Simon Templar
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Quotes for
Simon Templar (Character)
from "The Saint" (1962)

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The Saint (1997)
[Simon prepares to pick the lock on the door of a Russian government building, only to find it unlocked]
Simon: I love this country.

Simon Templar: Do you know what the worst part about being you is?
Ivan Tretiak: What.
Simon Templar: Pretending to be so bad in bed.
Ivan Tretiak: You son of the bitch!

Ivan Tretiak: What?
Simon Templar: What?
Simon Templar: Don't look down. You know who I am?
Ivan Tretiak: No.
Simon Templar: I'm the thief you tried to cheat.
[Takes a phone]
Simon Templar: And this is your accountant.
[Gives phone to Tretiak]
Simon Templar: Talk to him.
Ivan Tretiak: [Taking phone backwards]
Simon Templar: The phone goes the other way, you moron.
Ivan Tretiak: [Turns phone] Hello, Tretiak speaking. That money to Zurich, send it now. I said now.Yeah.
[Returns phone to Simon]
Simon Templar: Thank you. You know what the hardest part about being you is? Pretending to be so bad in bed.
[Walks away]
Ivan Tretiak: You son of the bitch.

Simon Templar: If you think that by giving cold fusion to the world and giving up unimaginable wealth you'll make us happy, you're right.

Emma Russell: Who are you?
Simon Templar: Nobody has a clue. Least of all me.

Simon: Tell me you love me.
Emma: I love you.
Simon: Simon.
Emma: I love you Simon.
Simon: Miracle three.

Dr. Emma Russell: You're not Martin.
Simon Templar: No.
Dr. Emma Russell: What is your name?
Simon Templar: I don't have a name.
Dr. Emma Russell: Sad. Will you have a name when we get home?
Simon Templar: I don't have a home.

Simon Templar: Emma!
Emma Russell: Hi.
Simon Templar: I-I'm overwhelmed. You found me.
Emma Russell: It wasn't very hard.

Simon Templar: I am Marin Depores. I am from Spain but I am named for a Peruvian Saint, who could cure the sick, or the injured, by the laying of hands.

Simon Templar: My name is Buro Houtenfaust. I was named for a Saint who was a very wealthy man. He had the wine, the women, the songs, the whole bit, and then inexplicably, took a vow of poverty and became a hermit. Ran off to live in the forest, in the nude.

Simon Templar: My name is Thomas Moore. I was named after a Saint who died for his faith.

Emma: I'm glad it stopped bleeding. You don't need stitches. We have to disinfect it though.
Simon: You really are an angel.
Emma: Mmm hmm.
[soaking cotton ball in rubbing alcohol and approaching the cut with it]
Emma: It's gonna hurt.
Simon: AHH!
[surprising Emma, laughing]
Simon: Ha ha...! sorry...
[serious, realizing it wasn't funny]
Simon: I'm sorry... Are you alright?
Emma: Yeah...
Simon: I-I should go.
Emma: No... take off your pants.
Simon: [beat] Pardon?
Emma: [embarassed] I mean your sweater. There's blood on it. I'll wash it.
Simon: Very domestic. There's blood on your blouse as well. I'll wash it.
[unbuttons her blouse, revealing her hidden cold fusion notes. He tries to remove them, but she doesn't let him]
Simon: Do you have any wine?

Simon: So you know the way to the embassy?
Frankie: [eyeing Simon's watch] Like the face of a Bvlgary Chronograph.
[Simon removes his watch and hands it to Frankie]
Frankie: I remember! This way...

Simon Templar: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is August Christopher. I was named for St. Augustan, who coined my favorite phrase, 'Give me chastity and give me constancy, but do not give it yet.'

Simon: I've never felt like this before.
Emma Russell: What do you mean?
Simon: I'm freezing.

Frankie: The president's quarters are here... but there are many guards, so I suggest...
Simon Templar: What? An alternate route?
Frankie: Money!
Simon Templar: O' ye of little faith!

