Emma Peel
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Quotes for
Emma Peel (Character)
from "The Avengers" (1961)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Avengers (1998)
John Steed: Oh, just one thing...
Emma Peel: Good luck?
John Steed: Something like that.

John Steed: After all, according to your file, you're a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression leading to outbursts of antisocial and violent behavior. Knight to king seven. Check.
Emma Peel: Is that really what you think of me?
John Steed: Well... just my type, Mrs. Peel.

Father: Hello, Mrs. Peel, welcome back to The Ministry. Now we're going to have a talk.
Emma Peel: About the weather, how topical!
Father: It'll help pass the time.
Emma Peel: Time would pass anyway if you think about it logically! But then so few do think logically, or even anti-logically. Clockwise or anti-clockwise, tick-toc, toc-tick, see-saw, Margery Daw. It amounts to the same thing! After all how do you know I'm the real Mrs Peel?
Father: How real do you feel, Mrs. Peel?
Emma Peel: I'll repeat the question, bypassing the weather, which, no doubt, being British, we'll return to in a moment. Do I walk like Mrs Peel, talk like Mrs Peel? Am I witty, wise, wonderful to know? Or, do I go around shooting Ministry agents, attempting to rule the world on my days off?
Father: Now you're just playing games!

Emma Peel: How now, brown cow.

Emma Peel: I suppose Mother warned you about women like me?
John Steed: Until now, I didn't know there were women like you.

[repeated line]
John Steed, Emma Peel: Tea?

[last lines]
Mother: [raising champagne glass] A toast; to a job well done.
Emma Peel: To a narrow escape.
Mother: Macaroon?
Emma Peel: [shaking her head to Mother,] Thank you, Steed.
John Steed: No, no. Thank you, Mrs. Peel.
[All drink champagne as camera zooms off roof top]

Emma Peel: [confronted with wiring panel] Was it red or black? Here goes, eeny, meeny, miney...

John Steed: Mrs. Peel, what kept you?
Emma Peel: The weather.

"The Avengers: The Cybernauts (#4.3)" (1965)
Emma Peel: It's as though we've reached a dead end. Correction: three dead ends.

Emma Peel: [bent over dead body] The position of the head. He's been hit from the front and yet there isn't a trace of bruising on the face.
John Steed: Conclusion, honorable lady?
Emma Peel: In-ku.
John Steed: Ink who?
Emma Peel: It's a karate blow. Delivered by an expert, it breaks the neck easier than a hangman's noose.
John Steed: Many in this country, experts?
Emma Peel: Very few. Barely a handful in the whole of Europe.

Sensai: Please state your business, Mrs. Peel.
Emma Peel: I am interested in Karate.
Sensai: Interest is for the onlooker. From students we require dedication, nightly attendance for practice and demonstration. We never tolerate absentees.
Emma Peel: I appreciate that.
Sensai: Then appreciate too, Mrs. Peel, that Karate, unlike Judo, is not a sport. It is a science, an art, a discipline. The word Karate...
Emma Peel: [interrupting] Means empy hand.
Sensai: But the hands, though empty, can become more deadly than any weapon. It is the combination of force and a development of courage.

John Steed: As Tusamo might have said, we have a proverb: he who talks too much, forgets his listener.
Emma Peel: Son of Confucius?
John Steed: Steed.

Emma Peel: I must say, I can't wait to meet Oyama, 'the Tall Mountain'.
John Steed: What's he got that I haven't got?
Emma Peel: A hobby.
John Steed: Archeology, philately, knitting?
Emma Peel: Splitting doors.

John Steed: If I'm not back by eleven-thirty, I'll stay for breakfast.
Emma Peel: You don't eat breakfast.

John Steed: [Emma is under attack from a Cybernaut] Mrs. Peel, throw me the pen, the pen thrown it me.
[she obliges, the Cybernaut turns to follow the pen]
John Steed: It's a short wave device, works like a guided missile.
Emma Peel: Well get rid of it then!
John Steed: Don't worry, I will.
[turns corner to find Armstrong and another Cybernaut coming at him]
Dr. Clement Armstrong: That won't help you, Steed, this one has a brain of it's own.

John Steed: [solving crossword puzzle] It moves in the dark, it leaves no mark, it's as hard as steel. Nine down. Now what would that be, Mrs Peel?
Emma Peel: Cybernaut?

Sensai: [refusing Emma into the gym] ... It is difficult for a woman to compete in such company.
Emma Peel: [smiling] It's that the idea of competition appeals to me.
Sensai: Then I'd suggest perhaps... fencing would be more suitable to your purpose.
Emma Peel: I think not, Mister...
Sensai: Here I'm known as Sensai - the Knowledgeable One.
[Claps hands once; a tall blonde in karate outfit appears by the gym's entrance]
Sensai: Oyuka! Ms. Peel is leaving now.
Emma Peel: [after glncing at the blonde, turns round to face Sensei again] What makes Oyuka the exception?
Sensai: Oyuka, the Immovable One, she's a third dan of judo, a first dan of karate. There are few men who could pass her, if she would not want them to.
Emma Peel: And if I could?
Sensai: I shouldn't try it, Baka, the Foolish One. But if you can, you'll be most welcome.
Sensai: [Watches as Emma places her handbag and gloves on the floor, and bows to him with Oyuka; the women exchange holds; Oyuka is in an arm-lock and tries to scratch Emma's right leg; he shouts] Oyuka!
[Emma projects Oyuka to the floor]
Sensai: You attacked her as a woman, but she has the skill of a man... A bad mistake, Oyuka.
[Emma bows to the sensei again, collects her things, and exits]

"The Avengers: The Town of No Return (#4.1)" (1965)
John Steed: [during a friendly bout of fencing] We ought to get away... Down to the coast for a while.
Emma Peel: We?
[she turns round and Steeds slaps her on the behind with his sword]
John Steed: [they resume their swordfight] Why not? We can build sandcastles together.
Emma Peel: I refuse to carry your bucket and spade.

