Zapp Brannigan
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Quotes for
Zapp Brannigan (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

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"Futurama: War Is the H-Word (#3.2)" (2000)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You'll be negotiating with the balls mysterious leaders, the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains, and they've got a lot of chutzpah...

[Leela has beaten up Zapp Brannigan]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh god, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Leela: Let's do it again sometime.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Stop exploding, you cowards.

[having just encountered Leela, who is pretending to be a male soldier]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.

[regarding a desolate planet at the centre of an intergalactic war]
Solider: Why is this godforsaken hellhole worth dying for?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't ask me. You're the ones who are going to be dying.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Easy, soldier! You spooked Felicity.
[comforting his horse, Felicity]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: There, there, boy.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: As you know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!
[pushes button, bay doors open under soldiers]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Men, you're lucky men. Soon, you'll all be fighting for your planet. many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be put through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is?
Kif Kroker: Being your assistant.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Wrong. Being *your* assistant.

Leela: You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What did I call it, Kiff?
Kif Kroker: Ugh... sexlexia.

Richard Nixon's Head: So anyway, we open the panda crate, and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing was dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Uh-huh.Uh-huh. That's whatever you were talking about for ya.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Private Lemon is the finest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it.

Fry: Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: A valid question! We know nothing about them, their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this. They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks.
Bender: They look like dorks!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Dammit, Kif! Where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it as scotch on the rocks.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [as Kif scrubs his back] A little lower, Kif. Lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

"Futurama: Love's Labours Lost in Space (#1.4)" (1999)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. Just go... You want the rest of the cham-paggin?
Leela: No, and it's pronounced "cham-pain".
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh, God, no!

Kif Kroker: The jackass wants to see you in his quarters.
Leela: Good. This will be my chance to reason with him, captain to captain.
Kif Kroker: He also requests that you wear this.
[Kif holds up a skimpy costume. Leela ignores it and knocks on Zapp's door]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [sexily] Come and get it!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

[Zapp Brannigan offers Leela some champagne]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Cham-paggin?
Leela: I didn't realize you were such a "coin-asseur."
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Mmm... Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it, "The Lovenasium".

Captain Zapp Brannigan: We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm asking you a question.
[Kif groans]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Stardate: uhhh...
Kif Kroker: April 13.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: April 13... point two.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: As my protégé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her.
[Kif groans]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: This time we are sure she's a woman, right?
Kif Kroker: *Yes*.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: So, crawling back to the big Z like a bird on its belly. Delicious.
Leela: Birds don't crawl.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: They'd been known to.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Captain's log. Stardate: 3000.6.
Kif Kroker: Who are you talking to?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You, Kif. Aren't you writing this down?

[after Zapp and Leela have slept together]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now you're officially my woman. Kudos! I can't say I don't envy you.

Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realised that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realise that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!
Captain Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?

"Futurama: When Aliens Attack (#2.3)" (1999)
[Aliens are attacking Earth]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.
[He engages Bender's circuit]
Bender: It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity...
[circuit deactivates]
Bender: Aw, crap!

[Zapp Brannigan is briefing Fry, Leela, Bender and his crew on his plan to destroy an alien mothership]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
[Kif groans]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
[Fry raises his hand]
Fry: W-Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first a - ?
[Bender starts to choke him à la Homer Simpson to Bart in "The Simpsons". His antenna flashes again and he stops choking Fry and salutes]
Bender: Sir, I volunteer for a suicide mission.
[Bender's antenna stops flashing and he bangs his head with his knuckles]
Bender: Cut it out!
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You're a brave robot, son. But when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Our mission is clear: destroy all alien lifeforms.
Kif Kroker: Umm, not me sir...
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Stop exploding, you cowards!

