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Quotes for
Dr. Ogden Wernstrom (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

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"Futurama: A Big Piece of Garbage (#1.8)" (1999)
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: an A-minus-minus.

Professor Ogden Wernstrom: It's time you left science to the 120-year olds.

Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: Professor Wernstrom, can you save my city?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure.
Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: Done.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: And a big research grant.
Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: You got it.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Also, access to a lab, and five graduate students, at least three of them Chinese.
Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: All right, done. What's your plan?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers!
Leela: That rat! Do something!
Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Professor Ogden Wernstrom: That's smell could be anything! A faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens... who knows?

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: A hundred years ago, he was my most promising student at Mars University. But then, after one fateful pop quiz...
[flashback]
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: I swear I'll have my revenge, even if it takes me a hundred years!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [back to present] And here it is, slightly over 99 years later, and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Wernstrom!
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: The very same.

Professor Ogden Wernstrom: And what will you be presenting this evening, professor?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: I just hope it's not that lame death clock you presented last year.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Uh... last year, you say?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: That's right.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Hardly. We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
[Wernstrom leaves with his fish]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock.


"Futurama: Anthology of Interest II (#4.3)" (2002)
Fry: [Bender is a massive glob of flab. Fry waves his hand in front of Bender's eyes] He's dead.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: When did he die?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [checks Bender's pulse] Hmm. About 12 hours ago when the party started.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: But he just said, "Woooo!"
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No, that was air escaping from the folds of his fat.
[shoves a glob of fat on Bender]
Bender: [his fat] Woooo!

Fry: [Bender is a massive glob of flab. Fry waves his hand in front of Bender's eyes] He's dead.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: When did he die?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [checks Bender's pulse] Hmm. About 12 hours ago when the party started.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: But he just said, "Woooo!"
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No, that was air escaping the folds in his fat.
[shoves a glob of fat on Bender]
Bender: [his fat] Woooo!

[Bender who had been turned human a week earlier is revealed to be a bloated mess]
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: My God! He needs medical attention!
Dr. Zoidberg: [Examining Bender] Pulse: 300. Liver: failing. Cholesterol: 40?
Turanga Leela: Well, that isn't too bad.
Dr. Zoidberg: No, I mean 40 pounds!


Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008) (V)
Dr. Ogden Wernstrom: No! Not The Crackslam!

Professor Farnsworth: Don't listen to a word he says!
Dr. Ogden Wernstrom: But I'm agreeing with you!
Professor Farnsworth: I'll make you eat those words!


"Futurama: Obsoletely Fabulous (#5.14)" (2003)
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot has Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!
Professor Ogden Wernstrom: No one calls me that! I'm having at you!
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Wernstrom!
[They fight]
Farnsworth Killbot: Such senseless violence.
Wernstrom Killbot: Come on, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.