The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
[Kuzco and Pacha are tied to a tree branch floating in a river
: Uh-oh. Kuzco
: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall. Pacha
: Yep. Kuzco
: Sharp rocks at the bottom? Pacha
: Most likely. Kuzco
: Bring it on.
: [Both hanging from a bridge, Pacha hits Kuzco in anger
] That's for going back on your promise! Kuzco
: [Kuzco hits Pacha
] Yeah! And that's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!
[Pacha hits him back
: Where'd you come from, little guy? Kuzco
: No... touchy. Pacha
: Demon llama! Kuzco
: Demon llama? Where?
[Turns around and sees Misty, a real llama
: Maaah. Kuzco
[after falling into the alligator pit
: Okay, why does she even *have* that lever?
[after firing Yzma
] So... who's in my chaaaaaair? Kronk
: Oh, oh! I know! Yzma. Yzma's in your chair, right? Kuzco
: Very good, Kronk! Here. Get the snack.
[Kuzco considers seven potential brides who all look remarkably alike
: Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. And, let me guess, you have a great personality.
: This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth.
: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me? Yzma
: Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement. Kronk
: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired. Yzma
: I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you.
[Kuzco, having changed back into a human and no longer selfish, apologises to Rudy from what happened earlier on
: Look, I'm sorry for tossing you out the window earlier. Old Man
: Oh, it's not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel.
[Yzma and Kuzco never see each other. When one exits, the other enters
: Make me the special. And hold the gravy! Kronk
: Check. Pickup! Kuzco
: You know what? On second thought, make my omelette a meat pie. Kronk
: Meat pie. Check. Yzma
: Kronk! Can I order the potatoes as a side dish? Kronk
: I'll have to charge you full price. Yzma
] Ooh. Kuzco
: Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy? Kronk
: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes? Yzma
: Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine. Kronk
: Cheddar spuds coming up. Kuzco
: Spuds yes, cheese no. Kronk
: Hold the cheese. Yzma
: No, I want the cheese. Kronk
: Cheese it is. Kuzco
: Cheese me no "likee." Kronk
: Cheese out. Yzma
: Cheese in! Kronk
: Ah, come on. Make up your mind! Kuzco
: Okay, okay, on second thought... Yzma
: ...make my potatoes a salad.
: [as he turns into a Llama from the "drink" he just had
] Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal, be a friend?
: You know, it's a good thing you're not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult.
: [Repeated Line
] Boom, baby!
[Kuzko collides with an old man while dancing
: D'oh! You threw off my groove! Guard
: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove.
[the old man is thrown out of the palace window
] Old Man
: Oh, and by the way, you're fired. Yzma
: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?
[Kuzco snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Yzma's "pink slip"
: Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a different direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.
[while Kuzco and Pacha are trying out all of Yzma's potions
: Yay. I'm a llama again!
: I can't believe this is happening! Yzma
: Then I bet you weren't expecting *this*.
[Yzma pulls up her dress. Kuzco and Pacha scream
: [revealing a knife strapped to her thigh
[Kuzco and Pacha sigh with relief
: Oh, okay.
[after telling Pacha that he intends to destroy Pacha's villiage and build "Kuzcotopia"
: But, but, um, where will *we* live? Kuzco
: Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?
: Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. Well, actually, my story. That's right... I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I'll tell you what. You go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.
[cut to Kuzco as an infant
: All right, now see. That's a little too far back. Ooh! Look at me! That's me as a baby.
[breaks doll and begins to cry, immediately a lot more dolls are shoved his way
: Ahem! All right, let's move ahead.
: Oh, yeah. This is the real me.
[cut to llama
: Not this.
[back to Kuzco
[back to llama
: Not this.
[back to Kuzco
[back to llama
: What is this guy babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up.
: Emperor Kuzco? Kuzco
: Yeah. Who did you think you were talking to? Pacha
: Um... How did... uh... you don't... *look* like the emperor. Kuzco
: What do you mean I don't look like the emperor? Pacha
: Um... do this.
: What is this, some little game you country folk like to play?
[sees his hoofed hand, gasps
: It can't be! I...
[looks at his reflection in the water
] My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I'm an ugly, stinky llama! Wah-hah-hah! Llama face!
: Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama! Pacha
: What? No, I did not. Kuzco
: Yes, and then you kidnapped me! Pacha
: Why would I kidnap a llama? Kuzco
: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me. Pacha
: What? Kuzco
: You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.
