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: True or False: All's fair in love and war. Ben
: True. Andie
: Great answer. Ben
: Good question!
: Our love fern! You let it die! Ben
: No, honey, it's just sleeping.
: Let's take a break because the woman is driving me crazy. Tony
: Which woman? Andie or Princess Sophia?
: Unattached? Ben
: Currently. Andie
: Likewise. Ben
: Surprising. Andie
: Psycho? Ben
: Rarely. Interested? Andie
: Perhaps. Ben
: Hungry? Andie
: Starving. Ben
: Leaving? Andie
: [thrusts herself onto Ben
] Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play? Ben
: Who's Princess Sophia?
[Andie points at his crotch
: Nah-nah-nah, nah! Whoa, whoa, you're kidding me, right? Princess Sophia? Andie
: Little, big, little, big? I don't know. We will find out! Ben
: Alright listen, you can't name my... my member Princess Sophia. Andie
: Yes, I can! Ben
: Listen, if you are gonna name m... my member, alright, you gotta name it something hyper masculine, okay? Something like a Spike, a Butch, a Krull the Warrior King!
: That it? Tony
: That's it? Ben
: [points to purse on desk
] That's it. Tony
: Have you looked inside? Ben
: No. Thayer
: Do you have an ethical problem with rifling through a woman's purse? Ben
: Uhh, yeah, I guess I do. Tony
: Well, it's hardly a purse, dude, it's more like a... clutch or something. Ben
: Guys, a woman's purse, alright, it's her secret source of power. Alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about.
: [to himself, on his balcony, waving goodbye to Andy before she gets in her cab
] You're already falling in love with me. Andie
: I'm gonna make you wish you were dead.
[blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony
: Poor guy.
: Is she on something? Ben
: God I hope so.
[Moves his finger in circles next to his head, to indicate that he thinks Andie is crazy
: Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?
[Andie is holding a platter of veggies and flings them at the guys and the middle of the poker table, then tosses the platter onto the table
: That's what I'm talking about. Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew? The one that wanted to be a serious journalist? You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there, you're like a frickin' one woman circus.
: So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig. Somebody you can test your theories on? Andie
: Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar. Ben
: Yeah, you know what? Big deal. Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story. Andie
: That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it. Ben
: You know what, you did your job now, Andie. Andie
: Yes, I did. Ben
: You wanted to lose a guy in ten days, congratulations, you did it. You just lost him.
: No I didn't Ben, 'cause you can't lose something you never had!
: Hey, listen, Sparky. I have a masters in journalism from Columbia, my boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write about whatever I want. Ben
: Like, shoes?
[Ben is trying to find words to be used as metaphors for diamonds
: How about 'Glitter'? Tony
: Thayer's favorite movie. Thayer
: It was underrated!
: You see, the key to this game is being able to read people.
: [crying at restaurant after waitress asks if everything is okay
] My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!
[flicks food at Ben
: And I can't eat in front of him! I can't eat in front of you! I have to go to the bathroom. Ben
: [receives dirty looks from other customers
] Honey, I don't think you're fat! I don't think she's fat!
: Look, look, look, wait a minute. The one night we even thought about having sex, all right, she up and decides she's going to nickname my... Michelle Rubin
: Penis? Ben
: Yeah. "Princess Sophia." You want to talk about shooting a man's horse? Whop! Come on!
: So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other? Andie
: Seven days. Michelle Rubin
: Seven days. Interesting. Ben
: Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist? Andie
: Well, Ben, seven days isn't like a lifetime, or anything... Ben
: It's like a week.
: Look who made the trip with me. Andie
: It's our love fern! Oh, Bennie-boo-boo, boo-boo.
: We, you know, we got a whole bunch of work we have to do, but we're still on for poker at your house this weekend? Ben
: Oh, you count on it. Andie
: Whoo! Boys' night. Tony
: Excuse me, ma'am. Jeannie Ashcroft
: Holy crap! Ben
: Where's Andie Anderson? Jeannie Ashcroft
: Uh, she's not here. Ben
: Where is she? Michelle Rubin
: She quit. Jeannie Ashcroft
: She's got an interview in Washington. Ben
: When is she leaving? Jeannie Ashcroft
: Today. Ben
: When? Jeannie Ashcroft
: Well, like, now. Ben
: You're not a therapist, are you? Michelle Rubin
: Oh, haha... no. Ben
: Good job, though. You owe me three hundred bucks.
[Andie starts crying when Ben places food in front of her
: Hey, what's wrong? Andie
: Nothing. It's beautiful. Ben
: Thank you. Andie
: You're beautiful. The game, the whole thing. It's just... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb... You have to take it away before I gag.
[Andie dry heaves
: Does Krull the Warrior King want to come out and play? Ben
: No. Andie
: Krull... Ben
: You know what, due to intense humiliation, the king has momentarily abdicated his throne, okay? Andie
: Oh. Uh-oh! Ben
: Yeah. Andie
: Well, in that case, I better get going. Take care of our love fern, honey.
: I want you to respect me. Ben
: I do. And, I want your respect. Andie
: I respect you for respecting me. Ben
: I respect that.
: [introducing Andie to his family
] And this is Joey Jr. Glenda
: [to Jack, playing BS
] Bullshit! Ben
: Now the whole family suffers from tourette's, I hope that's not a problem.