Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg
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Quotes for
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg (Character)
from "The Dukes of Hazzard" (1979)

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The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Boss Hogg: [screaming into a CB radio] This is Boss Hogg. That road better be shut down tighter than a tick's ass!

Boss Hogg: I have $100 for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.

Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party's over.
Boss Hogg: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!
Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.
Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?
Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.
Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!
Uncle Jesse: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?
Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!
Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.
Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]
Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!

Prisoner #1: Whoo, P! If you pop a feather in that hat maybe your man-hoe's would show you a little bit more respect, huzzah!
Boss Hogg: I have $100 here for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.
Prisoner #2: [punches Prisoner #1 in the face]

Rosco P. Coltrane: It appears them Duke boys made off with your safe.
Boss Hogg: I am officially upgrading the Dukes from "fly in my ointment" to "thorn in my side, and if they happen to elevate themselves to "pain in my ass"
[grabbing Rosco's nose with the tongs]
Boss Hogg: , I'm gonna boil you.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Enos Strate to the Top (#3.2)" (1980)
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: I've already found someone whose willing to kick back 50% of his pay!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Who? Who could be that stupid?
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: My third cousin, twice removed, Cletus Hogg!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Uh, Cletus, C-Cletus Hogg?
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Yeah, Cousin Cletus Hogg!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Oh, he is stupid! I mean, I mean even the dipsticks call him a dipstick!
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Well then he'll fit in perfect with you, won't he?

Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: If you see an out-of-county license, what do you do?
Deputy Cletus Hogg: Walk right up to them and say Welcome to Hazzard County!"
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Wrong. You pick this up,set it on the curb and write them up a parking ticket.

Deputy Cletus Hogg: Now if you see an out-of-county license, what do you do?
Deputy Cletus Hogg: Pull over and say, "Hi Welcome To 'Hazzard County'."?
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: No, you jackass, pull them over and grab this here fire hydrant, place it by the car and give 'em a ticket.

"The Dukes: Boss O'Hogg and the Little People (#2.1)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: [talking in his sleep] Hmm, just a tad more of them sweet potatoes, Lulu honey. And slosh on some more...

Boss Hogg: You saw Leprechauns! Show me where they're dancin'.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Eh, you mean right now?
Boss Hogg: Oh yeah, now, before the dance is over!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ok, but it beats me why you wanna get up in the middle of the night and go out dancing with a bunch of midgets.

Sean the Leprechaun: Mr. Hogg, you're the greediest mortal I've met in me whole life. And I'm 1257 years old.
Boss Hogg: Well, I appreciate the compliment. But I'd rather hear that delicious clinkin' sound of more gold.

"The Dukes: The Dukes in Hollywood (#2.6)" (1983)
Daisy Duke: It's Freddy Flenders you want, Sherriff. He's skedaddled with all our money and the film too.
Bo Duke: Yeah, just give us 24 hours. We can't find that conman, you can lock Boss up and throw away the key.
Boss Hogg: That's right, throw away the key. Eh... huh?
Sherriff: Something tells me you folks are tellin' the truth.
Boss Hogg: Oh, they're honest as the day is long. Them Dukes is known for flat out honest to goodness superscrupulous truth-tellin'. Why...
Sherriff: [interrupting] Get him outta here before I change my mind!

Boss Hogg: Rosco, zip your flappin' lip. You're lettin' the cold air into your empty head.

"The Dukes: The Dukes Do Paris (#1.12)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: What's the Blue Wazoo?
Boss Hogg: Oh Roscoe, don't your tiny pea-brain know nothing? Oiseau is a Frenchie word for bird and the Blue Oiseau is a famous Frenchie stamp with a blue bird on it. There ain't but a couple in the whole world, and they'res worth a fortune.

Boss Hogg: Nothing like a little fancy pastry to get that nasty Duke taste out of my mouth.

"The Dukes: The Dukes in Switzerland (#1.13)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: Rosco, just don't stand there with your teeth in your mouth, get this snow off of my caddie.

Boss Hogg: Oh, Rosco, you bone headed flea brain, you just blowed up my trillion dollar formula!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Can I get out of this dang dress now?
Boss Hogg: Yes, yes, yes yes! You can get out of the dress, out of the car and get out of my life! Miserable numbnoggin.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Enos's Last Chance (#6.10)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: Enos, you just proved it. You ain't got enough smarts to cover a frog's eyebrows.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Even less.

Boss Hogg: Alright, you're the law around here, you're supposed to catch the killer.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Wel yes, but, but...
Boss Hogg: One more but out of you and you'll be out on your butt.

