Wallace Fennel
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Quotes for
Wallace Fennel (Character)
from "Veronica Mars" (2004)

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"Veronica Mars: Welcome Wagon (#3.1)" (2006)
Wallace: [talking about their dorm room] I took this side, I hope that's cool?
Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: Yeah. I rarely wear clothes inside, I hope that's cool?
Wallace: [laughs] That's not cool, man.

Wallace Fennel: Took this side. I hope that's cool.
Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors, I hope that's cool.
Wallace Fennel: [chuckles, then stops abruptly] That's not cool at all.

Veronica Mars: So gang, are we ready to rock?
Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie: No.
Wallace Fennel: Not particularly.
Veronica Mars: That's the spirit!

Veronica Mars: You guys are pathetic.
Wallace Fennel: It's a white man's sport.
Veronica Mars: Yeah, 'cause I was talking about the hacky sack.

Veronica Mars: And you call yourselves college men. Where are the posters of beer and half naked ladies?
Wallace Fennel: Oh, they're behind the case of porn and my shot glass collection.

"Veronica Mars: Spit & Eggs (#3.9)" (2006)
Veronica Mars: Do your own thing at the party, but if you see a girl who looks out of it, sneak up to her drink, dip the coaster in, see if it turns red. If it does, the drink is dosed.
Wallace Fennel: And if you see a really cute girl and you want to dance with her?
Veronica Mars: Dance. Just know that your libido caused some girl to get raped.
Wallace Fennel: That kinda takes the fun out of it.
Veronica Mars: Hey, it's your life.
Wallace Fennel: Since when?
Veronica Mars: See? You give me a hard time, I'm less enthusiastic about giving you the little "thanks for helping" presents I made for everybody this afternoon. Congratulations. You're all twenty-one.

Veronica Mars: Howdy boys. Anyone up for going to a Pi Sig blowout? Beer and ladies and music and other stuff guys like, I'm sure. Fast cars, loose slots, electronic gadgetry, televised sports, pornography. Nothing? None of this grabs you?
Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: We were already planning on going.
Wallace Fennel: I think everybody at Hearst is gonna be there.
Veronica Mars: Awesome. Then you can help me out.
Wallace Fennel: Suddenly it sounds like a lot less fun.

Moe Flater: I don't exactly know how to put this. It's the sort of thing that makes me hate being a resident advisor, but I have to ask. Someone has been leaving a surprise in the third stall every day for the past two weeks. This person apparently never learned how to flush and it's my amateur medical opinion that he's suffering from what must be a terminal disease. So?
Wallace Fennel: Not guilty, man.
Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: Third stall stage right or stage left?
Moe Flater: Stage right.
Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: Yeah, not guilty either.

Veronica Mars: I'm not looking for a pity party.
Wallace Fennel: That's good, cause I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.

"Veronica Mars: Pilot (#1.1)" (2004)
Wallace Fennel: That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie!

Wallace Fennel: Girl, you should hear what people say about you.
Veronica Mars: So then what are you doing sitting here?
Wallace Fennel: You sat next to me.
Veronica Mars: This is my table.
Wallace Fennel: And what a fine table it is. What do you suppose this is made of?
[knocks table]
Wallace Fennel: Oak?

Wallace Fennel: I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from The Outsiders.
Veronica Mars: Be cool, Sodapop.

"Veronica Mars: Happy Go Lucky (#2.21)" (2006)
Veronica Mars: Do you know how long I've wanted to go to Stanford?
Wallace Fennel: Since middle school.
Veronica Mars: Elementary, my dear Wallace. Do you know how long I've waited to say that?

Wallace: I'm gonna miss you.
Veronica: And my stupid ass face?

Wallace: You better enjoy this because this is as nostalgic as I get. I just wanted to say it was worth getting taped to a pole. I'm gonna miss you.
Veronica: And my stupid ass face?

"Veronica Mars: Hi, Infidelity (#3.6)" (2006)
Veronica Mars: [Knock knock knock... ] Wallace?
Wallace Fennel: Not here.
Veronica Mars: And you would be?
Wallace Fennel: Evil Wallace. And I know Veronica Mars doesn't hang with the evil and morally bankrupt.

