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Quotes for
RJ (Character)
from Over the Hedge (2006)

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Over the Hedge (2006)
RJ, Verne: Hammy!

Hammy the Squirrel: [Slipping on kitchen floor] No grip! No grip! No grip!...
RJ: Hammy, less claw, more pad.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, okay.
[Hammy zips across the room, crashes into wall]
Hammy the Squirrel: That hurt.

RJ: Something you said yesterday really touched me right here. It starts with an F, remember what that was?
Verne: Family?
RJ: Yeah yeah right that. You see Verne I use to have had all that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But all that went away with... the weed hacker incident.

RJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. The what is what?
Verne: Whenever something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy.

RJ: [after making him look like a rabid squirrel] Now show me that vicious look in your eye, boy. Come on!
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, oh, I can burp my ABC's
[burping]
Hammy the Squirrel: A, B, C...
RJ: HAMMY! I just really need you to focus right now, okay?
Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.

Gladys: [after installing a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state,
[with his hand over his heart]
Dwayne: except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you.
[as he tosses a stuffed bear in it]
Dwayne: Adios, animal infenstation.
RJ: [it traps it] AHHHHH!
Gladys: [we see it in a cage, with outside burned off] Ohhh, very nice.

Verne: [after getting chased away] See what I mean? That's what I was talking about. These humans don't want us *around*.
RJ: So we scared her and she over-reacted, no biggy.
Verne: No biggy? No that's what we call a biggy.
RJ: C'mon, think about the food, it was worth it for that food, that stuff is to die for.
[Ozzy faints and Heather rolls her eyes]
RJ: Let me rephrase that.
Verne: No, to die for, you nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life seems primative to a guy with a bag.
RJ: What!
Verne: But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want *nothing* to do with *anything* that's *over that hedge*.
[they begin to walk away]
RJ: Oh come on. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet. You wanna store some fat, that is the way to store some fat, you'll be sweating through the winter.
[they don't listen]
RJ: Okay, okay you guys sleep on it. Good idea, I'm gonna check back with you.
[to himself]
RJ: Shoot! Almost had them.

RJ: Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right. If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it, all of it.
Vincent: My red wagon?
RJ: Redder!
Vincent: The blue cooler?
RJ: Blue cooler. On my list! Gotta be blue?
Vincent: Yes! And I want my Spuddies. I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
RJ: So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size.
Vincent: They have that?
RJ: I'm pretty sure.
Vincent: All right, R.J. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up, and all my stuff had better be right back where it was.
RJ: But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy!
[Vincent squeezes on RJ's head]
RJ: A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Vincent: Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.

RJ: Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
[Points at map]
RJ: Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
[All gasp]
RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel: Aha! We fill the log!
Verne: Hammy.
RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
Verne: Ozzie.
RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather: Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne: That's impossible.
RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.

RJ: Now if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it!

Hammy the Squirrel: What is that?
RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a., the chip, nacho cheese flavor.

RJ: [after Verne falls off his shell again] What is the point of this thing?

Ozzie: But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ: The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ: Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne: Her?
Stella: Me?
RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella: My stink.
RJ: ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel: Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?

Verne: So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water.
RJ: [Walking across a pool on floats] Hey, everybody! This way to the food!

RJ: And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners, and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours!
[Hammy jumps, but RJ stops him]
RJ: Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them.
Hammy the Squirrel: But you just said they're mine.
RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid?
Hammy the Squirrel: I... I... I...
RJ: The ayes have it. Let's ride.

Vincent: Wow.
RJ: Vincent!
Vincent: So I was just on my way down here to kill you, and I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... that right there, is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen.
[Chuckles]
Vincent: Classic RJ. You take the food, and they take the fall. You keep this up, your gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted.
RJ: But I already had that.
Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them.
RJ: Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this!
[Takes the wagon with all the food]
Vincent: RJ!

RJ: SSShhhhh!
Verne: Oh, no! I'm not falling for any more of your smooth talk!

RJ: Now listen, champ. Okay, what we're goin' for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?
Hammy the Squirrel: Umm, excuse me!
[Raises hand]
RJ: Yes, Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so...
RJ: *Rabid*, not rabbit.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Huh?

RJ: No, Hammy, not the cookie. I told you that cookie was junk!
Hammy the Squirrel: But I like the cookie.

RJ: That is an S.U.V; Humans ride in then because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Penny: Jeepers, its so big!
Lou: How many humans fit in there?
RJ: Usually, one.