Emma: [reading Simon's journal aloud] "I see my angel for the first time. Know my purpose, feel my birth, Hear, at first faintly, then distinctly The sweet strains of our union. Our love heats up the cold universe And gives my tired, desperate hope A reason and season to be revealed."
Simon: "We, purified by our kisses, are eternally healed."

Emma Russell: When am I going to see you again?
Simon: I'll find you, you found me.

Dr. Emma Russell: After all, you are my personal saint.
Simon Templar: You have to be a very good, and usually very dead person to become a saint. And more importantly, you need to work three miracles. Now, get to work.


The Saint in London (1939)
Penny Parker: [after they're fired out by a villain in their speeding car] It's the first time I ever heard a bullet.
Simon Templar: The one you don't hear is the bad one.
[Reassuringly]
Simon Templar: It's all right. You can slow down to 60 0r 70 now.
Penny Parker: Now I know you're The Saint.
Simon Templar: I was almost a saint two minutes ago.

Simon Templar: Tell me, what part of the states are you from? Sing Sing?
Dugan - Templar's Valet: Nah, San Quentin.

Simon Templar: [Driving into London in their car] You know, this is the first time I've ever seen dawn without a hangover.
Penny Parker: I can't help wishing that man I knocked out had one.

Simon Templar: [Driving away as Penny looks back at the man she's knocked unconscious] Is he still out?
Penny Parker: Cold.
Simon Templar: How are you?
Penny Parker: [as they are in a convertible at night] Cold!
Simon Templar: [Smiling] Well, move over.
[She snuggles against him as they speed away]

Bruno Lang: You know, Templar, if a man lives long enough, he's sure to run up against someone smarter than himself. In some professions he doesn't live much longer than that.
Simon Templar: Your modesty overwhelms me, Mr. Lang.

Simon Templar: [to Penny after she's been rescued] We're glad to have you back, aren't we, Dugan?
Dugan - Templar's Valet: Anything to break the monopoly. That's what I say.


The Saint Strikes Back (1939)
Val Travers: Why are you telling *me* all this?
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': Because... well... because I love you. But don't let's get sticky about it - I'm really a very shallow person. I also love fireflies, mocking-birds and pink sunsets. I think, however, that we could find each other more diverting than a pink sunset, don't you?

Val Travers: I don't know what you're talking about.
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': Well, I wouldn't run away, Miss Travers, because I know where you live.
Val Travers: Who are you?
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': Well, not the man who knows everything - just the man who knows the important things. You're important to me - that's why I know you.
Val Travers: I've never seen you before.
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': You will again.

Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': [to Fernack referring to Val] I mean how could a girl as pretty as that be so clever?

Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': The telephone is perhaps one of man's most important contributions to the scheme of things.

Inspector Fernack: What are you doing there?
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': Helping you unpack.
Inspector Fernack: No you don't. You can't do that to me, Simon. I've got orders to go to San Francisco. and, by God, I'm going.
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': Thay's fine. I'll go along with you just to give you an excuse for going. I'll give myself an excuse to see a girl who's much too pretty to be clever.

Allan Breck: [after Simon kisses Val and is slapped by her] Mr. Templar!
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': [to Val] I'm very sorry but under certain circumstances I simply can't resist the temptation to be a cad.
[Referring to Breck]
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': I can see by this gentleman's manner that he's never kissed you but, uh, would like to.
Val Travers: Get out if here!
Simon Templar, aka 'The Saint': As you get to know me better, you'll realize that I have moments of almost maudlin sentimentality. Actually we're quite bit alike. You could never live without adventure, and neither could I.


The Saint in Palm Springs (1941)
Mr. Evans: How did you get here?
Simon Templar: You'd better ask my horse.

Simon Templar: [about headaches] I have an excellent cure.
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: Yeah? What's that?
Simon Templar: Stay sober the night before the morning after.

