George Bluth Sr.
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Quotes for
George Bluth Sr. (Character)
from "Arrested Development" (2003)

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"Arrested Development: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Narrator: Michael had not spoken to his father since the arrest. So he decided to give his father the courtesy of a formal resignation.
Michael: I quit.
George Sr.: Probably a good career move.

Narrator: On the next "Arrested Development", Michael finds it difficult to get his father out of prison.
Michael: You LOVE IT here?
George Sr.: I'm having the time of my life! Hey, T-Bone.
[high-fives another prisoner]

[Repeated Line]
George Sr.: I have the worst fucking attorneys.

George Sr.: It's the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Byron "Buster" Bluth: They have boats?

George Sr.: [explaining why he left the company to Lucille] They cannot arrested a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: Yeah, I don't think that that's true, Dad.
George Sr.: Really?
Michael: [nods]
George Sr.: [whispering] I got the worst fucking attorneys.

"Arrested Development: Motherboy XXX (#2.13)" (2005)
Tobias Fünke: What are you doing up here?
George Bluth Sr.: [he shoves Tobias against the wall with his hand covering Tobias's mouth] I'm having a fucking tea party, what does it look like? I live here and if you tell anybody, you are dead.
Narrator: Tobias saw the raw power of George Sr.
George Bluth Sr.: Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass!

Michael: I think it's getting too risky keeping you up here.
George Bluth Sr.: You know what's risky? Lettin' your son go on that church thing.
Michael: Her name's Ann, Dad, and he's not "going" on her, okay?
Michael: They're just friends.
George Bluth Sr.: Not for long.

[Tobias discovers that George Sr. has been living in the attic]
Tobias Fünke: What are you doing up here?
George Sr.: I'm having a fucking tea party, what does it look like? I live here. You tell anyone, you are DEAD.
[he shoves Tobias up against the wall with his hand against his mouth]
George Sr.: Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.

"Arrested Development: Fakin' It (#3.10)" (2006)
George Bluth Sr.: [Michael gets the witness list for the deposition] Who's on the list? Any blabbers?
Michael Bluth: Just one, but he wont be talking unless there's a hand inside of them.
Tobias Fünke: Oh please, even then, I wouldn't say anything.
Michael Bluth: [stunned] That's reassuring. I was talking about Franklin, actually.

Michael Bluth: Is the an "N. Bluth" in the family we don't know about? They say there's been money found in an account under that name.
George Bluth Sr.: Of course not. The prosecution is trying to test us, see if we're going to turn against each other. They make stuff up. She doesn't exist.
Michael Bluth: Yet you refer to her as a she.
George Bluth Sr.: He... she... what's the difference?
Tobias Fünke: Oh here, here. In the dark, it all looks the same.

Michael Bluth: And I am going to be pretending to be your lawyer during the mock trial, whether you like it or not.
George Bluth Sr.: You're the lawyer! Oh, that's the same representation Captain Hook had.
Lucille Bluth: Oh, it's so good to laugh again!

"Arrested Development: Notapusy (#3.4)" (2005)
Narrator: There were actually two "Startled Straight" tents, but George Sr. had accidentally wandered into the church sponsored one, determined to steer homosexual men into a more heterosexual lifestyle.
George Bluth Sr.: You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk?
Gay Guy: Is he ugly?
George Bluth Sr.: You can't see anything. It's pitch black. And it NEVER STOPS, guys! And everybody acts like it's no big deal.
Gay Guy: Is there a cover charge?

Narrator: And George Sr. had managed to startle nobody but himself.
George Bluth Sr.: There's nothing to do there all day but lift weights, fold laundry... and get thrown into a cage with a bunch of sweaty men. Oh god, I cant go back. Cant go back!
[he leaves]
Gay Guy: I'm glad he wont be there. He's ugly.

"Arrested Development: Family Ties (#3.11)" (2006)
Michael: What the hell is that thing?
George Sr.: An electromagnet. Think of it as a giant delete key.

Michael: What's all this?
George Sr.: Computer stuff from the office.
Michael: No, no, no, no, pop. You're not doing another one of those Black Fridays, are you? The mass firings?
Narrator: Before firing his employees, George Sr. would be sure to clear the office of its valuables.
Ted: So when do we get to see our fancy new offices?
George Sr.: [closing the truck door] When you get your fancy new jobs. You're all fired.
Narrator: The employees never saw it coming, although their first task was to unload their equipment from a truck.
George Sr.: No, it's not black Friday although I did enjoy those.

"Arrested Development: Top Banana (#1.2)" (2003)
Michael Bluth: I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Bluth Sr.: There was money in that banana stand.
Michael Bluth: Well, it's all gone now.
George Bluth Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael Bluth: What?
George Bluth Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said...
[strangles Michael]
George Bluth Sr.: [yells, pausing after each word] There is money in the banana stand!
Prison guard: [George Sr. quickly takes his hands off Michael] No touching!
George Bluth Sr.: No touching!
Prison guard: No touching!