Professor David Winkler: Mr. Fennel. I was under the impression you dropped the class.
Wallace Fennel: I said I'd think about it.
Professor David Winkler: You sure this is a smart choice?
Wallace Fennel: Probably not. But you've seen my standardized test scores. I'm not a particularly smart guy, right?

"Veronica Mars: Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle (#2.12)" (2006)
Wallace Fennel: You got my future in your hands, don't drop it.

Veronica Mars: I tried to call you, but your phone doesn't work down here.
Wallace Fennel: What's going on?
Veronica Mars: Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum Suites.

Veronica Mars (2014)
Wallace Fennel: When Logan said 'jump', did you actually say 'how high' or was there just an understanding that you would achieve max verticality?

Wallace Fennel: In case it slipped your mind, Piz is the one without the baggage and the drama.
Cindy 'Mac' Mackenzie: Hmm... I will say this for him, he almost never gets charged with murder.
Veronica Mars: Just one of the things I love about Piz. No drama.

"Veronica Mars: Driver Ed (#2.2)" (2005)
Veronica Mars: Um, who was that kissing you?
Wallace Fennel: That was Jackie.
Veronica Mars: "O"

"Veronica Mars: Normal Is the Watchword (#2.1)" (2005)
Veronica Mars: Got any enemies you know about?
Wallace Fennel: Well, there's the Klan.
Veronica Mars: This is not really their M.O.
Wallace Fennel: I guess that leaves everybody that hates you.

"Veronica Mars: Hot Dogs (#1.19)" (2005)
Wallace Fennel: I walked in on 'em making out last night. She was sitting on his lap...
Veronica Mars: Hey! Hey, hey! No discussing parental PDA at lunch! It's your rule!
Wallace Fennel: I'm sorry! I can't be the only one with that image burned in my brain!

"Veronica Mars: Debasement Tapes (#3.17)" (2007)
Veronica Mars: I can't believe this is a class
Wallace Fennel: Hey, without film studies, how will we know what movies mean?

"Veronica Mars: I Know What You'll Do Next Summer (#3.18)" (2007)
Veronica Mars: Imagine what it'll mean if I can reunite him with the father he's never met. What?
Wallace Fennel: It's like the NBA. Fatherless boy makes good, the dough starts rolling in, and here comes long-lost daddy expecting a payday.
Veronica Mars: It's not the same thing.
Wallace Fennel: The world is upside down. Veronica Mars wants to believe in miracles, and I'm the cynical one.

"Veronica Mars: Charlie Don't Surf (#3.4)" (2006)
Wallace Fennel: I liked the other place you worked better.
Veronica Mars: Think maybe that's because we had food there?

"Veronica Mars: Papa's Cabin (#3.15)" (2007)
Wallace: I saw Logan and Parker having lunch.
Veronica: Here?
Wallace: Yeah.
Veronica: In the cafeteria? At lunchtime? God, why doesn't he just run me over with a truck?
Wallace: I'm just telling you this because it looked like it was something, like they were connecting. What?
Veronica: I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are.

"Veronica Mars: Mars vs. Mars (#1.14)" (2005)
Wallace Fennel: If you are caught with this, I will disavow any knowledge of you or your mission. You'll be on your own.
Veronica Mars: Don't worry. I've got a cyanide capsule in a false tooth. If I'm caught, I'll do the honourable thing.

"Veronica Mars: I Am God (#2.18)" (2006)
Logan: You don't like me much, do you?
Wallace: The last time we actually talked, you were bashing Veronica's headlights with a crowbar.
Logan: Ah, foreplay.

"Veronica Mars: Lord of the Pi's (#3.8)" (2006)
Wallace Fennel: Man, all of my orifices just went into lockdown.

"Veronica Mars: Mars, Bars (#3.14)" (2007)
Sheriff Don Lamb: I know you from somewhere.
Wallace Fennel: Yeah! You told me to go see the Wizard and ask him for some guts.
Sheriff Don Lamb: Well didja?
Wallace Fennel: Yeah! He said to let you know you're the only sheriff in America who he considers a true friend of Dorothy.