'Piggy' Warren: Ah, good evening, good evening. Sorry to have kept you waiting and welcome to the jolly old Gremlin. Well what'll it be, a jar or two of the jolly old splosh, what?
[laughs heartily]
John Steed: I'll have a large brandy, please. And how about you, Mrs... eh?
Emma Peel: Peel. No thank you, I don't think I ought to.
John Steed: Oh, come on, traveling companions and all that, we'll have one for the lady as well. And how about you, Mr. eh...
Smallwood: Smallwood. I'll have the same, thank you very much.
'Piggy' Warren: Right. Three tots of Napoleon's ruin coming up.

Emma Peel: As for the sea breezes, well, I shall have to take a couple of reefs in my bedclothes tonight.
John Steed: We must be prepared to make concessions, my dear. Back to nature!
Emma Peel: Well, you might have warned me. I'd have packed my pot of woad.

Emma Peel: [opens door to hotel room] What happened to pussy-footed pussy?
John Steed: [comes into the room] Isn't it time you were in bed? You have to be up early for school tomorrow.

Emma Peel: Would the winner come to the unsaddling enclosure?
John Steed: [Steed finds Peel tied up with riding gear] All this is supposed to go on a horse, you know.

Emma Peel: [Steed is untying Emma] Ow! Tight girth!
John Steed: We'll have to cut down on the oats.

John Steed: Don't touch that, we may be in orbit.
Emma Peel: You of course quite a constellation.

John Steed: There's a whole army down here. And up top, they're still searching for us.
Emma Peel: I feel like the filling in a club sandwich.

"The Avengers: Too Many Christmas Trees (#4.13)" (1965)
Emma Peel: [Mrs. Peel is helping Steed open his Christmas cards] "Best wishes for the future - Cathy"
John Steed: Mrs. Gale! Ah, how nice of her to remember me. What can she be doing in Fort Knox?

Emma Peel: [Emma is admiring an antique bed] You know, I've always rather fancied myself in one of these.
John Steed: So have I...
Emma Peel: Hmm?
John Steed: I mean, I have too.

Emma Peel: I warn you, I'm here collecting for Christmas charity and I intend to separate you from at least fifty guineas.
John Steed: Double it if you'll make the voce a little more sotto.
John Steed: just an octave or two...

John Steed: [shouting to be heard over his electric razor] It wasn't a party, just a quiet dinner with an old friend.
Emma Peel: Blonde, brunette or redhead?
John Steed: Shiny pink. Rear Admiral Keavers. Bald as a baby's elbow.

John Steed: Secrets have been getting into the wrong hands.
Emma Peel: And you think he may be responsible?
John Steed: I'm certain he's responsible, because the secrets that have been leaking out have only been entrusted to two people, him and me. I know it isn't me.

John Steed: Give me a hand, will you?
Emma Peel: Hm, I love opening other people's cards.

John Steed: It was Teasle's idea.
Emma Peel: Teasle?
John Steed: Security Intelligence Psychiatric Devision. Where is he now, by the way?
John Steed: Grean grow the rushes!
Emma Peel: I knocked him out.
John Steed: Oh, the War Office won't like that.

"The Avengers: Silent Dust (#4.14)" (1965)
John Steed: [Peel is steering a gondola, Steed is relaxing in it under a woman's umbrella] Tired?
Emma Peel: [she places the rowing ore firmly in the ground] Exhausted.
John Steed: No stamina.
Emma Peel: [sits down next to him] No comment.
John Steed: I know just how you feel.
Emma Peel: How? How would you know?

Peter Omrod: Are you looking for anything in particular?
Quince: Martlets.
Peter Omrod: Oh? What's special about them?
Emma Peel: There aren't any.

John Steed: [looking through Quince's glasses] Cut off in mid-warble?
Emma Peel: I haven't heard from him since.

John Steed: By the way, how's your connection with industrial science?
Emma Peel: Well oiled.

Emma Peel: [about to lift off in a hot air balloon] Are you sure you know how to control one of these things, Steed?
John Steed: Absolutely, my dear, nothing to worry about. Just a question of throwing ballast overboard.
Emma Peel: And what happens when we run out of ballast?

"The Avengers: Dial a Deadly Number (#4.10)" (1965)
Emma Peel: [referring to Steed's watch] That's new.
John Steed: Legacy from my uncle.
Emma Peel: Pitty it's dented.
John Steed: Battle of the Somme, 1916.
Emma Peel: German bullet?
John Steed: Canadian mule.

John Harvey: Eh, Mrs. Peel is another client of us, from... Barbados.
John Steed: Recently?
Emma Peel: I arrived last week.
John Steed: You surprise me.
Emma Peel: Why is that?
Emma Peel: So little tan.
John Steed: Ah... The rainy season.
Emma Peel: Of course.

John Harvey: Do you like wine, Mrs. Peel?
Emma Peel: In moderation.
John Harvey: [small laugh] I was referring to your interest, not your capacity.
Emma Peel: So was I.

Emma Peel: What do you make of the Boardmans?
John Steed: Him: bluff, concervative, die-hard traditional.
Emma Peel: Square.
John Steed: Exactly.
Emma Peel: And her?
John Steed: Attractive, intelligent, expensive.
Emma Peel: Cold as ice.
John Steed: And promiscuous.
Emma Peel: Promiscuous?
John Steed: Beyond that my lips are sealed. A true gentleman doesn't, eh...
Emma Peel: A true gentleman doesn't know of a lady's promiscuity.

