Mad Hatter
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Quotes for
Mad Hatter (Character)
from Alice in Wonderland (2010/I)

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Alice in Wonderland (2010/I)
[from trailer]
The Mad Hatter: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.
[picks up his hat]
The Mad Hatter: Which luckily I am.

The Mad Hatter: What a regrettably large head you have. I would very much like to hat it. I used to hat The White Queen, you know. Her head was so small.
The Red Queen: It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: If you're hiding her, you will lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: [as Stayn clutches his throat]
[strained]
The Mad Hatter: Already lost them.

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
[Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

The Mad Hatter: I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M.

The Mad Hatter: [to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.

The Mad Hatter: Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: We're looking for the girl called Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor:
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at. Up..."
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Wraps arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her you'll lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: *Already lost them.* All together now!
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky. Twinkle twinkle..."

The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig/and the slithy toves/did gyre and gimbel in the wabe/all mimsy were the borogoves/and the mome raths outgrabe.

Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.
The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

The Red Queen: How would you like to have your head hacked off?
The Mad Hatter: [chuckles]
The Red Queen: Stop that.

The Mad Hatter: When that day comes I shall futterwacken... vigorously.

The Mad Hatter: Well. The entire world is falling to ruins and poor Cheshire's off his tea.

The Mad Hatter: Your carriage, my lady.
Alice Kingsley: A hat?
The Mad Hatter: Of course. Anyone can go by horse or rail, but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?

Alice Kingsley: Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad Hatter: That is an excellent practice.

The Mad Hatter: Why is it you're always too small or too tall?

The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice Kingsley: Sorry, what was that?
The Mad Hatter: What was what?
[continues walking]
The Mad Hatter: The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, Jaws that bait and claws that catch, Beware the Jabberwock, my son, The frumious Bandersnatch He took his vorpal sword in hand The vorpal blade went snicker-snack He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. Its all about you, you know
Alice Kingsley: I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind
The Mad Hatter: ...Mind?
[Hatter stops, puts Alice down on a log, and continues walking]
Alice Kingsley: Wait! You Cant leave me here!
The Mad Hatter: You don't slay? Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done? You don't slay.
Alice Kingsley: I couldn't if i wanted to.
The Mad Hatter: You're not the same as you were before You were much more..."muchier" You've lost your "muchness"
Alice Kingsley: My "muchness"?
The Mad Hatter: [Points to Alice's heart] In there.

Alice Kingsley: Hatter, why *is* a raven like a writing desk?
The Mad Hatter: I haven't the slightest idea.

The Mad Hatter: Down with the bloody Red Queen!

The Mad Hatter: What is the hatter with me?

The Mad Hatter: Yes, yes-but you would have to be half-mad to dream me up.

The Mad Hatter: Rise up against the bloody red queen.
The Mad Hatter: [Hatter looks scornfully at her]
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, Dodo Bird, White Rabbit, Tweedledee, Tweedledum: Down with the bloody big head!

The Mad Hatter: You could stay.
Alice Kingsley: What an idea. What a mad, crazy, wonderful idea.
[They smile at each other]
Alice Kingsley: ... But I can't.

The Mad Hatter: [from trailer]
[Meeting the Red Queen]
The Mad Hatter: You have a regrettably large head! I would very much like to hat it!

The Red Queen: [the Mad Hatter is brought into The Red Queen's court] Where is Alice?
The Mad Hatter: I've been considering words that start with the letter M. Moron. Mutiny. Murder. Mmm-malice.
The Red Queen: Well, we're looking for an A word right now. Where is Alice?

[the Executioner tries to take off the hat of the Mat Hatter at the beheading platform]
The Mad Hatter: I'd like to keep it on.
Executioner: Suit yourself. As long as I can get at your neck.


"Alice: Episode #1.1" (2009)
Hatter: Trust me. I know a thing or two about liking people, and in time, after much chocolate and cream cake, 'like' turns into 'what was his name again?'.

