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Quotes for
Mr. Skolnick (Character)
from Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

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Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994) (TV)
Mr. Skolnick: How's my unborn grandson?
Lewis Skolnick: You mean you're unborn fetal son?
[laughs]

Takashi: The bishop has a kidney stone, he no make it to wedding!
Dudley Dawson: How am I supposed to get married without a clergyman?
Mr. Skolnick: I could marry you.
Dudley Dawson: But I don't love you.

Lewis Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick's car pulls into the driveway] Dad!
Dudley Dawson: U.N.!
Mr. Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick and U.N. get out of the car] Hey, how are you?
U. N. Jefferson: [Lewis hugs his dad, U.N. shakes hands with Booger] Congratulations, Booger, congratulations!
Dudley Dawson: Thank you.
U. N. Jefferson: I wouldn't miss a nerd wedding for the world.
U. N. Jefferson: [greets Lewis, Mr. Skolnick greets Booger] How are you?
Mr. Skolnick: How's my unborn grandson?
Lewis Skolnick: You mean your unborn fetal son?
[Lewis and his dad guffaw together]
Takashi: Emergency! Excuse please, the bishop has a kidney stone, he no make it to wedding!
Dudley Dawson: What? How am I supposed to get married without a clergyman?
Mr. Skolnick: I can marry you.
Dudley Dawson: But I don't love you.
Mr. Skolnick: Oh- No, no, I took a correspondence course, I'm a fully ordained Tilhoonian minister.
U. N. Jefferson: You are?
Mr. Skolnick: U.N.
[Takashi, Booger, Lewis and his dad all guffaw together, while U.N. Jefferson stands quietly surprised, not getting the pun]

Betty Skolnick: [Betty has just given birth to her baby, and she cries tears of joy] Oh, oh, it's so beautiful.
Lewis Skolnick: [holds his newborn baby] Our son is born. Kunta Skolnick!
Mr. Skolnick: [holds his grandson for all to see] Behold, the nerd child.

Mr. Skolnick: I see before me two souls who desire to be joined together. There's no greater challenge in life, and also no greater reward.
Mr. Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick guffaws; U.N. Jefferson, Ogre, and Travis cry for joy] Do you, Dudley Dawson, take this woman, Jean Lagarde Humphrey, to be your lawful wife?
Dudley Dawson: [to Jean] Before I answer that, I just want to say... this is the happiest moment of my life.
Dudley Dawson: [faces Mr. Skolnick] I do.
Mr. Skolnick: And do you, Jean Lagarde Humphrey, take this man, Dudley Dawson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Jeanie Humphrey: Excuse me.
[Jeanie turns to Dudley]
Jeanie Humphrey: I'm going to love you till the end of time.
[faces Mr. Skolnick]
Jeanie Humphrey: I do.
Mr. Skolnick: Then, with the power invested in me by the Tilhoon Institute of Home Learning Church, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
[Mr. Skolnick guffaws; the wedding guests applaud]
Mylan Whitfield: [Dudley and Jeanie have a celebratory kiss] Nerds forever! Forever nerds!
[Mylan stands up]
Mylan Whitfield: Nerds! Nerds!
Mylan Whitfield, Everybody: Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!


Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987)
Mr. Scolnick: You've really got the pedal to the metal, don't you, son?
Lewis Scolnick: Yeah, I do, Dad. I've got the cruise control locked in at 35.
Mr. Scolnick: Tell you what. Kick it up to 37. Let's live dangerously.
Lewis Scolnick: [shocked] Dad!


Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
Mr. Skolnick: [to Lewis and Gilbert] Ah, you college men are all alike: all you think about is getting laid! I almost wish I was enrolling in school with you guys!