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: Pop, I've got a case that will knock your hat off! Charlie Chan
: Can remove hat without assistance, thank you.
: My gosh, Pop, are you a mind reader? Charlie Chan
: If mind not too small.
: You're lucky to have your assistant on hand, Pop. Charlie Chan
: Assistant? That you? Tommy Chan
: Sure! Charlie Chan
: Your assistance about as welcome as water in a leaking ship! Tommy Chan
: But you've always said that two men can find a clue quicker than one. Charlie Chan
: [looking from side to side
] Where is other man? Do not see other man!
: And besides, didn't I get you a swell case? Charlie Chan
: Every time you appear, I have swell case of assorted troubles.
: I don't get it, Pop! Charlie Chan
] Fear you are weak limb to which no family tree may point with pride.
: You are smart enough to keep eyes open? Tommy Chan
: You bet! Charlie Chan
: Do likewise - keep mouth shut!
: [to a semi-conscious Tommy
] How you feeling? Tommy Chan
: My head seems to be spinning. Charlie Chan
: Oh. Then you're all right. Everything back to normal.
: [looking at funhouse figures
] See one with no head? Tommy Chan
: Un-huh. Charlie Chan
: He remind me of you.
: [entering room where Charlie is being held by thugs
] Hi ya, Pa! What're you doing in there? Charlie Chan
] Like puppy who come to smell subway third rail, you will receive complete information in few moments.
: [to Birmingham and Tommy
] Always sitting! Wish you would wear out brains instead of seat of pants. Tommy Chan
: Pop, we have been thinking... Charlie Chan
: Most impossible. Birmingham Brown
: Oh, yes sir, Mr. Chan. We've been thinkin'. Charlie Chan
: And now you have a headache.
: You two not afraid? Tommy Chan
: Afraid of what, Pop? Charlie Chan
: That you sit down so often you get concussion of brain. Tommy Chan
: Pop, I got a swell idea! Charlie Chan
: Good. Save it for old age.
: You don't even know what a lawsuit is. Birmingham Brown
: Sure I do. It's something that the police wears.
: I see where the bullets are coming from. Birmingham Brown
: Yeah, but I don't wanna look no bullets in the eye.
: You get illegal u-turn ticket? Birmingham Brown
: Mr. Chan, I'll tell you just how it... Tommy, you tell 'im. Tommy Chan
: I warned you, Birmingham. I said, "No u-turn here." Birmingham Brown
: Yeah, that's what you said - "No, you turn here." Tommy Chan
: I said "No u-turn here." Birmingham Brown
: That's what I did. You said, "No, you turn here." Tommy Chan
: Pop, I told him, I said, "No u-turn here." Birmingham Brown
: Yeah, that's what you said - "No, you turn here," and I did. Tommy Chan
: You see what I mean, Pop? I said, "No u-turn here." Birmingham Brown
: Mr. Chan, did you hear? He said, "No, you... Charlie Chan
: Ple-please, please! U-turns, so many u-turns, you have my head spinning like merry-go-round. You remain here until I find doghouse big enough to hold both of you.
: People are always getting in trouble for talking too much, Pop. Charlie Chan
: Be sure you remember that.
: [trapped in a cave-in as Charlie taps Morse Code
] Do you think you will get through, Pop? Charlie Chan
: If not, Number Three Son and father will join honorable ancestors. Birmingham Brown
: Mr. Chan, tell your honorable ancestors to move over and make room for me.
: Pop, I want to talk to you as man to man. Charlie Chan
: I am ready, but you still have few years to go. Birmingham Brown
: That's right.
: Hey, you know, Pop, I've got an idea about this case. Charlie Chan
: Yes? Well? Tommy Chan
: Well, I had an idea, but it's gone now. Charlie Chan
: Possibly could not stand solitary confinement.
: When it comes to detective work, I know my P's and Q's. Charlie Chan
: But are you familiar with rest of alphabet?
Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur
: [at the police station
] If he ain't a black market man, my name ain't Birmingham - and I can prove it is. Tommy Chan
: He's right. That man's business is as dark as a...
[looking for something dark to point at
] Birmingham Brown, Chauffeur
: It ain't exactly THAT dark.
: [Indicating the adjoining room
] Hey, look, you hide in here, so you'll absolutely be in possession of all the facts of this case. Tommy Chan
: You think it'll be all right? Birmingham Brown
: Certainly. Tommy Chan
: Okay. This sounds like a very important case, and Pop needs all the help he can get. You can't expect him to solve everything alone. Birmingham Brown
: He don't do bad that way.
: Mr. Chan, you oughta have all the credit for solvin' this case. Charlie Chan
] Well, after dinner is over, heh-heh, who cares about spoon? Tommy Chan
: Let's pack and go back to San Francisco, Pop. Charlie Chan
: Yes, wherever one is not, that's where heart is.
: [Indicating window
] Go on in. Birmingham Brown
: Why don't YOU go in? Tommy Chan
: You'll be harder to see in the dark if you go in. Birmingham Brown
: Well, don't rush me - don't rush me. Tommy Chan
: Now, don't turn on any lights. Birmingham Brown
: Don't you worry any. I ain't. I'm gonna blend in with that darkness.
: Whatta yuh think you're gonna find, Pop? Charlie Chan
: Do not know - many needles in this haystack.