Lenny Haise
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Quotes for
Lenny Haise (Character)
from That Thing You Do! (1996)

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That Thing You Do! (1996)
Lenny: Where was I? Oh yeah, playing songs on my guitar.

Guy: Yeah, we were pretty wild up in Erie, Penn.
Lenny: There was this one time, we stayed up *way* past midnight, and...
[starts laughing]

Villapiano: Know what that is?
Lenny: [pauses, then answers hesitantly] Pres - idential flash cards?
Villapiano: A bonus. Do you know why?
Lenny: I have no idea.
Villapiano: To entice you back! The word is out on you O-neders!
Lenny: Hey, that's O-nedders!

Heckler: Hey, when are you gonna play "That Thing You Do!"?
Lenny: Ah, has our fame preceded us?
Heckler: We came here to meet girls and dance, and we can't meet girls until we dance!
Lenny: [to Jimmy, the Bass Player, and Guy] All right, this seems like an opportune moment to pick it up a little.
[to the heckler]
Lenny: OK, here's one for the kid in the back.

Jimmy: [Speaking about Diane Dane ] She told me never trust a label. And I'm beginning to believe her.
Lenny: Well, sure. I mean, come on. They put us up in a first class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts; bunch of lyin' snakes.
Jimmy: Sorry I'm buggin' you! I guess I'm alone in my principles.
[leaves the room]
Lenny: Oh come on. Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song "Alone in my principles."

Lenny: I play a lot of cards. Obviously. Wanna see my deck?
[he flashes his cards]
Lenny: See? You gotta be quick! You gotta be quick with me! I'm from Erie, P.A.!

[during a TV interview with band at the Illinois State Fair]
Lenny Haise: Oh, I'm not here with these fellas. I've got a pig in competition over at the livestock pavilion, and *I* am gonna win that blue ribbon!

Lenny Haise: Here's the thing, we're not "The Wonders" right now, we're "Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters".

Lenny: [when asked what The Wonders' musical influences are] Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.

Faye: But I thought you already decided on The Echoes.
Jimmy: Nah, some band in Buffalo's the Echoes. And I wasn't wild about that.
Lenny: Let's just call us The - Band You're About To Hear.
Chad: How about The Corvettes?
Jimmy: Is that The Corvettes, or the Chordvettes?
Chad: No, Corvettes, like the car.
Jimmy: Well see, I was thinking like the Chord...
[writes Chordvettes]
Jimmy: *Chord*vettes, like chords in our music.
Lenny: [Guy walks in] Is that "Skitch" Patterson?
Chad: Here he is, Erie's lone beatnik.
The Bass Player: How about the Tempos? Ya know, tempos?
Lenny: Not the Tempos, Tempos. I was in a band already called The Tempos, and we were... terrible.
Chad: Hey Guy, weren't you the drummer for the Tempos?
Guy: Heard that.

Lenny: Looks like Lenny's goin' fishing.

[When Jimmy is reluctant to sign a management contract]
Lenny: Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen; I'm signin', you're signin', we're all signin'!

Mr. White: Next, this "Oneders", with the O-N-E, it doesn't work. It's confusing. From now on, you boys'll just be... simply The Wonders.
Lenny: As in, I *wonder* what happened to the O'Needers?

Lenny: Hey, wasn't that our fan?

Lenny Haise: So how long have you worked at Play-tone?
Receptionist: How long have you been wearing such tight pants?
Lenny Haise: Hey, if that's a pick-up line we're a match made in heaven.

Mr. White: It is very important that you don't stink today.
Lenny Haise: Hey, I make no guarantees.

Lenny: "Skitch", how did we get here?
Guy: I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.

Lenny: He's got a very pretty girlfriend, doesn't he?
Chrissy: Is it serious, do you know?
Lenny: Very serious. I'm single!
Chrissy: [thoughtful pause] What about the bass player?
Lenny: He's married!

Guy: Hey, Uncle Bob, when are we gonna get these records?
Uncle Bob: [thinks] Ah... Luke 21:19.
The Bass Player: And your patience possess ye your souls.
Lenny: Luke? Who's Luke? When are we gettin' the records?
Uncle Bob: Wednesday.

Phil: I'm talking about Rock 'N' Roll shows in Steubenville, Youngstown, Pittsburgh, places like that.
The Bass Player: Pittsburgh?
Lenny: Steubenville?

Lenny: [girls climb on top of car] Well... *I* like Wisconsin.

Jimmy: We were wondering if you'd like to fill in for Chad just for tonight.
Guy: Why?
Lenny: Asshole... just broke his arm!
[starts laughing]

Lenny: Thank you, Illinois! The Land of Lincoln!

Jimmy: [he's just written "Oneders"] No, look - the Oneders, Lenny.
Lenny: Yeah, it looks like the O'Needers.
Jimmy: No, the - the Oneders.
Lenny: Got it, looks like the O'Needers.

Jimmy: [Lenny taps his mic before their performance at the Orpheum] Hey, hey! The mic's not on!
Lenny Haise: [going backstage to Boss Vic Koss] We - the mic's not working. The mic isn't working.
Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich: All right, who am I not payin' back here? Come on!
[turns on their mics, but the audience complains from the feedback]
Lenny Haise: [the mic feedback fades] Thank you. Thank you. We're the Oneders.
Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich: Will you play some friggin' music? C'mon!
[Guy starts playing, but his crash cymbal crashes to the stage, and the audience laughs; he and Lenny right the cymbal again]
Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich: Right nowww!

Lenny: [as Jimmy runs to the bathroom to throw up] Hey, man! Whatever you do, don't think of pork chops!

Lenny: [at Villapiano's after they've sung "All My Only Dreams"] Table 19, your pizza's ready.

Faye: [extended version] Guys, Chad's arm is so scary. I've never seen anything swell up so big, so fast.
Lenny: Don't take that personally, Jimmy.

Mr. White: OK, the first thing that needs to change is the name. It's confusing. From now on, you are The Wonders.
Lenny: As like, I wonder what happened to the O-Ne-Ders?
Mr. White: Exactly.

Mr. White: He was joining the Marines in August anyway. It was gonna happen sooner or later. Guys, say hello to Scott Pell, Wolfman.
Jimmy: How you doing?
Guy: Uh, replacement?
Mr. White: Yes.
Jimmy: Who's he player with?
Mr. White: The Techniques, uh...
Scott 'Wolfman' Pell: Roy Maxwell and the Corsairs.
Lenny: Ha-ha... really?
Mr. White: He's your new bass player.
Guy: Mr. White... no offense, but I... we've been together a long time.
Mr. White: There aren't a lot of options here, Guy.
Guy: Can he handle our tunes?
Scott 'Wolfman' Pell: I think I can handle them, junior.
[plays some wicked bass licks]
Jimmy: Ok.
Lenny: Ok.
Guy: Fine.