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: What seems to be the problem, sugar? Daisy Duke
: I think something bounced up into my undercarriage.
: You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out. Uncle Jesse
: That's why we love ya, honey.
: They planted a still on our farm. Pauline
: They *planted* a still? Why would they have to plant a still? Daisy Duke
: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.
: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse
] Well, now, I guess the party's over. Boss Hogg
: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them! Daisy Duke
: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make. Governor Jim Applewhite
: I do? Daisy Duke
: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County. Governor Jim Applewhite
: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes! Uncle Jesse
: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh? Governor Jim Applewhite
: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs! Uncle Jesse
: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too. Boss Hogg
: Pardon you for what? Uncle Jesse
: For this!
[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth
] Governor Jim Applewhite
: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!
: [Daisy walks into the sheriff's office wearing a very revealing bikini
[leans in very close to him
] Daisy Duke
: where's Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline? Deputy Enos Strate
: Uh, out at your farm. Daisy Duke
: Thanks, Enos.
[gets up and walks off smiling
] Daisy Duke
: That's got to be a new record.
: I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.
: We still need some good driving to make this Roddy Cooper's best picture yet. Luke Duke
: Well, we'd like to 'blidge, but we're in this race. Freddy Flenders
: Now if it's only a matter of money, I could, pay you, eh... twentyfive thousand. Bo Duke
: Twentyfive thousand dollars? Freddy Flenders
: Alright, make it fifty thousand. But that's my final offer. Luke Duke
: Well, we'd better talk this over
[the three cousins huddle together as Freddy winks at the director
] Bo Duke
: What do you think? Luke Duke
: There's no thinking to it. With that kinda money we can pay off Uncle Jesse's farm. Daisy Duke
: That's right, and old Boss Hogg can race hisself around the world.
: It's Freddy Flenders you want, Sherriff. He's skedaddled with all our money and the film too. Bo Duke
: Yeah, just give us 24 hours. We can't find that conman, you can lock Boss up and throw away the key. Boss Hogg
: That's right, throw away the key. Eh... huh? Sherriff
: Something tells me you folks are tellin' the truth. Boss Hogg
: Oh, they're honest as the day is long. Them Dukes is known for flat out honest to goodness superscrupulous truth-tellin'. Why... Sherriff
] Get him outta here before I change my mind!
: I think Freddy spotted us. Now he's trying to hide hisself in that studio tour. Daisy Duke
: Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find him on a tourist tram. Luke Duke
: Don't count on it, cous'. He knows his way around this place like a snake in a gopher patch. Bo Duke
: Let's go. Daisy Duke
: You wait right here, Roddy, 'cause we're gonna be back in a flash with your cash.
: [after being whistled at by numerous people in jail
] I don't see what all the fuss is. Luke Duke
: It's probably because you're missing 99% of your pants. Bo Duke
: And the other 1% is covering your magic parts.
: I just got rejected by the prettiest man to even step foot in Hazzard! Bo Duke
: [Daisy storms away
] But I just got here.
: [about to paint a number on the General Lee
] What's your lucky number, Bo? Bo Duke
: Uh, one?
: Oh, the turn-off at cousin Willy's place is just ahead. Vance Duke
: Sorry Daisy, thanks to Boss Hogg's dirty trick, we don't have time for visiting Willy like we planned. Daisy Duke
: Oh, fellas, we promised. Are you gonna let 'em think the US American Dukes don't keep their word? Vance Duke
: Ok, Daisy, you win. Tell 'em we're on our way
[hands over the CB
] I can hardly wait to meet a real kissin' cousin. What' the surprise you've geen hinting at, cousin Willy?
: Hoppin' animals with pockets and birds that can't fly? Well you sure got some weird critters in this country.
: Old Boss Hogg done it to us again! Daisy Duke
: Ain't it amazing how he keeps coming up with one sneaky no good trick after another? Luke Duke
: Well, with Boss cheating's as natural as squealing to a pig.
: Boss has creamed us before, but not with real cream. Bo Duke
: Now we know how it feels to be a strawberry shortcake.
: [reading from a brochure
] A lot of famous musicians came from Austria. Like Mozart, Beethoven and Straus. Bo Duke
: It'd be nice to go see some entertainment Saturday night. If them famous musician fellers is playing anywhere near town. Daisy Duke
: Oh Bo, you stop your joshin'. You know they was all born hundreds of years ago. Luke Duke
: You're right, Daisy. Who's gonna pay to see a band with fellers that old?
: Where'd you learn that English? Peppino
: In school. Luke Duke
: You sure speak it nice, almost as good as me. Daisy Duke
: Even gooder.
