Louis Winthorpe III
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Quotes for
Louis Winthorpe III (Character)
from Trading Places (1983)

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Trading Places (1983)
Billy Ray Valentine: [watches Louis clean his shotgun] You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.

[last lines]
Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

Louis: My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman: ...or *beats* them to it.
[all turn and look at him]
Coleman: Egg-nog?

Pawnbroker: Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis Winthorpe III: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis Winthorpe III: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis Winthorpe III: Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis Winthorpe III: Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III: Just give me the money.
[looking in display case]
Louis Winthorpe III: How much for the gun?

Louis Winthorpe III: I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.

Louis Winthorpe III: [approaching the New York Commodities Exchange] Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the motherf... - we got to kill 'em!

Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.

Louis Winthorpe III: Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray Valentine: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis Winthorpe III: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray Valentine: I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, memories!

Louis Winthorpe III: [after ruining the Dukes] Happy New Year!
Randolph Duke: [hoarsely] Winthorpe.
Mortimer Duke: [stunned] Valentine.
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey! How'd y'all make out today?
Mortimer Duke: How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won.
Louis Winthorpe III: [grinning] I lost... One dollar.
Billy Ray Valentine: Thank you, Louis.
Louis Winthorpe III: After you.
Billy Ray Valentine: Certainly.

Louis Winthorpe III: [to Penelope] Those men wanted to have sex with me!

Louis: [after giving the secret knock] Who is it?
Billy Ray Valentine: Open the door, man!

Corrupt Cop: [finds a baggie in Winthorpe's coat at his arrest] One cellophane bag...
Louis Winthorpe III: Now that's not mine! I've never seen that before in my life!
Corrupt Cop: [takes some PCP out of the baggie and tastes it] That's PCP! Phencyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You're looking at 3 to 5 mandatory... Louis!

Louis Winthorpe III: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III: Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III: [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.

Billy Ray Valentine: [as Louis is choking him] lt... was... the... Dukes! lt... was... the... Dukes!
Louis Winthorpe III: You're a dead man, Valentine.
Billy Ray Valentine: [gasping, after Ophelia and Coleman stop Louis from choking Billy Ray] It was an experiment... to see how our lives would turn out... the Dukes arranged it... they made a bet.
Coleman: I'm afraid it's true, sir.
Ophelia: I believe him, Louie.
Louis Winthorpe III: The Dukes... ruined my life... over a bet? For how much?
Billy Ray Valentine: A dollar.
Louis Winthorpe III: One dollar... fine. That's the way they want it? No problem.
[cut to Louis cleaning and loading an array of shotguns in the den]

Newscaster on TV: In charge of security, Mr Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security.
Billy Ray Valentine: [speaking in perfect unison with Louis] Clarence Beeks!
Louis Winthorpe III: [speaking in perfect unison with Billy Ray] Clarence Beeks!

Ophelia: The only thing I've got going for me, is this body, this face, and what I got up here. I don't do drugs. And I don't have a pimp.
Louis Winthorpe III: This place is a dump.
Ophelia: But it's cheap, it's clean and it's all mine.

Todd: Looking good, Louis!
Louis Winthorpe III: Feeling good, Todd.
Harry: We, uh, need a fourth for squash today, Louis. Are you interested?
Louis Winthorpe III: No can do. I'll be having dinner with Penelope tonight.
Andrew: Oh, lucky you.
Louis Winthorpe III: It's not luck. Todd.