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[Campaign manager Harry Stone insists that Congressional candidate Nelson Hayward leave his mistress
] Nelson Hayward
: Harry, I need her! Harry Stone
: You don't need anybody but me! You can get rid of anybody but me, because I know where the bodies are buried, Nels. I buried 'em for you!
: Sometimes you frighten me. Nelson Hayward
: What are you talking about? Vickie Hayward
: That act you put on. Nelson Hayward
: Act? Vickie Hayward
: Mm-hmm, when you heard about Harry's being dead. Nelson Hayward
: I was shocked! Vickie Hayward
: That's what frightens me! You were so convincing. I know how you despised him!
: Uh, excuse me, Lieutenant, don't misunderstand. You're a very nice man, I like you very much, but I would hate to have to depend upon you if I was in a hurry for something. Lt. Columbo
: Geez, you know that's what my wife says... Nelson Hayward
: I'm sure she does. Get to the point, Lieutenant. Lt. Columbo
[Lt. Columbo wants to talk with Hayward but doesn't want to "inconvenience" him
] Nelson Hayward
: No, no, no, no... let's understand something, Lieutenant: You see, you think I'm reluctant to talk to you, but you're wrong. I will talk to you as often as you want, for as long as you want, about anything you want. Lt. Columbo
: [taken aback
] Oh. Oh, fine.
: Yeah, this other thing is a genuine puzzle. I don't see any answer to this one. Nelson Hayward
: Well, maybe I can help you. Lt. Columbo
: Let's hope so, sir. Nelson Hayward
: For your sake, or mine?
[Columbo remains silent
: So far, sir, we don't have a thing. Nelson Hayward
: Well, that's heartening. Lt. Columbo
: Officially, that is. Nelson Hayward
: And unofficially? Lt. Columbo
: Unofficially, we don't have anything either.
: Why, Lieutenant, are you considering a change of wardrobe? Lt. Columbo
: Oh, no, no. Oh, every once in a while I think about getting a new coat, but there's no rush on that, sir. There's still a lot of wear in this fellow.
[pats trench coat
: Would you believe it? The first thing I did this morning when I left your campaign headquarters, I run right over to your tailor's. Nelson Hayward
: I'm sure he was delighted. He loves a challenge. Lt. Columbo
: Whattaya mean, sir? Nelson Hayward
: Uh, nothin'. It's a small joke.
: Come on. Let's go to bed. Vickie Hayward
: Is that invitation social or just a professional courtesy?
: Someone is trying to kill me. Now, that is a fact, isn't it? I don't know what the police are up to. Harry was killed driving my car in my clothes and in my garage. Do I have to get gunned down in the streets before anybody believes it?