: Well look yonder, fellas. It's one of them quaint little old wooden bridges. Luke Duke
: Better slow down a might, Bo. Bo Duke
: I would, 'cept we don't know where quaint little old Boss Hogg is at the moment. Hang on, y'all.
[puts on some extra speed and drives through the wooden bridge right into the water
: Say now, would you look at this? Peppino
: What is it, Señor Bo? Bo Duke
: It's a tire track. And it's an American tire track, too. Luke Duke
: The kind that Boss Hogg's car makes. Daisy Duke
: Boss Hogg? Now what would he be doin' here? Bo Duke
: Beats me, I thought stealin' horses was the only thing Boss didn't do.
: What in thunder's goin' on? Vance Duke
: Sounds like a raid on a moonshine operation. Coy Duke
: Yeah, except we're miles and miles out to see.
: We'll have to wait till the guard's asleep. Daisy Duke
: Right, and after we escape we'll have to warn Boss Hogg & Rosco about what we just heard. Coy Duke
: Daisy, you sure have a way of taking the fun outta things.
: We gotta save Boss & Rosco, and that's that. Daisy Duke
: But how? Vance Duke
: By promotin' the General to Admiral.
: You know, I got me a goosebumpy feelin' like somebody's watching us. Coy Duke
: Yeah, me too. It's a right creepy feeling.
: Look, it's Boss' Caddie. Coy Duke
: Boss' Caddie? He must have followed us. Vance Duke
: It looks like he's in big trouble. Flash is driving the car.
: Crazy Cooter talkin'. Turkey coming right down my alley. Gobble, gobble. Luke Duke
: Did you copy that Daisy? Cooter's on 421. Daisy Duke
: 10-4. Luke Duke
: [to Bo, in the General Lee
] Hit it. Leroy
: [Daisy, in a bikini, pretends to be stranded
] Lookey here, lookey here. What have we got here? Driver
: Leroy, let's get that girl right here. I'm gonna steal that away. Are you having trouble, little lady? Daisy Duke
: Yeah. I'm having a picnic. Which way to the beach?
[Driver & Leroy laughed together
: There ain't no beach around here. Daisy Duke
: Oh. And me with this basketful of lemonade and chitlin sandwiches.
[Driver & Leroy laughed together, again
] Bo Duke
: All right boys. Hang 'em high and don't look around. Daisy Duke
: Now, y'all promised me you wouldn't bring machine guns.
: [as Daisy first walked by Moss, working, serving meals and drinks, in the Boar's Nest
] Hey, I wish you was on the menu!
[as Daisy walked by Moss again, he grabbed her
: Hey, don't forget we have plans, later. Daisy Duke
: Get your cotton-pickin' paws off. Moss
: Now, that I finally got a hold, I think I'll just hang on. Daisy Duke
: Let go. Moss
: No, it feels kind of nice. I cant...
[as Moss started to say I can't. Daisy made him let go, by stomping her thin high heel shoe, onto his foot, causing excrutiating pain, making him let go
: It's Boss Hogg! Daisy Duke
: I thought he'd be clear to the other side of Canada by now. Luke Duke
: I'm beginning to smell a fat little rat.
: Suzette! Daisy Duke
: Are you okay, sugar? You know, you shouldn't have run off from your folks like that, honey. Suzette LeFite
: Oui, I am fine. But some little fat man jus stole all the furs that will prove the Bouchards were poaching. Luke Duke
, Daisy Duke
, Bo Duke
: Boss Hogg!
: [Bo and Luke are beating each other up
] STOP IT! BO! LUKE! Uncle Jesse, make them stop! Uncle Jesse
: Now Daisy, you're wasting your breath. Daisy Duke
: THEY'RE HURTING EACH OTHER! STOP! Uncle Jesse
: There's only one way to stop this thing!
[runs into the house and comes back with his shotgun
] Uncle Jesse
[fires two shots in the air
] Uncle Jesse
: Alright, now get up on your feet, stop acting like jackasses and apologize to each other!
: Bo, you can't let a girl come between you and Luke. Bo Duke
: Daisy I'm sorry, I guess this farm just gotten a bit too small for me and Luke.
: Come on, General. You can make it through this mud. Daisy Duke
: Whoever called this the rainy season wasn't just whistlin' Dixie. Luke Duke
: That's for sure, Daisy. I feel like I'm taking a hot shower with all my clothes on.
: Either I'm getting Jungle Fever, or that's my Uncle Jesse.
: I dunno, maybe some beings from outer space are trying to get ahold of us. Cooter
: Uh-huh. Luke Duke
: They're gonna get a strange impression of humanity if they stop in Hazzard County. Cooter
: Well, they probably just heard about the big dance Saturday night. Bo Duke
: They're probably just... small planet folks. Cooter
: They're comin' to the dance to do the Moonwalk.
