IMDb > Kuzco (Character) > Quotes
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Kuzco (Character)
from The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
[Kuzco and Pacha are tied to a tree branch floating in a river]
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yep.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: Bring it on.

Pacha: [Both hanging from a bridge, Pacha hits Kuzco in anger] That's for going back on your promise!
Kuzco: [Kuzco hits Pacha] Yeah! And that's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!
[Pacha hits him back]

Pacha: Where'd you come from, little guy?
Kuzco: No... touchy.
Pacha: Demon llama!
Kuzco: Demon llama? Where?
[Turns around and sees Misty, a real llama]
Misty: Maaah.
Kuzco: Aaah!

[after falling into the alligator pit]
Kuzco: Okay, why does she even *have* that lever?

[after firing Yzma]
Kuzco: [sing-song] So... who's in my chaaaaaair?
Kronk: Oh, oh! I know! Yzma. Yzma's in your chair, right?
Kuzco: Very good, Kronk! Here. Get the snack.

[Kuzco considers seven potential brides who all look remarkably alike]
Kuzco: Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. And, let me guess, you have a great personality.

Kuzco: This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth.

Kuzco: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
Yzma: Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.
Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.
Yzma: I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you.

[Kuzco, having changed back into a human and no longer selfish, apologises to Rudy from what happened earlier on]
Kuzco: Look, I'm sorry for tossing you out the window earlier.
Old Man: Oh, it's not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel.

[Yzma and Kuzco never see each other. When one exits, the other enters]
Yzma: Make me the special. And hold the gravy!
Kronk: Check. Pickup!
Kuzco: You know what? On second thought, make my omelette a meat pie.
Kronk: Meat pie. Check.
Yzma: Kronk! Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
Kronk: I'll have to charge you full price.
Yzma: [annoyed] Ooh.
Kuzco: Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?
Kronk: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?
Yzma: Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.
Kronk: Cheddar spuds coming up.
Kuzco: Spuds yes, cheese no.
Kronk: Hold the cheese.
Yzma: No, I want the cheese.
Kronk: Cheese it is.
Kuzco: Cheese me no "likee."
Kronk: Cheese out.
Yzma: Cheese in!
Kronk: Ah, come on. Make up your mind!
Kuzco: Okay, okay, on second thought...
Yzma, Kuzco: ...make my potatoes a salad.

Kuzco: [as he turns into a Llama from the "drink" he just had] Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal, be a friend?

Kuzco: Boo-yeah.

Kuzco: You know, it's a good thing you're not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult.

Kuzco: [Repeated Line] Boom, baby!

[Kuzko collides with an old man while dancing]
Kuzco: D'oh! You threw off my groove!
Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove.
[the old man is thrown out of the palace window]
Old Man: Sooooorry!

Kuzco: Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?
[Kuzco snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Yzma's "pink slip"]
Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a different direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.

[while Kuzco and Pacha are trying out all of Yzma's potions]
Kuzco: Yay. I'm a llama again!
Kuzco: Wait...

Kuzco: I can't believe this is happening!
Yzma: Then I bet you weren't expecting *this*.
[Yzma pulls up her dress. Kuzco and Pacha scream]
Yzma: [revealing a knife strapped to her thigh] Aha!
[Kuzco and Pacha sigh with relief]
Kuzco: Oh, okay.

[after telling Pacha that he intends to destroy Pacha's villiage and build "Kuzcotopia"]
Pacha: But, but, um, where will *we* live?
Kuzco: Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?

Kuzco: Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. Well, actually, my story. That's right... I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I'll tell you what. You go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.
[cut to Kuzco as an infant]
Kuzco: All right, now see. That's a little too far back. Ooh! Look at me! That's me as a baby.
[breaks doll and begins to cry, immediately a lot more dolls are shoved his way]
Kuzco: Ahem! All right, let's move ahead.

Kuzco: Oh, yeah. This is the real me.
[cut to llama]
Kuzco: Not this.
[back to Kuzco]
Kuzco: This...
[back to llama]
Kuzco: Not this.
[back to Kuzco]
Kuzco: Winner...
[back to llama]
Kuzco: Loser!

Kuzco: What is this guy babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up.

Pacha: Emperor Kuzco?
Kuzco: Yeah. Who did you think you were talking to?
Pacha: Um... How did... uh... you don't... *look* like the emperor.
Kuzco: What do you mean I don't look like the emperor?
Pacha: Um... do this.
[wiggles fingers]
Kuzco: What is this, some little game you country folk like to play?
[sees his hoofed hand, gasps]
Kuzco: It can't be! I...
[looks at his reflection in the water]
Kuzco: [Gasps] My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I'm an ugly, stinky llama! Wah-hah-hah! Llama face!

