Birmingham Brown
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Quotes for
Birmingham Brown (Character)
from Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)

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Charlie Chan in The Chinese Cat (1944)
Charlie Chan: Not glad to see me, Birmingham?
Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: Oh, it's nothing personal, Mr. Chan, but the last time we met was in Washington, and if I can remember right, there was two or three murders.
Charlie Chan: Murder is my business.
Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: Murder's all right, Mr. Chan, but you wholesales it!

Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: [after knocking bad guy unconscious by breaking flashlight over his head] Uh-oh! Mr. Chan, I ruined your flashlight!
Charlie Chan: [looking at bad guy on the floor] Even trade... his light out, too!

Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: Free speech is gon' get me in trouble yet.

Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: How come you walkin' around? Don't you know you dead?

Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: Thank you for lettin' me share your private graveyard.

Catlen: Hold it, you! Stop that moving!
Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: I ain't movin', mister. That's just goose pimples galloping all over me.

Birmingham Brown, Taxi Driver: Uh-oh. My pin-up boy again.

Dark Alibi (1946)
Charlie Chan: [to Birmingham and Tommy] Always sitting! Wish you would wear out brains instead of seat of pants.
Tommy Chan: Pop, we have been thinking...
Charlie Chan: Most impossible.
Birmingham Brown: Oh, yes sir, Mr. Chan. We've been thinkin'.
Charlie Chan: And now you have a headache.

Birmingham Brown: [Driving] Mr. Chan, is this the shortest way to prison?
Charlie Chan: No, shortest way is commit crime.

Birmingham Brown: Hurry? Why do you always have to hurry to a murder? Why can't you just ooze on down to one?

Tommy Chan: You don't even know what a lawsuit is.
Birmingham Brown: Sure I do. It's something that the police wears.

Tommy Chan: I see where the bullets are coming from.
Birmingham Brown: Yeah, but I don't wanna look no bullets in the eye.

Shadows Over Chinatown (1946)
Birmingham Brown: [Referring to Charlie] Hey, Jimmy, what does he mean about Bureau of Missing Persons?
Jimmy Chan: Well, that's where you find things that are missing.
Birmingham Brown: I'm missing my breakfast. Let's find that.

Jimmy Chan: Com'on, Birmingham. Shake a leg.
Birmingham Brown: Who do you think I am? Man O' War? I ain't run this fast since I ran into a hornet's nest!

Jimmy Chan: [Watching a frightened Birmingham repeatedly crash into the wall on the stair landing of the morgue] Where are you going, Birmingham? That's not a door up there!
Birmingham Brown: It will be in a minute.

Curio Shop Owner: [to Birmingham and Jimmy in the curio shop] Are you gentlemen interested in buying any curios?
Birmingham Brown: Well, I'm curious enough to make my departure. Would you kindly tell me where the door is please?

Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)
Birmingham Brown: Talk? Mr. Chan, I'm so scared I can hardly gulp!

Birmingham Brown: You think if I'd asked your father to let me go home he'd let me?
Tommy Chan: What you want to go home for?
Birmingham Brown: I forgot something!
Tommy Chan: What'd you forget?
Birmingham Brown: I forgot to stay there.

Iris Chan: That's the second man who's been murdered.
Birmingham Brown: Mmmm-hm! It just ain't no future for a man in DIS house.

Tommy Chan: Gee, I'm sleepy.
Birmingham Brown: Me, too.
Iris Chan: Then lie down somewhere. I'll wake you when the next corpse shows up.

The Jade Mask (1945)
Birmingham Brown: Well, move over troubles - here we come again!

Birmingham Brown: You know what, Eddie? I got a theory on this murder.
Eddie Chan: [chuckles] That's something I'd like to hear.
Birmingham Brown: Yeah? Well listen. Now, the way I figure this thing out, the murderer must be on the inside; so, what we got to do is...
Eddie Chan: What?
Birmingham Brown: Stay outside.

Eddie Chan: You see? That's the way to solve crime. Fast work and especially fast questioning.
Birmingham Brown: If anybody want to live around here they got to do some fast runnin'.

[last lines]
[Sheriff Mack is on road driving when Birmingham runs up to him]
Birmingham Brown: Pardon me, Sheriff, but is this the road back to the city?
Sheriff Mack: Yep. It's about three miles straight down that road.
[notices Birmingham running alongside him]
Sheriff Mack: Hey, I didn't know my car had stopped.
Birmingham Brown: You didn't. I just slowed down. Goodbye!
[runs off, overtaking the car]

Black Magic (1944)
Birmingham Brown: You know, after being here, I could have an elegant time in a cemetary reading tombstones at midnight.

Birmingham Brown: Oh-oh! What is your pop gonna say?
Frances Chan: I don't know, but I sure need Pop.
Birmingham Brown: I need Pop, too. I mean, your pop.
Police Sgt. Matthews: Will you two stop poppin' and get goin'?

