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: [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves
] Well go home, Toby! You make me sick! Toby
: I can't do this many leaves for $10!
[Woody kicks a pile of leaves
: I'm looking foward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids. Woody Stevens
: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.
: Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down. Doug Madsen
: Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry!
: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues. Woody Stevens
: Sorry I said you were a pussy. Doug Madsen
: You didn't call me a pussy. Woody Stevens
: Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.
: That's not a discussion. Dudley Frank
: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.
: Del Fuegos! Hide the bikes! Quick!
: What'd you do, Woody? Woody Stevens
: I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.
: I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.
: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you. Woody Stevens
: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic! Dudley Frank
: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face. Woody Stevens
: I felt you smell my neck! Bobby Davis
: Did you smell that man's neck? Dudley Frank
: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy. Bobby Davis
: A lawyer cowboy?
: I got a tat. Doug Madsen
: Hell just froze over. Woody Stevens
: Let's see it! Dudley Frank
: I'm a biker dude!
[shows tattoo of Apple logo
] Woody Stevens
: It's an Apple. Dudley Frank
: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!
: Dudley, you have to get rid of that or else I'm going to vomit in your lap. Dudley Frank
: Fine, I'll hang it from a tree. Woody Stevens
: Don't hang it in a tree. Dudley Frank
: Why? Woody Stevens
: Cause bears don't eat shit!
: [convincing him to go skinny-dipping
] Come on... Woody Stevens
: Fine, I will get naked with my gay friends. If any of them look at my junk, I will kill them!
: I think we better get out of here. Woody Stevens
: No, we'll get out of here at sundown after we've had our beverage.
: [as the Del Feugos bar explodes
] Oh, shit! Oh, God. Oh, no.
: Woody, remember the theme of this trip? "Whatever", remember? "Whatever?" Woody Stevens
: Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay. Doug Madsen
: Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is. Woody Stevens
: I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?
: Come on, let's go! Doug Madsen
: What's your rush? Woody Stevens
: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls! Bobby Davis
: my soul needs something to drink. Dudley Frank
: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!
] Doug Madsen
, Dudley Frank
, Bobby Davis
, Woody Stevens
: Wild Hogs!
: Look, guys, sign at the curve of the road! Bobby Davis
: Madrid. Woody Stevens
: Holy crap! It's the Golden Knight!
: Ooh boy, my ass is sore. Dudley Frank
: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long. Woody Stevens
: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives. Bobby Davis
: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman
] Bobby Davis
: . Highway Patrolman
: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.
: [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave
] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves? Woody Stevens
: I'm Woody...
[the others say their names
] Damien Blade
] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves? Dudley Frank
: Hogs... Wild Hogs.
[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket
] Damien Blade
] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.
: [jumps in the water naked, shivering
] Whoa, that's cold! Woody Stevens
: Why are you naked? Dudley Frank
: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on? Doug Madsen
: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'. Bobby Davis
: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!
: Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?
[Woody nods his head
] Doug Madsen
: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist. Bobby Davis
: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes. Woody Stevens
: You're still at The Firm? Bobby Davis
: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me... Doug Madsen
: ...a wimp. Bobby Davis
: I was gonna say miserable. Bobby Davis
] What? You think I'm a wimp? Doug Madsen
: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you. Woody Stevens
: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing. Dudley Frank
: I'm afraid of women. Woody Stevens
: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh
] Dudley Frank
: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.
: The trip is over because some tattooed bullies pushed us around? Doug Madsen
, Bobby Davis
[after Woody has slapped a bull, Doug goes out to also slap it
] Earl Dooble
: Yeah, and we never seen it done twice in a row. Woody Stevens
: What? Earl Dooble
: It'll be interesting to see how the bull takes being slapped now that he's alert. Woody Stevens
, Bobby Davis
: Yeah, Well, one man's fairy tale is another man's nightmare.