Alice: I have a little money, but I understand you don't use that here.
Hatter: Pieces of paper!
[whispers]
Hatter: Pointless.

Hatter: [Referring to the White Knight] OK, he's as mad as a box of frogs.

Hatter: Do you know why they call me 'Hatter'?
Alice: Because you wear a hat?
Hatter: ...No.

Alice: Who are you?
Hatter: A friend. I hope.

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a... very wet dress?

Hatter: I thought all you guys were wiped out years ago
White Knight: Well you thought wrong. As you can see I'm fit as a butcher's dog
[slight stiffled cough]
Alice: Are there any others like you?
White Knight: certainly not. I'm a one off! My nana used to say that if I was the only eligable batchelor left in the world
[bends to pick up shovel]
White Knight: there wasnt a warthog or wall flower who'd pollish my escutcheon.
[laughs]
Alice: No I meant are there any other knights in these woods? your... comrads in arms
White Knight: Heavens no, are you mad! we were all wiped out years ago

Hatter: Oh I see, you don't trust me. I am genuinely hurt!

Alice: Where are we?
Hatter: The Great Library. There's 5,000 years of history hidden here: art, literature, law. Rescued when the Queen of Hearts seized power. She'd like nothing more than to see this burnt to nothin'.
Alice: Who are those poor people?
Hatter: Refugees. Those who don't want to be a part of the Queen's world of instant gratification. We give them shelter and try feed them the best we can, but it is dangerous. If the Queen found out, they wouldn't stand a chance.
Alice: Why does she want to destroy all of this?
Hatter: Wisdom is her biggest threat. She controls people with a quick fix.

Hatter: Do you know why they call me Hatter?
Alice: Because you wear a hat?
Hatter: No. Because I'm always there when they pass the hat, so to speak.

Alice: This?
Hatter: That's not going to come off. Sorry.

Rat Catcher: She's Alice! Tell him who you are!
Hatter: Wow! Really? woooo! Ratty here thinks you're Alice. Of Legend
Alice: Who?
Hatter: The last uhm, the last time a girl called Alice came here from your world she brought down the whole House of Cards. Oh yeah. Made quite an impression. Although, it was 150 years ago. It can't be the same girl. Oysters don't even live that long.

Hatter: Warning. Don't take it on an empty stomach and only one tiny little drop at a time otherwise the experience might burst your shriveled up little heart. Got it?
Rat Catcher: Got it.
Hatter: Good. Go.

Alice: Oysters were drained? What do you mean drained?
Hatter: Ratty tells me you're looking for someone.

Hatter: Pieces of paper? Pointless.

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? Oh, I see. You don't trust me. Fine! I am genuinely hurt!

Hatter: [while on a horse together, Alice leans back away from Hatter] Are you comfortable?
Alice: No.
Hatter: Lean into me. Let me take the weight.
Alice: [harshly] I'm good.

Hatter: He's mad as a box of frogs.


Alice in Wonderland (1999) (TV)
Mad Hatter: Personal remarks are rude?
Alice: Mm-hmm.
Mad Hatter: Egad, you learn something new every day. Make a note of that, Marchy, it might come in useful.

Mad Hatter: Time marches on its stomach! Ah-haha!
Alice: It's an army that marches on its stomach!
The March Hare: Odd sort of army, marching on its stomach. I don't like the idea, yuck!

[Alice arrives at the Mad Tea Party]
Alice: I'm lost. Could I get some - ?
The March Hare: No room!
Mad Hatter: There's no room!
Alice: [indignant] There's *plenty* of room!
The March Hare: Why didn't you report this sooner, Hatty?
Mad Hatter: I overslept!

The March Hare: Waiter, waiter, there's a HARE in my soup!
Mad Hatter: Is it blonde? We're missing a waitress!

