Woody Stevens
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Quotes for
Woody Stevens (Character)
from Wild Hogs (2007)

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Wild Hogs (2007)
Woody Stevens: [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home, Toby! You make me sick!
Toby: I can't do this many leaves for $10!
[Woody kicks a pile of leaves]

Dudley Frank: I'm looking foward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody Stevens: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.

Woody Stevens: Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down.
Doug Madsen: Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry!

Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.

Woody Stevens: That's not a discussion.
Dudley Frank: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

Woody Stevens: Del Fuegos! Hide the bikes! Quick!

Dudley Frank: What'd you do, Woody?
Woody Stevens: I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.

Woody Stevens: I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.

Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?

Dudley Frank: I got a tat.
Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens: Let's see it!
Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude!
[shows tattoo of Apple logo]
Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!

Woody Stevens: Dudley, you have to get rid of that or else I'm going to vomit in your lap.
Dudley Frank: Fine, I'll hang it from a tree.
Woody Stevens: Don't hang it in a tree.
Dudley Frank: Why?
Woody Stevens: Cause bears don't eat shit!

Doug Madsen: [convincing him to go skinny-dipping] Come on...
Woody Stevens: Fine, I will get naked with my gay friends. If any of them look at my junk, I will kill them!

Bobby Davis: I think we better get out of here.
Woody Stevens: No, we'll get out of here at sundown after we've had our beverage.

Woody Stevens: [as the Del Feugos bar explodes] Oh, shit! Oh, God. Oh, no.

Doug Madsen: Woody, remember the theme of this trip? "Whatever", remember? "Whatever?"
Woody Stevens: Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay.
Doug Madsen: Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is.
Woody Stevens: I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?

Woody Stevens: Come on, let's go!
Doug Madsen: What's your rush?
Woody Stevens: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!
Bobby Davis: my soul needs something to drink.
Dudley Frank: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!

[last lines]
Doug Madsen, Dudley Frank, Bobby Davis, Woody Stevens: Wild Hogs!

Doug Madsen: Look, guys, sign at the curve of the road!
Bobby Davis: Madrid.
Woody Stevens: Spain?

Woody Stevens: Holy crap! It's the Golden Knight!

Doug Madsen: Ooh boy, my ass is sore.
Dudley Frank: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.
Woody Stevens: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.
Bobby Davis: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman]
Bobby Davis: .
Highway Patrolman: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.

Damien Blade: [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves?
Woody Stevens: I'm Woody...
[the others say their names]
Damien Blade: [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?
Dudley Frank: Hogs... Wild Hogs.
[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]
Damien Blade: [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.
[he leaves]

Woody Stevens: [jumps in the water naked, shivering] Whoa, that's cold!
Woody Stevens: Why are you naked?
Dudley Frank: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?
Doug Madsen: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.
Bobby Davis: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!

Doug Madsen: Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?
[Woody nods his head]
Doug Madsen: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.
Bobby Davis: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.
Woody Stevens: You're still at The Firm?
Bobby Davis: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...
Doug Madsen: ...a wimp.
Bobby Davis: I was gonna say miserable.
Bobby Davis: [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?
Doug Madsen: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.
Woody Stevens: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.
Dudley Frank: I'm afraid of women.
Woody Stevens: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh]
Dudley Frank: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.

Woody Stevens: The trip is over because some tattooed bullies pushed us around?
Doug Madsen, Bobby Davis: Yeah.

[after Woody has slapped a bull, Doug goes out to also slap it]
Earl Dooble: Yeah, and we never seen it done twice in a row.
Woody Stevens: What?
Earl Dooble: It'll be interesting to see how the bull takes being slapped now that he's alert.
Woody Stevens, Bobby Davis: Alert?

Woody Stevens: Yeah, Well, one man's fairy tale is another man's nightmare.