Fitch: He was a lothario. With amazing capacity. If promotion was won in bed, he'd have been a field marshal.
Emma Peel: Quite an orgy of death, Mr. Fitch.

"The Avengers: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Station (#5.13)" (1967)
Emma Peel: And who's his ladyfriend?
John Steed: Auntie Maud.
Emma Peel: Do you know her?
John Steed: 'Maud', M.A.U.D. 'Microfilm And Unencyphered Documents', army issue pouch.

Emma Peel: [Entering Steeds apartment, Emma nearly steps on a dead body] Steed, whoops! You really must have a word with that cleaning lady of yours.

Admiral Cartney: [after finding two stacks of used railway tickets] London to Norborough, First Class return. Heh. Must be about a hundred of 'em. The Fellow must have had an obsession about railways.
Emma Peel: And they're all punched through. See, the 'o' in Norborough is punched through.
Admiral Cartney: Oh yes... and the hole's just about the size of a...
Emma Peel: Self-respecting micro-dot. Makes sense. Salt fills in the 'o' with a micro-dot...
Admiral Cartney: Ticket collector punches it out again...
Emma Peel: And bingo, the message is passed on.
Admiral Cartney: [a beat] To a ticket collector?

Crewe: And what exactly is your problem, dear lady?
Emma Peel: I'd like you to listen to this umbrella.

Emma Peel: [clears throught] Diddly-dah... diddly-dum. Twiddly-dum. Twiddly, twiddly, twiddly, dah. blinkety-blink, blinkety-blink. Chaddily-dum, chaddily-dah. Boopity-boop.

"The Avengers: Death's Door (#6.2)" (1967)
Emma Peel: You know my wavelength.
John Steed: I do indeed.

Emma Peel: Well, friend Stapley certainly excelled himself, it's a great piece of double talk. "Why Sir Andrew left the converence", or how to say nothing in 500 well chosen words.
John Steed: Stapley can't help telling half truths, he's in constant touch with politicians.

Emma Peel: [to Steed] Apart from me, you're the best driver I know.

John Steed: Coffee or orange juice?
Emma Peel: Both.
John Steed: Should have known...

Emma Peel: Welcome to Nightmare Alley.

"The Avengers: Death at Bargain Prices (#4.4)" (1965)
[Mrs. Peel is working undercover in a department store]
John Steed: I asked the chief predator where to find you and he said, "Our Mrs. Peel is in ladies' underwear." I rattled up the stairs three at a time.
Emma Peel: Merry quips department on the fifth floor, sir.

Emma Peel: Would you like a drink?
John Steed: Intravenously!

Jarvis: Mrs. Peel?
Emma Peel: Yes?
Jarvis: Jarvis. House Dick.
[she gives him a quizzical look]
Jarvis: Detective.

Emma Peel: So that's what they meant. I heard some of the staff talking about the King upstairs.
John Steed: He's here?
Emma Peel: Hm-hm, living at the top of the building. A disued department's been converted for him.
John Steed: Really? Where is it?
Emma Peel: The Department of Discontinued Lines.
[hits Steed on the nose with a pencil]
Emma Peel: You should fit in rather well.
John Steed: That's a matter of opinion.

John Steed: What on earth's that?
Emma Peel: Hm. Oh, it's an exploded molecular construction.
John Steed: So that's what hit me.

"The Avengers: The Positive Negative Man (#6.6)" (1967)
John Steed: What was all that about? You didn't trip, we don't have a dinner engagement, and to plumb the depths of utter banality with 'I don't usually fall for strangers'.
Emma Peel: It was a corny situation calling for corny measures.

Cynthia Wentworth-Howe: I'm Cynthia Wentworth-Howe, Top Hush Secretary to the Minister.
John Steed: How do you do?
Emma Peel: Top Hush?
Cynthia Wentworth-Howe: We assistants come in four grades: 'Confidential', 'Secret', 'Most Secret' and 'Top Hush'.
John Steed: Eh, you've reached the top of your profession, then?
Cynthia Wentworth-Howe: Not quite. My ultimate ambition is to achieve the special category of 'Button Lip', the pinnacle of secrecy. Not a single syllable passed on before being vetted, examined, coded and cleared.

John Steed: You don't happen to be carrying around a large brandy, do you?
Emma Peel: No, I'm traveling light.

Peter Haworth: My pectorals may leave much to be desired, Mrs. Peel, but I'm the most dynamic man you are ever likely to meet. Hear that? Power. Broadcast power. A life force flowing into me, fed by radio waves, making me the most powerful man on earth, a king, omnipotent!
Emma Peel: Careful you don't blow a fuse.

"The Avengers: The Joker (#5.15)" (1967)
Emma Peel: It's late, I'm tired, and I want to go to bed.
Strange Young Man: In that case, how would you like me to tuck you up?
Emma Peel: In that case, how would you like me to break your arm.

Emma Peel: [about Sir Cavalier Rousticana] He read my article recently.
John Steed: So did I! All bids, no trumps and mathematics. It was very confusing.

Ola Monsey-Chamberlain: He was called away to a, a meeting. In London. The I.B.P.C. The International... something.
Emma Peel: Bridge Players Convention...

Emma Peel: I don't see a car.
Strange Young Man: Well, you wouldn't would you? Not in this fog. But it's there.

"The Avengers: Castle De'ath (#4.5)" (1965)
Emma Peel: Your cousin has hired my company as consultants.
Ian De'ath: What company would that be?
Emma Peel: Aborcashaata.
Ian De'ath: Aborca what?
Emma Peel: It's the Advisory Bureau on Refurbishing Castles and Stately Homes as a Tourist Attraction.

