The Artful Dodger
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Quotes for
The Artful Dodger (Character)
from Oliver! (1968)

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Oliver & Company (1988)
Rita: Where's the kid?
Tito: [coughs after nearly getting barbecued] He must still be in the car, man!
[everyone watches as the limo departs]
Rita: Oh, that poor little kid.
Dodger: You were supposed to keep an eye on him, Tito!
Tito: [coughs] Yeah. Well, it's hard to watch anything when you're getting barbecued, man!

[after stealing the hot dogs]
Oliver: So when are we gonna eat?
Dodger: We?
Oliver: Yeah. I'm starvin'.
Dodger: Listen, kid. I hate to break it to ya, but the dynamic duo is now the dynamic *uno*.
Oliver: What do ya mean?
Dodger: What I mean is, our partnership is herewith dissolved.
Oliver: But, wait! Wait. You're not being fair!
Dodger: Fares are for tourists, kid. Consider it a free lesson in street savoir faire from New York's coolest quadruped.

Dodger: Absitively posolutely!

Dodger: You wanna leave? Fine! There's the door.
Einstein: But he just got here.
Dodger: Go on. No one's stoppin' ya.

Dodger: Whoa! Chill out, man. I don't eat cats. It's too much fur.

Dodger: Picture the city. 8th and Broadway. The crowd's hustling. The traffic's roaring. The hot dogs are sizzling.
Einstein: I love a story with food in it.
Dodger: Enter Dodger, one bad puppy. Not just out for himself, but community minded. But he's not alone. Enter the opposition. A vicious, ugly, psychotic monster. Gleaming claws, dripping fangs, and nine lives, all of them hungry. He came at me, his eyes burning. I knew my time had come. Suddenly...
[Oliver falls from the roof, spooking everyone]

Dodger: Roscoe, Roscoe. Is this us losing our sense of humor?
Roscoe: Nah, I ain't lost my sense of humor.
[Kicks over the TV]
Roscoe: See? I find that funny.

Georgette: Don't you come any closer! I knew this would happen someday.
Dodger: Oh, you've barking up the wrong tree, sister. It's not you we're after.
Georgette: It's not?
Georgette: It's *not*? Well *why* not? What's the problem, Spot? Not good enough for you? I mean, do you even know who I am? 56 blue ribbons. 14 regional trophies. Six-time national champion!
Dodger: Oh, and we're all very impressed. Right, guys?
Tito: Very impressed!

Dodger: You're all right, kid, for a cat. We'll keep a spot open in the gang for ya. Vice president, uptown chapter.

Dodger: Hey, keep it down, guys. The game's on.
Tito: Oh boy, Dodger. Tough dog have to get help from a CAT!
Dodger: Hey, Tito, uh, cool it, man.
Tito: Come on, let's see this big, bad kitty fight in action!
Dodger: Hey Tito, LOOK!
[Tito looks away, Dodger jumps on him]

Dodger: All right, you guys. If Mr. Sykes don't see some cold, hard cash, we are Doberman chow.

Dodger: This city's got a beat, and you gotta hook into it. And once you get the beat, you can do anything.

Dodger: Yo, Tito, hot wire!
Tito: Hey, no way, man! I've been barbecued too many times!
Georgette: Good luck, Alonzo. I'll be waiting.
Tito: [singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go...

Dodger: [singing] Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, but I've got street savoir-faire. Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just be-bopulation, but I've got street savoir-faire.

Oliver Twist (1997) (TV)
Oliver: And you Dodger, you're my friend.
The Artful Dodger: Huh! A friend's just an enemy in disguise. You can't trust nobody.

Oliver: Dodger, it's not a game anymore.
The Artful Dodger: [sadly] It never was a game, mate. You just thought it was.

Oliver: What happens if you get caught?
The Artful Dodger: Fagin's boys don't get caught.
Thief Boy: Jimmy Peach got himself caught.
Oliver: What happened to him?
The Artful Dodger: He was transported to one of the finest institutions for higher learning in the country.
Thief Boy: Got himself thrown in jail.

The Artful Dodger: What's to happen to the likes of me? Just trying to make a dishonest living for himself.

Oliver: If you're good, good things will happen to you.
The Artful Dodger: [sarcastic] Where'd you learn that, the workhouse?

Oliver! (1968)
Nancy: [to Oliver] Charmed!
Dodger: Oh yes! We're all ladies and gentlemen around here. We're all quality.
Nancy: Now don't you take no notice of them, just because you got manners and they ain't!

