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: Listen, just so you know, if you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it! Sam Emerson
: Chill out, Edgar. Edgar Frog
: [coming to his senses
: Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless. Sam Emerson
: Did you know that? Edgar Frog
: Of course. Everyone knows that.
: It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. Just like one big, happy family. Your boys... and my boys. Edgar Frog
: Great! The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch!
: Got a problem, guys? Edgar Frog
: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe. Sam Emerson
: Pretty cool, huh? Alan Frog
: For a fashion victim.
: Where the hell are you from? Krypton?
: You think you really know what's happening here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something, you don't know shit, buddy. Alan Frog
: Yeah? You think we just work at a comic book store for our folks, huh? Sam Emerson
: Actually, I thought it was a bakery. Edgar Frog
: This is just a cover; we're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters for truth, justice, and the American way.
: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot? Sam Emerson
: Yeah, all day. Alan Frog
: Does the sunlight freak him out? Sam Emerson
: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house. Edgar Frog
: Bad breath, long fingernails? Sam Emerson
: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though. Alan Frog
: He's a vampire all right. Edgar Frog
: All right, here's what you do: get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart. Sam Emerson
: I can't do that; he's my brother. Alan Frog
: OK, we'll come over and do it for you. Sam Emerson
: No! Edgar Frog
: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.
: And then his dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere." Edgar Frog
: We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity in this town for some time. Alan Frog
: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead. Edgar Frog
: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall. Alan Frog
: Kill your brother, you'll feel better.
: Aaaaaah! Flies! Edgar Frog
: We're on the right trail. Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns. Come on.
: What's that smell? Edgar Frog
: Vampires, my friend, vampires.
: We blew it, man, we lost it! Edgar Frog
: Shut up! Alan Frog
: We unraveled in the face of the enemy! Edgar Frog
: It's not our fault, they pulled a mind scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked!
: We don't ride with vampires. Sam Emerson
: Fine, stay here. Edgar Frog
: [Looks around, clearly scared
] We do now. Alan Frog
: Come on Sam, let's get out of here. Burn rubber!
[the car accelerates, almost driving over a cliff
] Edgar Frog
: Christ! Sam Emerson
: Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!
: Guys, we're on our own. Edgar Frog
: Good, just the way we like it.
: I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them.
: Are you OK? Sam Emerson
: I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow. Alan Frog
: All right, Sambo! Edgar Frog
: We trashed the one that looks like Twisted Sister. Alan Frog
: Totally annihilated his night-stalking ass! Edgar Frog
: Well, Nanook helped a little. Alan Frog
: Death to all vampires! Edgar Frog
: Maximum body count! Edgar Frog
: We're awesome monster bashers! Alan Frog
: The meanest! Edgar Frog
: The baddest!
: Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? Sam Emerson
: No, it's actually a pretty cool place... if you're a Martian! Edgar Frog
: Or, a vampire! Sam Emerson
: You guys sniffin' on newsprint or somethin'?
: You killed Marco! Edgar Frog
: Yeah, and you're next! Paul
: No, you're next!
[Paul sees garlic in the bathtub
: Haha! Garlic don't work, boys! Edgar Frog
: TRY THE HOLY WATER, DEATH BREATH!
: [in background
] I'm the head Frog here.
: [the Frog Brothers are talking about killing Star
] Don't you touch her! Edgar Frog
: [to Alan
] Come on. Vampires have such a rotten temper.
: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam
] Okay, where's Nosferatu? Sam Emerson
: Who? Edgar Frog
: The prince of darkness. Alan Frog
: The night crawler. The bloodsucker. Edgar Frog
: El Vampiro. Sam Emerson
: Mike! They're here!
: How much do you think we should charge them for this?
] Edgar Frog
: I'm Edgar Frog, surfboard shaper and vampire hunter.
] Edgar Frog
: [brandishing two cross-shaped stakes
] Who ordered the stake?
: Cut the theatrics. I know you're out there. Show yourself.
[Sam appears out of the shadows
] Edgar Frog
: That's a good way to get yourself staked, Sam. Sam Emerson
: Easy there, compadre. After all the shit that you pulled? I think you can at least hear me out. I mean, I feel like you owe me that. Edgar Frog
: You really expect me to act like nothing ever happened? Sam Emerson
: No, I've already forgiven you. It's water under the bridge. Edgar Frog
: Stay there. You don't want it to go down like this. Sam Emerson
: Oh, it's going down like this. Edgar Frog
: I'm warning you. Sam Emerson
: Hey, I'm trembling.
: Do you smell that? It smells like death and fungus. It's Vampire BO.
: Your sister's a suck monkey.
: Build a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Light a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life!
: Let's get one thing straight, I hate fucking vampires!
: Dude, what are you drinking, man? Edgar Frog
: Frog juice. Garlic, holy water and raw eggs.
: Death to all vampires? Alan Frog
: Maximum body count. Edgar Frog
: We are awesome monster bashers. Alan Frog
: The meanest. Edgar Frog
: The baddest.
: It's time for Mr. Frog's Wild Ride.
] Edgar Frog
: Oh, I'm actually scanning the book into my Kindle. I decided, you know, I might as well educate myself about all the possibilites of the dark underworld. For example, did you know that lycanthrope or female werewolves, she-wolves, actually can change anytime they want to? They don't have to do it under a full moon. That's a myth. They can turn anytime they want to. They have complete control. They can do it in the middle of the day.
[she turns away from him, her eyes begin to glow
: Now, that's an interesting theory.
: It turns holy water into holy slaughter!
: Virgins. Vampire filet mignon.