Ian De'ath: You damned fool, Angus, you could have killed somebody!
Angus De'ath: Aye, but I didn't, did I?
Emma Peel: So what's your next trick, splitting an apple on this gentleman's head?
Angus De'ath: Hm. You must be Mrs. Peel. Welcom to Castle De'ath.
Emma Peel: Thank you. I've already tripped over the matt.

John Steed: Was there a rack down there?
[Mrs. Peel nods]
John Steed: In good racking order?
Emma Peel: I didn't have time to find out. Shouldn't be at all surprised.

Emma Peel: [about Black Jamie, who was walled up the East tower of Castle De'ath] Well, he can't do much harm, I mean not walled up.
John Steed: Mrs. Peel, the first thing a ghost learns is to walk through walls. That's a fundimental part of any self-respecting spirit's basic training.

"The Avengers: The Fear Merchants (#5.2)" (1967)
John Steed: Richard Meadows. Found at Wembley Stadium in his pajamas.
Emma Peel: Maybe he sleepwalks?
John Steed: Some walk. He resides in Birmingham, now that's a hundred and, eh...
Emma Peel: Thirteen miles away. So he went to bed in Birmingham...
John Steed: And woke up in Wembley.

John Steed: You found out nothing?
Emma Peel: Hm-hm, nothing in the files of Fox, White and Crawley, not even the courtesy of a reply.

John Steed: Steed, what are you doing?
Emma Peel: What am I doing? Practising my 'high-powered tycoon' look.

John Steed: We're in the travel business. I provide luxurious igloos in Iceland.
Emma Peel: Complete with a deepfreeze.
John Steed: Bearskin rugs...
Emma Peel: And hot and cold running eskimo's.
John Steed: Why not? That's quite an idea.

"The Avengers: A Sense of History (#4.24)" (1966)
Emma Peel: [on Steed's sword] That looks a bit droopy.
John Steed: Wait 'til it's challenged.

Richard Carlyon: [referring to the death of Broom] Distressing business.
Emma Peel: Very.
Richard Carlyon: Yes, it quite spoiled my appetite when I heard.
Emma Peel: Ruined James Broom's.
Richard Carlyon: What? Oh, yes, yes, I see what you mean.

Emma Peel: What on earth are you doing here anyway, Steed?
John Steed: Advanced research into the co-relationship of the lesser-crested newt and Mrs. Sybil Peabody.
Emma Peel: Mrs. Sybil Peabody?
John Steed: An aunt of mine. Drinks like a fish.

Emma Peel: Steed. So you've finally decided on your costume. The Sheriff of, eh... Bashful Ben?
John Steed: Nottingham.
Emma Peel: Well, I hate to mention, in all the books I've read, the Sheriff is a baddy.
John Steed: Beneath this doublet beats a generous heart.

"The Avengers: How to Succeed ....At Murder (#4.25)" (1966)
J.J. Hooter: You see, I smell a great deal.
Emma Peel: You do? Eh, I mean you do.

J.J. Hooter: [after removing his nose protector] There you see the splendid beast. Naked before you.
Emma Peel: Hm. It very a... handy.
J.J. Hooter: But what until you see him in action, Mrs. Peel. Wait until you see him twitch and flare.

Emma Peel: It's all this secretarial business. I got cramp in my glutils and my dorsals were definitely dormant.

John Steed: [Steed has hit Emma's bumper with his Bentley] I'm most terribly sorry, Miss.
John Steed: I just wanted a word with you.
Emma Peel: [shouts] Are you blind?
Emma Peel: Couldn't you have phoned?
John Steed: [quietly] And risk a wire tap?
John Steed: My foot missed the brake.
[quietly again]
John Steed: Henrietta's been dead for years, just seen the gravestone, it's all extremely odd.
John Steed: Well, no harm done.
Emma Peel: [louder still] No harm? There ought to be a law against these things.
John Steed: [quietly] How are you getting on?
Emma Peel: Not to well, progressing.
Emma Peel: Watch your driving in future!
[walks off]
John Steed: [whispering] And you watch your step.

"The Avengers: A Surfeit of H2O (#4.8)" (1965)
Emma Peel: You diabolical mastermind, you!

Emma Peel: Stolen?
Emma Peel, Eli Barker: Aye, he thought he was unobserved, but I saw him, sneaking into Grannie Gregson's.
Emma Peel: Grannie Gregson's?
Eli Barker: Grannie Gregson's Glorious Grogs Incorporated, just a bit over the ledge. A factory engaged in the fermentation of intoxicating liquors.
Emma Peel: And you actually saw him going in there?
Eli Barker: Late at night. Creeping in, to steal liquors. to gorge on glorious grogs.

Eli Barker: Mrs. Peel, it's you again. You should be preparing: the flood cometh!
Emma Peel: Yes, well I've put a down payment on a canoe.

Emma Peel: [Mrs. Peel is trapped in a wine press. Steed and Jonah arrive through a secret entrance in the floor] Gentlemen should knock before entering.
John Steed: [quickly walks up to Emma] What are you, a sparkle in a seaweed soda?
Emma Peel: No, I'm the kick in the nettle noggin.
John Steed: Never mind, I'll have you out of here in two shakes of a swizzle stick.

"The Avengers: The Bird Who Knew Too Much (#5.5)" (1967)
John Steed: Do you know they brought over the whole Eastern rocket program in the eye of a needle?
Emma Peel: Ingenious!
John Steed: Hm. Except for the fact that the courier laid down and rested in a haystack.
Emma Peel: You mean they...
John Steed: They're still looking for it.

John Steed: Frank Elrick. He was engaged on counter-counter counterespionage.
Emma Peel: Well, somebody countered his counter. Where was this, eh, found?
John Steed: In a contractor's yard and just in time. In another hour or so... he would have been the cornerstone of a new supermarket. Poor, old Frank. He was a pretty solid sort of type.
Emma Peel: He still is.