The March Hare: [in an encouraging tone] Have some wine.
Alice: [looking down the table] I don't see any wine.
The March Hare: There isn't any. And you're too young.
Alice: Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it.
The March Hare: It wasn't very nice of *you* to sit down without an invitation! This is a *private* soirée.
Alice: Well, I suppose I shouldn't have just barged in when I know I wasn't invited. But the table was laid out for a lot of people.
Mad Hatter: My response to that is both profound and meaningful: get your hair cut!

Mad Hatter: Now, I have one for you.
The March Hare: Ooh!
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing table?
The March Hare: Why is a raven...?
Mad Hatter: I'm not talking to *you*?
The March Hare: Why not? Aren't I good enough?
Mad Hatter: You've heard it before.
The March Hare: But you were looking at *me* when you said, "Why is a raven like a writing..."
Mad Hatter: [angry] I'm asking Alice!

Mad Hatter: [singing] Auntie's wooden leg...
March Hare: I say, I say, I say...
Mad Hatter: How dare you interrupt my song with "I say, I say, I say!"
March Hare: I say, I say, I say in this world it's now what you know but WHOM you know!
Mad Hatter: I don't know either one of them!

Mad Hatter: [singing] Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, / How I wonder what you're at / Up above the world so high / Like a tea tray in the sky...

The Dormouse: Officer, these men are criminals!
Mad Hatter: Who's got his ear trumpet?

[trying to stuff the Dormouse into a teapot]
Mad Hatter: I told you he wouldn't fit!
March Hare: Oh, he'll fit! We just have to push harder!

Alice: [thinking about the riddle] Why is a raven like a writing desk... you know, I-I'm pretty sure I can guess.
The March Hare: You mean you think you know the answer?
Alice: Yes.
The March Hare: Well, then, you should say what you mean.
Alice: Well, I do. At-at least, at least I mean what I say, that-that is the same thing.
Mad Hatter: It's not the same thing at all. You might as well say "I eat what I see" is the same thing as "I see what I eat!"
[a pie sprouts crab legs and crawls across the table]
The March Hare: [eyeing the pie, picking up a fly swatter] You might as well say "I like what I get" is the same as "I get what I like!"
[whacks the pie]
The Dormouse: [talking in his sleep, then suddenly awake] Aah! You-you, or you might as well say "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe."
[nods off]
Mad Hatter: Well, it is the same thing with you.
[chuckles]

Mad Hatter: [looking at his watch] What day of the month is it?
Alice: The fourth.
Mad Hatter: Aha! Two days wrong!
[glares at the March Hare]
Mad Hatter: I told you not to use butter!
The March Hare: It was the best butter.
The Dormouse: Danish, mmm.
Mad Hatter: Some crumbs must have got into it as well. I said, don't put butter in the works with a bread knife!
The March Hare: I couldn't put it in with a fork, could I? Here, let me see...
Mad Hatter: [capricious] I don't want to *give* it to you, but I will!
The March Hare: [the Hare takes the watch and examines it; first by banging it on the table, and then by dipping it into his teacup] I don't understand it. It was the best butter.
The Dormouse: Danish.
Alice: [the Hare tosses the watch over to Alice, who picks it up and studies it] It's a funny watch. It tells the day of the month, but not the time.
Mad Hatter: Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?
Alice: No, because it stays a year for so long.
Mad Hatter: Oh then, I rest my case.
The March Hare: Where?
Alice: [points to a pile of suitcases] There.
Mad Hatter: Well, then, I rest my case!
The March Hare: Where?
Mad Hatter: [points to a pile of suitcases] There.
[breaks into laughter]
The March Hare: [dully] I know when I'm beaten.


Alice in Wonderland (1951)
Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more.
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't very well take less.
Mad Hatter: Yes. You can always take more than nothing.

Mad Hatter: Mustard! Yes, mu- MUSTARD? Don't let's be silly! Lemon, that's different...

Alice: I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. Thank you.
March Hare: Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Of course not. This is an unbirthday party.

Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!

[after they have restrained the Dormouse]
Mad Hatter: Ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.

Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: Riddles? Now let me see... why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: [alarmed] Why is a what?
March Hare: Careful, she's stark ravin' mad!
Alice: But it's your silly riddle. You just said...
Mad Hatter: Easy, don't get excited!
March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?
Alice: "Have a cup of tea," indeed! Well I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!

Mad Hatter: No wonder you're late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow.

Alice: I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...
Mad Hatter: I DO?
[chuckles]
Alice: I mean my C-A-T.
Mad Hatter: Teeeea?
March Hare: [slices a tea cup in half] Just half a cup, if you don't mind.

Mad Hatter: What's the matter my dear, don't you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea.
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

March Hare: Start at the beginning.
Mad Hatter: Yes, yes. And when you come to the end...
[chuckles]
Mad Hatter: STOP. See?

Mad Hatter: [after "fixing" the White Rabbit's watch] Two days slow, that's what it is.


"Alice: Episode #1.2" (2009)
Hatter: What are you doing?
White Knight: Down here! Take the second left through the stairs that will lead up to the third floor, then after the double doors take the third walkway on the right over the Fitness Center to Reception B and ask Shiela!
Hatter: Shiela?
White Knight: Maybe its Shakina...

Alice: [holds out hand] the ring
Queen of Hearts: are you mad? I'd sooner have you cut off my finger
Alice: that can be arranged
Hatter: [turns to 10 of clubs] do you have a knife?
[10 of clubs hands him switch blade knife]
Hatter: thank you
Jack Chase: make sure its a clean cut. We don't want any blood on the ring
Hatter: mmhm
[switches knife open]

White Knight: Alice of Legend, your presence in this world is no accident. You are here for a reason.
Alice: Please, Charlie, it's just plain Alice.
White Knight: Just Plain Alice, I will stand at your side, shoulder to shoulder, knee to...
Hatter: Charlie! Now's not such a good time.
Alice: You guys shouldn't have come. You could get yourselves killed.
Hatter: Did you give the ring up, Alice?
Alice: Look, I have things under control.
Hatter: You tried to cut a deal with the Queen, didn't you?
Alice: I was getting close.
Hatter: Getting close? Maybe I'm wrong, but negotiations didn't appear to be going so well.
Alice: Well, I need more time.
Hatter: For what? You really think the Queen's just gonna send you and your boyfriend home?
Alice: No.
Hatter: No, of course not.
Alice: Because he's her son.
Hatter: The prince? Jack Heart? Jack Heart is your boyfriend?

Hatter: What's the matter?
Alice: What'll I do if I get stuck here?
Hatter: Then I'll make sure you're okay.
[pause]
Hatter: I think your luck is finally changing.

Alice: [they are attempting to escape the casino on flying mechanical flamingos] You don't understand, I'm not getting on that!
Hatter: It's perfectly safe!... Safeish!
Alice: I have a thing about flying!
Hatter: [the queen's agents appear and start shooting at them] Yeah, I have a *thing* about bullets! Look, I'll do the flying, all you have to do is hold on. Look at me.
[she does]
Hatter: I wouldn't let you do it if I didn't think you'd be okay.
[she nods and gets on behind him]

Hatter: What's the matter?
Alice: What will I do? If I get stuck here?
Hatter: Then I'll make sure you're okay.
[they look at each other]
Hatter: I think your luck is finally changing.
[they almost kiss, but then are interrupted by Jack]

[Hatter bursts into the gaming room, and he and Alice take down all the agents. She sees the injuries inflicted by Mad March]
Alice: Oh my God.
Hatter: Oh, it's a few cuts and bruises. I'm fine.
Alice: [she hugs him tightly] I thought you were dead.
Hatter: [hugs her back; sighs] Oh, that feels good.
[pause]
Hatter: We should save that 'til we're safe.
[they break apart]
Alice: I'm sorry I didn't trust you.
Hatter: Do you trust me now?
Alice: Completely.
Hatter: Good. Follow me; I'm getting us out of here.