Simon Templar: Are you sure you robbed everybody?
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: All the new guests - all except Mr. and Mrs. John Harper.
Simon Templar: Who are they? How did you skip them?
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: They checked out an hour before they got here. He got a telegram he was gonna be a grandfather or somethin'.
Simon Templar: Are you positive?
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: You see, I figured that anybody who checked out might be the guilty party, so I checked up on who checked out. They was the only ones.
Simon Templar: You think of everything - when you think.

Charlie - Desk Clerk: Oh, how do you do, Mr. Templar? We've been expecting you. So, you're the man they call "The Saint"... the modern Robin Hood!
Simon Templar: Really, I'm a remarkably bad shot with a bow and arrow, and I've never tasted venison in my life.

Simon Templar: [to the arrested murderer] Where would you prefer to be executed? Sing Sing or San Quentin?


The Saint Takes Over (1940)
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: I just wish I knew your angle, Saint. Whose side are you on.
Simon Templar: I'm on my own side.
Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: Where does that put me?
Simon Templar: That depends. If you were cleverer than you look, you'll be on my side.

Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: But I never squealed on anyone in my life.
Simon Templar: If you don't start now, you'll never have another chance.

Simon Templar: Rocky is still at his night club.
Inspector Henry Fernack: Now, wait a minute, Simon. Why can't I go to a nightclub? I'll not be party to any rough stuff.
Simon Templar: [Dismissively] You toddle off to bed like a good boy. These denizens of iniquity are no place for a respectable married man. I'll just drift into Rocky's gin palace and see what's going on.

Simon Templar: What have you got there?
[Reading newspaper story]
Simon Templar: New York Police Inspector cries "Foul!" Etc., etc. John Henry Fernack of the Homicide Bureau unable to explain the source of $50,000 found in his safe
[Simon smiles slightly]
Simon Templar: ... so and so forth.
Ruth Summers: Could have said he won it on a horse or roulette or something.
Simon Templar: Fernack is much too honest for that.
Ruth Summers: ...or too stupid.
Simon Templar: Well, let's drink to him anyway. Seems to me he'll need more than that. Maybe he needs a guardian angel.
Ruth Summers: Or a patron saint.

Ruth Summers: What are you going to do?
Simon Templar: That, darling, is the big problem of the moment.


The Saint's Vacation (1941)
Monty Hayward: I refuse to be involved in this any further!
Mary Langdon: Is he really going?
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: Yes, as far as the bar.

Rudolph Hauser: Not one of your more successful murders, Templar.
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: I may be able to show you a better one... soon.

Gendarme: [At train station] You're under arrest!
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: [looking around] What for?
Gendarme: Murder!
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: [Nonchalantly] Is that all?

Simon Templar, aka The Saint: Remember, no one is to go into that bathroom except over your dead body!
Monty Hayward: [after a double take] Dead body?


"The Saint: The Fellow Traveller (#2.1)" (1963)
Simon Templar: I've just learned a horrible, hideous fact! Birds, now get this, birds do not sing because they are happy. The next time you hear a thrush singing, don't go all romantic, because what the thrush is doing is warning all the other birds to stay the heck off his branch and keep out of his nest. This news has depressed me terribly and it has absolutely nothing to do with the reason I'm at Stevenage."

Supt. Kinglake: Templar, now get this, I won't have you playing amateur detective.
Simon Templar: I wouldn't dream of playing 'amateur' detective.
Supt. Kinglake: Good!
Simon Templar: I'll leave that to you.

Supt. Kinglake: Oh, and by the way, while you're in Stevenage, don't give me any trouble.
Simon Templar: I wouldn't give anybody any trouble unless they ask for it!


The Saint Meets the Tiger (1943)
Simon Templar: [Reacting to Horace's gun] Put it away, Horace.
[To the reporter]
Simon Templar: You must forgive my friend. He sees the world through crime-colored glasses.

Simon Templar: i'm sorry to arrive uninvited, but this is not a social call.