: I know, why don't we call him 'Lil' Cousin'? Can we call you Lil' Cousin?
[the alien warbles something which the Dukes take as an affirmative
: Now Enos, when people plan to get married, they figure they're gonna share the good and the bad. That's what marriage is all about: sharin'. Okay, I figure we're just gonna start off with the bad here, and get to the good a little later.
Sheriff Rosco Coltrane
: Listen, Enos would like to speak to ya, Daisy, just a second if you've got the time. Daisy Duke
: Oh now, Rosco, don't you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding? Sheriff Rosco Coltrane
: Well, I don't think that makes any difference at this point, I think the groom's had all the bad luck he can handle.
: I swear, this is the worst day Hazzard has ever had.
: Now just a dog-gone ding dang minute, we're law-abiding U.S. of A. type citizens. Daisy Duke
: That's right, Inspector, and Boss Hogg's as crooked as a dog's hind legs!
: Cooter? Cooter
: Sir. Uncle Jesse
: Do me a favor and stay close to Daisy while they're around, will ya? Cooter
: That ain't no favor, Uncle Jesse, that's a delight. Daisy Duke
: Thanks, Cooter.
: I gotta be dreamin'! Vance Duke
: Somethin' sure smells like a swamp bottom around here.
: Last week you thought I hung up the moon. Now you won't even talk to me. Enos
: That was last week when I had a job and a future worth sharin'. That's all over now. A girl like you deserves the best, Daisy, not someone who's always dropping his shoes in the buttermilk.
: What would y'all like to order? Mary Beth
: Bo and Luke Duke on a silver platter.
: You know, I just never thought I'd see the day when you two'd stop believin' in each other.
] Hey, what happened in there? Luke Duke
] A lot.
: Hi. Luke Duke
: Howdy. Nurse
: Something I can do for you? Luke Duke
: You like to take my blood pressure? Nurse
: Gladly. Wanna feel my pulse?
[Luke takes her arm, they walk off
] The Balladeer
] Hazzard has that effect on some folks, they just naturally say whatevers on their minds. Daisy Duke
: That's my cousin. Cooter
: Yeah, he's a real Duke boy, alright.
: Say, uncle Jesse, this is startin' to get to me. You think the boy's got a chance? Uncle Jesse
: Well... all our hopes and prayers will be ridin' with 'em. To say nothin' of the farm and the pick-up truck and everything else we own...
: [referring to the natives
] Haha, look at that. The General's got 'em on their knees. Maybe they'll think now that we're gods or such like. Coy Duke
: I hope so, 'cause I ain't much on being fed to volcanoes. Daisy Duke
: Me neither.
: Now my dear, when you hear the words 'Jefferson Davis Hogg' you will become Vivyan Stewart. But, when you hear 'J.D. Hogg', you will be Daisy Duke. Do you understand? Daisy Duke
: [in trance
Mary Lou Pringle
: [Bo and Luke enter the house
[she and Daisy run over, Daisy hugs Bo, she hugs Luke
] Daisy Duke
: Oh am I glad to see you fellas! Bo Duke
: What happened? Daisy Duke
: Well that chandelier fell and just missed us! Mary Lou Pringle
: That chair's been chasing me, the painting's been bleeding, organ's been playing and wolves have been howling!
[Daisy is warning Riker about her fiancé, Enos
: If Enos comes looking for you, and he FINDS you... .well, he's a Los Angeles Police Sergeant Riker
: Yeah, well, LA's a long way from Hazzard, babe. Daisy
: He's not in LA... .BABE. He's that big ole boy that threw you through the window, and he wasn't even mad at you... THEN!
: Remember those two guys we were looking for? Well, they found me. Tied me up too.
: Whoohoo, boy, I tell you what, that was sure close. Daisy, you alright? Daisy Duke
: Just a little shook up 's all. Give me a hand. Bo Duke
: Upsadaisy, daisy. Luke Duke
: Whoo! It's a good thing we had seatbelts.
: I'll tell you what, I'm gonna have some fun. Clyde's cute! Bo Duke
: Yeah, well, let's get goin' the General and Clyde are waitin'. Daisy Duke
: [dressed as a nurse
] Can I help ya, mister? Norman Willis
: [thinks he's having a heart attack
] I, I, I... think it's too late... Daisy Duke
: Oh, no listen, listen, you gotta think positive. Nothing is ever too late.
: He has to jump a fence in a car? Daisy Duke
: Now don't worry, Nancylou, you're daddy's a great driver. And I'll tell you what else, the General Lee is a great flyer. It's gonna be alright, honey.
: Luke, it is my reputation, and my future at stake here. I'm goin'. And I'll tell you what else, Luke: I'm drivin', so come on. Uncle Jesse
: Just like her mother...