[Fry, Leela, Bender, Zapp Brannigan and his crew are about to go into battle. Zapp walks over to where Leela is sitting and puts his foot on the seat next to her. She folds her arms and is clearly not impressed]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me, in case one of us doesn't come back.
Leela: Maybe we should wait 'til afterwards, in case neither of us comes back.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [misunderstanding] Here's hoping.
[he salutes her in a very strange way, saluting from his head and blowing a kiss]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [huge spaceship appears] What the hell is that thing?
Kif Kroker: It appears to be the mothership.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Then what did we just blow up?
Kif Kroker: [looks on map] The Hubble Telescope.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping on it?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent
Lrrr: Silence !

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill, I haven't met him and killed him yet.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I don't care if you skin is red, or tan, or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

"Futurama: Amazon Women in the Mood (#3.5)" (2001)
[Fry, Bender, Zapp, and Kif have been captured by Amazons]
Fem-puter: After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death...
[everyone gasps]
Fem-puter: By snu-snu!
Fry, Captain Zapp Brannigan, Bender: Yeah! Woo-hoo!
[Kif starts sobbing]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [to Kif] What are you? Gay?

[after being assaulted by the sex-starved Amazons]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I don't often say this, but you three are the most beautiful gigantic ladies I've ever laid eyes upon.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [piloting a floating restaurant] Ah, she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.

Leela: [Leela, Amy, Zapp and Kiff have just crashlanded on some planet] What planet is this, anyway?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I don't know. This entire sector is uncharted.
Kif Kroker: It is not uncharted, You lost the chart!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [crashing into a planet] You win again, gravity!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Well, this promises to be one disturbingly erotic date.
Leela: Half date.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Waiter, a bottle of your finest wine.
Leela: Half bottle.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: And some oysters on the half shell.
Leela: Quarter shell.

Leela: What is this planet?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I don't know. This whole area is uncharted.
Kif Kroker: It's not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif old friend - let's rap.

[Zapp walks up to a woman in a bar and uses a pickup line]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You know, I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.

"Futurama: A Flight to Remember (#2.1)" (1999)
[when Zapp altered the Titanic's route to make it more "interesting"]
Lt. Kif Kroker: [as asteroids are flying by the bridge] Do you remember that "course correction" you made, sir?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [meaning it] No.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kiff, I'm feeling the "captain's itch".
Lt. Kif Kroker: I'll get the powder, sir.

[Fry and Leela pretend to be involved to ward off Zapp]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: But as a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman, I'll be on Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.

Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: No.
Kif Kroker: It's an emergency, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
[a huge rumbling is heard]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh, very well.

[Zapp Brannigan has just piloted the Titanic straight into the path of a black hole]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.
Lt. Kif Kroker: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.
[Zapp runs off]

Lt. Kif Kroker: [Captain Zapp Brannigan wants to change the flight course] This is a pleasure cruise. Our path is decided by the travel agency.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair.
[Draws a meandering line on the chart]
Lt. Kif Kroker: But that leads us straight through a comet field.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing off one after another at breakneck speed, we can create a gravity boost, or something.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: We'll just set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, holeish thing.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: She's a beautiful ship. Shapely, seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains out.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm feeling the Captain's Itch.
Kif Kroker: I'll get the powder, sir.

"Futurama: In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela (#6.2)" (2010)
Zapp Brannigan: I surrender and volunteer for treason!

Zapp Brannigan: Mr. President. What the hell.

Zapp Brannigan: My God! We're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.
Richard Nixon's Head: Options?
Zapp Brannigan: My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Zapp Brannigan: Magnify that death sphere.
[Screen zooms in on a pixelated death sphere]
Zapp Brannigan: Why is it still blurry?
Kif Kroker: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
Zapp Brannigan: It does on CSI Miami.

Dr. Zoidberg: Sure, but who is foolish enough to fly into what we all keep calling a death sphere?
Richard Nixon's Head: I say Brannigan.
Zapp Brannigan: I say no.
Turanga Leela: I say me.
Richard Nixon's Head: I say Leela.
Philip J. Fry: I say no!
Turanga Leela: I say me, again.
Zapp Brannigan: And I shall join you.
Turanga Leela: But it's a one-man ship.
Zapp Brannigan: And there'll be only one man. How would you feel about me sitting tailgunner with you?
Turanga Leela: Totally creeped out.
Zapp Brannigan: Then it's settled!

