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: [of Bryant the dog
] Can he swim? Jake
: Doesn't look like it.
: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses
] Can I help you? Melanie Carmichael
: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce. Jake
: You're shittin' me, right? Melanie Carmichael
: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.
: The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.
: You know for someone whose been holding onto something for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go. Jake
: I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather.
: Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid.
: [after looking at divorce papers
] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.
: Anybody think of anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray? Wade
: Uh, Clinton's breath. Jake
: You still the same Bobby Ray from last night? Bobby Ray
: Last time I checked, yeah. Jake
: [puts arm on shoulder
] Well, then, let me buy you a drink. Bobby Ray
: Well, you're really not my type, I mean...
: [seeing Andrew walking up to the Carmichael house where Bobby Ray is currently at
] You, uh, you here to see Bobby Ray?
: You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a "Hey there, Jake, remember me... your wife!" Or a, "Hi honey, lookin' good. How's the family?" Melanie Carmichael
: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
: You can't have roots and wings.
: C'mon, I wanna show you something. Melanie Carmichael
: I can't. Jake
: Can't? Or won't? Melanie Carmichael
: Both. Jake
: The girl I knew used to be fearless. Melanie Carmichael
: The girl you knew didn't have a life. Jake
: Guess you better get on with it then.
: And don't even pretend like you missed me. Jake
: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.
: Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?
: [gets up to leave
] Jake, I can't do this. Jake
: [grabs her arm so she faces him
] I know.
: [eventually pulling away
] Go home, Mel.
: [breaking up Melanie and Jake's kiss in the rain
] What the hell are you two tryin' to do... get yourselves killed? Melanie Carmichael
: What seems to be the trouble, officer? Wade
: I'm here to bring you in, young lady! Jake
: What did she do this time? Wade
: Well, the way I hear it... seems she run out on a perfectly good cake!
: The law is the law and she has done nothing wrong. Jake
: I supposed shoplifting steaks from Winn Dixie's okay? Melanie Carmichael
: Oh, Oh! I took 'em back and you know it! Jake
: What about that incident of vandalism in the stockyard... totally her! Melanie Carmichael
: Like I could tip a cow... by myself! Jake
: Wade, isn't there some outstanding for whoever drove your mama's tractor into the fishing pond? Melanie Carmichael
: [horrified realizing what he meant
: Hi honey! Looking good! How's the family? Jake
: Cut the shit! Where's my stuff? Melanie Carmichael
: Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband? Jake
: The kind that don't live here! Now I'm gonna ask you one last time, where is the hide-a-key? Melanie Carmichael
: I had the sweetest talk with Wade's mama about her tractor. Jake
: Nice to see you got your accent back. Melanie Carmichael
: Oh, I stubbled across a few things today. Jake
: Holy shit, what happened to the stove? Oh and where are them little magnets I had over here huh? What the hell is this? Chick food? Melanie Carmichael
: Light beer. Less calories. I tried to pick out a new bed but have you been to the Sit and Sleep lately? Yuck. I suppose I'll just have to order something from New York. Jake
: Whatever blows your dress up darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money. Melanie Carmichael
: Oh but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as our money? Just a guess, but I'm thinking the words "joint checking" are flashing into your head right now? Jake
: How much did you take? Melanie Carmichael
: All of it! Jake
: Son of a bitch!
: Why would you want to marry me for, anyhow? Young Jake
: So I can kiss you anytime I want.
[they kiss, and lightening strikes