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Quotes for
Linda the Newsanchor (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

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"Futurama: The Problem with Popplers (#2.18)" (2000)
Linda: We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties, and crap like I've never seen.

Fry: This one can talk. Say mama.
Jrrr: Caca.
Linda: Okay, we're gonna have to censor that.

Linda: Tonight a person is eaten live on network television. This gruesome event is brought to you by Fishy Joe's. Try our new drink, Extreme Walrus Juice. Ride the walrus!

"Futurama: Crimes of the Hot (#5.1)" (2002)
Morbo: Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips.
Linda the Newsanchor: At least all those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Linda the Newsanchor: With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing a sudden case of global warming.
Morbo: Morbo is pleased but sticky.

"Futurama: Benderama (#6.15)" (2011)
Morbo: Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda?
Linda: [looking disheveled] I can no longer face my children!

[Morbo and Linda are both drunk on the air]
Linda: Hey, you! Good evening. Who're you calling drunk? You're not drunk! I'm drunk.
[falls over]
Morbo: That's right, Linda. Water is now... now booze and everyone's tetty much protally fit-shaced. *Hic*
Linda: Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

"Futurama: The Day the Earth Stood Stupid (#3.7)" (2001)
Morbo: Morbo cannot read his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man wearing a hat.
Linda the Newsanchor: That is a T. It goes "Thuh."
Morbo: Hello, tiny man. I will destroy you!

Linda the Newsanchor: Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New Jersey. Wanna see? People won't be late for work though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains!"
[Another train crashes into the wreckage causing a massive explosion]

"Futurama: The Prisoner of Benda (#6.10)" (2010)
Linda: Tonight at eleven...
Morbo: Dooooooom!

"Futurama: Time Keeps on Slipping (#3.14)" (2001)
Linda the Newsanchor: Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at elev...
[time skips]
Linda the Newsanchor: This is the News at Eleven. The mysterious and unexplained...
[time skips]
Linda the Newsanchor: Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest...
[time skips]
Linda the Newsanchor: ...won three Grammys last night...
[time skips]
Linda the Newsanchor: ...found dead in her bathtub.

"Futurama: Proposition Infinity (#6.4)" (2010)
Linda: We now go live to our roving eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim?
Jim: The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were, back to you, Linda.
Linda: [laughs] One for the blooper reel.

"Futurama: A Head in the Polls (#2.7)" (1999)
Linda the Newsanchor: The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries: six percent.

"Futurama: A Tale of Two Santas (#4.2)" (2001)
Linda: In what has become a holiday tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 Polar Bear Club today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.
Morbo: There were no survivors.
Linda: [Chuckles] Takes all kinds.

"Futurama: Xmas Story (#2.8)" (1999)
[at a shelter for homeless robots]
Linda the Newsanchor: Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies. And there'd have to be a lot of them.