Eames: I pitied the fool.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Stray (#3.6)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: A perfect fit.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: So were Bonnie and Clyde, they killed 10 people, these two are already up to 9.

Detective Robert Goren: Do you know who Tamara's boyfriend is?
Agnes Bates: Who says she has a boyfriend?
Detective Robert Goren: Uh...
[picks up men's boxers off Tamara's bed]
Detective Robert Goren: These?

Detective Robert Goren: Recognize this woman, Tamara Bates? She's a counter.
Detective Alvarez: No, but they go through a lot of girls.
Detective Robert Goren: [looking at the two female counters who were shot in the head] Yeah, and we know how.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Gone (#4.11)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: That's not eccentricity; it's mental illness.

[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: See, that's what happens when you keep people from doing what they do best: It makes them insane.

Detective Robert Goren: You look like somebody just punched a hole in your hole.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Third Horseman (#1.11)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Kill one, scare a thousand.

Detective Robert Goren: [Eames asks what he thinks about abortion] I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant.

Detective Robert Goren: Life is full of uncertainty. People need to have options. Abortion has got to be one of those options.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Pilgrim (#2.8)" (2002)
[last lines]
Detective Alexandra Eames: God's will.
Detective Robert Goren: Let's hope so.

Detective Robert Goren: [to Ethan Edwards] You went searching for God. How did you end up looking for targets?

Detective Robert Goren: [to Ethan Edwards] You had more than doubts. You knew you were lost.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Privilege (#6.12)" (2007)
Captain Danny Ross: His father had allergies, so you think Ernest Foley may be good for a double family murder 18 years apart?
Detective Robert Goren: Yeah, that's one-one one theory - has anybody ever told you you're reductive?
Captain Danny Ross: My ex-wife.

Detective Alexandra Eames: As a little girl I used to dream of living this way.
Detective Robert Goren: It's musty in here, you can see the dead flies way up. Fake flowers. Hope you got over that.

Detective Robert Goren: You know, actually, this home reeks of everything but concern.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Beast (#4.19)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [admiring a murderer's modus operandi] So he killed her without touching her.
Detective Alexandra Eames: And they say all the good men are taken.

Detective Robert Goren: [Last lines] Beauty. It's a beast.

Detective Robert Goren: [checking surfaces for cocaine] Try the chair.
Detective Kahn: You think she snorted it off the chair?
Detective Alexandra Eames: We're thinking she didn't snort it.
Detective Kahn: ...Oh.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Pas de Deux (#3.13)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: [clutching Johnny DePalma against him] You held her close? Like this? So she could feel your "life-force" flowing into her?
[Goren kicks DePalma's chair across the interrogation room]
Detective Robert Goren: But it wasn't life, was it? It was a dance of death.

Johnny DePalma: [about Goren] Probably got lost on a doughnut run.
Detective Robert Goren: [enters interrogation room] I heard that.

Margie Timmons: [at a dance class] I'm not very good at this.
Detective Robert Goren: Just do what I do.
Margie Timmons: Yeah, except backwards and in high heels.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Purgatory (#7.11)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: [the Chief wants Goren on a dangerous undercover job] Yeah, he's hoping I'll get myself killed.
Captain Danny Ross: The thought occurred to me.

Detective Robert Goren: [to Captain Danny Ross] Just get me back.

Detective Robert Goren: I'm a cop. I'm allowed to lie to criminals.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Mis-Labeled (#3.14)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: [to Buchanan about his secretary, Eric] Are you lovers?
Gordon Buchanan: Give me a little credit. I don't - chase after secretaries.

Detective Robert Goren: Someone is passing off human plasma as synthetic.

Detective Robert Goren: [about bad blood products] Doctor tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do? Flip a coin: heads Asia, tails Africa?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Alpha Dog (#8.15)" (2009)
Detective Robert Goren: [referring to the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Detective Robert Goren: I think his rage was greater than his desire.

Detective Robert Goren: [looking at a movie poster] "Venefica"... Ancient Roman sorceresses - they killed men by the act of love.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: But Not Forgotten (#3.4)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: [opening up a container of very nasty smelling cheese] That's Rochette. Made from sheep's milk.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You can tell that just from the smell?
Detective Robert Goren: It's, uh... on the label.