Hatter: [as Alice prepares to leave Wonderland; she calls Hatter over to her] I was, uh, I was afraid I might have missed you.
Alice: Well, you cut it a little close!
Hatter: I was, um... guess I was trying... not to think about it... anyways, I wanted to say good-bye.
Alice: [taken aback] 'Good-bye'?
Hatter: And if you, you know, ever fancy coming back...
Alice: You want me to stay?
Hatter: Hell no! No, you - think you should go home.
[they share a long look]
Alice: Yeah, yeah, I've had enough of Wonderland for a lifetime.
Hatter: Yeah, I am sure you have, right? Still, we had... we had a laugh, you know? Had some good times... obviously, among all the... bad times.
Alice: [smiles] Yeah. Yeah, we did. Oh, um...
[takes off the jacket he lent her]
Hatter: You don't have to...
[she hands it back]
Hatter: Brilliant. Thank you. That's good. So, we should...
[they hug]
Alice: You know, you could always visit my world. You might like it.
Hatter: Yeah! We could - we could do pizza.
Alice: [softly] Yeah, and lots of other things.
[Hatter looks like he wants to say more, but Alice is taken away and ushered through the Looking Glass]

[last lines]
[Alice is back in her world with her mother; the door buzzes]
Caroline: Oh, I almost forgot, the construction worker who found you, he wanted to stop by and see how you were. Very sweet.
[Alice stays in her room, looking sadly at her copy of Alice in Wonderland]
Caroline: Alice? Come meet David.
Alice: [exits her bedroom and goes into the living room to see... ] Hatter!
[she runs into his arms]
Hatter: [hugging her tightly] Finally.
Alice: You have no idea how happy I am to see you.
[they kiss. Alice's mother looks dumbfounded]
Hatter: [whispers] I missed you.
[they kiss again]

Alice: [holds out hand] The ring
Queen of Hearts: Are you mad? I'd sooner have you cut off my finger.
Alice: That can be arranged.
Hatter: [turns to Club] Do you have a knife?
[is given knife]
Hatter: Thank you.
Jack Chase: Make sure its a clean cut. We don't want any blood on the ring.
Hatter: Mhm.
Queen of Hearts: [angry, gives Alice ring]

Hatter: What are you doing?
White Knight: Down here! Take the second left at the stairs that lead up to the third floor, then after the double doors, take the third walkway on the right, over the fitness center to Reception B, and ask Sheila!
Hatter: Sheila?
Hatter: Maybe it's... Shakena. Come along!


"Once Upon a Time: Hat Trick (#1.17)" (2012)
Evil Queen: I have a job for you.
The Mad Hatter: I don't do that anymore.
Evil Queen: Yes, I heard you hung up your hat. Why? Is it because of your sweet daughter Grace?
The Mad Hatter: Because of my work, she lost her mother. I don't want her to lose her father, too.
Evil Queen: So now you're foraging for fungus. What kind of future does your daughter have here with you? Do this one last favor for me, and you can give her the life she deserves.
The Mad Hatter: That's why I'm staying. You don't abandon family. *That's*... what she deserves.

The Mad Hatter: I hate Wonderland.

The Mad Hatter: ...Get it to work. Get it to work. Get it to work. Get it to work...!

Jefferson: You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.

Jefferson: Now, make a hat and get it to work.
Emma Swan: I don't...
Jefferson: You have magic. You can do it.

Emma Swan: You've clearly glommed onto my kid Henry's thing. They're just stories! The Mad Hatter is in Alice in Wonderland, a book - a book I actually read.
Jefferson: Stories. Stories! What's a story? When you were in high school, d'you learn about the Civil War?
Emma Swan: Yeah, of course.
Jefferson: How? D'you read about it, perchance, in a book? How's that any less real than any other book?
Emma Swan: History books are based on history.
Jefferson: And storybooks are based on what? Imagination. Where does that come from? It has to come from somewhere.

