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: Windsor Castle is also mentioned in the Doomsday book of 1084. This is just some of the useless information that I carry around with me.
] Marty Brine
: It's funny how people who live in a place don't know as much about it as people who visit. Purdey
: Well I knew that, I just didn't want to get into a long, boring explanation.
: [to Gambit
] Well you can be telepathic. About five drinks and ten minutes after midnight in a discoteque I can sometimes tell what your thinking. But this time...
: [Marty has been shot
] We have a dinner date, remember? Purdey
: I hate a man who stands me up. Purdey
: [he dies
: That was without a doubt the worst landing I've ever seen. Mike Gambit
: Well, we're all down in one piece, aren't we? John Steed
: Not quite.
[winces in pain
] John Steed
: My arm's broken. Purdey
: Are you sure? John Steed
: [a beat
] It is my arm
: Ever been on the wrong end of charging rhino? Purdey
: Well not this week, no. John Steed
: I had that misfortune once, a flag shot won't do. The only chance is to go straight for the brain.
: Me Tarzan. No, that's not right. Me Jane. No. Me Purdey.
: Don't worry about me. Mike Gambit
: Don't you ever worry about me John Steed
: Sometimes, yeah. Mike Gambit
: Well what's wrong with me worrying about you? There's nothing in the rulebook about me worrying about you. John Steed
: There's nothing about not worrying either. Mike Gambit
: Look, I... Purdey
: Look this is very touching, but can't we keep the semantics 'till later, they're forming to march up here.
: But you're not laughing now, Mr. Gambit. Purdey
: Well I've heard it before.
: I called you over because, eh, well, I get lonely sometimes. Purdey
: That solves it. Mike Gambit
: What? Purdey
: You're Christmas present's been bothering me. I'll buy you a dog. Mike Gambit
: Two heads are better than one. Purdey
: I'm definitely not buying you another head. Mike Gambit
: Watch the film.
: [picks up drink
] You've iced it. If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times: Ice... Purdey
: Is only fit for peasants and polar bears.
Colonel 'Mad Jack' Miller
: I'm afraid we have no facilities for the imprisonment of young women. Purdey
: You mean you haven't got a hairdryer?
: What you need, Mike Gambit, is a little diversion.
: Yeah, little girls go for a uniform, do they? Purdey
: No, that's dogs. Soldier
: Eh? Purdey
: Dogs they go for postmen.
: [Purdey has handed Gambit her bra
] Oh... a double-barrel slingshot. Why didn't you burn this with all the other girls? Purdey
: Didn't have to. I knew I was emancipated.
: [Gambit has located Purdey by means of bird whistles
] Now what should we do? Build a nest?
: [having received a message from 'the Flyer'
] The Flyer? Mike Gambit
: Sounds like the fifties and sixties. The flyer, the butcher, the baker. Purdey
: The candlestick maker. Mike Gambit
: You used a lot of funny names in those days, didn't you? John Steed
: They weren't funny. I was the New Doberman. Mike Gambit
: Woof woof. Purdey
: That's an awful lot of morse. John Steed
: They abbreviated it. Cut it short after the D. The New D. Purdey
: The nudie?
: What about you seventeen years ago? Mike Gambit
: Me, I was discovering sex. Purdey
: What a waste of time. You might have been learning to drive.
: Anyway, from what I hear, you've already been around quite a bit. Mike Gambit
: Been at keyholes again, Purdey? Purdey
: It's common knowledge in the department. Mike Gambit
: Just hearsay. Purdey
: The typing pool affair? Mike Gambit
: Rumour. Purdey
: The undersecretary's undersecretary? Mike Gambit
: Jealousy? Purdey
: The Russian Countess, so-called? Mike Gambit
: Ah yes, well, eh, that was was an under cover job and I, eh, took them literally.
] Take your hands off me, you brute! You can't make me do it! I'll never marry you, never! I hate you!
: [having just embarrassed Gambit in a church
] Quick thinking, eh? I got us about a tricky situation without any embarrassment. Mike Gambit
: No embarrassment, no embarrassment at all!
: You play rough, Mr. Cromwell. Cromwell
: [pouring a drink
] You play rougher, Purdey. Purdey
: I wasn't playing. Cromwell
: Nor I, skoll.