Detective Robert Goren: [entering a warehouse with a strong coffee smell] Do you smell it?
Detective Alexandra Eames: I'm getting a caffeine buzz just breathing it in.

Detective Robert Goren: Sweet... isn't it? Revenge.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Sound Bodies (#3.8)" (2003)
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: The gonorrhea of all three boys had the same DNA.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Could they have gotten from each other?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: No, it's doubtful. Autopsies showed no rectal or oral infection.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, they got it from the same girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Unless toilet seats and doorknobs are making a comeback.

Detective Robert Goren: Oh, look, look! Bing! Reality!

Detective Robert Goren: We've got the smoking gun.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: The smoking *caulking* gun with cake frosting.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Great Barrier (#4.4)" (2004)
Detective Alexandra Eames: Speaking of cradles, looks like you robbed one.
Detective Robert Goren: You're uh, looking for her, huh? You worried that you didn't inoculate her thoroughly enough against our tricks?
Nicole Wallace: She has a natural immunity to pathological liars.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, uh, I've never seen you so agitated.
Nicole Wallace: It must be all the pleasant memories this place brings back.

Nicole Wallace: [Nicole is seated across from Eames and Goren] You're both so transparent. Punishing Ella to get at me.
Detective Robert Goren: That's Nicole's maternal instinct, rearing its little head.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You can't deny those feelings, even if you can't have kids of your own.
Nicole Wallace: Yes, thank you. Not all of us can be blessed like you, with eggs ripe and ready for hire.

Detective Robert Goren: I smell blood in the water.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Grow (#5.1)" (2005)
Nicole Wallace: I thought this was the land of second chances.
Detective Robert Goren: There are no second chances for you, Nicole. Because wherever you go, people die.

Detective Robert Goren: A normal life is not for you, Nicole... Too much damage has been done.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Ill-Bred (#3.18)" (2004)
Detective Alexandra Eames: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.
Detective Robert Goren: That's a nice dream - for a horse.

Detective Robert Goren: Maybe somebody else is pulling the reins.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Dead (#2.1)" (2002)
Susan Rowan: Why are you showing me this?
Detective Alexandra Eames: This is what your husband does for a living: he kills people.
Detective Robert Goren: That's how he paid for this car, the house, the condo in Florida.

Harry Rowan: They won't find anything, I've searched this entire area, it's not here.
Detective Robert Goren: That sounds like a confession to me.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Insider (#1.13)" (2002)
Forensics Tech: Well I analyzed the saliva on the mugs. This one had traces of animal fat, mustard...
Detective Robert Goren: Uh, no. Not that one. I had pastrami for lunch.
Forensics Tech: Ahhh... that explains the antacid.

Detective Robert Goren: You used her, John. She was weak and you used her. That really pisses me off.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Seizure (#1.17)" (2002)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: She wasn't driven to kill out of rage; she chose to kill out of love.
ADA Ron Carver: Love?
Detective Robert Goren: It's a many-splendored thing.

Detective Robert Goren: [carefully slicing open his own palm with switchblade] Oh, look. I cut myself.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Extra Man (#1.6)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: You have one chance to take your chestnuts out of the fire.

Detective Robert Goren: Nice to see a face to the voice...!
Didier Foucault aka Denis Dupont: You've got the wrong man.
Detective Robert Goren: I don't think so.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Please Note We Are No Longer Accepting Letters of Recommendation from Henry Kissinger (#7.15)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: Eleanor takes quite an interest in Henry. A second mom, really.
Marla Reynolds: [smiles] She's always there.

[Last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: [muttering to himself] They had kids, too.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Tomorrow (#2.7)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Peas.

Detective Robert Goren: Who's the worst pro bono lawyer you know?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: A Murderer Among Us (#3.7)" (2003)
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: He killed her over a toy boat?
Detective Robert Goren: You know men, they get very attached to toys.

