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Quotes for
Jeff Foster (Character)
from Super Troopers (2001)

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Super Troopers (2001)
Officer Smy: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd take you down a peg or two.
[to Foster]
Officer Smy: Hey douche bag.
Foster: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet 'til you fell asleep.
Ursula: Nice try.

Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.
Mac: That's true.

Thorny: Where are your shoes?
Foster: What are you, the shoe police?
Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.
Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.
Thorny: That's brown magic.

Foster: Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?

[Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play]
Mac: All right, how about "Cat Game?"
Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'
[Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
[man laughs]
Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
[Mac is gut-busting laughing]
Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
[feigned anger]
Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law.
[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)

Foster: We could be like Cagney and Lacey.
Ursula: Right. Except Cagney and Lacey were both women.
Foster: I could be Lacey.

[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup ]
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?
Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother.

Foster: You crapped on my heart.

[Ursula meets Foster at a restaurant. Ursula is dressed as a biker, Foster is dressed as a cyclist]
Foster: Ah, biker. I'm such an idiot.

Ursula: [talking into voice filter] Freeze motherfucker.
Foster: Oh, god, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.
Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes.
Foster: What?
Ursula: I'm gonna show you where the wild goos goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer. Ursula, help.
Ursula: Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread.
[Foster turns, sees Ursula is "holding him up"]
Ursula: [still talking into the voice filter] You don't have these at your station?
Foster: [grabs the voice filtrator, and speaks into it] I don't suppose you have a fresh pair of underwear I can borrow?
Ursula: I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.

Foster: [Drunk] Hey, so, Ursula, what's uh, what's goin' on?
Ursula: Don't use that boyfriend voice with me.

Foster: Ain't so funny meow is it?

Foster: [explaining his low number of citations issued] I can't make them speed.
Captain O'Hagan: Try hiding.

Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!
Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
Foster: [after a pause] Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all.
Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!

Ursula: You're not going to tell anybody about this?
Foster: I already told my mom.

Captain O'Hagan: What's the significance of this John Chimpo fella?
Foster: You know those really cheap Japanese cartoons? No? This is basically a cheaper, Afgahni knockoff. It's this monkey that basically travels around the world, doing nasty things. His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh... no.
Rabbit: It's really funny, Cap. It's Afghanistanimation!
Captain O'Hagan: The monkey has a butler? Great. Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?
Thorny: How the hell should I know?