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: You can't just turn back time. Jenna
: Why not?
: Wait, listen to me. I'm 13! Lucy
: Jenna, if you're gonna start lying about your age, I'd go with 27.
: Can you get in the car? Jenna
: I can't get in the car, I don't get in the car with strangers. Lucy
: Please get in the car, we're gonna be late. Jenna
: I can't get in the car, I don't know you. Lucy
: Just get in the car. Jenna
: I don't get in the car with strangers! Lucy
: You're being a little paranoid.
: I saw his thingy! Lucy
] Oh, God, not his thingy.
: You want to know a secret? Matt
: Yeah. Jenna
: You're the sweetest guy I've ever met.
: Matty! It's Thriller!
: I like your dress. Jenna
: That's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out!
: Can you tell I'm wearing underwear? 'Cause I totally am.
: Becky, can I ask you something? Becky
: Yeah, sure. Jenna
: Can you tell I'm wearing underwear, cos I totally am. Becky
: I think that's kinda the point!
: Who's your daddy? Jenna
: Wayne Rink!
: Thirty, flirty and thriving.
: I'll have a Pina Colada, not virgin. Wanna see my ID? Totally have it!
: I love you, Matt. You're my best friend. Matt
: ...Jenna, I've always loved you.
: [hearing her cell phone ring
] Can you hear that, sir? Can you hear the music?
: Jenna, my balls - Excuse my French - are in an iron vice. Corporates are twisting and squeezing like a bunch of dominatrixes on steroids, and now Lucy is presenting her own re-design without you. Could you tell me what is going on? Jenna
: What is going on is that you are going to have more choices. Richard
: With all due respect to Lucy, I'm far more anxious to know what you've been working on. Jenna
: Thank you. Richard
: I'm not trying to compliment you. I'm trying to pressure you. Jenna
: How long until your balls get totally squished? Richard
: Hopefully never, I'm rather attached to my balls. Jenna
: Can they hang in there til five?
: Who are these women? Does anyone know? I don't recognize any of them. I want to see my best friend's big sister, the girls from the soccer team, my next door neighbor, real women who are smart and pretty and happy to be who they are. These are the women to look up to. Let's put life back into the magazine. And fun and laughter and silliness. I think we all - I think all of us - want to feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on because maybe we didn't realize how much we were leaving behind. We need to remember what used to be good. If we don't, we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes.
: Matty. Matt
: Yeah? Jenna
: Arrivederci. Matt
: I'll see you. Jenna
: Matt! Matt
[she gives him a look
: Au revoir.
: Jenna, what are you... Why are you here? Jenna
: Matty, I told you - something really weird is happening. Yesterday was my 13th birthday and then, and then today I woke up and I'm this, and you, I mean - you're that! You get it? Matt
: [long pause
] Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? Fallen into a K-Hole? You doing drugs?
: What happened? Matt
: I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist? Jenna
: Seven Minutes in Heaven.
: Matt, stop being so nice to me. I don't deserve it. Do you know what kind of person I am now, I mean - do you know who I am right now? I don't have any real friends. I did something bad with a married guy. I don't talk to my mom and dad. I'm not a nice person. And the thing is - I'm not 13 anymore.
: A Razzle, Mr. Flamhaff? Matt
: Thank you, Mrs. Flamhaff.
: Eminem's on the phone; he wants an answer now. Jenna
: Umm... plain.
[Arlene looks at her strangely
: Peanut? Plain!
: What's wrong, Pookie? Jenna
: Pookie? Uh... *Pukie!* You're married!
: You are rude, and mean, and sloppy, and frizzy - and I don't like you at all.
[Dragging Matt to the dance floor
: Oh for the love of Pete! You taught it to me!
: Hey! You got arm hair! Matt
: Never got quite that reaction before.
: Okay, Jenna, repeat after me: I am Jenna Rink, big time magazine editor. Jenna
: I am? Lucy
: Say it. Jenna
: I am Jenna Rink big time magazine editor. Lucy
: I'm a tough bitch.
[Jenna looks away, embarrassed to say it
: Say it! Jenna
: I am a tough
: bitch. Lucy
: I'm gonna walk into this office and not let anyone know I'm hung over. Jenna
: But that's just it. I'm not hung over-
[Lucy gives her pointed look
] I'm gonna walk into this office and not let anyone know I'm hung over.
: [to Lucy at the party
] Everybody Wang Chung tonight.
: Are you really my best friend? Lucy
] You're pregnant. Jenna
] Oh God, no!
] I want a fluffy pillow!
: [in the elevator
] I'm Jenna, by the way. Becky
] Yeah, I know. I'm Becky. Jenna
: How old are you, anyway? Becky
: 13. Jenna
: Me too! Becky
: [gives Jenna a strange look
: Used to be, anyway.
: [to Trish Sackett
] You know what? You are rude, and mean, and sloppy, and frizzy! And I don't like you at all!
: Oh my gosh, it's the naked man! Alex Carlson
: [from across the street
] Hey beautiful! Jenna
] He thinks I'm beautiful?
: Well, Jenna, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret making any of them. Jenna
: How come? Beverly Rink
: Because if I hadn't have made them, I wouldn't have learned how to make things right.
: Swing around this way just a little bit, Gina. Come on, right there. That's good. Young Jenna Rink
: It's Jenna. Yearbook Photographer
: Look over here, Gina. Right here. Young Jenna Rink
: IT'S JENNA!
[Photographer takes photo and it comes out all wrong
Young Jenna Rink
: I don't want to be beautiful in my own way. I want to look like these people. Beverly Rink
: Oh those aren't people honey, those are models.
[Jenna has invited the most popular girls in school to her 13th birthday party
] Young Matt
: I can't believe you invited those clones. Young Jenna Rink
: They're my friends. Young Matt
: The Six Chicks are not your friends, okay? Young Jenna Rink
: Almost. And someday I'm gonna BE a Sixth Chick. Young Matt
: There are six of them, Jenna, that's the whole point. There can't be a seventh Sixth Chick. It's just mathematically impossible. Besides you're way cooler than they are, they're totally unoriginal. Young Jenna Rink
: I don't want to be original, Matty, I want to be cool.
: Arrivederci. Young Jenna Rink
: Au revoir.
Young Jenna Rink
: I wanna be thirty.