Professor Jordan: [about Captain Crusoe] Whomever teaches him a phrase, he gets the tone and inflection of that person's voice exactly. A parot paragon.
Emma Peel: And now he's a Polly gone.

John Steed, Emma Peel: The parot's taking the information out!

"The Avengers: Small Game for Big Hunters (#4.16)" (1966)
Professor Swain: I am sorry, Mrs. Peel, there's nothing more I can do. I have diagnosed the sickness, I do not hold a cure. He sleeps the sleep of the living dead. There's no awakening him, not by any means I have at my command.
Emma Peel: But surely there must be something?
Professor Swain: I am sorry, Mrs. Peel.
Emma Peel: Professor Swain, we're not living in a primitive jungle, this is Hertfortshire, England.

John Steed: Had a spot of bother with the natives. A full blown savage with a very unfriendly disposition.
Emma Peel: Oh come now, Steed.
John Steed: It's the truth, he was wearing war paint. Sacrificial knife, the lot. He practically ruined my bowler hat.
[hands hat to Emma]
John Steed: Didn't do this must good either.
[indicating a folder of papers]
Emma Peel: What's missing?
John Steed: Colonel Rawling's file. Fortunately he overlooked my cucumber sandwiches.
Emma Peel: Oh, good.
Emma Peel: [takes a sandwich from Steed and then a bite] Hmm.
John Steed: [has a nibble as well] Hmm.

Emma Peel: [on phone] Steed, where are you?
John Steed: Deep in wildest Kalaya.

Emma Peel: [picking up a metal carrying case] What's in this, anyway? the crown jewels?
John Steed: Creepy, crawly germ laden flies. Let's get back to the old country.

"The Avengers: Return of the Cybernauts (#6.1)" (1967)
Emma Peel: [referring to 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man] A man doesn't have to be handsome to be attractive. There's a sort of ugliness for it's own sake. And if you look closely, you'll find a sense of humour. And the eyes are kind.
John Steed: It hasn't got any eyes.

John Steed: Sorry to break up your evening.
Paul Beresford: There'll be another one.
John Steed: Good night, Paul.
Paul Beresford: Good night, Steed and good luck.
John Steed: Thank you.
Emma Peel: Good night, Paul.
Paul Beresford: Surely Steed can handle this alone?
Emma Peel: He could, but I mustn't him find out.

Emma Peel: Are you coming up?
John Steed: Now is not the time for a glass of claret, not even a '29. No, I think I'll stay here.

Emma Peel: How the head?
John Steed: What head? I'm numb from ear to ear.
Emma Peel: Never tangle with a Cybernaut.
John Steed: Tangle? I was almost decapitated.
[winces in pain]
Emma Peel: Well, this ice should...
John Steed: Should be in a glass with a large whiskey wrapped around it.
Emma Peel: All right...
John Steed: [moans as he gets up] Ah well, it's part of the great tradition: unless one's head is in two separate halves... hah, the show must go on.

"The Avengers: Escape in Time (#5.3)" (1967)
John Steed: Known you all this time, never knew that you could sew.
Emma Peel: Well, our relationship hasn't been exactly domestic, has it?

Waldo Thyssen: Does Elizabethan appeal to you?
Emma Peel: Not at all. The men were so... tiny.

Emma Peel: [holding up a photograph] Now there's an evil face if ever I saw one.
John Steed: That's Tubby Vincent, he's on our side!

Matthew Thyssen: These strange clothes you wear. The devil's work! Designed to daze and to bewitch a man's senses. To inflame him to lust.
Emma Peel: You should see me 400 years from now.

"The Avengers: The Danger Makers (#4.20)" (1966)
John Steed: [Steed is carefully inspecting Emma's box of chocolates as if it were a bomb] Whatever you do, don't touch the wrapped ones.
Emma Peel: Why not?
John Steed: 'Cause I like them.
[he unwraps one and eats it]

Emma Peel: What have we got, so far?
John Steed: Two black roses, three corpses...
Emma Peel: [shouting from off screen] Four white feathers...
John Steed: And a partridge in a pear tree.

Emma Peel: I'm Mrs. Emma Peel, from Willis and Ferguson's. Auctioneers, valuers, specialists in probate.
Major Robertson: Oh yes, do come in. I was told to expect you.
[they shake hands]
Major Robertson: Eh, forgive me, frankly, I was expecting a dusty old man leaning heavily on a gnarled stick.
Emma Peel: I hope you're not disappointed?
Major Robertson: On the contrary.

Emma Peel: A bunch of schizoid, paranoid, psychopaths.
John Steed: And incidentally dangerous.

"The Avengers: The Winged Avenger (#5.6)" (1967)
John Steed: Now someone, or something got from here to there without being detected. Now there must be an explanation and I intend finding it!
Emma Peel: With a shoebox?
John Steed: They laughed at Edison.
Emma Peel: Only when he was serious...

John Steed: What's that?
Emma Peel: Items found at the scene of the crime.
John Steed: Your items are not very interesting.
Emma Peel: It's a loud of rubbish.

Emma Peel: You did receive a letter from our London office?
Arnie Packer: Not a word.
Emma Peel: Ah... now that was very remiss of them. I understood they would write.
Stanton: And what did you understand they would say?

Professor Poole: [on phone] It is imperative I see you tonight. Now. At once, eh, right away.
Emma Peel: [on other line] You mean immediately? All right, I'll come right now.