Pat Holm: What's our program for tomorrow?
Simon Templar: Simple enough - we've got a million pounds in gold.
Pat Holm: Easy - where is it?
Simon Templar: What does your female intuition say?
Pat Holm: Around Baycomb? Smuggler's Cove?
Simon Templar: You're wonderful! How do we get to then, you clever little thing?
Pat Holm: They're supposed to be connected to Baycomb House. Used to be a monastery. What of it?
Simon Templar: Trust these wise old monks to find a back entrance to the brandy somewhere.


The Saint's Double Trouble (1940)
Simon Templar aka The Saint: I didn't kill that man, Henry.
Inspector Henry Fernack: I know you didn't, but you're involved in it, and I'd like to put the cuffs on yuh.
Simon Templar aka The Saint: Listen, give me 48 hours, and I'll clear up the whole matter for you.
Inspector Henry Fernack: I wouldn't give you 48 minutes. If I had my gun for 48 seconds, I'd turn you in.
Simon Templar aka The Saint: You would?
Inspector Henry Fernack: Yes.

Simon Templar aka The Saint: [as "The Boss' to his gang] I've decided he looks a little too much like me to have us both around at the same time.


The Saint in New York (1938)
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: [flags down cab which brakes hard. Leans in] I smell burning rubber.
Sebastian Lipke, Taxi Driver: Best brakes in town, Boss, where to?
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: [Gets in] 49th, near 8th.
[reads taxi license on back of seat]
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: Just forget about those lights, Sebastian.
Sebastian Lipke, Taxi Driver: [looks back] Say, I know you!
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: Why shouldn't you? My life's an open book.
Sebastian Lipke, Taxi Driver: [looks back again] Why, you're the Saint! I seen your picture in tonight's paper!
Simon Templar, aka The Saint: Terrible picture. Made me look like Tarzan.

Simon Templar, aka The Saint: [to Hutch Rellin upon learning that Rellin's gang had kidnaped young heiress Violet Throckmorton] "You'd think someone with the name 'Violet Throckmorton' would have enough trouble in life without you adding to it."


"The Saint: The Gentle Ladies (#2.25)" (1964)
Kathleen Howard: What makes you think he's a painter Simon?
Simon Templar: Oh, you know me! I'm a very serious student of human nature!

Simon Templar: Do you understand? Now pack! And if you're in town by midday tomorrow, I'll come back and give you another Cha-Cha lesson!


"The Saint: The Ever-Loving Spouse (#2.26)" (1964)
Otis Q. Fennick: What are you going to do?
Simon Templar: Mr Fennick, I'm mad enough to do anything!

Detective Williams: One other thing! Don't meddle, understand? Don't get mixed up in anything and don't look for trouble!
Simon Templar: Lieutenant, I never look for trouble. Trouble looks for me!


"The Saint: The Talented Husband (#1.1)" (1962)
Simon Templar aka The Saint: Can you keep a secret?
Mario: It's like telling a dead man!

Simon Templar aka The Saint: Thank heavens for English theatre bars - we've had 2 acts of this play, complete suffering both onstage ... and off. I don't know what your tastes are in theatre, maybe you like the ... sweat and the grunt school of acting. Me, I come to the theatre for fun, for laughs, for excitement.


"The Saint: The Man Who Was Lucky (#1.11)" (1962)
Lucky Joe Luckner: Who the devil are you?
Simon Templar: Let me introduce myself.
[punches Joe]

Simon Templar: Lucky's gotten away with murder before and he'll get away this time. That's why they call him "Lucky"!


"The Saint: The Latin Touch (#1.2)" (1962)
Simon Templar: Depending on how you feel, Rome is either the most historic city in the world or it's a city of yells, bells and smells where every street vendor and sidewalk photographer is out to make a fast buck from the unsuspecting tourist.

Simon Templar: The meek will inherit the earth.
Tony Unciello: Only when the strong are through with it.


"The Saint: The Elusive Ellshaw (#2.5)" (1963)
Anne Ripwell: Oh, there's nobody here...
Simon Templar: Yes. You wait here. I'll go around the back and see if I can get in a window.
Anne Ripwell: Simon, do you think you should?
Simon Templar: Well, I am trying to break the habit of it!