: Cheers. Cromwell
: [slight pause
] Well, know what? Purdey
: [looks him up and down
] I think you'd better take your trousers off.
: [phoney American accent
] It's quiet. Too darn quiet.
: This is a mark 5, no doubt about it. Quite useless to us. And, eh, if you don't mind my saying so, your whole operation here seems to be quite useless. Purdey
: I do mind you saying so.
: I've got it! Mike Gambit
: Rhythm? Flu? Purdey
: What we were talking about the other day. The fickleness of man. Mike Gambit
: [spots someone walking by
] I know that face. Purdey
: I said that man was infinitely more changeable than women, more restless. Mike Gambit
: I've seen it on file somewhere. Purdey
: And you of course disagreed. Mike Gambit
: He's a hitman, a heavy.
: You said that no man would ever up and leave a woman. Not if he really... Purdey
: [turns around, notices Gambit has gone
] ... cared for her?
: Oh, you collect birds eggs." Purdey
: No, fish. Hosking
: Fish? Fish are nesting in the trees? Purdey
: Well, of course.
: It is Purdey I believe? I have seen your face in files many times, but I have never had the pleasure. Purdey
: You and a hundred others.
: Ah, you get your furnishing the same place Steed gets his bowlers.
: Purdey, we are supposed to be under cover... Purdey
: Well, he waved first. Mike Gambit
: He is a first class fool. Purdey
: First class? Hmm, you gave him top marks. Could be worse.
: The way to a man's knees, is through his stomach. Mike Gambit
: I heard it's the way to a man's heart. Purdey
: Oh, and what have you got against knees? Mike Gambit
: Mine or yours?
: [Gambit kicks in a door which falls off it's hinges and enters, aiming his revolver
] You do that awfully well. Mike Gambit
: I get a lot of practice.
: And so it was Steed who came up with the answer. Purdey
: He usually does.
: I think you are very attractive. Purdey
: Just as well, my orders are to stick close to you. Roger Masgard
: With orders like that, I'm delighted I'm in danger.
: I could tap before I could walk.
: [Purdy finds Gambit kneeling outside her door
] Why are you lurking out there? Mike Gambit
] Mike Gambit
: I'm not. Purdey
: Well, you're not now, but you were, you're whole attitude is one of pure and positive lurk.
: I want you to accompany me. Mike Gambit
: On the piano?
: [Gabit has just rolled off his sleeping couch
] I suppose you think that's funny? Purdey
: No, I don't really go in for slapstick and bananaskins. Coward now, or Moliere...
: [Steed has just regained consciousness
] What happened? Purdey
: I am very disappointed. 'What happened', that's a terribly coy thing to say, Steed. You could have said 'Where is the party?'. That at least would have been different and fairly amusing. Or you could have muttered something unintelligible in Latin. Mike Gambit
: On the other hand, he might want to know what happened. You were hit. And I'll give you even money you know by whom or what. John Steed
: No bet.
: Steed's worried. Mike Gambit
: Furrows under the bowler. Purdey
: And Steed never worries. Mike Gambit
: It's a feature of the man. Purdey
: He never never worries, not unless he's worried. Mike Gambit
: Which means it's serious. Purdey
: Very, very serious. And that is very very serious, if you get my meaning.
: [speaking about Cybermen
] Did I leave anything out? Mike Gambit
: Only that you love me very much. Purdey
: Besides that. Mike Gambit
: No. That's the full story. Purdey
: I didn't mention Mrs. Emma Peel. Mike Gambit
: You never do.
: [running a computer programme
] You wouldn't believe how many permitations there are of possible links between 47 people. Mike Gambit
: Roughly 47 multiplied by known variables to the power of 6. Purdey
: Gambit, I didn't know you've read mathematics? Mike Gambit
: I haven't. I do the football pools.
: Still with me? Purdey
: Like paper on a wall.
: [reading aloud a list of statistics
] 25 of them went to Oxford. Mike Gambit
: Ah! Purdey
: 23 of them went to Cambridge. Mike Gambit
: Oh... Purdey
: One of them went to both. Mike Gambit
: He must have been schitzoid on boat race day.
: [pointing gun at Purdey's head
] Now go on, tell me you've got a weight problem. Purdey
: Well, I suffered agonies at school. Everybody used to call me skinny. I was wondering if you could help me put on a few pounds. In the right places, of course. Tammy
: How about inches, in hight?
