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: Where was I? Oh yeah, playing songs on my guitar.
: Yeah, we were pretty wild up in Erie, Penn. Lenny
: There was this one time, we stayed up *way* past midnight, and...
: Know what that is? Lenny
: [pauses, then answers hesitantly
] Pres - idential flash cards? Villapiano
: A bonus. Do you know why? Lenny
: I have no idea. Villapiano
: To entice you back! The word is out on you O-neders! Lenny
: Hey, that's O-nedders!
: Hey, when are you gonna play "That Thing You Do!"? Lenny
: Ah, has our fame preceded us? Heckler
: We came here to meet girls and dance, and we can't meet girls until we dance! Lenny
: [to Jimmy, the Bass Player, and Guy
] All right, this seems like an opportune moment to pick it up a little.
[to the heckler
: OK, here's one for the kid in the back.
: [Speaking about Diane Dane
] She told me never trust a label. And I'm beginning to believe her. Lenny
: Well, sure. I mean, come on. They put us up in a first class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts; bunch of lyin' snakes. Jimmy
: Sorry I'm buggin' you! I guess I'm alone in my principles.
[leaves the room
: Oh come on. Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song "Alone in my principles."
: I play a lot of cards. Obviously. Wanna see my deck?
[he flashes his cards
: See? You gotta be quick! You gotta be quick with me! I'm from Erie, P.A.!
[during a TV interview with band at the Illinois State Fair
] Lenny Haise
: Oh, I'm not here with these fellas. I've got a pig in competition over at the livestock pavilion, and *I* am gonna win that blue ribbon!
: Here's the thing, we're not "The Wonders" right now, we're "Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters".
: [when asked what The Wonders' musical influences are
] Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.
: But I thought you already decided on The Echoes. Jimmy
: Nah, some band in Buffalo's the Echoes. And I wasn't wild about that. Lenny
: Let's just call us The - Band You're About To Hear. Chad
: How about The Corvettes? Jimmy
: Is that The Corvettes, or the Chordvettes? Chad
: No, Corvettes, like the car. Jimmy
: Well see, I was thinking like the Chord...
: *Chord*vettes, like chords in our music. Lenny
: [Guy walks in
] Is that "Skitch" Patterson? Chad
: Here he is, Erie's lone beatnik. The Bass Player
: How about the Tempos? Ya know, tempos? Lenny
: Not the Tempos, Tempos. I was in a band already called The Tempos, and we were... terrible. Chad
: Hey Guy, weren't you the drummer for the Tempos? Guy
: Heard that.
: Looks like Lenny's goin' fishing.
[When Jimmy is reluctant to sign a management contract
: Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen; I'm signin', you're signin', we're all signin'!
: Next, this "Oneders", with the O-N-E, it doesn't work. It's confusing. From now on, you boys'll just be... simply The Wonders. Lenny
: As in, I *wonder* what happened to the O'Needers?
: Hey, wasn't that our fan?
: So how long have you worked at Play-tone? Receptionist
: How long have you been wearing such tight pants? Lenny Haise
: Hey, if that's a pick-up line we're a match made in heaven.
: It is very important that you don't stink today. Lenny Haise
: Hey, I make no guarantees.
: "Skitch", how did we get here? Guy
: I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.
: He's got a very pretty girlfriend, doesn't he? Chrissy
: Is it serious, do you know? Lenny
: Very serious. I'm single! Chrissy
: [thoughtful pause
] What about the bass player? Lenny
: He's married!
: Hey, Uncle Bob, when are we gonna get these records? Uncle Bob
] Ah... Luke 21:19. The Bass Player
: And your patience possess ye your souls. Lenny
: Luke? Who's Luke? When are we gettin' the records? Uncle Bob
: I'm talking about Rock 'N' Roll shows in Steubenville, Youngstown, Pittsburgh, places like that. The Bass Player
: Pittsburgh? Lenny
: [girls climb on top of car
] Well... *I* like Wisconsin.
: We were wondering if you'd like to fill in for Chad just for tonight. Guy
: Why? Lenny
: Asshole... just broke his arm!
: Thank you, Illinois! The Land of Lincoln!
: [he's just written "Oneders"
] No, look - the Oneders, Lenny. Lenny
: Yeah, it looks like the O'Needers. Jimmy
: No, the - the Oneders. Lenny
: Got it, looks like the O'Needers.
: [Lenny taps his mic before their performance at the Orpheum
] Hey, hey! The mic's not on! Lenny Haise
: [going backstage to Boss Vic Koss
] We - the mic's not working. The mic isn't working. Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich
: All right, who am I not payin' back here? Come on!
[turns on their mics, but the audience complains from the feedback
] Lenny Haise
: [the mic feedback fades
] Thank you. Thank you. We're the Oneders. Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich
: Will you play some friggin' music? C'mon!
[Guy starts playing, but his crash cymbal crashes to the stage, and the audience laughs; he and Lenny right the cymbal again
] Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich
: Right nowww!
: [as Jimmy runs to the bathroom to throw up
] Hey, man! Whatever you do, don't think of pork chops!
: [at Villapiano's after they've sung "All My Only Dreams"
] Table 19, your pizza's ready.
: [extended version
] Guys, Chad's arm is so scary. I've never seen anything swell up so big, so fast. Lenny
: Don't take that personally, Jimmy.
: OK, the first thing that needs to change is the name. It's confusing. From now on, you are The Wonders. Lenny
: As like, I wonder what happened to the O-Ne-Ders? Mr. White
: He was joining the Marines in August anyway. It was gonna happen sooner or later. Guys, say hello to Scott Pell, Wolfman. Jimmy
: How you doing? Guy
: Uh, replacement? Mr. White
: Yes. Jimmy
: Who's he player with? Mr. White
: The Techniques, uh... Scott 'Wolfman' Pell
: Roy Maxwell and the Corsairs. Lenny
: Ha-ha... really? Mr. White
: He's your new bass player. Guy
: Mr. White... no offense, but I... we've been together a long time. Mr. White
: There aren't a lot of options here, Guy. Guy
: Can he handle our tunes? Scott 'Wolfman' Pell
: I think I can handle them, junior.
[plays some wicked bass licks
: Ok. Lenny
: Ok. Guy