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Quotes for
Paul Barish (Character)
from Tommy Boy (1995)

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Tommy Boy (1995)
Tommy: Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright.
Paul: Does it make a difference?
Tommy: Oh yeah. Wait a second. Is this your first time?
Paul: Yeah Tommy, it is.
Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.
Paul: And?
Tommy: They fall over, hee, hee, hee.
Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?
Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.

Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?
Tommy: [laughs] Why?

Paul: These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month".
Paul: I'm honored. Is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

Paul: Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!
Michelle: Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.
Ray Zalinsky: What's all this about?
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!
Richard Hayden: Yes. Provocative.
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.
Michelle: Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

Paul: That's it! I'm not gonna take this.
Richard Hayden: Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.
Michelle: Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.
[Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door]
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [shouts] Get him!
Ray Zalinsky: Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center] Hey, you forgot your wife!
Paul: Screw you! Screw all of you!
[trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast]
Paul: Not good.
Ray Zalinsky: Hit the brakes!
Paul: [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles] Aaahh! Ohhh!
Richard Hayden: Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

Paul: Ohh... Bad mommy!
Beverly Barish, aka Beverly Burns: Don't call me that! It's creepy!

Frank Rittenhauer: If this factory goes under, the whole town goes under.
Boardroom Woman: That's when the whores come in.
Paul: Excuse me, what was that?
Boardroom Woman: Men laying their trick-money down. Twenty dollars to pay the rent? Maybe not. Maybe instead I'll spend it on the whore.