[last lines]
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Lena got what she wanted. She stopped a killer, but at what cost?
Detective Robert Goren: Maybe that's what she couldn't live with.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: In the Wee Small Hours: Part 2 (#5.7)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [checking suspicious ink spills on a suspect's desk] I'm checking to see which ones are fresh.
Detective Alexandra Eames: They must love you in the produce section.

Detective Robert Goren: I am an acquired taste.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Smile (#7.3)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: [to deranged, knife-wielding woman] I lost my mom. I lost my mother recently. Can I get a glass of water from you?

Detective Robert Goren: He told you that people could die, and you saw it as a career opportunity.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Vacancy (#5.17)" (2006)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: This search for the truth, it's... it's not for the faint-hearted.

Detective Robert Goren: [about Lester Summerhill's photo gallery] Half-naked women and animal carnage. It suggests violence against women without actually showing it.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: One (#1.1)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: Bad guys do what good guys dream.

Detective Alexandra Eames: She got her hands on this, why she didn't run?
Detective Robert Goren: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Men come and go, but diamonds...
Detective Robert Goren: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Posthumous Collection (#4.2)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: He killed these girls and took their pictures.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Can hold their poses for hours and never complain, the perfect models.

Detective Robert Goren: What did you do to him, Doris?
Doris Mitchell: I played bad nurse with him. Tied him to Grandma's smelly bed, put on my ma's nurse cap and beat the crap out of him. But like ma said, he could take it. Hey listen, I gotta get back to work, you see Spence around you tell him hi for me.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [unenthusiastically] We will.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Cherry Red (#2.19)" (2003)
A.D.A. Ron Carver: [rhetorically] What was it Clarence Darrow said? "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
Detective Robert Goren: Only if you let them.

Detective Robert Goren: [sitting in the driver's seat of Roger's virgin 1962 Ferrari GTO] Oh, I wish I could tell you how this *feels.* But I can't, not in mixed company... You have no idea!
Roger Coffman: You son-of-a-bitch!
Detective Robert Goren: You have no idea.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Brother's Keeper (#6.15)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: We can all read, Captain.

Detective Robert Goren: Reverend, your cup runneth over.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Frame (#7.22)" (2008)
Captain Danny Ross: We know you've been under considerable stress. Your mother. Your brother. Your father...
Detective Robert Goren: [furious] Your girlfriend tell you that?

Detective Robert Goren: There's no therapy for diminishing capacity. You've blown out your frontal lobe. Too much formaldehyde, too many years of drug abuse.
Dr. Declan Gage: "Diminishing capacity"? You wanna do the Wisconsin Card Test? The Stroop?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Trophy Wine (#10.5)" (2011)
Detective Robert Goren: [talking to Dr. Geisen] A man of my age... single a long time... with all of my problems...

Detective Robert Goren: [referring to Alex Eames] She's like a sister to me.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Enemy Within (#1.10)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: It's the perfect prescription for paranoia.

Detective Robert Goren: It's brilliant!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: In the Dark (#4.6)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: Cat got your tongue?
[indicating one of several body parts in the anatomy lab]
Detective Robert Goren: Because there's an extra one here.

