Luke Duke
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Quotes for
Luke Duke (Character)
from "The Dukes of Hazzard" (1979)

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The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Luke Duke: Yes. Yes. Wow. Ooh!
[looking at guy on campus]
Luke Duke: [to Bo] You've got to keep an open mind in college.
[pats Bo on the rear]

[from trailer]
Luke Duke: Buckle up, ladies, this might get exciting.

Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A playboy.

Bo Duke: Hey Man, don't hit him! That's AJ Foyt!
Luke Duke: Really?
Race Car Driver #1: The Fourth!

Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?
Luke Duke: Why?
Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they're *worth* it!

Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn licence!
Luke Duke: What license?

Bo Duke: Man, I'm already tired of walking.
Luke Duke: Yea, but you need the exercise though, them jeans are looking tighter than Daisy's.

Luke Duke: You thinkin' about throwin' that?
Uncle Jesse: Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.

Bo Duke: Hey, Roscoe!
Luke Duke: Hi, Boo-Boo!

Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party's over.
Boss Hogg: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!
Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.
Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?
Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.
Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!
Uncle Jesse: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?
Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!
Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.
Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]
Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!

Bo Duke: Man, I'm never gonna get out of this car again! I'm gonna live in it, I'm gonna eat in it, and I'm gonna make sweet love to it!
Luke Duke: You mean you're gonna make sweet love *in* it.
Bo Duke: Oh no, I'm gonna have sex with it.

Deputy Enos Strate: If Sheriff Rosco knew I was here, Boss Hogg would tan my hide.
Luke Duke: He spanks you?

Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are doin' that?
Uncle Jesse: What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.
[lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]

Royce: Are you really Japanese?
Luke Duke: Dammit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Now tell us what you see there or we'll find ourselves another candidate over at Georgia Polytech.

Luke Duke: Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?

Bo Duke: [during car chase in Atlanta] Okay where's the highway?
Katie Johnson: I don't know don't you have a map?
Luke Duke: Wait!
[Luke pulls out a ma]
Luke Duke: i got it... Turn left up here. Tur left. turn left!
[Bo turns right]
Luke Duke: Dammit! I said left!
Bo Duke: I thought you said your left!
Luke Duke: My left is your left!
Bo Duke: I'm going to need these directions faster alright!
Luke Duke: It's okay. I know exactly where wer'e at
[Map flies out the window]

Bo Duke: [makes sure none of the bottles of moonshine broke] Looks like I won the bet, you son of a bitch.
Luke Duke: Ah, c'mon!
Bo Duke: I didn't break any bottles so I won the bet.

Cooter: [from the unrated version] Here, take my truck.
Luke Duke: Well, what if someone needed a tow?
Cooter: well, if I can't "toe" 'em, i'll just finger 'em.

Cooter: [from the edited version] Here, take my truck.
Luke Duke: Well, what if someone needed a tow?
Cooter: I've had 9 tows in 3 years, and you boys have been 8 of 'em!

Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?
Luke Duke: No.
Uncle Jesse: At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning (2007) (TV)
Daisy Duke: [after being whistled at by numerous people in jail] I don't see what all the fuss is.
Luke Duke: It's probably because you're missing 99% of your pants.
Bo Duke: And the other 1% is covering your magic parts.

Luke Duke: Can I be your special helper?
Lulu Hogg: Of course!

Cooter: People used to dare each other to jump the ravine. Some stupid son of a bitch tried.
Luke Duke: Sounds like he didn't make it.

Hughie: You the boys come in in that '69 charger?
Luke Duke: The General Lee.

Bo Duke: And what did you see?
Luke Duke: I saw boobies. I saw big boobies, little boobies, classy boobies.
Bo Duke: A Thanksgiving Day parade of boobies. And did you thank me?
Luke Duke: Thank you.

"The Dukes: The Dukes in Hollywood (#2.6)" (1983)
Freddy Flenders: We still need some good driving to make this Roddy Cooper's best picture yet.
Luke Duke: Well, we'd like to 'blidge, but we're in this race.
Freddy Flenders: Now if it's only a matter of money, I could, pay you, eh... twentyfive thousand.
Bo Duke: Twentyfive thousand dollars?
Freddy Flenders: Alright, make it fifty thousand. But that's my final offer.
Luke Duke: Well, we'd better talk this over
[the three cousins huddle together as Freddy winks at the director]
Bo Duke: What do you think?
Luke Duke: There's no thinking to it. With that kinda money we can pay off Uncle Jesse's farm.
Daisy Duke: That's right, and old Boss Hogg can race hisself around the world.