Zapp Brannigan: Captain's log: We have lost control of the ship. Adddendum: Whoooaaaa!

Turanga Leela: Come, Adam, and taste of my forbidden fruit.
Zapp Brannigan: Thee will be done.

Zapp Brannigan: I wax my rocket every day!

"Futurama: Brannigan, Begin Again (#2.6)" (1999)
[Zapp Brannigan and Kif were fired from DOOP]
Leela: Zapp?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who's ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I mean physically.
Leela: What do you want?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floor.
Leela: You don't know how to do ANY of those things.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif might.

[Zapp mutinies against Leela]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela, you may be a formidable do-er of the nasty, but I'm forced to relieve you of your post.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: You know, boys, a good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform, and I'm not convinced Leela has ANY of those things.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy female man.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kipp?
Kif Kroker: No, it doesn't.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.
[Suddenly thoughtful]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kif?
Kif Kroker: No, it doesn't.

"Futurama: Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch (#5.5)" (2003)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [surprises Leela in bed] How about I help you finish that dream you were having about me?
Leela: Okay. I was just at this part. Yaaa!
[punches Zapp in the face]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Uh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [interrupting Kif's videophone call] Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged up the drain and... Oh, ho, what's this?
[zooms in on Leela, reading a book]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?
Leela: Say again? You're breaking up.
[throws book at videophone]

Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela! How could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred, and now this?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Stop testing our love!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [interrupting Kif's videophone call] Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could... Oh, ho, what's this?
[zooms in on Leela, reading a book]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?
Leela: Say again? You're breaking up.
[throws book at videophone]

"Futurama: Where the Buggalo Roam (#4.6)" (2002)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan at your service.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
Kif Kroker: Well, sir, I'm a little nervous about meeting her parents.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Of course you are. You're meek and uninteresting.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Chief, my people are a people of law, and the law is no backsies.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan!

"Futurama: The Problem with Popplers (#2.18)" (2000)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.
Leela: Go consummate yourself.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Say, these would go great with some guacamol.
Lrrr: Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: The Omicronians have decided not to eat all the humans.
Lrrr: I filled up with nuts at the negociations.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [Free Waterfall Jr. has given away that the orangutan has taken Leela's place] Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola!
Lrrr: [Puts on a pair of glasses] The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right, this is a monkey!
Nd-nd: [Eats orangutan] Yes definitely a monkey!
Lrrr: Where's the real female?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'll never tell!
Lrrr: [Points raygun at his face] Where's the real female!
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [Nervously] I'll get her for you

"Futurama: Zapp Dingbat (#7.5)" (2012)
Zapp Brannigan: [Zapp and Kif are negotiating a peace treaty with the Carcarons] Now watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coup by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue.
Kif Kroker: The last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif, just trust me for once.
[Grunts something in Carcaronese]
Universal Translator: I want to slap your sister with a slice of bologna.
Zapp Brannigan: Uh... Oops!
[the Carcarons aim their weapons at Zapp, who uses Kif as a shield]
Kif Kroker: It's the battle of Paco's Tacos all over again!

Turanga Morris: What do you say, honey? Care to give it another go?
Turanga Munda: Well, I am already in my wedding dress, and we still have a cake.
Dr. Zoidberg: [Already eating the cake] Half a cake.
Zapp Brannigan: Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Mind if I kiss the bride?
[Morris punches Zapp in the stomach]
Zapp Brannigan: Well played.

Zapp Brannigan: Kif, we're under attack and the wedding's off. Return fire and the cake.
Kif Kroker: Our defense systems are disabled and you can't return ice-cream cakes. We're doomed!

"Futurama: Three Hundred Big Boys (#5.11)" (2003)
Zapp Brannigan: So, may I have the pleasure?
Turanga Leela: What little there is to be had.

