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Quotes for
The Robot Devil (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

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"Futurama: The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings (#5.16)" (2003)
Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! Whoa! And what'd you do to my nails?
The Robot Devil: I cleaned them.

The Robot Devil: This opera is as lousy as it is brilliant.

The Robot Devil: Your lyrics lack subtility! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Hello, Fry. Muahahahaha! Just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am... oh, give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in... places.
Fry: Heheheh, yeah, they get around.

Leela: I've been a fool. A fully justified, prudent fool.
[touches Fry's hands]
Leela: Aaah! They're so cold!
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [off screen] And yet hell is so hot! Ahh ha ha hah!
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [off screen] Can I have my hands back now?
Fry: No!
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [off screen] You're not nice!

[Robot Devil appears]
Bender: What up?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Oh. Well it so happens that I'm in the mood to make a deal with you.
Bender: Forget it. You can't tempt me.
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Really? There's nothing you want?
Bender: Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me with things I want.

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [Robot Devil jumps out of the refrigerator] Bender! What a surprise! For you. Finding me in the refrigerator.
Bender: Well, at least I don't have the hiccups any more, what's up?

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Fry: At last, I have the power to make Leela love me!
[the Devil's hands start strangling Fry]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [after Bender's airhorn deafens Leela] How delightfully ironic.
Bender: It's not ironic, it's just mean. Take this!
[blows horn, but it falters]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Out of aerosol. Also ironic.
Bender: Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny, metal...
[realizes he gave up his crotch plate]
Bender: Ohhh, noooooo!

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [singing] I will marry her now and confine her to Hell / How droll! How droll! / Where Styx is a river, and not just a band / Though they'll play the reception if all goes as planned / Unless, Fry, you surrender... my hands!


"Futurama: Hell Is Other Robots (#1.9)" (1999)
[suffering torment in Robot Hell]
Bender: But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful.
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Sorry, Bender, you agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go straight to Robot Hell - for all eternity.
Bender: Ah, hell - I mean, heck.
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: No, it's all right. You can say that here.

Leela: All right, Beelzebot, what'll it take to get our friend back?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now, if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver...
Leela: Wait. What fiddle contest?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Urrggh. The Fairness In Hell Act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle.
Fry: Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Well, it's mostly for show.

Bender: [singing] Just tell me why!
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Check out this 55-page warrant.
Bender: There must be robots worse than I.
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: We've checked it out, there really aren't.
Bender: Then please let me explain: / My crimes were really boyish pranks.
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!
Bender: Ah, don't blame me, blame my upbringing!
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing!

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [singing] Selling bootleg tapes is wrong! / Musicians need that income to survive.
Adam Horovitz, Mike Diamond, Adam 'MCA' Yauch: [Rapping] Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise / With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys!
[they make disc scratching on Bender]
Adam Horovitz, Mike Diamond, Adam 'MCA' Yauch: That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on Level Five!

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: We know all your sins, Bender! And for each one we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment!
[turns his head]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Gentlemen...
["Robot Hell Song" begins playing]
Bender: Ah, crap! Singing! Mind if I smoke?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [singing] Cigars are evil, you won't miss' em! / We'll find ways to simulate that smell! / What a sorry fella, / Rolled up and smoked like a donnetella, / Here on Level One of Robot Hell.

Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [singing] Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights / Publishing indecent magazines / You'll pay for every crime / Knee-deep in electric slime / You'll suffer 'till the end of time / Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme / Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
["Robot Hell Song" finishes]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Of course, that's just for starters.

["Robot Hell Song" continues]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: [sings] Gambling's wrong and so is cheating; / So is forging phony IOU's. / Let's let Lady Luck decide / What type of torture's justified. / I'm pit boss here on Level Two!
[toasts Bender]
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: Oooh, deep-fried robot!

[on the fiddle contest]
Leela: What happens if we lose?
Beelzebot, The Robot Devil: You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you. Uhh... him.
[points at Fry]

The Robot Devil: Give me back my hands!
[Looking at Fry's hands on his wrists]
The Robot Devil: These things are always touching me, in places...
Fry: [laughing] Yeah they get around.


"Futurama: Ghost in the Machines (#6.16)" (2011)
Bender: So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.
The Robot Devil: Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's all very simple. You're a ghost.
Bender: A gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost?
The Robot Devil: No, just the regular kind.

The Robot Devil: Hum, Bender, would you like to make a deal?
Bender: I'm not stupid, so yes, absolutely.


"Futurama: A Tale of Two Santas (#4.2)" (2001)
[as Bender is being walked to the execution chamber]
Robot Cellmate: Hey, Santa. When you see the Robot Devil, tell him I'm a-coming.
[Bender walks to the next cell, where the Robot Devil is]
Bender: Hey, that guy said to tell you...
The Robot Devil: I heard him!