Bo Duke: I think Freddy spotted us. Now he's trying to hide hisself in that studio tour.
Daisy Duke: Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find him on a tourist tram.
Luke Duke: Don't count on it, cous'. He knows his way around this place like a snake in a gopher patch.
Bo Duke: Let's go.
Daisy Duke: You wait right here, Roddy, 'cause we're gonna be back in a flash with your cash.

Freddy Flenders: [caught by the Dukes] Oh, hi everybody. By the way, your checks are in the mail.
Luke Duke: Aha, and a good fairy's bringin them, right?

"The Dukes: The Canadian Caper (#2.5)" (1983)
Luke Duke: Oh well, can't cry over spilled milk.
Bo Duke: Or broken axels.

Bo Duke: It's Boss Hogg!
Daisy Duke: I thought he'd be clear to the other side of Canada by now.
Luke Duke: I'm beginning to smell a fat little rat.

Luke Duke: Suzette!
Daisy Duke: Are you okay, sugar? You know, you shouldn't have run off from your folks like that, honey.
Suzette LeFite: Oui, I am fine. But some little fat man jus stole all the furs that will prove the Bouchards were poaching.
Luke Duke, Daisy Duke, Bo Duke: Boss Hogg!

"The Dukes: The Kid from Madrid (#2.3)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Where'd you learn that English?
Peppino: In school.
Luke Duke: You sure speak it nice, almost as good as me.
Daisy Duke: Even gooder.

Daisy Duke: Well look yonder, fellas. It's one of them quaint little old wooden bridges.
Luke Duke: Better slow down a might, Bo.
Bo Duke: I would, 'cept we don't know where quaint little old Boss Hogg is at the moment. Hang on, y'all.
[puts on some extra speed and drives through the wooden bridge right into the water]

Bo Duke: Say now, would you look at this?
Peppino: What is it, Señor Bo?
Bo Duke: It's a tire track. And it's an American tire track, too.
Luke Duke: The kind that Boss Hogg's car makes.
Daisy Duke: Boss Hogg? Now what would he be doin' here?
Bo Duke: Beats me, I thought stealin' horses was the only thing Boss didn't do.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Ghost of General Lee (#2.6)" (1979)
Luke Duke: I've learned something though, Bo. A man ain't truly been insulted until he's stood butt naked in front of a woman and she don't even notice.
Bo Duke: Or cared.

Luke Duke: [Rosco finds the General Lee glowing bright red, hears Luke's ghostly voice] Come on, Rosco, get in, we'll drive you all the way to the pearly gates.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: No! No!
Luke Duke: [on the car floor, into radio] That is if they still let you in after what you done to us.
[laughs sinisterly]
Bo Duke: [on the floor] How's old Rosco look now?
Luke Duke: [looking through makeshift periscope] Like a canceled stamp, this luminous paint works like a charm.
[into radio]
Luke Duke: You framed us, Rosco! We' gonna get you, Rosco! We ain't gonna let you rest! ROOOOSCO!

Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [hearing Luke's voice in his office] Somebody's playing tricks.
Luke Duke: It's me, Rosco, Luke Duke, calling from beyond the grave.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: There ain't no such thing as ghosts. Is it?
Luke Duke: Rosssscoooo.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Somebody just uh, playing tricks here, and being disrespectful of the dead and I just, I'm...
Luke Duke: You *framed* us, Rosco!
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: I didn't frame nobody.
Luke Duke: Look down in the sheriff's impound.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: I ain't gonna look down in nothing.
Luke Duke: See for yourself!
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: What's down there?
Luke Duke: Come on, Rosco.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Duke (#7.3)" (1984)
Bo Duke: Enos, have you been taking Rosco pills?
Enos: Huh?
Luke Duke: What he means is: are you gonna give us a ticket for something we didn't do?
Enos: Oh, shucks, no, I just wanted to Daisy to have these
[laughs sheepily as he holds up a bunch of flowers]

Luke Duke: I did all of that?
Bo Duke: Yeah, you did. Matter of fact, I'd say you got about a weeks worth of apologisin' to do.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Welcome, Waylon Jennings (#7.2)" (1984)
Bo Duke: [admiring Waylon Jenning's mobile museum] Holey Mackerel
Luke Duke: Buddy Holly's motorcycle!