"The Avengers: From Venus with Love (#5.1)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Frankly, when I read your card, I didn't expect, eh...
Bert Smith: Ah, it was the name that fooled you. It always does. Bert Smith. Actually, it's Bertram Fortescue Winthrop Smythe, to be absolutely accurate. Had to change it of course.
Emma Peel: Of course...
Bert Smith: Firstly, it was too long to go on the card, and such a name is a terrible disadvantage in this business. After all, whoever heard of anyone having they're chimney swept by a Fortescue Winthrop Smythe? Haha.
Emma Peel: [laughs] Who indeed?

John Steed: I'm a fully fledged member of the BVS. I volunteered for watching duty.
Emma Peel: I thought it was part of your policy never to volunteer for anything?
John Steed: Yes, but since you volunteered to return the recording to Venus Brown, I thought I'd volunteer.

Crawford: Does anyone really know what's up there? On Venus, or Mars, or even the moon? Discoveries always begin as a guessing game. We may be right, we may be wrong. If you don't explore, you don't find out. And we shall, some day. Our funds are growing fast.
Emma Peel: While your membership dwindles.

Dr. Henry Primble: And does Steed know you're here?
Emma Peel: I consider that a highly personal question.

"The Avengers: You Have Just Been Murdered (#6.5)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Hey Ho.

Emma Peel: Now, take me to your leader. Or, lead me to your taker.

John Steed: You detect that heady aroma?
Emma Peel: [snifs the air] Roses?
John Steed: Money. The sweet, sickly smell of money. The air's heavy with it.
Emma Peel: The ground is littered with millionares.
John Steed: And awash with them. Do you suppose there's a collective noun for millionaires?
Emma Peel: A multi of millionaires?
John Steed: Tycoonery?

"The Avengers: Murdersville (#6.7)" (1967)
Emma Peel: [calling Steed on the phone] John darling? It's Emma.
John Steed: Hm? Oh, eh, Mrs, eh...
Emma Peel: Don't be silly darling. Your wife. How is my litte Johnsy-Wonsy?
John Steed: Johnsy-Wonsy's fine, but you sound as though you've been soaking up just a tiny bit too much grapejuice.
Emma Peel: You haven't been out all day? You really should, darling. Drive out. Take the children with you.
John Steed: Children? You're in trouble aren't you?
Emma Peel: That's right.
John Steed: Is there somebody listening?
Emma Peel: Yes, and I've had an absolutely tortuous day.

John Steed: I gather you've known each other for a long time?
Emma Peel: Since I was seven.
Major Paul Croft: Six. She was a leggy little horror with pigtails.
John Steed: I can't believe it.
Major Paul Croft: Oh, it's true. We lived next door to each other. I often used to climb over the wall...
John Steed: No, no, I mean the champagne. I specifically asked my vendor for a '26. He sent me a '27!
Emma Peel: What's a digit between friends?

Dr. J. F. Haymes: This is ridiculous. I've known the people of this village more than half my life.
Emma Peel: Since you were six years old? That's how long I've known Paul Croft.

"The Avengers: Dead Man's Treasure (#6.4)" (1967)
Emma Peel: I've just come from an Embassy Junket.
John Steed: The rattle of ambassadorial decorations, the drone of speeches...
Emma Peel: Hmm. All proceeding at the pace of an infirm, gravely debilitated, very old snail.

Emma Peel: Why the midnight vigil?
John Steed: I'm expecting Bobby Danvers.
Emma Peel: Courier? What's he couriering?
John Steed: Top Secret papers from you know where.
Emma Peel: Hot stuff?
John Steed: I've laid out my asbestos gloves.

Penelope Blaine: I say, you're awfully good at it!
Emma Peel: Switch it off!
Penelope Blaine: I warn you, I'm simply hopeless at mechanical things!

"The Avengers: Room Without a View (#4.15)" (1966)
Varnals: I made a preliminary investigation. The psychological state is consistent with intensified reorientation and auto suggestion techniques carried out over a long period.
Emma Peel: You mean he's been brainwashed.

John Steed: [Steed, dressed as a waiter, finds Mrs. Peel locked in a cell] You rang, madam?
Emma Peel: [appears in small window in the door] Yes. I want to change my room, there's a honeymoon couple next door.

Emma Peel: [after a fight] Hard labour?
John Steed: You should see the other fellow.

"The Avengers: The Correct Way to Kill (#5.9)" (1967)
John Steed: How I envy you working cheek by jowl with Ivan.
Emma Peel: I can assure you my cheek's going to be nowhere near his jowl.

Emma Peel: Do you think they're having a purge?
John Steed: Well if they are, I wish they'd, eh...
Emma Peel: Do it in their own country? You said that.
John Steed: It's unethical, just not cricket.
Emma Peel: You said that too.
John Steed: We need a drink.
Emma Peel: That, you haven't said.

Emma Peel: I've handed in my notice.
John Steed: Oh?
Emma Peel: The other side was cheating. Nutski had no intention of seriously honouring the truce.
John Steed: Well, I'm not surpsided, I never thought he would.

"The Avengers: Epic (#5.11)" (1967)
Policeman: I suppose you have some authority for being here?
Emma Peel: None at all, I was kidnapped.
Policeman: Oh, kidnapped.
[takes out his notebook]
Policeman: Would that be one p or two, madam?
Emma Peel: Two.

Emma Peel: You're a film extra.
Policeman: Film artiste, please. Backbone of the industry. Where would your Roman orgy's be without your film artiste, hm?

Emma Peel: Gloat all you like. But just remember... I'm the star of this picture.

"The Avengers: The House That Jack Built (#4.23)" (1966)
Emma Peel: What happened to the shining armor?
John Steed: It's still at the laundry.

Emma Peel: An old uncle of mine died, some while back, left me his house. I have to go and look at it.
John Steed: Oh, how upsetting.
Emma Peel: Not really, I never knew him.
John Steed: No, that you have to dash. I've got my hands full and I could do with a cup o' coffee.

