Barry Zuckerkorn
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Quotes for
Barry Zuckerkorn (Character)
from "Arrested Development" (2003)

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"Arrested Development: Not Without My Daughter (#1.21)" (2004)
Detective Fallows: Are you willing to take a polygraph?
Barry Zuckerkorn: [Michael refers to his lawyer for advice, who whispers rather loudly] Are you nuts?
Michael: [to the detective] Not without a better lawyer.

[Barry has a hooker with him during "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"]
Michael: I didn't know you had a daughter.
Barry Zuckerkorn: I don't.
Charlotte: I thought you wanted me to call you Daddy.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Why don't you wait for Daddy in the car?


"Arrested Development: Altar Egos (#1.16)" (2004)
[George Sr. has been offered a plea bargain nobody has read]
Michael: All right, listen, this is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their plea if we don't even know what the plea is.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Do you want to read it?
Michael: No, it is pretty thick. Maybe we should just take the plea.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, I could kiss you on the nuts!
Michael: We just gotta hope that... what?


"Arrested Development: Sad Sack (#2.5)" (2004)
Barry Zuckerkorn: Those are the pictures?
Wayne Jarvis: They're all over the news.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Those are balls.
Wayne Jarvis: What?
Narrator: Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself while learning how to use his new camera phone.
Barry Zuckerkorn: This close, they always look like landscape. But nope, you're looking at balls.


"Arrested Development: The B. Team (#4.4)" (2013)
Bob Loblaw: If he can't reach, the trial's a breach.
Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what we call a Lob Bomb.


"Arrested Development: In God We Trust (#1.7)" (2003)
Michael: Yes, this is Michael Bluth for Barry.
Barry Zuckerkorn: [to his secretary] I'm not here!
Barry's Secretary: Barry's not in right now. Would you like to leave her a message?
Michael: Yeah, tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time, *and* I'm not paying for this phone call!
Barry Zuckerkorn: I am not a girl, you...
Barry's Secretary: [pulls out a tape recorder] Go ahead, call me something. I'm redecorating my kitchen.


"Arrested Development: Motherboy XXX (#2.13)" (2005)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay finds herself strangely compelled to be with Tobias...
Lindsay Funke: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong trailer!
Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick.
Narrator: ...But not the one she's married to.
Lindsay Funke: [he quickly disrobes] You don't cry when you take those off?
Narrator: Having finally had sex, GOB can admit that he never consummated his marriage.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Your Honor, we never consummated this marriage.
Wife of Gob: Judge, maybe you should take a look at this, which was taken in your office just moments ago.
[She hands the judge a picture, and GOB is seen shirtless with the shirt over his head]
Narrator: Then GOB catches a lucky break.
Judge Lionel Ping: There's no way to tell who this man is.
Narrator: But it doesn't last long.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh that's me, your honor, I fucked my wife.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, we've really lost this case.
Narrator: And Maeby impresses some kids at the Promise Land with her one scary campfire story.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!
[Buster enters the clearing while holding up his hook]
Buster: Hey, campers.
[the kids all scream and run away]
Buster: I'm a monster!
Michael: This may have been a step backward.


"Arrested Development: Justice Is Blind (#1.17)" (2004)
Gob: Michael, you have a chance to save this family. Please, do the right thing here - string this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry Zuckerkorn: The solution to all our problems is staring you in the face and it can't even see you!