Lance Brumder
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Quotes for
Lance Brumder (Character)
from Orange County (2002)

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Orange County (2002)
Lance: Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Firefighter: What's your name?
Lance: Uh, Joe... John... uh, Joe-John.
Firefighter: Your name's Joe-John?
Lance: John-ston, Johnston. Joe.
Firefighter: You wanna tell me what happened here?
Lance: Uh, there was a fire, I dunno, I came by and it's... checkin out the fire.
Firefighter: Well that lady uh, Mona? She said that you two were in the building together when the fire started.
Lance: Yeah, she's a liar, cuz I dunno her so whatever, whatever she says is a lie, so...
Firefighter: K, so you're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?
Lance: No, not I! Aright, she started it, aright? Because she was like "I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down!" And I said "You better not... you better not!"
Firefighter: She said it was an electrical fire.
Lance: It was. It was a total electrical fire, it was like uh, the switches had sparks comin out, and the sockets, and uh it was like the 4th of July, man!
Firefighter: Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?
Lance: I tripped, and uh then I had to take 'em off to run faster out of the flames...
[coughing]
Lance: I think I inhaled some smoke, will you excuse me one second, I'll be right back.
[runs away in the background]
Firefighter: [into walkie talkie] We got a sprinter. Five foot five, no pants, unkempt... portly.

Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
Lance: Why?
Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.
Lance: OK!

Lance: Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!

Lance: You banged mom?

Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Shaun: Yeah.
Lance: Awesome, man.

Shaun: Dude... dude... dude!
[Lance stops vaccuming]
Shaun: Where are Bob's pain pills?
Lance: Here!
Shaun: No, this is Excedrin!
Lance: It's a decoy... I put all my stash in bottles... yellow are painkillers, they go in the Excedrin!
Shaun: Listen to me, I need Bob's pain pills!
Lance: Bob doesn't have any pain pills.
Shaun: Yes he does!
Lance: Not anymore, I sold them.

Lance: [Stripped down to his underwear] Shaun. Shaun...
Lance: Shaun. It's so psychedelic. Buddy, I light one match, and the building blows up.
[Giggles deviously, while Shaun looks slightly horrified]
Lance: Well, I was just tryin' to help you, bro.
Shaun: [Incredulous] By lighting the building on fire?
Lance: Well, I was high...
Shaun: You're *always* high! Y-you're a drugged out loser. You think you're gonna' create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourSELF!
Lance: [Deflated] Harsh.

[Lance has discovered that Shaun can't get into Stanford]
Lance: You should sue, man. This isn't right. Sue the school.
Shaun: Shut up, Lance.
Lance: Or you know what? Just go to Stanford anyway. Go there and take the classes. Don't take "no" for an answer. Just say, "I'm goin' here. Kiss my ass."
Shaun: That's actually a good idea!
Lance: What is?
Shaun: I should! I should go up to Stanford! If I talk with the dean of admissions face to face, and tell him my situation, - he's gotta let me in.
Lance: I can get you there in three hours.