Waylon: Well it's too bad we don't have one of those homin' devices.
Luke Duke: We do have a heck of an alternative...
Bo Duke: That's right, we got the Hazzard net.
Luke Duke: Eh, yeah, it'll give us a fightin' chance, Waylon.
Waylon: I'm sure glad to hear you say 'us', 'cause I'm going with ya. If it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have been in this trouble to begin with. Now supposin' you tell us what we gonna do.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Twin Trouble (#6.9)" (1983)
Bo Duke: This here is Luke, this here is Cindy Ballou.
Cindy: Hi.
Luke Duke: We've already met.
Bo Duke: What?
Cindy: Sorry, but you must be mistaken. I've never seen you before in my life.
Bo Duke: You mind tellin' me what this is all about?
Luke Duke: Sure, couple o' hours ago, miss wide-eyes here was holding up a jewelry store over in Capitol City.

Bo Duke: Luke, I don't care who confirmed what about who. I done told you that she was with me during that robbery. What do you think I am, lying to you?
Luke Duke: You ain't got no watch, maybe she was lying to you about the time!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: One Armed Bandits (#1.1)" (1979)
Bo Duke: You know, when I got up this mornin', the biggest thing on my mind was to do a little rabbit huntin'.
Luke Duke: Then the hounddog runs off...
Bo Duke: ...and my car is taken...
Luke Duke: ...and now we're chasin' the sheriff's car. Ain't you glad we're not in the big city where life gets complicated?

Cooter Davenport: Crazy Cooter talkin'. Turkey coming right down my alley. Gobble, gobble.
Luke Duke: Did you copy that Daisy? Cooter's on 421.
Daisy Duke: 10-4.
Luke Duke: [to Bo, in the General Lee] Hit it.
Leroy: [Daisy, in a bikini, pretends to be stranded] Lookey here, lookey here. What have we got here?
Driver: Leroy, let's get that girl right here. I'm gonna steal that away. Are you having trouble, little lady?
Daisy Duke: Yeah. I'm having a picnic. Which way to the beach?
[Driver & Leroy laughed together]
Driver: There ain't no beach around here.
Daisy Duke: Oh. And me with this basketful of lemonade and chitlin sandwiches.
[Driver & Leroy laughed together, again]
Bo Duke: All right boys. Hang 'em high and don't look around.
Daisy Duke: Now, y'all promised me you wouldn't bring machine guns.

"The Dukes: Tales of the Vienna Hoods (#2.2)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Old Boss Hogg done it to us again!
Daisy Duke: Ain't it amazing how he keeps coming up with one sneaky no good trick after another?
Luke Duke: Well, with Boss cheating's as natural as squealing to a pig.

Daisy Duke: [reading from a brochure] A lot of famous musicians came from Austria. Like Mozart, Beethoven and Straus.
Bo Duke: It'd be nice to go see some entertainment Saturday night. If them famous musician fellers is playing anywhere near town.
Daisy Duke: Oh Bo, you stop your joshin'. You know they was all born hundreds of years ago.
Luke Duke: You're right, Daisy. Who's gonna pay to see a band with fellers that old?

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Happy Birthday, General Lee (#7.1)" (1984)
Bo Duke: How do we get into these things?
Luke Duke: Clean livin' I guess.

Boss Hogg: Well what in the name of all that's holy is this thing?
Luke Duke: Boss, meet the General Lee.
Boss Hogg: Oh...
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh...
Boss Hogg:'s the General Lee.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [muttering] General Lee...
Boss Hogg: Well it sure is the ugliest color I ever did see.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh, ugly, ugly ugly!

"The Dukes: A Hogg in the Foggy Bogg (#2.7)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Come on, General. You can make it through this mud.
Daisy Duke: Whoever called this the rainy season wasn't just whistlin' Dixie.
Luke Duke: That's for sure, Daisy. I feel like I'm taking a hot shower with all my clothes on.

