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: I am willing to do anything to prevent this war. Rufus T. Firefly
: It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.
Rufus T. Firefly
: Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fact, you do suggest something. To me you suggest a baboon. Ambassador Trentino
: What? Rufus T. Firefly
: I, uh, I'm sorry I said that; it isn't fair to the rest of the baboons.
: Your excellency, the ambassador's here on a friendly visit. He's had a change of heart. Rufus T. Firefly
: A lot of good that'll do him: he's still got the same face. Ambassador Trentino
: I'm sorry we lost our tempers; I'm willing to forgot if you are. Rufus T. Firefly
: Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company.
: Now, Chicolini, I want a full detailed report of your investigation. Chicolini
: All right, I tell you. Monday we watch-a Firefly's house, but he no come out. He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday he go to the ball game, but we fool him, we no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.
: Have you been trailing Firefly? Chicolini
: Have we been trailing Firefly? Why, my partner, he's got a nose just like a bloodhound. Ambassador Trentino
: Oh really? Chicolini
: Yeah, and the rest of his face don't look so good either.
: Well, you remember you gave us a picture of this man and said, 'Follow him?' Ambassador Trentino
: Oh, yes. Chicolini
: Well, we get on-a the job right away and in the one hour - even-a less than one hour... Ambassador Trentino
: Yes? Chicolini
: We lose-a the picture. That's-a pretty quick work, eh?
: Now will you tell me what happened on Saturday? Chicolini
: I'm glad you ask me. We follow this man down to a roadhouse, and at this roadhouse he meet a married lady. Ambassador Trentino
: A married lady? Chicolini
: Yeah, I think it was his wife. Ambassador Trentino
: Firefly has no wife! Chicolini
: No? Ambassador Trentino
: No! Chicolini
: Then you know what I think, boss? Ambassador Trentino
: What? Chicolini
: I think-a we follow the wrong man.
Rufus T. Firefly
: [to Trentino
] Now, how about lending this country twenty million dollars, you old skinflint? Ambassador Trentino
: Twenty million dollars is a lot of money. I'd have to take that up with my Minister of Finance. Rufus T. Firefly
: Well, in the meantime, could you let me have twelve dollars until payday? Ambassador Trentino
: Twelve dollars? Rufus T. Firefly
: Don't be scared, you'll get it back. I'll give you my personal note for ninety days. If it isn't paid by then, you can... keep the note.
: But I asked you to dig up something I can use against Firefly. Did you bring me his record?
[Pinky hands him a gramophone record
] Ambassador Trentino
: No, no!
[Trentino flings the record away like a clay pigeon skeet. Pinky takes out a rifle and blasts it out of the air. Chicolini rings a bell on the desk and awards Pinky a cigar
: And the boy gets a cigar!
: You didn't shadow Firefly? Chicolini
: Oh, sure we shadow Firefly - we shadow him all day. Ambassador Trentino
: But what day was that? Chicolini
: That's-a some joke, eh, boss?
[Trentino buries his face in his hands
: Have we met each other before, sir? Rufus T. Firefly
: I don't think so. In fact, I'm not sure I'm seeing you now; it must be something I ate.
Rufus T. Firefly
: I'd be unworthy of the high trust that's been placed in me if I didn't do everything in my power to keep our beloved Freedonia in peace with the world. I'd be only too happy to meet with Ambassador Trentino, and offer him on behalf of my country the right hand of good fellowship. And I feel sure he will accept this gesture in the spirit of which it is offered. But suppose he doesn't. A fine thing that'll be. I hold out my hand and he refuses to accept. That'll add a lot to my prestige, won't it? Me, the head of a country, snubbed by a foreign ambassador. Who does he think he is, that he can come here, and make a sap of me in front of all my people? Think of it - I hold out my hand and that hyena refuses to accept. Why, the cheap four-flushing swine, he'll never get away with it I tell you, he'll never get away with it.
] Rufus T. Firefly
: So, you refuse to shake hands with me, eh?
[slaps Trentino with his glove
] Ambassador Trentino
: Mrs. Teasdale, this is the last straw. There's no turning back now! This means war! Rufus T. Firefly
: Then it's war! Then it's war! Gather the forces. Harness the horses. Then it's war!
: I didn't come here to be insulted! Rufus T. Firefly
: That's what you think!
: Chicolini, your partner has deserted you but I'm still counting on you. There is a machine gun nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out. Chicolini
: All right, I'll tell the janitor.
: I've said enough, I'm a man of few words. Rufus T. Firefly
: I'm a man of one word: Scram!
: Oh, I want to present to you Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania. Having him with us today is indeed a great pleasure. Ambassador Trentino
: Thank you, but I can't stay very long. Rufus T. Firefly
: That's even a greater pleasure.
: Chicolini, your partner's deserted us, but I'm still counting on you. There's a machine gun nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out. Chicolini
: Alright, I tell the janitor.