Dodger: [sings] Once a villain, you're a villain to the end!

[last lines]
Fagin: [singing] Can somebody change? It's possible - maybe it's strange, but it's possible. All my dearest companions and treasures, I've left them behind/ I'll turn a leaf over/ and who can tell what I may find?
[he starts to walk towards London Bridge when Dodger appears behind a post-box]
Fagin: Yes? Young man? And do I have the honor of your acquaintance?
[Dodger shows him a wallet he has just stolen]
Fagin: Lined?
Dodger: Only the best. Lovely workmanship, ain't it?
[Fagin takes the wallet, looks inside and smiles]
Fagin: [sings] I'm reviewing/ the situation...
Dodger: Once the villain, you're a villain to THE END!
Fagin: Your light fingers.
Dodger: Your inspiration.
Fagin, Dodger: What a team!
Dodger: Am I your partner?
Fagin: More a friend. For your talents are employable/ so make your life enjoyable/ a world with pockets open wide/ awaits your whim to grope inside...
Dodger: Collections undetectable...
Fagin: We might retire respectable!
Dodger: Together till our dying day!
Fagin: The living proof that crime can pay!
Fagin, Dodger: I think we'll have to think it out again! Hey!

Dodger: Consider yourself... at home / Consider yourself... one of the family / We've taken to you... so strong / It's clear... we're... going to get along! / Consider yourself... well in / Consider yourself... part of the furniture / There isn't a lot... to spare / Who cares? What... ever we've got we share! / If it should chance to be / We should see some harder days / Empty larder days... Why grouse? / Always a chance we'll meet somebody / To foot the bill / Then the drinks are on the house! / Consider yourself... our mate / We don't want to have... no fuss / For after some consideration we can state... Consider yourself - one of us!

Fagin: [to Oliver] Delighted to see you looking so well my Dear! The Dodger will give you another suit for fear you will spoil that Sunday one!
Dodger: [Finding Oliver's money] Cor! Look at this!
Fagin: [to Oliver after taking the money] I'll bank it for ya.
Bill Sikes: What's that? That's mine Fagin!
Fagin: Oh no my Dear. Mine! Ours! You shall have the books.
Bill Sikes: You hand it over you old skeleton!
[Fagin reluctantly Bill the money]
Bill Sikes: . That's for our share of the trouble. You keep the books. Start a library.

Oliver Twist (2005)
Artful Dodger: You may start by jappaning my trotter case. In plain English, clean my boots.

Nicky: There's two of yer! Who's he?
Artful Dodger: New pal.
Nicky: Where's he from?
Artful Dodger: Greenland.

Artful Dodger: I suppose you've been walkin so long on the beak's order?
Oliver Twist: What's that?
Artful Dodger: Don't you know what a beak is?
Oliver Twist: It's a bird's mouth isn't it?
Artful Dodger: [laughs] You are green. A beak's a magistrate, where have you been all your life?

Artful Dodger: You know what a prig is, don'tcha?
Oliver Twist: I think I do. It's a - thief. You're one, are you not?
Artful Dodger: I am. So's Charley. So's Bet. So we all are, down to the dog. And he's the downiest one of the lot.
Charley Bates: And the least given to peaching.

Oliver Twist (1922/I)
The Artful Dodger: Hullo, my Covey. What's the row?

Oliver Twist: Do you live in London?
The Artful Dodger: Yes, when I'm home. I suppose you want some place to sleep tonight and eat... Don't fret your eyelids on that score.

The Artful Dodger: Methinks, this is no place for the likes of us!

Oliver Twist (1948)
Fagin: What's become of the boy? Speak or I'll throttle you!
Dodger: The traps have got him, and that's all about it!

"Dickensian: Episode #1.9" (2016)
Fagin: Now now, Mr Bucket. You can't just go pointing the finger. Last time you accused me of filching a diamond ring I'd come by through entirely honest means.
Inspector Bucket: My wallet, if you please, and now! Else we can let the the Old Bailey decide the matter.
Fagin: Dodger! Might you know anything of this gentleman's wallet, my dear?
Dodger: What a coincidence! I come by it in the gutter not half hour ago.
[Dodger hands the wallet back to Inspector Bucket]
Fagin: Perhaps the boy deserves a finder's fee, do you not, Mr Bucket?
Inspector Bucket: I'm quite sure he's had one.