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Quotes for
The Balladeer (Character)
from The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

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The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning (2007) (TV)
Balladeer: [voice-over] Who can blow stuff up!

Balladeer: [voice-over] When Luke thinks of woman, he thinks of the wrong type of bang!

Balladeer: [voice-over] Bo's first chase; Luke's first time; Daisy's first Dukes... Rosco gets his badge; Boss Hogg starts the feud; and Uncle Jesse gives advice

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Boss Behind Bars (#6.6)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] I worry about Bo and Luke, but I get plum uptight when anyhing happens to Daisy or Jesse.

The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, it ain't April fool, and I ain't got no fever, but I am rootin' for Boss Hogg.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: How to Succeed in Hazzard (#6.18)" (1984)
Nurse: Hi.
Luke Duke: Howdy.
Nurse: Something I can do for you?
Luke Duke: You like to take my blood pressure?
Nurse: Gladly. Wanna feel my pulse?
[Luke takes her arm, they walk off]
The Balladeer: [narrating] Hazzard has that effect on some folks, they just naturally say whatevers on their minds.
Daisy Duke: That's my cousin.
Cooter: Yeah, he's a real Duke boy, alright.

The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, the hen-house is empty. The fox is lickin' off chicken feathers and the Duke's goose is about to be cooked.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: One Armed Bandits (#1.1)" (1979)
[Opening line, as the series debuted]
[the Dukes's car, the General Lee, is in hot pursuit of a police cruiser]
The Balladeer: Welcome to Hazzard County. You probably noticed there's something different here. Well, this is Hazzard County - they do things different here.

The Balladeer: This is Bo Duke and Luke Duke. They're cousins. They fight the system.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Cooter's Girl (#6.12)" (1983)
Nancylou: You're Cooter Davenport?
Cooter: Yes Ma'm, The one and only.
Luke Duke: Yeah, this little lady was lookin' for ya, we brought her on in.
Cooter: What can I do for ya?
Nancylou: You're my father.
The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, sir, I sure didn't figure on that, did you?

The Balladeer: [narrating] Talk about bad timin'. If it was rainin' soup, old Cooter's bowl would be upside down.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Targets: Daisy and Lulu (#6.8)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] Someday I'm gonna write a book about Hazzard county insurance claims.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Haunting of J.D. Hogg (#7.13)" (1985)
The Balladeer: [narrating] The problem was: the moonshine nutcracker don't hardly work at all - if you miss the car.

The Dukes of Hazzard: Hazzard in Hollywood (2000) (TV)
The Balladeer: Can make some male appendages harder than Chinese arithmetic.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: No More Mr. Nice Guy (#7.5)" (1984)
The Balladeer: [narrating] As Boss started cookin' up a batch of Hazzard hospitality, the Dukes were droppin' into the frying pan old Boss had waiting for 'em

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Enos's Last Chance (#6.10)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, it's in Hazzard, it's in a hurry and it ain't a Duke. So whoever that fella is, he's probably up to no good.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Too Many Roscos (#6.3)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] Why do you recon it is that sometimes losing an enemy is kind of like losing a friend?

"The Dukes of Hazzard: High Flyin' Dukes (#6.11)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] You know friends, quicker than a New York minute, I figure Bo and Luke are gonna get very put out at them two dudes.

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Dil Driscoll: [after daisy beats up Dil for sweet talking her] So uh Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there?
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son,i guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: [while bo laughs with them and takes a drink, the balladeer speaks] Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke, about another Duke.
Bo Duke: [Bo finishes his drink] I'll shuck your corn!
[this is when the bar fight begins]

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Hazzardville Horror (#3.3)" (1980)
The Balladeer: Sounds like the whole roof's a-fixing to drop; well at least it ain't raining.

The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! (1997) (TV)
The Balladeer: The general store had EVERYTHING for a weddin' - - including invitations and SHOTGUN SHELLS
[the gallows-humor implication being that goose-blaster ammo might be a necessary "big day" accessory if it was a "shotgun wedding", where the groom might not be overly thrilled about getting hitched to begin with, but the bride's family was insisting that he marry her because he'd gotten her knocked up]
The Balladeer: .

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Diamonds in the Rough (#4.3)" (1981)
The Balladeer: [as Lisa leads Bo and Luke out of the house at gunpoint] You know, that little lady needs a good spanking.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Strange Visitor to Hazzard (#7.15)" (1985)
The Balladeer: [narrating] Now Lil' Cousin may be a Duke back on his planet, considering his knack for gettin' into trouble.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Brotherly Love (#6.4)" (1983)
The Balladeer: [narrating] Now you can't see the wheels spinnin' in Enos' head, cause there no time. But, they're really hummin'.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Opening Night at the Boar's Nest (#7.17)" (1985)
The Balladeer: [final narration] So, you see, that's the way it goes in Hazzard. Where the Dukes will even help out their enemy when the chips are down. That's plum typical of the Dukes of Hazzard. Too bad it ain't the same everywhere else, huh?