Detective Robert Goren: They're an interesting couple.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Yeah: The Killer and Mrs. Magoo.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Prisoner (#5.3)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [to William Hendry] Sit!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Maledictus (#1.19)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: [Goren pulls a necklace out of the victim's mouth] What do you think this means?
Detective Alexandra Eames: Robbery wasn't the motive?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Art (#1.2)" (2001)
Sylvia Moon: [crying] You don't know what it's like!
Detective Robert Goren: What, to work so hard?
Sylvia Moon: Yes.
Detective Robert Goren: And still be a nobody.
Sylvia Moon: Yes.
Detective Robert Goren: Welcome to the human race.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Wrongful Life (#5.15)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: [about Victoria Carson's "wrongful life" lawsuit] Maybe Lisa didn't think there was anything wrong with her life.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Legion (#2.18)" (2003)
Frankie Marino: Everything has always been the same.
Detective Robert Goren: How do you mean?
Frankie Marino: You can't lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing.The longest life is the same as the shortest.
Detective Alexandra Eames: What's he talking about?
Detective Robert Goren: The longest life is the same as the shortest.I know this.
Frankie Marino: Some things are rushing into existence.Others out of it.
Detective Robert Goren: Did you read this, Frankie?
Frankie Marino: Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed...
Detective Robert Goren: Glimpsed once, already carried past us and is gone. Yeah.That's Marcus Aurelius.The dictates of a warrior.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Loyalty: Part 2 (#9.2)" (2010)
Detective Alexandra Eames: You think he's the money trail?
Detective Robert Goren: I am going to try and find out.
Detective Alexandra Eames: I really feel I should try to talk you out of this.
Detective Robert Goren: But that's always been a wasted effort.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Yeah,
Detective Alexandra Eames: right.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: No Exit (#4.20)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [about a "person of interest" in an investigation] He's just letting it all slide - even the things that matter to him. He's sinking into depression.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [holding up a will] Here's one thing he hasn't let slide.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Homo Homini Lupis (#1.14)" (2002)
Robert Goren: [joking around with the suspect] "Bonanza"? What a funny guy!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Shrink-Wrapped (#3.15)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: Looks like you might have done it, huh? Sent Dad to jail?
Camilla Barnes: I don't want that.
Detective Robert Goren: For once you snatched victory from the jaws of your mother. You showed your parents just how smart you really are.
Camilla Barnes: They know. They raised me.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Raised you? Wolves would have done a better job.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Pravda (#3.5)" (2003)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: Must be a family trait.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: What's that?
Detective Robert Goren: No stomach for the truth.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Suite Sorrow (#2.12)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: No, no, no! I know that anger! I should have seen it coming.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Malignant (#2.6)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: We did a little dumpster diving. It's pretty nasty.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Blink (#2.20)" (2003)
A.D.A. Ron Carver: [referring to a frightened murder suspect] So - he may be human after all.
Detective Robert Goren: Optimist.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Smothered (#1.3)" (2001)
Detective Alexandra Eames: What is that?
Detective Robert Goren: Fish scale.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
Detective Robert Goren: Sharks don't have scales.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [rolls eyes]

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Masquerade (#6.6)" (2006)
Jamie Royce: [referring to his late mother] She was a bit of a self-medicator.
Detective Robert Goren: I know the type.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Shibboleth (#4.17)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [parroting a suspect] "Pret-ty girls."

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Consumed (#3.21)" (2004)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: So that's what vengence gets ya - a mouthful of ashes.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Proud Flesh (#5.13)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: [Goren asks Chinese shop owner a question in Chinese]
Shop owner: [in Chinese] You speak Chinese like my little dog!
Translator: She said...
Detective Robert Goren: [embarrassed] I know, I got it.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [amused] So did I.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Scared Crazy (#5.9)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: You just sidestepped our question.
Dr. Katrina Pynchon: [smiles] I thought it was more polite than saying, "It's none of your business."