Frances Chan: Who do you think killed Mr. Bonner?
Birmingham Brown: Spooks.
Frances Chan: Silly, they can't hurt anyone.
Birmingham Brown: No? But how come they're scarin' me to death?

The Scarlet Clue (1945)
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: [at the police station] If he ain't a black market man, my name ain't Birmingham - and I can prove it is.
Tommy Chan: He's right. That man's business is as dark as a...
[looking for something dark to point at]
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: It ain't exactly THAT dark.

Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: As mad as I am with that man, I hate to think of what I think of him. It makes me blush.

Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Well, if it ain't, uh...
Ben Carter: Ben Carter's my name.
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Benjamin Carter! Yeah! Boy, it's been a long time. I haven't seen you since...
Ben Carter: Longer than that.
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Yeah?
Ben Carter: The last time I saw you, you was living over...
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Oh, I moved from there.
Ben Carter: Yeah?
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Sure. I moved over to, uh...
Ben Carter: How can you live in that neighborhood?
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: I don't know.
Ben Carter: Now where I'm living, I only pay...
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: It ain't THAT cheep, is it?
Ben Carter: Sure it is.
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Hey, looky here.
Ben Carter: What?
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Is you still married...
Ben Carter: No, I divorced her.
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur: Yeah?

Docks of New Orleans (1948)
Birmingham Brown: [Indicating the adjoining room] Hey, look, you hide in here, so you'll absolutely be in possession of all the facts of this case.
Tommy Chan: You think it'll be all right?
Birmingham Brown: Certainly.
Tommy Chan: Okay. This sounds like a very important case, and Pop needs all the help he can get. You can't expect him to solve everything alone.
Birmingham Brown: He don't do bad that way.

Birmingham Brown: [to Tommy] Nothing ventured; nothing overheard.

Birmingham Brown: Mr. Chan, you oughta have all the credit for solvin' this case.
Charlie Chan: [Sardonically] Well, after dinner is over, heh-heh, who cares about spoon?
Tommy Chan: Let's pack and go back to San Francisco, Pop.
Charlie Chan: Yes, wherever one is not, that's where heart is.

The Shanghai Cobra (1945)
Charlie Chan: You get illegal u-turn ticket?
Birmingham Brown: Mr. Chan, I'll tell you just how it... Tommy, you tell 'im.
Tommy Chan: I warned you, Birmingham. I said, "No u-turn here."
Birmingham Brown: Yeah, that's what you said - "No, you turn here."
Tommy Chan: I said "No u-turn here."
Birmingham Brown: That's what I did. You said, "No, you turn here."
Tommy Chan: Pop, I told him, I said, "No u-turn here."
Birmingham Brown: Yeah, that's what you said - "No, you turn here," and I did.
Tommy Chan: You see what I mean, Pop? I said, "No u-turn here."
Birmingham Brown: Mr. Chan, did you hear? He said, "No, you...
Charlie Chan: Ple-please, please! U-turns, so many u-turns, you have my head spinning like merry-go-round. You remain here until I find doghouse big enough to hold both of you.

Tommy Chan: [trapped in a cave-in as Charlie taps Morse Code] Do you think you will get through, Pop?
Charlie Chan: If not, Number Three Son and father will join honorable ancestors.
Birmingham Brown: Mr. Chan, tell your honorable ancestors to move over and make room for me.

Tommy Chan: Pop, I want to talk to you as man to man.
Charlie Chan: I am ready, but you still have few years to go.
Birmingham Brown: That's right.

Shanghai Chest (1948)
Tommy Chan: [Indicating window] Go on in.
Birmingham Brown: Why don't YOU go in?
Tommy Chan: You'll be harder to see in the dark if you go in.
Birmingham Brown: Well, don't rush me - don't rush me.
Tommy Chan: Now, don't turn on any lights.
Birmingham Brown: Don't you worry any. I ain't. I'm gonna blend in with that darkness.

Birmingham Brown: [after hearing his name called from a cell] Well, Willie Best, how are you? I'm glad to see you. What are you doin'?
Birmingham Brown: Ninety.
Birmingham Brown: Ninety what?
Willie Best: Ninety days.
Birmingham Brown: Oh, I see what you mean. Maybe I can get you out. I got an "in" around here.
Willie Best: I don't need no "in." I'm already in. I wanna get out.

The Chinese Ring (1947)
Charlie Chan: Man who ride on tiger cannot dismount.
Birmingham Brown: He can't?

The Golden Eye (1948)
Charlie Chan: If you see something, call out.
Birmingham Brown: Whatever happened to yellin' and screamin'.

The Trap (1946)
Birmingham Brown: Jimmy's just gotten murdered. I just got it over the telephone.
Charlie Chan: What? Where? Where call come from?
Birmingham Brown: Uh, uh, 126 Malibu Drive. There's a whole lot of girls there and say they just got murdered.