: Hey, tiny. I wanna get out of this body. Wouldn't you? Now let's go. Pacha
: Build your summer house somewhere else. Kuzco
: You wanna run that by me again? Pacha
: I can't let you go back unless you change your mind and build your summer home somewhere else. Kuzco
: I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer.
[Pacha comes closer
: [loudly, in Pacha's ear
] I don't make deals with peasants!
] So this is where you came in. See, just like I said, I'm the victim here! I didn't do anything, and they ruined my life and took everything I had. Kuzco
: Hey, give it a rest up there, will ya? Kuzco
] What? I'm just telling them what happened. Kuzco
: Who are you kidding, pal? They saw the whole thing. They *know* what happened. Kuzco
] Well, yeah, but... but... Kuzco
: Leave me alone.
: It's my birthday gift to me. I'm so happy.
[Film stops, Llama Kuzco appears on screen
: Uh, excuse me. Two seconds here. I'm the one in the cart, remember? This story is about me.
[Circles the bag on the cart where he is
: Not him.
[Crosses out Pacha
: Okay, we're clear? All right, we're gonna move ahead. Sorry to keep you waiting.
[Exits; returns to scribble over Pacha; realizes he's still on screen, chuckles, then leaves; film starts up again
: Okay, once we cross this bridge, it's just an hour to your palace. Kuzco
: Good, because believe it or not, I think I need a bath. Pacha
: I believe it. Kuzco
: What's that? Pacha
: [hanging off the bridge
] Kuzco! Kuzco
: Yeah? Pacha
: Quick, pull me up! Kuzco
: No, I don't think I will. Pacha
: You're gonna leave me here? Kuzco
: Well, I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better. Pacha
: I thought you were a changed man. Kuzco
: Come on, I had to say *something* to get you to take me back to the palace. Pacha
: So all of it was a lie? Kuzco
: Well yeah. No, wait... Oh, yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!
: Looking for this? Yzma
: [holds up the vial of human extract
[Kuzco and Pacha gasp
: No! It can't be! How did you get back here before us? Yzma
: ...how *did* we, Kronk? Kronk
: Well, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
[Kronk holds up a map of the two parties' trails, showing Yzma's and Kronk's falling down a canyon halfway through
: Oh, well.
: When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye. Bye-bye!
: No, no! Don't drop it! Yzma Kitty
: I'm not going to drop it, you fool! I'm going to drink it! And once I turn back into my beautiful self I'm going to *kill* you.
[after getting hit in the head with a frying pan
: You have a lovely wife. They're both very pretty.
: [to a Squirrel he finds in the Jungle
] Hit the road, Bucky!
: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones? Pacha
: Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really *bad* ideas. Kuzco
: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.
: Boo-yah! Welcome to Kuzcotopia, my ultimate summer getaway, complete with water slide.
[Pacha has gotten himself and Kuzco tied to a dead tree branch
: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say? Pacha
: No, no, no. It's... It's okay. This is all right. We can figure this out.
[the branch cracks
: I hate you.
[the drink is poisoned
: Kronk, the emperor needs his... drink! Kronk
: Right. Oh...
[winks at Yzma
[goes to grab drink and realizes that he doesn't know which one it is; takes the drinks away to pour the poison again
: Hey, Kronky, everything okay back there? Kronk
: [mixing the drinks together before refilling all the cups
] Oh, uh, the drinks were a bit on the, uh...
[small explosion from each of the cups
: ...warm side. Hehe. Hey, did ya see that sky today? Talk about blue. Yzma
: Yes, Kronk. Riveting. A toast, to the emperor! Long live Kuzco! Kronk
: [to Yzma trying to make it sound like he's coughing
] Don't drink the wine. Poison.
: So, you lied to me. Pacha
: I did? Kuzco
: Yeah. You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing.
: So, I'll be building my summer home on a more *magical* hill. Thank you. Pacha
: Heh. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh? Kuzco
: No, no, I'm sharp. I'm on it.
[puts the model of Pacha's house back on the hilltop
: Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal.
[Kuzco and Pacha sit in silence
: You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. In case you're interested.
Theme Song Guy
: He's the sovereign lord of the nation / He's the hippest cat in creation / He's the Alpha, the Omega, A to Z / And this perfect world will spin / Around his every little whim / 'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with... Kuzco
: I am one hungry king of the world.