Emma Swan: This is it. This is the real world.
Jefferson: *A* real world. How arrogant are you to think yours is the only one? There are infinite more. You have to open your mind. They touch one another, pressing up in a long line of lands, each just as real as the last. All have their own rules. Some have magic, some don't. And some need magic. Like this one. And that's where you come in.

Jefferson: It's hard enough to live in a land where you don't belong, but knowing it... holding conflicting realities in your head... will drive you mad.

Jefferson: I'm not crazy. This is real.
Emma Swan: Maybe. Maybe it is.
Jefferson: You believe?
Emma Swan: If what you say is true... that woman in the other room... is my mother. And I want to believe that more than anything in the world. So maybe you're right. Maybe I need to open myself up more. Maybe if I want magic... I have to start believing.

Queen of Hearts, Jefferson: [respectively] Off with his head.


The Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland (1987)
Mad Hatter: You wouldn't happen to know where the princess is, would you?
Swift Heart Rabbit: We thought you would know where the princess is.
Mad Hatter: You did? Of course you did, because I do.

Swift Heart Rabbit: You must be the Mad Hatter.
Mad Hatter: Why do I always have to be the Mad Hatter? Why can't you be the Mad Hatter for once? Oh, alright, I'll be the Mad Hatter again! You like hats? I'm mad about hats!

Mad Hatter: [singing] Now say I wanna be like W.C. / I just slip this on and magically / There's something strange comes over me /
[as W.C. Fields]
Mad Hatter: "Anything for you, my little chickadee." /
[as himself]
Mad Hatter: You like hats? I'm mad about hats!


Alice in Wonderland (1985) (TV)
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: Do you know "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?"
Alice: Yes I do.
[singing]
Alice: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.
Mad Hatter: No, no, no, no, no. That's not good at all. I prefer... Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder what you're at.
The Dormouse: [startled] Twinkle twinkle little skunk, how I wonder if you're drunk!
[falls over]
The March Hare: Twinkle twinkle little ant... you do look strange without your pants.
[laughs]


"Once Upon a Time: The Doctor (#2.5)" (2012)
The Mad Hatter: I got what you wanted.
[he holds out a glass ball]
Rumplestiltskin: [Wizard of Oz reference] What about the slippers?
The Mad Hatter: Ugh! Couldn't find them. Heard talk they've already been moved to another land.
Rumplestiltskin: That's what I needed to get to that other land!
The Mad Hatter: Well, come with me in my hat. I'm sure we can work something out.
Rumplestiltskin: No, no, your hat only transports between magical realms. I need to get to a land without magic.
The Mad Hatter: Why would anyone want that?

The Doctor: These are all... hearts?
Regina: My mother was a collector.
The Mad Hatter: Whose hearts are these?
Regina: I have no idea. She took so many, caused so much pain, it was impossible to keep track. She was a monster.


Alice (2000) (VG)
Mad Hatter: [to Alice in a menacing tone] Your hair wants cutting and perhaps your neck could *use a trim*!

Mad Hatter: If you knew time as well as I, you wouldn't *dream* of wasting it!


"Adventures in Wonderland: Welcome Back, Hatter (#1.40)" (1992)
Mad Hatter: [on finding out the Hatter has won a castle in another land] Hare, you almost don't sound happy for me.
March Hare: Oh no, I'm happy as a clam!
Mad Hatter: Clams are happy?
March Hare: When they're around their best friends they are.


"Adventures in Wonderland: TechnoBunny (#1.23)" (1992)
Red Queen: You know, sometimes old things are better than new ones, flaws and all.
Mad Hatter: Exactly. Why, we'd rather have our old Queen than a young one any day!


