Dave Kingman
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Quotes for
Dave Kingman (Character)
from America's Sweethearts (2001)

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America's Sweethearts (2001)
Kingman: I spent eighty-six million dollars of the studio's money on twenty seconds of titles. That's all he sent me, the *titles*! And a note: "Dave, we could also do these in blue."
[angrily crumples the note and hurls it to the floor]
Kingman: We *had* to make a Hal Weidmann picture!
Davis: The man's won three Oscars. He's a genius.
Kingman: No! There's only been one genius in this business, and that was Señor Wences! A little lipstick, some hair, and his hand, and the guy had a career for eighty-five years!

Dave: Remember the crazy guy in the woods?
Davis: Ted Kaczynski.
Dave: Who, the guy at Fox?
Lee: The Unabomber.
Dave: Yeah, the Unabomber. Okay? Remember how he lived in that little cabin?
Lee: So?
Dave: Hal Weidmann bought that cabin from the government and had it moved onto his property. That is where he edits his movies. That is his little, twisted, sicko office.

Dave: [watching Eddie and Hector fight] Ooh! This is good! Hit him! Hit him!
Lee: Who?
Dave: Anybody!

Lee: Why am I here? I'm just confused. I mean, after all, you did fire me last week, so why am I here?
Dave: I brought you here to see the new Hal Weidmann film.

Kingman: I want only one thing: if people think that Eddie and Gwen are going to get back together again, they will go see this movie. I need you to make that happen.
Lee: [smirks] Oh, that'll be easy.
Kingman: Well, look, just make it look like maybe it *could* happen...
Lee: Dave, she has a restraining order against him, and he flipped out, he's nuts! He's living in some nut hut up in the mountains or something.
Kingman: So what? I don't care! I need Eddie and Gwen back together again, smiling and happy! We can sell the shit out of that, Lee.
Lee: What about the Spaniard?
Kingman: Unless I get a script called "I Shtupped Castro", I don't know what to do with him.

Lee: It's him. On the phone.
Kingman: Who?
Lee: Hal.
Kingman: I'll kill him! That sick son-of-a-bitch bastard! Put him on the speaker!
[Lee turns on the speaker]
Kingman: [sweetly] Hi, Hal! How are you, darling? You're in my thoughts. I want to send you a basket.

Dave: Hal here yet?
Lee: No.
Dave: [beat] He's a dead man. No, I'm serious. I know a guy, I'll make a call, and... he's dead.

Dave: Well, Lee, I have to say, you have completely outdone yourself. In twenty-four hours, you've given us a walk in the woods, a romantic dinner, and a fist fight. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Lee: [pointedly] Maybe I can get him to commit suicide. Would you like that?
Dave: I don't know. Let me think about it.
Lee: Oh, yeah. I mean, it won't help the initial release, but it'll rent like crazy when it goes to video. We can do a box like a coffin, maybe wrap it in a little black ribbon.
Dave: Ooh, yeah. No, that's good. No, no, wait... imagine if he killed himself at the premiere.
[pause]
Dave: I'm joking... I mean, I'm... thinking out loud, or whatever you call it.

Kingman: All right, look... if you won't do it for me, do it for my father, okay? You guys worked together a long time. You had a real bond.
Lee: Your father was a psychotic.
Kingman: You spoke at his funeral.
Lee: I loved him. You I can't stand.

Kingman: [on the phone] Hi, Hal? How are you, darling? I've been thinking about you cause I... I wanted to... to... to send you a basket or something. How's the movie?
Hal Weidmann: It's finding its way.
Kingman: Well, do you think it could find its way to the studio? Because we have a few little things to do with it, like *finish* it.
Hal Weidmann: It's finished, Dave.
Kingman: Oh. Great! How is it?
Hal Weidmann: My mother thinks it's the best thing I've ever done.
Kingman: Can I speak with her?
Hal Weidmann: No, Dave.
Kingman: Can we send someone to pick it up, Hal?
Hal Weidmann: You know, Dave, you haven't said anything yet about the titles.
Kingman: Oh. Oh, I love them. I have no notes.
Hal Weidmann: When's the press junket?
Kingman: [apprehensively] Weekend of the 21st. Why?
Hal Weidmann: Cause I want the press to be the first to see it.
Kingman: No...
Hal Weidmann: I'll bring it to the junket. We'll all experience it together.
Kingman: No, Hal! No, no, no! No, no, I'm the head of the studio! I don't experience things with the press!
Hal Weidmann: I'm hanging up now, Dave.