Michael: [about the Banana Stand] I burned it. Right down to the ground.
George Sr.: Are you kidding? There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now, dad. So the next time you want have a little power struggle, just know that you're playing with fire.
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael.
Michael: Why didn't you tell me?
George Sr.: How much clearer can I say
George Sr.: There's always money in the banana stand!
Prison guard: [George Sr. Has grabbed Michael and started shaking him] No Touching!
George Sr.: [George puts his hands in the air] No touching!
Prison guard: No touching.

"Arrested Development: Public Relations (#1.11)" (2004)
George Bluth Sr.: [via satellite from prison] Some of my students are arguing the significance of the shank bone on the Seder plate. But we do NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point!
Michael: Thought provoking.

George Bluth Sr.: [via satellite from prison, his teachings have started a riot] Hanukkah can be spelled so many ways, oh GOD!

"Arrested Development: For British Eyes Only (#3.2)" (2005)
George Sr.: [talking about his house arrest] You gotta get me out of here.
Michael Bluth: You're the one that said "no" to prison.
George Sr.: I was wrong. There you just had to shut your eyes and take it. Here, you have to shut your eyes and give it.

George Sr.: You didn't hear, we lost Andy.
Michael: What? What are you talking about? He didn't like his trailer?
Lindsay Funke: He thought we were making fun of him.
George Sr.: [the camera pans over to reveal the log cabin truck] No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough.

"Arrested Development: Mr. F (#3.5)" (2005)
Michael: What's a Surrogate doing here?
Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers.
George Sr.: So I hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.

Gob: What do you think, dad... a whole... tiny town?
Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein!
Gob: Really? You'll build it with me?
George Sr.: Larry never really knows how to sell the sarcasm.

"Arrested Development: Making a Stand (#3.8)" (2005)
George Bluth Sr.: I certainly didn't teach Buster how to compete, and look at how he turned out!
Byron "Buster" Bluth: I think Mother is raising me just fine.
George Bluth Sr.: I used my contacts to get you a job and you quit!
Narrator: The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store who wanted to use Buster to deter shoplifters.

George Sr.: [while Michael and GOB are teaching his father an elaborate lesson] Please don't hurt me!
Narrator: But the mistreated painters were actually looking forward to that part.

"Arrested Development: Pier Pressure (#1.10)" (2004)
Michael: You taught me a lesson about not teaching lessons?
George Sr.: That was my last lesson.

[Michael wants to teach his son a lesson like the ones his father used to teach him]
Michael Bluth: I need the guy with the fake arm, J. Walter Weatherman.
George Bluth, Sr.: Oh, he's dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioning on.

"Arrested Development: Prison Break-In (#3.7)" (2005)
Michael: We dont want to relive the TBA debacle.
Narrator: Years earlier, the Bluth's held their first fundraiser, but the family had a hard time agreeing on a cause.
George Sr.: [reading the slips] "Neckflap". "Ovarian Cancer". Gee, I wonder who that was? "Shrinkage". Somebody saw Seinfeld last night! Another one for "Neckflap".
Narrator: So they sent out invitations with the disease still to be announced. To their surprise, the Bluth's wound up raising over $25,000 dollars for TBA. Then, and here's the really horrible part, they did it again the following year.
Gob: [footage of George Michael's Star Wars Kid] Keep fighting, little guy! Soon, we'll rid the world of T.B.A.!
Michael: When they found out, we almost had a riot on our hands.

George Sr.: What do I care? I've got a great wife, a wonderful hobby... I'm having the time of my life!
Narrator: His hobby was making papier mache copies of his own head.

"Arrested Development: Staff Infection (#1.15)" (2004)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Tobias gets an insight into fear.
Tobias Fünke: Let's discuss our new bunking situation.
White Power Bill: You're going to be sleeping under me for a while.
George Sr.: I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.

White Power Bill: I got worse plans for you if you keep trying to convert my team.
George Sr.: Okay, hold on. Hold it now, hold it. Now I'm doing no such thing and both of our religions have a lot to offer. There's the Jewish notion of heaven, and that it can be obtained here on earth, and there is your belief in the cleansing power of the pipe.
White Power Bill: No more teaching from you!
George Sr.: No teaching! No teaching!

"Arrested Development: S.O.B.s (#3.9)" (2006)
Michael: So, what's going on with the fundraiser?
George Sr.: Well, I don't think the Home Builders Organization is gonna be supporting us.
Michael: Yeah, the HBO's not gonna want us. What do we do now?
George Sr.: Well, I think it's "Show Time." I think we have to have a show during dinner.

"Arrested Development: Missing Kitty (#1.18)" (2004)
George Michael Bluth: [George Michael answers phone] Hello, Bluth Company.
George Michael Bluth: Talk you off what, PopPop?
George Bluth Sr.: Oh, George Michael! I thought you were - when's that voice gonna drop? Put Kitty on the phone.

