Bob Woodward
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Quotes for
Bob Woodward (Character)
from All the President's Men (1976)

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All the President's Men (1976)
Bob Woodward: Well, who is Charles Colson?
Harry Rosenfeld: The most powerful man in the United States is President Nixon. You've heard of him? Charles Colson is special counsel to the President. There's a cartoon on his wall. The caption reads, "When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow."

Sally Aiken: Ken Clawson told me he wrote the Canuck letter.
Carl Bernstein: The letter that said Muskie was slurring the Canadians.
Bob Woodward: Clawson.
Carl Bernstein: The deputy director of White House communications wrote the Canuck letter. When'd he tell you this?
Sally Aiken: When we were having drinks.
Carl Bernstein: Where were you?
Sally Aiken: My apartment.
Carl Bernstein: When did you say he told you?
Sally Aiken: Two weeks ago.
Carl Bernstein: What else did he say? He didn't say anything? Come on, you're hedging.
Bob Woodward: Do you think he said it to impress you, to try to get you to go to bed with him?
Carl Bernstein: Jesus!
Bob Woodward: No, I want to hear her say it. Do you think he said that to impress you, to try to get you to go to bed with him?
Carl Bernstein: Why did it take you two weeks to tell us this, Sally?
Sally Aiken: I guess I don't have the taste for the jugular you guys have.

[Bernstein has taken one of Woodward's stories off his desk and turned it in]
Bob Woodward: If you're gonna do it, do it right. If you're gonna hype it, hype it with the facts. I don't mind what you did. I mind the way you did it.

Carl Bernstein: Boy, that woman was paranoid! At one point I - I suddenly wondered how high up this thing goes, and her paranoia finally got to me, and I thought what we had was so hot that any minute CBS or NBC were going to come in through the windows and take the story away.
Bob Woodward: You're both paranoid. She's afraid of John Mitchell, and you're afraid of Walter Cronkite.

Deep Throat: You'll have to figure that on your own.
Bob Woodward: Look, I'm tired of your chickenshit games! I don't want hints! I need to know what you know!
Deep Throat: [very reluctant tone] It was a Haldeman operation. The whole business was run by Haldeman, the money, everything. It won't be easy getting at him, he was insulated, you'll have to find out how. Mitchell started doing covert stuff before anyone else, the list is longer than anyone can imagine... it involves the entire U.S. Intelligence Community. FBI... CIA... Justice... it's incredible. Cover-up had little to do with Watergate, it was mainly to protect the covert operations. It leads everywhere. Get out your notebook, there's more. Your lives are in danger.

Deep Throat: [angry tone] You let Haldeman slip away.
Bob Woodward: Yes.
Deep Throat: You've done worse than let Haldeman slip away: you've got people feeling sorry for him. I didn't think that was possible. In a conspiracy like this, you build from the outer edges and go step by step. If you shoot too high and miss, everybody feels more secure. You've put the investigation back months.
Bob Woodward: Yes, we know that. And if we're wrong, we're resigning. Were we wrong?

Bob Woodward: Segretti crisscrossed the country, at least a dozen times. And always stayed in cities where there were Democratic primaries.
Carl Bernstein: So if the break-in was just one incident in a campaign of sabotage that began a whole year before Watergate...
Bob Woodward: Then for the first time the break-in makes sense.
Carl Bernstein: This isn't so crazy. This whole thing didn't start with the bugging of the headquarters.
Bob Woodward: Segretti was doing this a year before the bugging.
Carl Bernstein: And a year before, Nixon wasn't slaughtering Muskie, he was running behind Muskie, before Muskie self-destructed.
Bob Woodward: *If* he self-destructed!

Bob Woodward: How do you think your check got into the bank account of a Watergate burglar?
Kenneth H. Dahlberg: I'm, uh, a proper citizen. What I do is proper.
Bob Woodward: Well, I - I understand.
Kenneth H. Dahlberg: I've just been through a terrible ordeal. My neighbor's wife has been kidnapped!