: [as a parrot, whilst testing out each of the potions
] We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials. I'm picking the next one. Pacha
: Fine by me! Kuzco
: Give me that one.
[drinks a potion and turns into a whale
: Don't you say a word.
: And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year's model is called Kronk.
: [about Kronk
] Oh, he's doing his own theme music? Big, dumb and tone deaf. I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this.
: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong. Kuzco
: Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama. Pacha
: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over. Kuzco
: Well, that makes you ugly *and* stupid. Pacha
: Let's end this. Kuzco
: Ladies first.
: [walking back to his palace, alone, in the jungle
] Scary jungle. Right.
[in mocking voice
: Oh, a leaf! Oh, it might attack me. Oh, it's a scary tree! I'm afraid. Please. Never find my way? I'm the Emperor, and as such, I'm born with an innate sense of direction. Okay, where am I?
[a fly buzzes nearby and gets caught in spiderweb
] Bug in jungle
: Help me! Help me!
[Spider comes and eats the fly off-screen
] Bug in jungle
: Too late... Kuzco
: Ok... that's the freakiest thing I've ever seen...
[after Pacha attempted to breathe into Kuzco's mouth after saving him from drowning to see if he was still alive
: For the last time, it was not a kiss. Kuzco
: Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting.
: Woo-yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I snatched you right out of the air! "Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today, pal! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! Pacha
: You just saved my life!
: If you had done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little "kiss of life".
: [watching Yzma talk
] Whoa! Look at those wrinkles. What is holding this woman together? What the...
[sees a bit of spinach on Yzma's teeth
: How long has that been there?
: But... but Your Highness, I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire for... for many, many years. Kuzco
: Hey, everyone hits their stride. You just hit yours fifty years ago.
: There's two people in there looking for you. Kuzco
: Who? Pacha
: A big guy and a skinny old woman. Kuzco
: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason? Pacha
: Oh, yeah! Kuzco
: That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!
: [referring to Kronk
] He's... what, in his late twenties? Yzma
: Hehe... I'm... not sure.
: Stay away from my statues llama! Kuzco
: Back off, I'm the Emperor! Open the door or I'll smash your statues to pieces! Villager Man
: DEMON LLAMA!
[the Villager man runs away into his hut
: [after being transformed into a turtle
] I'm a turtle.
: Hello little turtle, are you here to enter the annual village race? Kuzco
: Me, race? No sorry, I don't think so. Kronk
: Good, because if you had beaten me, then you would have won this nifty trophy.
[Kronk shows Kuzco the Red Idol trophy
: Hmmm. Kronk's got another RED IDOL. No doubt I'm gonna need it to get out of this ridiculous place. Well, why didn't you say so Kronk! Let's go.
: [after falling off the ledge and climbing all the way up
] Phew, that's quite a climb. Kronk
: Back for more little buddy?
: [after Kuzco wins the race as a turtle and dances, while Kronk loses and pounds his fists on the ground, Kronk stands up
] Ahh gee, I didn't do too well... Here, you can have the trophy.
[Kronk gives Kuzco the Red Idol trophy
: Booya! Narrator
: At this point you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Kuzco here, coming to you live from the palace. Guards
: Hail, Kuzco! Kuzco
: Please, don't grovel, it's embarrasing. I'm not like that anymore. I'm a good guy now. Didn't you see the first movie?
[Pulls out a giant poster for "Emperor's New Groove"
: Yay! A 50-foot me! I loved that movie because it was all about me. But now it's Kronk's turn in the limelight. So let me put it as simply as possible: This is his movie, not my movie. His movie, not mine. His, not mine. All right, everybody got it? Even the little ones? Good. So grab some popcorn, take a sippy-sip of your sip stuff, and enjoy. I'll be back later to check up on you. Now, action!
: [Appears dressed as Kronk's wife
] Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself into the movie? Nice.
: Kuzco? Kuzco
: What's up, hot stuff? Kronk
: [Holds sign saying "Uh oh"
: Here comes Kuzco cottontail!
: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!
: I've been stricken with an ailment! Somebody call a bank!
[after Kuzco says his best friend is Brad Bowllama
: 'Brad Bowllama?' What did you do? Look at a bowl and a picture of a llama. Kuzco
: No, that would be stupid. Malina
: I'm surprised that his name isn't Brad Banana-Staircase-Hat