Eli 'Weevil' Navarro
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Quotes for
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro (Character)
from "Veronica Mars" (2004)

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"Veronica Mars: Pilot (#1.1)" (2004)
Weevil: [Threatening] Say you're sorry.
Logan: Rub a lamp.

Weevil: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. But even then, it's not so much words - just a bunch of 'oohs' and 'aahs,' you know?
Veronica Mars: So it's big, huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica Mars: Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend.
Veronica Mars: We could go to prom together! What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.
Felix Toombs: Dude, Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.
Veronica Mars: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it, too.
Felix Toombs: Oh hell, I'll show you mine!

Weevil: So that, uh, surveillance tape just... poof?
Veronica Mars: That's fortunate.

Weevil: All right, one week. After that we come for you, your boy and your little dog too.

Weevil: All right, all right, all right. Felix, we get it. You're a badass, okay? But for once, don't be stupid.

"Veronica Mars: Nevermind the Buttocks (#2.19)" (2006)
Veronica Mars: You seen Thumper lately, Weevil? It's just, nobody's heard from him in weeks. If he doesn't show up soon, he's going to miss prom.
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: I'm sure he's crushed.

Veronica Mars: You come here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: No, but I can see how you might get confused.

Keith: Eli.
Weevil: Sheriff.

"Veronica Mars: Betty and Veronica (#1.16)" (2005)
[Weevil is interrogating the alleged thief of the Neptune Pirates parrot]
Weevil: Where's the bird, Wilson? I'm nearly bursting with Pirate pride here. Weevil want to punch a cracker!

Weevil: No more favors for you. Now I gotta feel bad for this kid.
Veronica Mars: If it's any consolation I hate myself.

"Veronica Mars: Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down (#3.19)" (2007)
Veronica: Weevil you're wobbling.
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Yeah, and I'm gonna take the fall.

"Veronica Mars: Show Me the Monkey (#3.10)" (2007)
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: So, I came in at around seven. First, I thought he just had a bender and fell asleep at his desk, but then I saw blood... and the note.
Keith Mars: A note?
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Yeah, on the computer. He had a memo on the screen, saying, "Goodbye, cruel world zzzz." I guess his head fell on the Z. It's a shame, man. He was pretty cool... for a weird, old, white dude.

"Veronica Mars: Plan B (#2.17)" (2006)
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: I need your help.
Veronica Mars: Ah, if I had fifty bucks everytime someone said that...
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: Look, I know it's a drag being you...
Veronica Mars: No, seriously, I'm gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening.

"Veronica Mars: Ahoy Mateys (#2.8)" (2005)
Wanna Score Boy: You got the stuff in yet? I'm, like, wondering if I need to take my business elsewhere.
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: What stuff?
Wanna Score Boy: I, uh, ordered an eight ball?
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Coke? Who am I, John DeLorean?
[Weevil looks around and lowers his voice]
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: I never sold coke to you, man.
[Weevil grabs the boy's shirt and rips it open to see if he's bugged]
Wanna Score Boy: Hey, this is a $200 shirt, man!
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Really? Missing some buttons.

"Veronica Mars: An Echolls Family Christmas (#1.10)" (2004)
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: [to Logan about coming to his house for the poker game] I'm the one who's gotta go up into the hills all by myself. What if I run into a pack of your white boys, huh, on some clean, well lit street? I could be bored to death.

"Veronica Mars: Wichita Linebacker (#3.3)" (2006)
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: [to his boss] I guess I'll go wash some spoiled bitch's graduation gift from daddy, huh?
Veronica Mars: I'm not spoiled, and technically, it wasn't for graduation.
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: What about the bitch part?

"Veronica Mars: Spit & Eggs (#3.9)" (2006)
Cyrus O'Dell: Hot damn, I'm back in business. What would I do if you ever left me?
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Call human resources and have them send a replacement?

"Veronica Mars: Mars vs. Mars (#1.14)" (2005)
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by auto shop.
Veronica Mars: A lube job? Or can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: Is this 1970? Rims, baby!
Veronica Mars: So you got a trophy for a rim job?

"Veronica Mars: Happy Go Lucky (#2.21)" (2006)
Cindy 'Mac' Mackenzie: If I get you an A, will you shiv him?
[Points backwards at Beaver]
Eli 'Weevil' Navarro: Hey! I got an idea. How 'bout you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some cloakroom then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?

"Veronica Mars: President Evil (#3.5)" (2006)
Eli "Weevil" Navarro: Hey, Joe College!
Logan Echolls: Jose Lunchbox!