Hammy the Squirrel: Wanna help me find my nuts?
RJ: Very tempting, Hammy, very tempting...

RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.
Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.
Bucky: The shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?
RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.

Verne: [beneath the window] Bear!
RJ: What's that?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Hair?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Air?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Oh, *BEAR*!

RJ: Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Here, here, here, here, big one here, here, and maybe a few over here.
Stella: Gee, it's that all?
RJ: No. There's bunch of red lights all over here. You OK, Verne? Look a little green.
Verne: I blacked out for a second there, but... I get the idea: there's lights, traps and I might need to change my shell.

RJ: Do you like the cookie?
Hammy the Squirrel: I like the cookie!
RJ: [Throws cookie away] Well this cookie's yuck!
Hammy the Squirrel: But I thought I liked the cookie...

Tiger: Shoo, go on, get away from here. My owner does not give scraps to common strays.
Stella: Common strays? Alright, you asked for it...
[turns and raises rear]
RJ: [whispers] Get the collar!
Stella: Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look?
Tiger: No-no-no-no-no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods.
[sneezes]
Tiger: Away with your filth!
Stella: My filth? My *filth*?
Penny: Oh jeepers here we go.
Stella: Okay, that's it. I'm sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away 'cause they think I'm filthy. Well I got news for you: I didn't get primped and preened to have some overfed, pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me. I've got makeup on my *butt*, dude! And you don't even want to know about the cork!
Tiger: Stop! No one has *ever* spoken to me like that!
[others gasp]
Tiger: It is bold... I like it.
Stella: Yeah? Well, there's more where that came from, uh... puffball!
[Leads him away from the door]
Tiger: You're strong. Your essence is overpowering.
Stella: [pushes tail down] Wh-what do you mean by that?
Tiger: It is your eyes.
Stella: My eyes?
Tiger: They are... luminous.
Stella: Luminous... Dang.

RJ: [Verne is about to eat a diaper] That's a diaper, and that *does* come out of a wazoo.

RJ: [showing the other animals around the houses] They *always* got food with them. We eat to live - these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about!
RJ: [as he speaks he shows the other animals what humans do] The human mouth is called a 'piehole', the human being is called a 'couch potato'.
RJ: [signifies telephone] *That* is a device to summon food.
RJ: [signifies doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food.
RJ: [signifies front door] *That* is the portal for the passing of food.
RJ: [signifies delivery truck] *That* is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive food, they wear the food!
RJ: [signifies grill] *That* gets the food hot!
RJ: [signifies cooler] *That* keeps the food cold!
RJ: [signifies turtle pinata] *That*... I'm not sure what that is.
RJ: [kids break the turtle piñata and Verne yells] Well, what do you know? FOOD!
RJ: [signifies table where family prays before dinner] *That* is the altar where they WORSHIP food!
RJ: [signifies advert for Seltzer] That's what they eat when they've eaten TOO MUCH food!
RJ: [signifies treadmill] *That* gets rid of the guilt so they can eat MORE FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOOOOD! So, you think they have enough?
RJ: [everybody nods] Well, they don't. For humans, enough is *never* enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming silver cans, just for us!
RJ: [opens the thrash cans and knocks them over] Dig in!

RJ: We eat to live. These guys live to eat!

RJ: [to Verne] *You*, my friend, are a natural. Or should I say au naturel?
[Verne realizes he is naked and his shell is on the curb]

Hammy the Squirrel: [points angrily to his reflection in a car fender] *This* guy's not comin' with us, is he? 'Cause I don't want him to!
RJ: [exasperated] Oh, I have so much work to do.

[first lines]
[RJ is trying to get a snack from the snack machine and it breaks]
RJ: No! Come on!

Vincent: RJ? The moon's not full yet...
[notices RJ has his food]
Vincent: RJ. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to come up here and steal my stuff. RJ? I'm gonna have to kill you.
[Advances on RJ]
RJ: WAIT! The food is still in the cave, so technically, not stolen!
[accidentally bumps into the wagon, sending it down the hill]
RJ: Oh no, no, no, no! STOP!
[the wagon stops, RJ and Vincent chuckle nervously at each other until a truck destroys the wagon and food]

RJ: Please, Vincent! I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family!
Vincent: You don't have a family, RJ.
RJ: I meant a family of one.