Kuzco: Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama!
Pacha: What? No, I did not.
Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!
Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.
Pacha: What?
Kuzco: You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

Kuzco: Hey, tiny. I wanna get out of this body. Wouldn't you? Now let's go.
Pacha: Build your summer house somewhere else.
Kuzco: You wanna run that by me again?
Pacha: I can't let you go back unless you change your mind and build your summer home somewhere else.
Kuzco: I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer.
[Pacha comes closer]
Kuzco: [loudly, in Pacha's ear] I don't make deals with peasants!

Kuzco: [voiceover] So this is where you came in. See, just like I said, I'm the victim here! I didn't do anything, and they ruined my life and took everything I had.
Kuzco: Hey, give it a rest up there, will ya?
Kuzco: [voiceover] What? I'm just telling them what happened.
Kuzco: Who are you kidding, pal? They saw the whole thing. They *know* what happened.
Kuzco: [voiceover] Well, yeah, but... but...
Kuzco: Leave me alone.

Kuzco: It's my birthday gift to me. I'm so happy.

[Film stops, Llama Kuzco appears on screen]
Kuzco: Uh, excuse me. Two seconds here. I'm the one in the cart, remember? This story is about me.
[Circles the bag on the cart where he is]
Kuzco: Not him.
[Crosses out Pacha]
Kuzco: Okay, we're clear? All right, we're gonna move ahead. Sorry to keep you waiting.
[Exits; returns to scribble over Pacha; realizes he's still on screen, chuckles, then leaves; film starts up again]

Pacha: Okay, once we cross this bridge, it's just an hour to your palace.
Kuzco: Good, because believe it or not, I think I need a bath.
Pacha: I believe it.
Kuzco: What's that?
Pacha: Nothing.

Pacha: [hanging off the bridge] Kuzco!
Kuzco: Yeah?
Pacha: Quick, pull me up!
Kuzco: No, I don't think I will.
Pacha: You're gonna leave me here?
Kuzco: Well, I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better.
Pacha: I thought you were a changed man.
Kuzco: Come on, I had to say *something* to get you to take me back to the palace.
Pacha: So all of it was a lie?
Kuzco: Well yeah. No, wait... Oh, yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!

Yzma: Looking for this?
Yzma: [holds up the vial of human extract]
[Kuzco and Pacha gasp]
Kuzco: No! It can't be! How did you get back here before us?
Yzma: Uh...
Yzma: *did* we, Kronk?
Kronk: Well, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
[Kronk holds up a map of the two parties' trails, showing Yzma's and Kronk's falling down a canyon halfway through]
Yzma: Oh, well.

Kuzco: When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye. Bye-bye!

Kuzco: No, no! Don't drop it!
Yzma Kitty: I'm not going to drop it, you fool! I'm going to drink it! And once I turn back into my beautiful self I'm going to *kill* you.

[after getting hit in the head with a frying pan]
Kuzco: You have a lovely wife. They're both very pretty.

Kuzco: [to a Squirrel he finds in the Jungle] Hit the road, Bucky!

Kuzco: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?
Pacha: Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really *bad* ideas.
Kuzco: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

Kuzco: Boo-yah! Welcome to Kuzcotopia, my ultimate summer getaway, complete with water slide.

[Pacha has gotten himself and Kuzco tied to a dead tree branch]
Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?
Pacha: No, no, no. It's... It's okay. This is all right. We can figure this out.
[the branch cracks]
Kuzco: I hate you.

[the drink is poisoned]
Yzma: Kronk, the emperor needs his... drink!
Kronk: Right. Oh...
[winks at Yzma]
Kronk: ...riiiiiiggghhht.
[goes to grab drink and realizes that he doesn't know which one it is; takes the drinks away to pour the poison again]
Kuzco: Hey, Kronky, everything okay back there?
Kronk: [mixing the drinks together before refilling all the cups] Oh, uh, the drinks were a bit on the, uh...
[small explosion from each of the cups]
Kronk: ...warm side. Hehe. Hey, did ya see that sky today? Talk about blue.
Yzma: Yes, Kronk. Riveting. A toast, to the emperor! Long live Kuzco!
Kronk: [to Yzma trying to make it sound like he's coughing] Don't drink the wine. Poison.

Kuzco: So, you lied to me.
Pacha: I did?
Kuzco: Yeah. You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing.
[takes Kuzcotopia]
Kuzco: So, I'll be building my summer home on a more *magical* hill. Thank you.
Pacha: Heh. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?
Kuzco: No, no, I'm sharp. I'm on it.
[puts the model of Pacha's house back on the hilltop]
Kuzco: Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal.
[Kuzco and Pacha sit in silence]
Pacha: You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. In case you're interested.

Theme Song Guy: He's the sovereign lord of the nation / He's the hippest cat in creation / He's the Alpha, the Omega, A to Z / And this perfect world will spin / Around his every little whim / 'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with...
Kuzco: Me!

Kuzco: I am one hungry king of the world.