"The Dukes: The Canadian Caper (#2.5)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: Well, well, well and well
[small chuckle]
Boss Hogg: As I live and make money, if it ain't the Bouchard brothers.

Boss Hogg: It's like I died and went to heaven. Can you believe it, Rosco?
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Well, I'm trying, but see, I'm having trouble with the part about a double dealin', four flushin', flim-flammer like you boss gettin' to heaven.

"The Dukes: Jungle Jitters (#1.2)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Oh my gritchen gravy, would you look yonder!
Boss Hogg: It's one of them headen idols... with rubies for eyes and a diamond bigger than a Rudebaker. Why, that diamond alone is worth a dozen Hazzard counties.

Boss Hogg: Lordie, Lordie, Lordie. If you can drive like that, Rosco, how come you can't ever catch them Dukes?

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Great Santa Claus Chase (#3.9)" (1980)
Boss Hogg: [to Roscoe] You ought to sue your brains for non-support!

Boss Hogg: [to Roscoe] You couldn't find the floor if you fell out of bed!

"The Dukes: The Kid from Madrid (#2.3)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: Outta gas? Us? Hoo, Rosco, you knucklehead, you musta had the mechanic put that valve on auto take.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Well, he mighta misunderstood me, Boss. You see, my Spanish is just a might shaky.
Boss Hogg: Shaky? Shaky?
[hits Rosco with his hat repeatedly]
Boss Hogg: You couldn't get hot sause in a Barcelona barbeque.

Boss Hogg: [strugling with a walkie talkie] What no good crook sold this cheap radio to Hazzard county anyhow?
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: You did, Boss.
[Flash chuckles]
Boss Hogg: Oh. Well, it ain't so bad, haha.

"The Dukes: A Hogg in the Foggy Bogg (#2.7)" (1983)
Luke Duke: There's Twenty Million dollars out there in that bog.
Boss Hogg: Twenty million dollars? I knew them Dukes was a hatchin' something. Roscoe...
Boss Hogg: We're gonna be rich!
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: [squeeks] Are you kidding? Most likely we'll be lunch. You'd make a nice fat little juicy snack for that monster, Boss
[laughs his Rosco laugh]

Boss Hogg: Alright now, Rosco, we'll grap that map as soon as them Dukes is all asleep.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: But Boss, that could take half the night.
Boss Hogg: Nobody ever said being stinky was easy.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Brotherly Love (#6.4)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: You know something, boss, those Duke boys were lying. They were lying just like a tombstone. That man was no more Luke Duke's brother than I am second cousin to a jackass.
Boss Hogg: Yeah, well he is and you are.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: [Rosco & Boss are stuck in their own jail] Boss, listen, I can't reach those keys.
Boss Hogg: I knew you were short on brains but I never thought it went all the way down to your arms.

The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning (2007) (TV)
Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: I want 'em in jail!

"The Dukes: Put Up Your Dukes (#1.1)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ooh, what you gonna do, chubby buddy?
Boss Hogg: Git me some help outta my little black book.
[whips the book out of his jacket pocket]
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ooh! Ooh! You mean your little secret list of tricky, sneaky rotten type folks all over the world?
Boss Hogg: Exactly. And then we'll give them Dukes a big surprise!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Targets: Daisy and Lulu (#6.8)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: Now then, eh, cousin Big Dan, Let's get down to business.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Yeah.
Boss Hogg: How much you gonna offer me on these here sparklers?
Big Dan: Well, being as your blood, cousin J.D., I give ya 20.000
Boss Hogg: Yeah, well being as money is thicker than blood, I'll take 30.000.
Big Dan: But, family's closer than friends. I'll give ya 22.
Boss Hogg: Yeah, but, eh, enemies can sometimes take advantage of family, so I'll take 28.
Big Dan: I'll give ya 24.
Boss Hogg: 26.
Big Dan: 24.
Boss Hogg: 26.
Big Dan: [shouting] 24!
Boss Hogg: [raises voice als] 26!
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: 25.
Boss Hogg: 25, done.
Big Dan: Done. You stike a hard bargain, cousin J.D.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: A Boy's Best Friend (#6.7)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: [to Enos] What are you scratching your head for, dodo, considering there ain't nothing in it?