Emma Peel: [a man dressed like a scout has stopped Mrs. Peel's car on the road] I might have killed you.
Frederick Withers: The speed you were going?
[shakes his head]
Frederick Withers: The stopping distance to this car is 147 feet, allowing for average reflexes. I positioned myself 150 feet away.
Emma Peel: Very mathematical of you.
Frederick Withers: I am a very mathematical person.
Emma Peel: You're also very stupid. Supposing I hadn't seen you?
Frederick Withers: In that case, my death would have been entirely your fault.

"The Avengers: The Living Dead (#5.7)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Do you believe in ghosts, Steed?
John Steed: Someone does: Kermit, the hermit.
Emma Peel: You didn't answer my question. Do you believe?
John Steed: Let's put it this way: strange happenings need looking into. Now you stay here and browse around, and I'll go and see Kermit the hermit.

Mandy McKay: George Spencer, he's from SMOG, Mrs. Peel.
Emma Peel: SMOG?
George Spencer: Scientific Measurement of Ghosts. A society that does not belive in ghosts, Mrs. Peel. There's a scientific explanation to all hauntings and we find that explanation, scientifically. We fight legend with logic, folklore with facts. Cold, clinical facts.

John Steed: [kisses Emma on both cheeks] For that you definitely get a mention in my will.
Emma Peel: Did the whole of your past life flash before your eyes?
John Steed: Yes. Infinitely enjoyable.

"The Avengers: The Murder Market (#4.7)" (1965)
Mr. Adrian Lovejoy: Togetherness will solve all your problems Mrs. Peel.
Emma Peel: I only have one, Mr. Lovejoy. Finding a suitable partner.
Mr. Adrian Lovejoy: We'll do our best. Now what are your requirements: age group, physical aspect? Just let me know what you want.
Emma Peel: Well, he would have to be mature.
Mr. Adrian Lovejoy: Hmm.
Emma Peel: A man of culture, and intelligence.
Mr. Adrian Lovejoy: [writing it down] Mature, cultured, intelligent.
Emma Peel: With stamina.
Mr. Adrian Lovejoy: [long pause] Quite so, yes.

John Steed: Help yourself to coffee.
Emma Peel: Always the perfect host!
John Steed: [Steed is graphing something on paper] Heh. Nine, ten... eleven!
Emma Peel: Planning?
John Steed: Plotting.
Emma Peel: For your accountant? A museum of modern art?
[traces a line on end of the graph downward with her finger]
Emma Peel: Or could it be... your popularity poll?

John Steed: All the same, we may find out tomorrow. They should have found me a suitable partner by then... the marriage bureau. Hm! Advanced scientific - they analyze your personality and then find you a compatible companion.
Emma Peel: That must have set them a problem.
John Steed: Eh?
Emma Peel: Finding a match for you.
John Steed: Why, I don't know. Educated, charming, cultured.
Emma Peel: Ruthless, devious, scheming. Hm! Have to be quite a girl. A mixture of Lucrezia Borgia and... Joan of Arc.
John Steed: Sounds like every girl I ever knew. By the way my dear, isn't it high time you thought of marrying again?
[Emma spits up into her champagne glass]

"The Avengers: The Hour That Never Was (#4.9)" (1965)
John Steed: I've driven across this road, ooh, hundred times during the war.
Emma Peel: Well, since you know it so well it's remarkable you couldn't stay on it.

John Steed: [arriving at R.A.F. Camp 472 Hamelin] Ah, there she is.
Emma Peel: Looks a bit bleak...
John Steed: You should see it in the cold light of a hangover.

John Steed: Razor still running. Petrol gushing. Unconscious rabbit. One dead milkman.
Emma Peel: Ten thousand bottles of milk...
John Steed: Thirty highly trained, technical men, just up and dance away from, eh...
Emma Peel: Hamelin.

"The Avengers: Quick-Quick Slow Death (#4.19)" (1966)
Emma Peel: [upon seeing Steed's dance partner number on his back] You're number 9.
John Steed: And you're dancing with garlic sausage!
[referring to the tattoo on her partner's wrist]

Emma Peel: But you didn't bring me here just to be a gunbarer?
John Steed: No, I want you to meet someone, Willi Fehr. Used to be a top agent, now relegated to traffic control.
Emma Peel: Traffic control?
John Steed: Yes, for incoming spies. He looks after their accomodation, money, that sort of thing.

"The Avengers: The Master Minds (#4.6)" (1965)
Emma Peel: Steed, you did wake me up a few minutes ago?
John Steed: There is a touch of fantasy about it all, isn't there?

John Steed: Behind them there must be a brilliant planner at work.
Emma Peel: A genius.
John Steed: A diabolical master mind.
Emma Peel: Sir Clive?
John Steed: He's just a pawn in the game. The man we're after is the king.

"The Avengers: The See-Through Man (#5.4)" (1967)
John Steed: As I've demonstrated, Mrs. Peel, our mysterious intruder must have come in through the front gate.
Emma Peel: Across the entrance hall...
John Steed: Past three checkpoints...
Emma Peel: Came down the security lift...
John Steed: Across the main hall...
Emma Peel: The Typing pool...
John Steed: Passed a dozen clerks...
Emma Peel: Ah, and don't forget the four secretaries, Steed.
John Steed: Hmmm. Indeed not.

Elena Vazin: You are very foolish, Mrs. Peel. You cannot escape from here.
Emma Peel: No? It's been child's play so far. Such stringent precautions. No guards in reception, Brodney with an empty gun...
Elena Vazin: The fool. He will pay for that.
Emma Peel: But you gave it to him. If I'm wrong, do forgive me.
[points the gun at Elena and pulls the trigger several times]

"The Avengers: Honey for the Prince (#4.26)" (1966)
Emma Peel: I'd like to send some honey to a friend. You can arrange that?
Bumble: Indeed I can. Bumble's honey encircles the globe. Nectar in Nyasaland, syrup in Sweden, honey in the Himalayas. You just give me the address and I dispatch first haste.