"Adventures in Wonderland: Chalice in Wonderland (#1.62)" (1992)
Mad Hatter: Really, Hare! Do you have to make so much noise while I'm reading? You know I like it quiet enough to hear a feather fall.
March Hare: I do now. What is that you're reading, anyway?
Mad Hatter: The Search For The Mummy's Treasure.
March Hare: When it comes to MY mummy, I'm her one and only treasure!
Mad Hatter: Not that kind of mummy! Not mother! The kind of mummy I'm reading about is all wrapped up in cloth and walks like this.
[Imitates a mummy's walk and frightens the Hare]
March Hare: He probably walks like that because his pants are wrapped too tight!
Mad Hatter: No. He walks like that to scare archaeologists away from the treasure.


"House of Mouse: Unplugged Club (#1.5)" (2001)
Mickey: There's a spinning teacup illegally parked. License plate: R-U-DIZZY.
Mad Hatter: That's mine.


"Once Upon a Time: Lady of the Lake (#2.3)" (2012)
[Jefferson is debating whether to meet his long-lost daughter]
Jefferson: I was on my way, but fate reminded me I shouldn't.
Henry Mills: You should. I've been left, too. Anything's better than nothing. She'll spend her whole life wondering why you left her. Not knowing... is the worst.


"Adventures in Wonderland: Vanity Hare (#1.53)" (1992)
March Hare: How could I have been so conceited!
Alice: Don't feel bad. You just got carried away.
Mad Hatter: You are still the smartest hare in my book.
March Hare: Really?
Mad Hatter: Sure.
[Opens up his own dictionary]
Mad Hatter: See, under S for smart. That's your picture.
March Hare: Well, it sure wasn't very smart of me to think I didn't need my books.
Red Queen: That's the smartest thing you've said lately, Hare. So smart in fact, I have a question for you.
March Hare: Sorry, I'm out of the question answering business.
Red Queen: I don't care. My question is, do you want your Smarty-Pants Medal back?
March Hare: No way! I don't deserve it! I'm just a know-nothing!
White Rabbit: No, you're not a know-nothing. You're just a not-know-everything.
Red Queen: Listen to the Rabbit. He knows these things.
March Hare: Okay, so if I'm not a know-nothing, I'm at least a know-very-little.
Mad Hatter: No way are you a know-very-little!
Alice: You're at least a know-a-lot!
White Rabbit: Yes, and a know-a-lot still deserves a Smarty-Pants Medal.


"Adventures in Wonderland: The Red Queen Crown Affair (#1.50)" (1992)
Mad Hatter: [Re-enacting the scene of the crime] And then I slipped... and fell against the pedestal.
[His hat falls off revealing the missing crown. Everyone gasps]
Mad Hatter: It's alright. I'm fine!
Red Queen: Hatter! My crown!
Mad Hatter: Yes, I know you want your crown! But don't worry, Your Majesty, with me on the case the crown-snatcher won't be able to keep this dastardly deed under his hat forever!
Red Queen: I mean, just give me my crown!
[Takes it from his head. He gasps at the realization]
Mad Hatter: It was under my hat the whole time?
March Hare: Boy, I sure hope this doesn't get into the private eye newsletter!
Mad Hatter: Your Majesty, I had no idea the crown fell on my head. You believe me, don't you?
Red Queen: What's not to believe?
Alice: Right. It's not that you and the Hare are bad detectives. You were just looking for crowns in all the wrong places.


"Once Upon a Time: We Are Both (#2.2)" (2012)
[Jefferson is not very inclined to help David get into the Enchanted Forest]
David Nolan: I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here, so I can just throw you in a cell until you figure out a way.
Jefferson: Then all we'll do is both sit, stuck - two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives forever at odds. Double the pain; double the suffering.


"Adventures in Wonderland: Christmas in Wonderland (#1.64)" (1992)
Red Queen: [On learning how different Christmas in Wonderland is] Well, this is terrible! Poor Alice doesn't have any Christmas traditions!
Alice: Oh, but I do! Like, decorating the Christmas tree in the living room.
March Hare: You have a tree in your living room?
Mad Hatter: Well, I have enough trouble with the vacuuming, I sure wouldn't want to rake the carpet!