: Gambit, switch it off or I'll be playing the Harlem Globetrotters!
: Anyway, what's wrong with tall women? Mike Gambit
: Nothing. Except you never know what you're getting up to.
: Miss Daly? Miss Daly
: Yes? Phillips
: It's about your car. Miss Daly
: Emily? What about it? Purdey
: Where is it? Miss Daly
: It's been stolen? Mike Gambit
: No. Miss Daly
: You. You crashed into it. Mike Gambit
: No. Miss Daly
: There was an accident and... Purdey
: No accident. Miss Daly
: You, you crashed into it on purpose? Mike Gambit
: We haven't seen your car. John Steed
: But we would like too. Miss Daly
] Miss Daly
: Now I understand. Admirers.
: I don't think it was the Fox himself, or one of his followers. The conclusion: they've moved into the area after us. Mike Gambit
: A pack of Foxes. Purdey
: Wolves. It's a pack of wolves. Foxes are ehm... Oh Gambit, stop changing the subject. Mike Gambit
: What was the subject?
: [Emily is out of fuel, but Gambit has spotted a home made distillery
] I think I've got the answer: alcohol. Purdey
: Gambit you know alcohol is only a temporary solution. You know you always wake up with a headache and a hangover. Mike Gambit
: What do you think, Steed? John Steed
: Well, it depends how much you drink... and whether you can handle it or not.
: [Purdey has knocked out the giant chicken farmer
] What'd you do that for? I was winning! Purdey
: Winning? If you'd won any more you'd wouldn't have been able to stand up.
: Did you ever get the feeling... Mike Gambit
: That your journey... John Steed
: Wasn't really necessary?
: As thought someone had taken the teddy bear out of your bed. John Steed
: I don't have a teddy bear in my bed. Mike Gambit
: He keeps it in a safe deposit, along with his other valuables.
: If the lovely Olga is going to be squeezed, I think I should be there too. Just in case you get... Purdey
, Mike Gambit
: Carried away.
: Didn't I tell you? My father's a bishop. He'll track it down in no time.
[takes pictures from Steed, moves to exit
] John Steed
[she turns at the door
] John Steed
: You said that your father was shot as a spy ten years ago. Purdey
: That's before he became a bishop.
[opens door and leaves
[she sticks her head back into the room
: Before? Purdey
: Before my father became a bishop. My mother remarried.
: Well, it's like finding out Buckingham Palace has been leased for Chinese. John Steed
: A mixed metaphor, but I get the point.
: [reveals one of the Russian soldiers who died of old age
] They are all the same. Colonel Martin
: But... but how, why? Jeanine Leparge
: Total degeneration. Purdey
: Gambit's speciality. Jeanine Leparge
: A speeded up process of senility, that is the how of it, Colonel, the why, I am still working on.
: [Steed has been shot
] Straight through the heart. Mike Gambit
: He taught us everything we know. Purdey
: [voice breaking
] He was good... and honest... and true Purdey
: [Steed blinks
] And he's still alive! Mike Gambit
: He can't be. How can he be? John Steed
: Because I'm a gentleman.
: I am a girl and I will not let that fact go unnoticed. Mike Gambit
: She is a girl. John Steed
: Indisputably. Mike Gambit
: All right, Purdey, we've taken a vote on it, and you're quite definitely, a girl.
: [Steed almost gets shot in a graveyard
] I'd say that was a... Purdey
: Grave moment?
: Well, as the posters say: it's a big country. Mike Gambit
: Yes. Needle in a haystack. Purdey
: Negative thinking, Gambit. Mike Gambit
: Give me something positive to hold on to. Purdey
: Well... well what if Columbus had said that? Mike Gambit
: But he didn't. Purdey
: Trouble somewhere. Worth a look, do you think? Purdey
: Well, trouble is our business.
: This all has to do with Karl Sminsky, doesn't it? John Steed
: It's just a theory. Purdey
: Well, so was Newton's law of gravity. John Steed
: There are certain places in the Eastern hemisphere where men are trained in serversion. Purdey
: I know those places. Some of them masquerade as Universities. John Steed
: They are really courses in sophisticated killing. Purdey
: Honors in anarchy.
: Nice fighting. Mike Gambit
: Nice shooting. John Steed
: Nice holiday.