"The Saint: The Bunco Artists (#2.14)" (1963)
Simon Templar: Good evening Ma'am!
Joyce Eade: Are you a Yank?
Simon Templar: No Ma'am, I'm Texan!
Joyce Eade: Just the same thing, isn't it?
Simon Templar: No, Ma'am. You see, the United States is a country, Texas is a state of mind!


"The Saint: The Set-Up (#3.15)" (1965)
Inspector Claud Eustace Teal: You plan to sit around here all day?
Simon Templar: Actually I was planning to rob a jewellery store, but you inhibit me.


"The Saint: The Work of Art (#2.7)" (1963)
Simon Templar: Oh, I always cooperate with the Police, Inspector!


"The Saint: The Arrow of God (#1.7)" (1962)
Simon Templar: Very tricky lad this Vosper. He's found out that most people like reading dirt, so three times weekly, his column dishes it up and by mixing a few grains of truth into a mess of innuendo and smut, Floyd Vosper pretends to report the load on celebrities. I don't know what you feel about it, but to me, it is like a dirty kid scrawling filthy words on a backyard fence.


"The Saint: The Man Who Gambled with Life (#6.18)" (1969)
Stella Longman: [karate-chops a baddie] I saw that on television.
Simon Templar: Very good, but keep your voice down Mrs. Peel.


"The Saint: Starring the Saint (#2.2)" (1963)
Simon Templar: I'm making an inventory of this circus and I see I finally arrived at the monkey house!


"The Saint: The King of the Beggars (#2.9)" (1963)
Marco Di Cesari: Mr Templar, are you alright?
Simon Templar: I'm alright Marco, except for an urge to commit murder!


"The Saint: Judith (#2.3)" (1963)
Simon Templar: Well, I make a point at never helping beautiful ladies commit crimes. Until we are formally introduced!


"The Saint: The Saint Sees It Through (#2.27)" (1964)
Simon Templar: Hamilton, believe me, I know the ways of the ungodly and I know exactly how they are going to react. It's tonight or never!


"The Saint: Teresa (#2.4)" (1963)
Teresa Alvarez: [after the crash of their car] What do we do now, just sit and wait?
Simon Templar: What would you suggest?
Teresa Alvarez: But this is the middle of nowhere, we didn't see a single car all morning!
Simon Templar: Well, I wouldn't worry too much. The traffic usually thickens up around Christmas!


"The Saint: The Saint Plays with Fire (#2.11)" (1963)
Simon Templar: We all saw what happened in Germany under the Hitler Regime. I honestly don't think the same thing can happen here.
Norton: You know Simon, people who forget the past, are sometimes condemned to relive it...


"The Saint: The Romantic Matron (#2.18)" (1964)
Simon Templar: Mrs Carrington, what are you looking for? Adventure?
Beryl Carrington: What's wrong with that?
Simon Templar: Nothing. I do it all the time. I Just happen to have a little more experience than you...


"The Saint: The Russian Prisoner (#5.3)" (1966)
Simon Templar: Switzerland... world famous for cheese, chocolate, and cuckoo clocks.


"The Saint: The Benevolent Burglary (#2.15)" (1963)
Simon Templar: [to Bill Fulton] I'll tell you what. Why don't you leave things to your kindly uncle Simon and see what happens!


"The Saint: Sophia (#2.24)" (1964)
Simon Templar: Well, you see I have a very good influence on people. I really do. That's why they call me the "Saint"!


"The Saint: Iris (#2.8)" (1963)
Simon Templar: Was it necessary to be so rude about it?
Rick Lansing: When I want a lesson in manners from you Templar, I'll ask for it.
Simon Templar: Well, Lansing, whenever I think you need a lesson in manners, you'll get it, whether you ask for it or not!


"The Saint: The Scorpion (#3.4)" (1964)
Patsy Butler: It's no business of yours how I spend my money.
Simon Templar: No, but how you earn it, is!