Kuzco: [as a parrot, whilst testing out each of the potions] We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials. I'm picking the next one.
Pacha: Fine by me!
Kuzco: Give me that one.
[drinks a potion and turns into a whale]
Kuzco: Don't you say a word.

Kuzco: And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year's model is called Kronk.

Kuzco: [about Kronk] Oh, he's doing his own theme music? Big, dumb and tone deaf. I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this.

Pacha: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.
Kuzco: Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.
Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.
Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly *and* stupid.
Pacha: Let's end this.
Kuzco: Ladies first.

Kuzco: [walking back to his palace, alone, in the jungle] Scary jungle. Right.
[in mocking voice]
Kuzco: Oh, a leaf! Oh, it might attack me. Oh, it's a scary tree! I'm afraid. Please. Never find my way? I'm the Emperor, and as such, I'm born with an innate sense of direction. Okay, where am I?
[a fly buzzes nearby and gets caught in spiderweb]
Bug in jungle: Help me! Help me!
[Spider comes and eats the fly off-screen]
Bug in jungle: Too late...
Kuzco: Ok... that's the freakiest thing I've ever seen...

[after Pacha attempted to breathe into Kuzco's mouth after saving him from drowning to see if he was still alive]
Pacha: For the last time, it was not a kiss.
Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting.

Kuzco: Woo-yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I snatched you right out of the air! "Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today, pal! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
Pacha: You just saved my life!

Kuzco: If you had done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little "kiss of life".

Kuzco: [watching Yzma talk] Whoa! Look at those wrinkles. What is holding this woman together? What the...
[sees a bit of spinach on Yzma's teeth]
Kuzco: How long has that been there?

Yzma: But... but Your Highness, I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire for... for many, many years.
Kuzco: Hey, everyone hits their stride. You just hit yours fifty years ago.

Kuzco: There's two people in there looking for you.
Kuzco: Who?
Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?
Pacha: Oh, yeah!
Kuzco: That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!

Kuzco: [referring to Kronk] He's... what, in his late twenties?
Yzma: Hehe... I'm... not sure.

Emperor's New Groove (2000) (VG)
Villager Man: Stay away from my statues llama!
Kuzco: Back off, I'm the Emperor! Open the door or I'll smash your statues to pieces!
Villager Man: DEMON LLAMA!
[the Villager man runs away into his hut]

Kuzco: [after being transformed into a turtle] I'm a turtle.

Kronk: Hello little turtle, are you here to enter the annual village race?
Kuzco: Me, race? No sorry, I don't think so.
Kronk: Good, because if you had beaten me, then you would have won this nifty trophy.
[Kronk shows Kuzco the Red Idol trophy]
Kronk: Hmmm. Kronk's got another RED IDOL. No doubt I'm gonna need it to get out of this ridiculous place. Well, why didn't you say so Kronk! Let's go.

Kuzco: [after falling off the ledge and climbing all the way up] Phew, that's quite a climb.
Kronk: Back for more little buddy?

Kronk: [after Kuzco wins the race as a turtle and dances, while Kronk loses and pounds his fists on the ground, Kronk stands up] Ahh gee, I didn't do too well... Here, you can have the trophy.
[Kronk gives Kuzco the Red Idol trophy]
Kuzco: Booya!
Narrator: Checkpoint.

Kronk's New Groove (2005) (V)
Kuzco: At this point you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Kuzco here, coming to you live from the palace.
Guards: Hail, Kuzco!
Kuzco: Please, don't grovel, it's embarrasing. I'm not like that anymore. I'm a good guy now. Didn't you see the first movie?
[Pulls out a giant poster for "Emperor's New Groove"]
Kuzco: Yay! A 50-foot me! I loved that movie because it was all about me. But now it's Kronk's turn in the limelight. So let me put it as simply as possible: This is his movie, not my movie. His movie, not mine. His, not mine. All right, everybody got it? Even the little ones? Good. So grab some popcorn, take a sippy-sip of your sip stuff, and enjoy. I'll be back later to check up on you. Now, action!

Kuzco: [Appears dressed as Kronk's wife] Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself into the movie? Nice.

Kronk: Kuzco?
Kuzco: What's up, hot stuff?
Kronk: [Holds sign saying "Uh oh"]

"The Emperor's New School: Rabbit Face (#1.1)" (2006)
Kuzco: Here comes Kuzco cottontail!

[repeated line]
Kuzco: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!

"The Emperor's New School: Squeakend at Bucky's/Kuzco Fever (#1.2)" (2006)
Kuzco: I've been stricken with an ailment! Somebody call a bank!

"The Emperor's New School: Unfit to Print/The Emperor's New Pet (#1.9)" (2006)
[after Kuzco says his best friend is Brad Bowllama]
Malina: 'Brad Bowllama?' What did you do? Look at a bowl and a picture of a llama.
Kuzco: No, that would be stupid.
Malina: I'm surprised that his name isn't Brad Banana-Staircase-Hat