Ponsonby-Hopkirk: And if ever you should wish to join the Q.Q.F... a fantasy perhaps?
Emma Peel: No thank you, I haven't yet exhausted reality.
Ponsonby-Hopkirk: Pity.

"The Avengers: Never, Never Say Die (#5.10)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Where's the body?
John Steed: There isn't one
Emma Peel: No body?
John Steed: No body.
Emma Peel: There's always a body!

Emma Peel: Steed, MOT-NRU stands for...
John Steed: Ministry of Technology, Neoteric Research Unit.
Emma Peel: That's a good guess.

"The Avengers: The Gravediggers (#4.2)" (1965)
John Steed: [Emma enters Steed's flat] Don't move, got you in my sight.
[fires toy gun]
John Steed: Haha, gun that shoots around corners.
Emma Peel: Second childhood?
John Steed: Nephew's birthday.

John Steed: Always felt I was cut out to be an engine driver. I was on the point of taking it up as a matter of fact.
Emma Peel: Family objected?
John Steed: Oh no, they were all for it. But I came to my senses just in time, there's no security, always on the move.
Emma Peel: Oh, I don't know. At least it would've kept you to the straight and narrow.

"The Avengers: A Touch of Brimstone (#4.21)" (1966)
Emma Peel: I've come here to appeal to you, Mr. Cartney.
John Cartney: You certainly do that.

Sara Bradley: [about Cartney] I'm afraid he's busy. He won't have time to see you.
Emma Peel: He's expecting me.
John Cartney: Mrs. Peel, this is a surprise.
Emma Peel: [turns back to Sara] Half expecting.

"The Avengers: The Forget-Me-Knot (#7.1)" (1968)
Emma Peel: [saying good-bye to Steed] Always keep your bowler hat on in times of trouble, and beware diabolical masterminds.
John Steed: [as she walks away] Emma... Thank you.

Emma Peel: Always keep your bowler on in time of stress, and watch out for diabolical masterminds.

"The Avengers: Something Nasty in the Nursery (#5.14)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Trying to reach top C?
John Steed: Target practice. I always endulge myself.
Emma Peel: Well, it looks like it went with a bang...
John Steed: Definitely, somebody sent me a surprise package.

Emma Peel: You'd better hurry.
John Steed: Why?
John Steed: Haven't you noticed? As soon as we discover someone who can supply the answer...
John Steed: Someone always...
Emma Peel: Gets to them first.
John Steed: Ha, ha!

"The Avengers: Man-Eater of Surrey Green (#4.11)" (1965)
Emma Peel: What nasty situation have you got in store for me this time, hm? You have your own built in early warning system, you know. A certain look in the eye, roses...
Emma Peel: Roses...
John Steed: Roses?
Emma Peel: Roses. Ah!
[hits him on the nose with a rose]
Emma Peel: The missing horticulturists. Bullseye.

John Steed: [after equiping Mrs. Peel with a deaf aid] Yeah, well, don't lose it, will you?
Emma Peel: Why not? The plant's only man-eating.

"The Avengers: What the Butler Saw (#4.22)" (1966)
Group Captain 'George' Miles: I say, do you mean that? Why, You really won't mind if I don't try to seduce you?
Emma Peel: Don't give it a second thought.
Group Captain 'George' Miles: Oh, I'd love a cup of tea. It's this terrible reputation of mine, you see, I don't know how it started, but now I'm stuck with it, the full Casanova bit. It sometimes can be very tiring.
Emma Peel: Hmm, must be.

"The Avengers: The Girl from Auntie (#4.17)" (1966)
Emma Peel: [having finally escaped her oversized birdcage] And no cracks please about birds in gilded cages.
John Steed: As if I would.
Georgie Price-Jones: Are you alright? We've been so worried about you.
John Steed: Oh, Mrs. Emma Peel, meet, eh... Mrs. Emma Peel...
Emma Peel: [not particularly amused] How do you do?

"The Avengers: Who's Who??? (#5.16)" (1967)
Major 'B': I'm head of Intelligence, do you take me for a perfect idiot?
Emma Peel: [in Lola's body] Noone's perfect.

"The Avengers: The Thirteenth Hole (#4.18)" (1966)
Emma Peel: Fear not, for ere this day is done, you shall have a hole in one. I am your fairy godmother.

"The Avengers: The £50,000 Breakfast (#6.3)" (1967)
Emma Peel: How do you know?
John Steed: I had a look at the memo pad beside your phone. I'm an insatiable reader.

"The Avengers: The Superlative Seven (#5.12)" (1967)
Emma Peel: Are you sure you can afford the time for all this junketing?
John Steed: Eh?
Emma Peel: There's a small matter of the death athletes. Six within the last week murdered.
John Steed: Seven.
Emma Peel: Ah... A couple of weight lifters and several assorted wrestlers.
John Steed: A trace of boxers, very odd.
Emma Peel: Very unsporting.
John Steed: Thank you very much, Mrs. Peel. Yes, well enough of these mundane matters, a little socializing won't do me any harm.

"The Avengers: Mission... Highly Improbable (#6.8)" (1967)
John Steed: It's utterly incredible. Two men and a Rolls to vanish into thin air?
Emma Peel: I presume the area was thoroughly searched?
John Steed: Inch by inch, with the finest of toothcombs.

"The Avengers: Two's a Crowd (#4.12)" (1965)
Emma Peel: Rather difficult to identify him, a man without a face.