"The Dukes: The Dukes in Urbekistan (#1.9)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Oh, Boss, if you ain't the sneakiest, low-down double dealinist little fat rascal, coo!
Boss Hogg: Oh, Rosco, it sure is nice to be so appreciated.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: No More Mr. Nice Guy (#7.5)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: [on phone] Now listen, if them Dukes ain't in the pokey in the next hour, I can't tell ya what I'm gonna do!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Dukes in Hollywood (#7.6)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: [Hogg is hassling Dillard the producer] Listen, I think it's time to talk about our deal. You know, for the J.D. Hogg story?
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oooh!
[Dillard looks around for help]
Boss Hogg: How about this for casting, listen to this great idea:
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Listen to this.
Boss Hogg: For my wife Lulu: Bo Derek!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Danger on the Hazzard Express (#7.10)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: [playing with a toy train] Oh Rosco, watchin' this little train go round this here track is the most fun I've ever had.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh, me too.
Boss Hogg: And having two million bucks fall into my pocket at the same time makes it pure Hogg heaven!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Duke of Duke (#2.13)" (1979)
Boss Hogg: Rosco, when you speak your mind, lower your voice to show respect for the dead.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Undercover Dukes Part One (#6.16)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: You take that fleabitten friend of yours with ya.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh!
Boss Hogg: And you bring me back enough information so as one day I can become a godfather myself.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh, good. And listen, and when you make all that money being a godfather, then, since as you ain't got no children of your own, you can adopt me.
Boss Hogg: Huh? Adopt you?
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Hm-hm.
Boss Hogg: Alright, you can be my runaway son.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Ooh!
Boss Hogg: So start runnin'!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: One Armed Bandits (#1.1)" (1979)
Boss Hogg: Hot damn. I wish them Duke boys was on my side.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: High Flyin' Dukes (#6.11)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: I know that money doesn't grown on trees, but for the life of me I can't figure out how you plan on growin' a bunch of greenbacks on a field that don't grown nothing.
Boss Hogg: Yeah, well, that's because you work by the sweat of your brow, while I work by the sweat of my brains.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: A Baby for the Dukes (#6.2)" (1983)
Boss Hogg: [Boss Hogg is leading Rosco and Enos to a couple of horses] Can you ride?
Boss Hogg: [Rosco mutters something illegible] Well, you better. Beause from now on, the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department's gonna be known as "The Hazzard County mounties".

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Happy Birthday, General Lee (#7.1)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: Well what in the name of all that's holy is this thing?
Luke Duke: Boss, meet the General Lee.
Boss Hogg: Oh...
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh...
Boss Hogg:'s the General Lee.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [muttering] General Lee...
Boss Hogg: Well it sure is the ugliest color I ever did see.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh, ugly, ugly ugly!

"The Dukes of Hazzard: When You Wish Upon a Hogg (#7.14)" (1985)
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: When you were a little fat kid didn't you read about Aladdin and his lamp
Boss Hogg: about Aladdin and his lamp? Listen, I was too busy runnin' a floatin' crap game at school to do much readin'.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Well listen, let me tell ya the story. See, if you rub this lamp, if it's Aladdins, then the smoke comes out, hits the fan and then the genie pops out and gives you all sorts of wishes.
Boss Hogg: Oh, that lamp, the one with the genie. Oh I know all about that anyhow. Yeah, but you gotta be touched in the head to believe a fairy tale like that.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: I believe it...

"The Dukes of Hazzard: The Hazzardville Horror (#3.3)" (1980)
Mary Lou Pringle: [about Luke] Doesn't anybody believe him?
Cletus: I believe him.
Boss Hogg: Yeah, that's cuz instead of brains in your head, you got funny putty!

"The Dukes: The Dukes in Hong Kong (#1.10)" (1983)
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Boss, do I have to take my pants off?
Boss Hogg: Oh of course not, Rosco. I'll never ask you to do nothing you don't want to do.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Well, that's a relief.
Boss Hogg: So I won't be askin' you to do me this one itty-bitty little favor and model them prison outfits for Hazzard county.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Oh, I 'preciate it, cuh!
Boss Hogg: Even though it might be the end of your career in law-enforcement.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ooh.
Boss Hogg: The removal of your kinfolk from the County preroad.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ooh!
Boss Hogg: And no more sassafraz cookies from my personal cookie jar.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Ooh! No more sassafraz cookies?
Boss Hogg: No sireebob.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Close Call for Daisy (#6.19)" (1984)
Boss Hogg: [to Nervous Norman] Don't get Norman, Nervous.

"The Dukes of Hazzard: Opening Night at the Boar's Nest (#7.17)" (1985)
Boss Hogg: What in hallelujah's goin' on in here, Rosco?
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Boss, listen here, the name is not Rosco, it's the Great Coltrano. And this is Flasho, and you interrupted my prestidigitation here.
Boss Hogg: Yeah, well, you're name will be Muddo if you don't explain all this nonsense and how you got this room so full of junk.