Jake Perry
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Quotes for
Jake Perry (Character)
from Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

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Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Melanie Carmichael: [of Bryant the dog] Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Jake: You're shittin' me, right?
Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.

Jake: The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.

Stella: You know for someone whose been holding onto something for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go.
Jake: I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather.

Jake: Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid.

Jake: [after looking at divorce papers] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.

Jake: Anybody think of anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray?
Wade: Uh, Clinton's breath.
Jake: You still the same Bobby Ray from last night?
Bobby Ray: Last time I checked, yeah.
Jake: [puts arm on shoulder] Well, then, let me buy you a drink.
Bobby Ray: Well, you're really not my type, I mean...

Jake: [seeing Andrew walking up to the Carmichael house where Bobby Ray is currently at] You, uh, you here to see Bobby Ray?

Jake: You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a "Hey there, Jake, remember me... your wife!" Or a, "Hi honey, lookin' good. How's the family?"
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Jake: You can't have roots and wings.

Jake: C'mon, I wanna show you something.
Melanie Carmichael: I can't.
Jake: Can't? Or won't?
Melanie Carmichael: Both.
Jake: The girl I knew used to be fearless.
Melanie Carmichael: The girl you knew didn't have a life.
Jake: Guess you better get on with it then.

Melanie Carmichael: And don't even pretend like you missed me.
Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

Jake: Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?

Melanie Carmichael: [gets up to leave] Jake, I can't do this.
Jake: [grabs her arm so she faces him] I know.
[they kiss]
Jake: [eventually pulling away] Go home, Mel.

Wade: [breaking up Melanie and Jake's kiss in the rain] What the hell are you two tryin' to do... get yourselves killed?
Melanie Carmichael: What seems to be the trouble, officer?
Wade: I'm here to bring you in, young lady!
Jake: What did she do this time?
Wade: Well, the way I hear it... seems she run out on a perfectly good cake!

Wade: The law is the law and she has done nothing wrong.
Jake: I supposed shoplifting steaks from Winn Dixie's okay?
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, Oh! I took 'em back and you know it!
Jake: What about that incident of vandalism in the stockyard... totally her!
Melanie Carmichael: Like I could tip a cow... by myself!
Jake: Wade, isn't there some outstanding for whoever drove your mama's tractor into the fishing pond?
Melanie Carmichael: [horrified realizing what he meant] OH!

Melanie Carmichael: Hi honey! Looking good! How's the family?
Jake: Cut the shit! Where's my stuff?
Melanie Carmichael: Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband?
Jake: The kind that don't live here! Now I'm gonna ask you one last time, where is the hide-a-key?
Melanie Carmichael: I had the sweetest talk with Wade's mama about her tractor.
Jake: Nice to see you got your accent back.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, I stubbled across a few things today.
Jake: Holy shit, what happened to the stove? Oh and where are them little magnets I had over here huh? What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories. I tried to pick out a new bed but have you been to the Sit and Sleep lately? Yuck. I suppose I'll just have to order something from New York.
Jake: Whatever blows your dress up darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as our money? Just a guess, but I'm thinking the words "joint checking" are flashing into your head right now?
Jake: How much did you take?
Melanie Carmichael: All of it!
Jake: Son of a bitch!

Young Melanie: Why would you want to marry me for, anyhow?
Young Jake: So I can kiss you anytime I want.
[they kiss, and lightening strikes]