Gwen Pearson
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Quotes for
Gwen Pearson (Character)
from Van Wilder (2002)

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Van Wilder (2002)
Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Van Wilder: Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be.
Gwen: And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?
Van Wilder: This would be a first.
Gwen: Why do I find that hard to believe?
Van Wilder: I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

Richard: Oh, Gwen! Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus! Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate. I'm releasing some of my seminal fluids inside of you now!
[grunts and giggles]
Gwen: Are you okay?
Richard: Yeah. Why? Well, didn't you?
Gwen: Well, it's kind of hard in 15 seconds.
Richard: Damn it, Gwen! You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.
Gwen: I'm sorry.
Richard: Look, I'm sorry. This semester's marks could determine in the next 10 years of our lives together. Do you realize that?
Gwen: You know... you shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Richard: [laughs] What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm late for my study group.

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

Van Wilder: Well just take a look at this... ya... doodles... I attended class today just about stayed the whole time too!
Gwen: I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
Van Wilder: And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard... stayed.
Gwen: That's great!

Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.

Gwen: Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person.
[Van looks shocked]
Van Wilder: Like what?

Van Wilder: It's a date.
Gwen: It's an interview, not a date.
Van Wilder: Gwen, first dates are interviews.

Sally: [straddling Van and kissing him, turns around and sees Gwen walk into Van's room] You must be Gwen, the truck driver
Van Wilder: Gwen?
[chases her outside]
Gwen: What were you doing up there?
Van Wilder: As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that was my room...
Van Wilder: [looking back]
Van Wilder: Wasn't it?
Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.

Gwen: Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.

Gwen: Is Van here?
Hutch: He don't want to see you.
Gwen: Excuse me?
Hutch: Look. Why don't you just leave him alone?
Sick Boy: Home-wrecker.

Van Wilder: [speaking about Gwen's boyfriend Richard] I'll bet he's a tighty whitey guy.
Gwen: Excuse me?
Van Wilder: White, elastic band, constricting. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. Like you - granny panties I bet.
Gwen: Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
Van Wilder: Mmmm, no.
Van Wilder: [sighs]
Van Wilder: I just wanted the visual.