Luke Duke: There's Twenty Million dollars out there in that bog.
Boss Hogg: Twenty million dollars? I knew them Dukes was a hatchin' something. Roscoe...
Boss Hogg: We're gonna be rich!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: [squeeks] Are you kidding? Most likely we'll be lunch. You'd make a nice fat little juicy snack for that monster, Boss
[laughs his Rosco laugh]

The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! (1997) (TV)
[As Bo & Luke are driving thru Hazzard, testing the rebuilt General Lee]
Luke: You ARE aware this road goes to Dry Creek?
Bo: I AM aware this road goes to Dry Creek.
Luke: You are aware there's no way to get OVER Dry Creek?
Bo: [Stepping down on the gas, grinning] I am aware there is ONE WAY to get over Dry Creek!
Luke: Oh, Lordy! We're gonna die!

Luke: C'mon, Rosco!
Boss: Well, I had a little help from... from Boss Hogg.
Everybody: Boss Hogg? What?
Mamma Max: Who?
Boss: My little fat buddy.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Boss Behind Bars (#6.6)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Laughing "you know we've been riding around in this General Lee for so long, we're even beginning to think alike!"
Luke Duke: very serious "Bo, that ain't funny"

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Undercover Dukes Part One (#6.16)" (1984)
Walden: Bo, Luke, I know what a big personal sacrifice this has been for you two. I just want you to know that if we get Carver, you'll have done something for your government that no one else has been able to do.
Luke Duke: We'll give it a shot.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Boar's Nest Bears (#6.5)" (1983)
Daisy Duke: [perky] Hey, what happened in there?
Luke Duke: [downtrodden] A lot.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Too Many Roscos (#6.3)" (1983)
Luke Duke: Smokey Sue Ann and Melody Hansen. And they got car trouble, what a shame.
Bo Duke: Well, if I might borrow a phrase from Rosco: coo coo, I love it, I love it!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: How to Succeed in Hazzard (#6.18)" (1984)
Nurse: Hi.
Luke Duke: Howdy.
Nurse: Something I can do for you?
Luke Duke: You like to take my blood pressure?
Nurse: Gladly. Wanna feel my pulse?
[Luke takes her arm, they walk off]
The Balladeer: [narrating] Hazzard has that effect on some folks, they just naturally say whatevers on their minds.
Daisy Duke: That's my cousin.
Cooter: Yeah, he's a real Duke boy, alright.

The Dukes of Hazzard: Return of the General Lee (2004) (VG)
Bo Duke: Faster than a bee-stung stallion, cuz
Luke Duke: Y'already used that one, Bo

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Hazzardville Horror (#3.3)" (1980)
Luke Duke: [climbing out the driver's side of the General Lee] Lordy, how he gets out of that side of the car I'll never know.

"The Dukes: Boss O'Hogg and the Little People (#2.1)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Whoohoo, boy, I tell you what, that was sure close. Daisy, you alright?
Daisy Duke: Just a little shook up 's all. Give me a hand.
Bo Duke: Upsadaisy, daisy.
Luke Duke: Whoo! It's a good thing we had seatbelts.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Strange Visitor to Hazzard (#7.15)" (1985)
Daisy Duke: I dunno, maybe some beings from outer space are trying to get ahold of us.
Cooter: Uh-huh.
Luke Duke: They're gonna get a strange impression of humanity if they stop in Hazzard County.
Cooter: Well, they probably just heard about the big dance Saturday night.
Bo Duke: They're probably just... small planet folks.
Cooter: They're comin' to the dance to do the Moonwalk.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Lulu's Gone Away (#6.1)" (1983)
Bo Duke: Who are you gonna take to the tri-county amusement park when it opens next week?
Luke Duke: Mary Sue, I suppose.
Bo Duke: Mary Sue?
Bo Duke: Well, I - - you always were a leg man, and she sure has got 'em, that is, if you like 2x4's.
[bursts out laughing]
Luke Duke: She's better lookin' than that hulk you took out bowling last Friday night, I swear she plays linebacker for the Falcons.
Bo Duke: Now wait just a minute, that ain't fair.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Dead and Alive (#6.14)" (1984)
Bo Duke: You got it sorted out what the heck we're gonna do, what's gonna happen to us if we gonna take this rap?
Luke Duke: Well, you know that little shirt you got with a, the little alligator on it?
Bo Duke: Yeah?
Luke Duke: It's gonna have numbers on the back.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Cooter's Girl (#6.12)" (1983)
Nancylou: You're Cooter Davenport?
Cooter: Yes Ma'm, The one and only.
Luke Duke: Yeah, this little lady was lookin' for ya, we brought her on in.
Cooter: What can I do for ya?
Nancylou: You're my father.
The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, sir, I sure didn't figure on that, did you?