Mom: Hey, Zapp. How much is that oversized placemat actually worth?
Zapp Brannigan: Exactly ten million dollars.
Mom: Now that's walking around money!

Zapp Brannigan: The Spiderians, though weak and gilrly in combat, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. The lazy bugs actually wove this tapestry celebrating my victory as I was killing them.

"Futurama: Where No Fan Has Gone Before (#4.12)" (2002)
[Fry is in a Captain Pike-style life-support machine]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Do you understand the charges?
Kif Kroker: One beep for yes, two beeps for no.
[Fry beeps once]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Yes, so noted. Do you plead guilty?
[Fry beeps twice]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Double yes. Guilty.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: The court will now hear some very sensual testimony from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela.
Leela: Go...
Leela: ...yourself.

George Takei: You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You mean the mass migration of Star Wars fans?
Nichelle Nichols: No, that was the Star Wars trek.

"Futurama: I Dated a Robot (#3.15)" (2001)
[a "herd" of Lucy Liu robots are destroying New New York]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: That's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes!

[the city is being attacked by Lucy Liu robots]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now there's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

"Futurama: Fun on a Bun (#7.8)" (2012)
Zapp Brannigan: Look at those primitive Neanderthals down there. Loading their silly catapult with... what is that, Kif?
[a saber-tooth cat flies through the window and attacks Zapp]
Kif Kroker: It appears to be a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Zapp Brannigan: Well, well. We meet again, Leela, only this time, I'm the one judging the sausage.

"Futurama: Neutopia (#6.14)" (2011)
Zapp Brannigan: I got your distress call and came here as soon as I wanted to.

Zapp Brannigan: [to woman Fry] Well, hello from the neck down.

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder (2009) (V)
Zapp Brannigan: Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.

Zapp Brannigan: Bender here's identified the femdido commander as my ex-lover Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.
President Richard Nixon: And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?
Bender: It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation~ She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.
President Richard Nixon: That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.
Bender: Gracias.

"Futurama: A Taste of Freedom (#5.4)" (2002)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on, show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: You can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent is aboard this very ship.
[Stares at Kif]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm watching you. You, ensign. What's your name?
Hugh Man: [Clearly a Decapodian in disguise] Hugh Man, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Hugh Man? Now that's a name you can trust. Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes. Chop, chop!
[Gives the codes to "Hugh", who scuttles out of the bridge]
Kif Kroker: Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's...
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he just might get it.
["Hugh" is seen out the window on a shuttle flying to the Decapodian ship]

"Futurama: Benderama (#6.15)" (2011)
Unattractive Giant Monster: I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!
Zapp Brannigan: That would take a very long time.

Zapp Brannigan: Hey, freakshow! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!
Kif Kroker: [laughing] Timeless.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score (2007) (V)
Zapp Brannigan: We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.

"Futurama: Naturama (#7.13)" (2012)
Zapp Brannigan: Well, hello there. I'm a Pisces. And you?
Turanga Leela: Also Pisces. We're all Pisces.
Zapp Brannigan: Then it's a date. I'll see you on the spawning grounds.
Turanga Leela: Sorry, but I already have a spawning mate.
Zapp Brannigan: You haven't ignored the last of me.

"Futurama: Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences (#6.11)" (2010)
Zapp Brannigan: Great leader, I offer you a sacrifice.
[Holds up Kif]
Zapp Brannigan: How about this?
[Lrrr takes off one of Kif's legs]
Kif Kroker: Hey!
Lrrr: [Eats leg] He'll do.

"Futurama: The Lesser of Two Evils (#2.11)" (2000)
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [singing] There it is, Miss Universe... There it is, looking weird...

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008) (V)
Zapp Brannigan: Hell of a thing sending another universe to certain doom. Lots of fun, though. Makes a man feel big.

"Futurama: Rebirth (#6.1)" (2010)
Zapp Brannigan: Fire all weapons and set a transmission frequency for my victory yodel.