"Arrested Development: Whistler's Mother (#1.20)" (2004)
George Bluth Sr.: Michael, do you have any idea what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael Bluth: Just one? No, I don't. It sounds wonderful, though.

"Arrested Development: Spring Breakout (#2.17)" (2005)
George Bluth Sr.: You never promise crazy a baby.

"Arrested Development: Altar Egos (#1.16)" (2004)
George Sr.: Next time this happens, I may not have a son in law to offer...
Michael Bluth: Well, I'm not...
Michael Bluth: OFFER?
George Sr.: Offer me counseling. He should have stayed a shrink.

"Arrested Development: Key Decisions (#1.4)" (2003)
Narrator: Gob was planning his escape from prison.
Gob: [peering into the cell block] Is there a private bathroom nearby?
George Sr.: [addresses the cell latrine] You're looking at it.
Gob: No, no, no. I can't use that. I need privacy. Yeah, I've always been that way. I can't go without privacy.
[sees that his dad is serious]
Gob: No, I can't pass this key without privacy!
George Sr.: Well, I could ask the guys to leave, but, uh, you know they've been locking the doors lately.
[goes back to reading]
Gob: [defeated] I've made a huge mistake.

"Arrested Development: Storming the Castle (#1.9)" (2004)
Narrator: As Michael was becoming more selfish, his father was choosing a more pious path - which made Buster and Lucille's visit go much differently than planned.
Lucille: Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?
George Sr.: This is a - well, it's a reminder that the divine presence is always above me.

"Arrested Development: The Ocean Walker (#3.6)" (2005)
Larry: Larry, go to a mirror!
George Bluth Sr.: You're fired!
Larry: I'm fired? What? And this is how you tell me? At a wedding?
George Bluth Sr.: You should not have said that!
Larry: You shouldn't have said anything!

"Arrested Development: Meat the Veals (#2.16)" (2005)
George Sr.: Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out.
Gob: [as Franklin] I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch!
George Sr.: [starts to choke Franklin] That's my wife, you bastard!
Gob: Dad, that's my wrist!
George Sr.: [chokes Gob]
Gob: [as Franklin] Hey, that's his neck!

"Arrested Development: Burning Love (#2.9)" (2005)
George Sr.: [George Sr. installs a hot tub in the attic] It's so hot. You got to get it outta here, Mikey, my *eyes*, they're burning.
Michael Bluth: That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics.
George Sr.: They looked good on the package.
Michael Bluth: Is that chicken marsala stuck in the intake?

"Arrested Development: Visiting Ours (#1.6)" (2003)
George Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.

"Arrested Development: Forget Me Now (#3.3)" (2005)
Michael: That's why I had this meeting here, so Dad could not interfere.
Larry: Interfere? I ought to pull down your pants and spank your ass raw.
Michael: I'm sorry, have we met?
Bob Loblaw: This is Larry Middleman, he's your father's surrogate.
Michael: Surrogate?
Larry: That's right, you dumb fuck!
George Sr.: I hired this guy to wear a camera in his hat so he could be my eyes and ears while I'm stuck in this penthouse.
Larry: This camera helps me keep tabs on you idiots... while this thing rubs my ankle raw.
George Sr.: I mean, look at this thing...
Larry: I can't even go in the hallway...
George Sr.: Without hearing that...
Larry: Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Arrested Development: The Cabin Show (#3.1)" (2005)
Gob: I didn't even know we had a cabin in the woods.
Michael: Oh shit. I've never been to the cabin, GOB.
Narrator: Though he had often been promised.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1977"] Oh sorry buddy, something came up. This nice lady here lost her puppy and I'm going to help her find it.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1980"] Oh sorry buddy, this girl's dad got sick and I'm taking her to the hospital.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1983"] Come on, you're old enough to understand this by now - I'm nailing this broad!

"Arrested Development: Let 'Em Eat Cake (#1.22)" (2004)
Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time!
Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second.
George Sr.: I got the worst
George Sr.: -ing attorneys.

"Arrested Development: Best Man for the Gob (#1.19)" (2004)
[discussing Gob's bachelor party]
Gob: Dad, you are gonna love this woman.
George Sr.: Well, I'm paying her enough, but she's a hell of a stripper.
Gob: No, I meant my wife.
George Sr.: Oh. No, I doubt that very much.

"Arrested Development: Afternoon Delight (#2.6)" (2004)
Gob: [laughing at a joke an employee told about George Sr] Into the Kitty.
George Sr.: [to Michael] Fire Tom and get your jackass brother out of here.

"Arrested Development: Good Grief! (#2.4)" (2004)
George Michael Bluth: That's my ex-girlfriend, Ann. Her face will be forever etched in my mind.
George Sr.: Her?
George Michael Bluth: She's really funny.
George Sr.: Well, let's hope so.