: Purdey, we wanted him alive... Purdey
: Difficult decision. Him or you.
: The man that shot our fat -
] Mike Gambit
: thin friend, I found that on him.
[hands Steeds a party invitation
] John Steed
: What happened to him? Purdey
: He sort of fell for me. Mike Gambit
: From a great hight. John Steed
: Hm. Mike Gambit
: Just hm? John Steed
: Or if you prefer, hm hm. Mike Gambit
: Two hm's? Purdey
: Must be better than one hm.
[hands Gambit a drink
] John Steed
: Now is the time for all good men...
[hands the invitation back to Gambit
] Mike Gambit
: [Purdey takes Gambits drink so his hand is free to receive back the card
] To come to the aid of the party.
[Hong Kong Harry sighs loudly
: This is no place for you... Miss, Mrs? Purdey
: Just Purdey.
: You are very beautiful, yet in my eyes quite worthless in comparisson to her.
[touches a golden statue
: I bet she can't cook an omelette, French style. With vinerbe.
: [Purdey has just knocked out 4 Nazis with high kicks
] Where did you learn that, the Royal Marines? Purdey
: [two Nazi's get up, Purdey knocks them down with another couple of kicks
] The Royal Ballet, they threw me out. John Steed
: [one Nazi casts a fishing line at Steed, who grabs it and pulls the man against a pillar
] What did you do, maim the leading man in his pas de deux? Purdey
: Too tall.
: [Purdey & Steed are locked up in seperate cells
] Steed, I want to confess... John Steed
: [dresses as a monk
] The habit was just a disguise. Purdey
: I don't really think you're like St. Paul's Cathedral. John Steed
: What? Purdey
: Gambit used to think you were old fashioned. But I said, suppose you are? So is St. Pauls, and you've both survived a very long time.
: Mike Gambit, one of these days... Mike Gambit
: I know. I'm looking forward to it.
: [about Purdey's lipstick
] What a pretty shade of pink. Purdey
: [a bit miffed
] Pink! It's called 'sins of youth'. John Steed
: That's not a colour, it's an accusation.
: Gambit, that was magnificent. Mike Gambit
: That was damn silly. I must have a word with my karate master. I think I've dislocated my knee. Colonel Martin
: Well, you've more than dislocated his neck, it's broken.
: I found a way to a man's stomach. John Steed
: Oh? Purdey
: It's not through his heart.
: Gambit, we wanted him alive. Mike Gambit
: Conflict of interests. I wanted you alive.
: What was Merton working on? Purdey
: Ends and odds. Mike Gambit
: Don't you mean odds and ends? Purdey
: No. Merton had a different approach.
: Any offers? Preferably of an unpredictable nature. Mike Gambit
: A screeching sound. John Steed
: Tires on tarmac. Purdey
: Chalk on a blackboard. John Steed
: Diamond on glass. Purdey
: Five thousand robins with a wounded wing. Mike Gambit
: A bird strike. A flock of birds hit a plane. They shatter the cockpit, jam the engines. It's got to be.
: Two feathers. Purdey
: And one... egg. Mike Gambit
: We have a problem. Purdey
: And if it hatches out, a hostage. Mike Gambit
: What do we do now? Build a nest? You could sit on it, Purdey.
: Are you sure this is just lemonade, Purdey? Purdey
: Well it looked a bit sad so I added a dash of vodka to cheer it up. Mike Gambit
: Oh well, in that case.
[takes a sip. It makes his voice horse for a few moments
] Mike Gambit
: Not bad. You've invented a new drink. Vodka and fizzy lemonade. Purdey
: And bitters. John Steed
: To cheer up the vodka. John Steed
: No, to cheer up the gin. Mike Gambit
: Persuade aid? Purdey
: Sounds a bit medical. John Steed
: A purdka! Mike Gambit
: Right, yes. Have a purdka.
: [Steed has survived an attempt on his life
] Remarkably lucky. Then you weren't born, were you, Steed? You were found under a four leaf clover.
: And you never told him you knew? John Steed
: He desperately needed to win. How could I tell him? He was my friend.
: Purdey! Are you ok? Purdey
: Bit bruised, that's all. Mike Gambit
: I'm renowned for my healing hands. Purdey
: [referring to Brandon's dead body
] It's a bit late for that, Gambit.
