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Quotes for
Cubert Farnsworth (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Futurama: A Clone of My Own (#2.15)" (2000)
Cubert J. Farnsworth: What? You've never seen a genius's wiener before?

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions] And this is my Universal Translator. Unfortunately, so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: [into the translator's microphone] Hello.
Translator Machine: Bonjour!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!

Cubert J. Farnsworth: I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.
Bender: That's a complete load!
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium. It's all impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Look Professor. I may be identical to you in every possible way but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You... wha?
Cubert J. Farnsworth: I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.

Fry: Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.
Fry: Uh, wha?
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Wait a minute, that means I also take after you. Aaaah!

Cubert J. Farnsworth: And why does our captain have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is depth perception.
Leela: Why you little...
[swings at Cubert and misses]
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Ooh, that hurt... the air!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Also impossible
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner, which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: That's especially impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Not at all. It's very simple.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Then explain it.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Now that's impossible! It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: And why do we need a bending robot around here, anyway? What possible use do we have for you?
Bender: Uh, me no speak-a the English.

Leela: Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old.
Fry: I'm on it.
[lifts up his pants and acts old and frail]
Cubert J. Farnsworth: My God, the illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot!
Leela: Now they may ask for a DNA sample.
Fry: [hikes up his pants higher] I'd like to see them find it.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.
Bender: No, we're not, you little bedwetter. Oops! I'm sorry.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Why do I have to be the hump?
Fry: 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Thank you all for saving me. Especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life, I'm proud of you.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: I've already decided. Dad, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Don't worry, son, you will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Why?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, no reason. No reason at all.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew, if it can so be called. First of all, "Doctor" Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?
Dr. Zoidberg: I lost it... in a volcano.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, Cubert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: What is it? A competent employee? I doubt that very much.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: [Hiding on Fry's back] Stupid robot.
Robot Doorman #1: Did your hump just say something?
Fry: Uh... I've got Talking Hump Syndrome.
Robot Doorman #1: Ah, THS.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions] This is my Universal Translator. It could have been my greatest invention, but it translates everything into an incomprehensible dead language
Cubert J. Farnsworth: [into the translator's microphone] Hello.
Universal Translator: Bonjour!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: See? Lousy gibberish!

Cubert J. Farnsworth: I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship across the universe. The ship stays in place and the engines move the universe around it.
Bender: That's a complete load!
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balonium. It's all impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.


"Futurama: The Route of All Evil (#5.3)" (2002)
Cubert J. Farnsworth: [speaking into a device that makes his voice sound like Professor Farnsworth] Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I am? That's not good news at all!

Cubert J. Farnsworth: [to Leela] Well, if it isn't my dear friend Stretch Pants...
Cubert J. Farnsworth: [to Bender] No Pants...
Cubert J. Farnsworth: [to Fry] and... Idiot.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Bret, you've compressed our lunches into a singularity for the last time.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: We just got done delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us? With frosty, cold beers?

Cubert J. Farnsworth: How dare they call us kids? We're old enough to find the Fox network infantile.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression.
Dwight Conrad: Put a sticker on it.


"Futurama: Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV (#5.15)" (2003)
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Hey, dad. Bite my shiny, metal ass!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Our parents are all pumped up on dorktosterone.

Turanga Leela: Do you have to imitate everything you see on TV?
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Uh, we're twelve, so yes.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: This is the greatest show ever! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia.
Dwight Conrad: Nu-huh, cause I already have amnesia, only I forgot about it.
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Well, mine's louder.


"Futurama: Overclockwise (#6.25)" (2011)
Cubert Farnsworth: You know, I could improve your reflexes by overclocking you.
Bender: What's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopee in my cushion?

Cubert Farnsworth: Hey, pigs.
[snorts]
URL: Does Cubert Farnsworth live here?
Cubert Farnsworth: You're porking at him.
[laughs]
Smitty: Then you are under arrest for violation of a Momcorp licensing agreement.
[Cuffs Cubert, who squeals like a pig]
Professor Farnsworth: What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz?
URL: Does this child have a legal guardian?
Professor Farnsworth: You're porking at him.
[laughs]
URL: Then these charges apply to you too.
Professor Farnsworth: Wha?

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, my god! I clicked on something I didn't read!
Cubert Farnsworth: And I slightly modified something I own!
Professor Farnsworth: We're monsters!


Futurama: Bender's Game (2008) (V)
Dwight Conrad: [after the Professor activates the crystal's 'high frequency stink'] Dude, who ripped an egger?
Cubert Farnsworth: [accusingly] He who smelt it, dealt it.
Dwight Conrad: Yeah? Well, he who denied it, supplied it!
Cubert Farnsworth: He who articulated it, particulated it!
Dwight Conrad: He who refuted it, tooted it!
Cubert Farnsworth: [after a slight pause] Stalemate.