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Max Berman (Character)
from Best in Show (2000)
Max Berman: I had a terrible day today. I can't get rid of it in my head. You know, you have a bad day - someone returns a sweater. I have a bad day - lives get lost. People lose their lives. I'm the chief hostage negotiator for the Akron and tri-county area and I talk people down. Whenever they get a jumper on a big building, they call me.
Gerry Fleck: How many people have you talked down? I mean, is there a...?
Max Berman: Well, they always jump. I've got news for you. It's a little secret from the trade. They all jump. But today, we had a tough one. There's a guy, he jumps... that doesn't bother me, it happens all the time. But you see, you think they drop like rocks. They don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down. This guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head...
[snaps his fingers]
Max Berman: pops off like a grape, the body continues to spin down like a whirligig. When they hit... everything pops out. It's like a piñata. The intestines, like they're spring-loaded... pop out!
[looks at Cookie]
Max Berman: You know, forgive me. I was actually... You know what? You know what I was just remembering - that time with you and me at the lake. The piñata. Remember?
Cookie Fleck: Was that you? Are you sure that was you?
Max Berman: I think you know who it was.
Gerry Fleck: [interrupting] Well, it was a long time ago, and...
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