Parker Riley
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Quotes for
Parker Riley (Character)
from Urban Legend (1998)

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Urban Legend (1998)
Parker: Please, Damon is the biggest practical joker I know. He once convinced a sophomore that he was the middle Hanson brother just so he could get laid.

[to Natalie, Brenda, Paul, and Sasha]
Parker: Don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.
Natalie: What are you talking about?
Parker: You know the story, A boy and a girl, parked out in the woods, making out...
Brenda: [to Natalie] You made out with him?

Parker: [to Paul] If we ever have another E. Coli crisis in the cafeteria, I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger. My treat.

Parker: [into a phone] Hello? Hello?
Killer: [distorted voice] You're gonna die tonight.
Parker: [into the phone] Oh, really? Let's see... this call is coming from inside this house. Could it be... an urban legend? Am I right?
[pause]
Parker: Hello? Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden fuck-face. This is the one about the babysitter, right? She's getting those scary and harassing phone calls and when she traces them back, they are coming from inside the house. But asswipe, aren't you forgetting something? I'm not babysitting any kids!
Killer: [voice] Wrong legend! This is the one about the old lady who dries her wet dog in the microwave oven.
[Parker suddenly turns back and looks towards the microwave oven that he doesn't remember being on]

Sasha: Parker, why do you always have to be such a jerk?
Parker: I was just messing around.
Sasha: Look, I'm gonna go to the radio station, okay?
Parker: Hey. Who's my girl? Who's my girl?
Parker: [Sasha blows him a kiss before leaving the party] That's my girl!