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Phantom (#1.16)" (2002)
Detective Alexandra Eames: The only money I ever got from my family was the 50 bucks my Dad gave me for my prom dress.
Detective Robert Goren: Is that the same year you were selling apples in front of City Hall?
Detective Alexandra Eames: It was matchsticks, and it was snowing.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: View from Up Here (#4.10)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [consoling a victimized woman] You're not stupid to have faith.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Baggage (#2.11)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: I almost forgot, I once busted a stripper who did a thing with a glow stick, do they do that there?
Louis Pens: Yeah, they do that.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [to Goren] I can't believe you touched that thing.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Good Child (#4.18)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [laughing, to Detective Eames] She stole our stapler. Maureen stole our stapler! *That's* why she has all those knick-knacks. Interesting, huh?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Graansha (#2.21)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: Wasn't your aunt "family"?
Fiona Devlin: She didn't live with the family. She went to live outside, with them.
Detective Robert Goren: You mean outsiders - like me?
[Fiona nods silently]
Detective Robert Goren: Being an outsider is not such a hot thing.
Fiona Devlin: They're suckers. Outsiders are suckers.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Last Street in Manhattan (#10.4)" (2011)
Detective Alexandra Eames: I tried Proust in college; I gave up after the first million pages.
Detective Robert Goren: It picks up after the second million pages.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The War at Home (#6.8)" (2006)
Captain Danny Ross: Good job, detectives. Now, if you can just have your paperwork ready...
Detective Robert Goren: [walking out of office] Save it, I'm leaving. You want to fire me, fire me. I don't care.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Eosphoros (#4.5)" (2004)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: She didn't believe in Heaven or Hell, so how would she know that the Devil was massaging her neck?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Stress Position (#4.13)" (2005)
Chocolate Jimmy: Kenna, yeah. I remember him. Sure.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You had a dust-up with him for wearing double clothes.
Chocolate Jimmy: He had me strip down to my kimono, so all the people in the galleries could see.
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: You probably liked that.
Chocolate Jimmy: Shut up, Ma, they're talkin' to me!
Detective Robert Goren: Is your mom right, Jimmy? Or- or did you feel humiliated?
Chocolate Jimmy: I'm no Anna Nicole. I don't like bein' made a spectacle.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Then you'll be happy to know Guard Kenna was stabbed to death in his building two days ago.
Detective Robert Goren: Do you know anything about that, Jimmy?
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: He doesn't know anything. He just sits around eating biscuits. "Get a hobby," I tell him.
Chocolate Jimmy: I know things, Ma!
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: Ungrateful, biscuit-eating son of a bitch!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Magnificat (#4.7)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: See that? That's affect.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Loyalty: Part 1 (#9.1)" (2010)
Detective Robert Goren: [On the scene of Ross' murder, FBI agents are trying to stop Goren and Eames from seeing Ross' body]
Detective Robert Goren: So he died covering for your little covert operation?
Agent Stahl: Look no one regrets more than we do that...
Detective Robert Goren: Oh come on, with the regrets! You can't keep us from him! We do what our boss tells us, and you're not our boss, our boss is over there. You're *not* gonna stop us!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Rispetto (#10.1)" (2011)
Detective Robert Goren: [to Eames] Let's lie.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Acts of Contrition (#5.5)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [trying to get a man's description] Was he big, like me?
Sister Edwina: Not so big. And not so... Caucasian.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Ex Stasis (#4.16)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [appealing to criminal suspect] I mean, what's more selfish than the desire for personal freedom?

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Probability (#2.14)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: We arrested his girlfriend.
Wally Stevens: She probably has the money. Women like money.
Detective Robert Goren: So do men.
Wally Stevens: That's because women like men with money.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: On Fire (#5.21)" (2006)
Charlie Taylor: [sees a race car wreck on TV; squeals] Woo-hoo! Look at that!
Detective Robert Goren: You like car races?
Charlie Taylor: Oh yeah! I got a *need* for *speed*! I'm, not that I break the law any more officer. I got plenty enough tickets to last me a life-time, but no DUI's. I don't drink. I got an allergy.
Detective Robert Goren: Your job. Your always climbing around in those vents, that's dangerous, huh?
Charlie Taylor: It's fun!
Detective Robert Goren: [to Eames] Dangerous and fun.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [deadpan] Woo-hoo.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Monster (#2.15)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: Mark, he told us that there's three varieties of murder groupies: victims, psychos, and shrinks.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He said with you he's got "three mints in one."
Chantal Fielding: Oh! That loser!

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Semi-Professional (#1.15)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Semi-Detached (#4.1)" (2004)
Nelda Carlson: Robert, don't you care for me at all? You do. I saw it.
Detective Robert Goren: I didn't mean for you to see it.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Good Doctor (#1.9)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: She's like a little puppy in your hands, pissing all over herself with excitement.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: F.P.S. (#3.10)" (2004)
Captain James Deakins: This one knows about the tickets but not the money. This one knows about the money but not the tickets. These two clowns can't keep their stories straight.
Detective Robert Goren: They have access codes to hundreds of bank accounts, nearly two million dollars. And they only take $100,000.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Barely covers their overhead.
Captain James Deakins: Hmmm.
Detective Robert Goren: Now, $100,000 is just enough to catch our attention. Just enough to, um, lead us to these two.
Captain James Deakins: They've been set up.
Detective Robert Goren: So have we.