: [Gambit is lying on the floor reading 'The Tale of the Big Y'
] He's read that chapter twice already. John Steed
: 'Bessie's mating habits'. Purdey
: Very badly written. John Steed
: And anatomically impossible. Mike Gambit
: Oh, I don't know. Certainly works you up - to a good appetite.
] Mike Gambit
: [gets up
] Time for dinner, isn't, it, Purdey? Steed?
[puts book down on table
] John Steed
: [picks up the book
] The answer's in the book. And my taste buds won't be rejuvenated until I've found it.
: [about Steed
] He needs a phrenologist like he needs a hole in the head.
: How are you feeling? Purdey
: Like jelly. Like someone with three bullets and a fractured thigh.
: Reliving the past? An old friend? 'Cept that you and he didn't look that eh, friendly.
: Childhood sweetheart. Used to go for that type, eh? Purdey
: Look, Gambit, as you're so curious, I will tell you.
: It's none of your business.
: If you were to come back to me I think I'd... stop this right now. Forget all the old wounds. Purdey
: I'm sorry Larry.
: [trying to get a feeling from Steed's watch
] It tells me nothing. Purdey
: Not even the time?
: Steed doesn't like the ballet. John Steed
: Only ballerina's
: You're going to regret this, McBain. Steed will deal with your ridiculous suggestions one by one. Calmly, coldly, and clinically.
: What was all that about? John Steed
: Well we've got a deal, but this time it's Canada. Purdey
: Canada, that's marvelous. I've never been there. Mike Gambit
: Don't worry, I'll fill you in on all the details. Purdey
: Oh I know what it's like... Mike Gambit
: You've read books? Purdey
: Books? I've seen Rosemary. Twice!
: Purdey, I've heard about you. Purdey
: Good things I hope? Paul Baker
: Beautiful things. Purdey
: Well I'm surprised you can get anything into this building, let alone compliments.
: [fake American accent
] Alright, Mike Gambit, we know you're in there, come out with your hands high! Purdey
: [Mike opens the door, Purdey points her fingers at him as if they were a gun, still with the accent
] Assume the position. Purdey
: [Gambit gries to embrace her, Purdey eludes him and enters the apartment, normal voice
] Trust you to think of that position.
: [posing as Walton
] Lolita, is it? Purdey
: [posing as Lolita
] I can't help it, my mom liked the film. You see it reminded her of my dad. And if you're thinking of calling me Lo, I smash your face in!
: [a waiter has brought Steed a telephone in a restaurant
] That'll ruin your indigestion, Steed. John Steed
: I'm not going to eat it, I'm just going to make a call.
: [Steed is having no luck on the telephone
] Is he not answering? Mike Gambit
: You can borrow my little black book. Purdey
: Steed doesn't need a little black book. What little black book? Mike Gambit
: A slim volume of hints for growing boys.
: Well, well, what is steel hearted Purdey doing here? Purdey
: I am a woman. Women are allowed their idiosyncrasies. Mike Gambit
: And nobody knows that better than I.
: [holding up pair of boots
] He died with his boots off? Mike Gambit
: Or he was snatched. Along with George.
: You're a very wonderful human being, Purdey. Purdey
: But a terrible kangaroo. George Myers
: You do like me a little then? Purdey
: I like you a lot, but then I like Beethoven a lot. George Myers
: The difference is he's dead and I'm very much alive. Purdey
: But you're playing in the wrong key.
: Thank goodness. Mike Gambit
: Are we pleased to see you. John Steed
: It's imperative. Mike Gambit
: Urgent. Mike Gambit
: Desperate. Purdey
: What on earth? John Steed
: Where's George? Mike Gambit
: George Myers. Purdey
: George? John Steed
: You were supposed to be with him today. Purdey
: Well, as a matter of fact... Mike Gambit
: It's essential we find him, Purdey. John Steed
: Find him right away. Purdey
: Well if you'd let me get a word in edgeways, I'll tell you were he is. John Steed
: Where? Purdey
: Outside in my car.
: You mean you were prepared to hand these over for me? John Steed
: It's only paper. You're Purdey.
: The Unicorn. He has a triple D rating. Purdey
: Which means he's in the top five of the Good Spy guide. A ruthless killer. John Steed
: A ruthless, brilliant killer.