Clark MacGregor: I don't know. You're implying that I should know. If you print that, our relationship will be terminated.
Bob Woodward: Sir, we don't have a relationship!

[Asking for background information about Howard Hunt]
Bob Woodward: It's just profile information, mostly. We know, for example, that he works for Mullen and Company, or did work for Mullen and Company, as a writer. He's also a novelist; we know that he works in the office of Charles Colson at the White House...
Bennett: ...and the CIA.
Bob Woodward: And the CIA.
Bennett: Well, if you're conducting that kind of investigation, certainly it comes as no surprise to you that Howard was with the CIA.
Bob Woodward: No, no surprise at all.

Bob Woodward: The story is dry. All we've got are pieces. We can't seem to figure out what the puzzle is supposed to look like. John Mitchell resigns as the head of CREEP, and says that he wants to spend more time with his family. I mean, it sounds like bullshit, we don't exactly believe that...
Deep Throat: No, heh, but it's touching. Forget the myths the media's created about the White House. The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.
Bob Woodward: Hunt's come in from the cold. Supposedly he's got a lawyer with $25,000 in a brown paper bag.
Deep Throat: Follow the money.
Bob Woodward: What do you mean? Where?
Deep Throat: Oh, I can't tell you that.
Bob Woodward: But you could tell me that.
Deep Throat: No, I have to do this my way. You tell me what you know, and I'll confirm. I'll keep you in the right direction if I can, but that's all. Just... follow the money.

[while waiting for the arraignment of the burglars]
Bob Woodward: Excuse me, what is your name? I'm Bob Woodward, of the Washington Post.
Markham: Markham.
Bob Woodward: Markham. Mr. Markham, are you here in connection with the Watergate burglary?
Markham: I'm not here.

Bachinski: There's a strange entry in two of the burglars' address books.
Bob Woodward: Yeh?
Bachinski: One says "H.H. at W.H."; the other says "Howard Hunt, W. House".

Howard Simons: Did you call the White House press office?
Bob Woodward: I went over there; I talked to them. They said Hunt hadn't worked there for three months. Then a PR guy said this weird thing to me. He said, "I am convinced that neither Mr. Colson nor anyone else at the White House had any knowledge of, or participation in, this deplorable incident at the Democratic National Committee."
Howard Simons: Isn't that what you expect them to say?
Bob Woodward: Absolutely.
Howard Simons: So?
Bob Woodward: I never asked about Watergate. I simply asked what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered he was innocent when nobody asked if he was guilty.
Howard Simons: Be careful how you write it.

Debbie Sloan: This is an honest house.
Bob Woodward: That's why we'd like to see your husband.
Carl Bernstein: Facing certain criminal charges that might be brought against some people that are innocent, we just feel that it would be...
Bob Woodward: It's really for his benefit.
Debbie Sloan: No, it's not.
Bob Woodward: No. It's not.
Hugh Sloan Jr.: Deborah, tell them to come in.

[after seeing Bernstein light up a cigarette in an elevator]
Bob Woodward: Is there any place you *don't* smoke?

Ben Bradlee: Where's the goddamn story?
Bob Woodward: The money's the key to whatever this is.
Ben Bradlee: Says who?
Howard Simons: Deep Throat.
Ben Bradlee: Who?
Howard Simons: Oh, that's Woodward's garage freak; his source in the executive department.
Ben Bradlee: Garage Freak? Jesus, what kind of a crazy fucking story is this? Who did you say?
Howard Simons: He's on deep background, I call him deep... throat.

Bob Woodward: Who's Charles Colson?
Harry Rosenfeld: Sit down. You know I'm glad you asked me that question. The reason I'm glad you asked me is because if you had asked Simons or Bradlee they woulda said, "You know we're gonna have to fire this schmuck at once because he's so *dumb*."

Bob Woodward: Gordon Liddy was fired by Mitchell because he wouldn't talk to the F.B.I.
Deep Throat: You'll hear more.
Bob Woodward: Will he talk?
Deep Throat: I was at a party once, and, uh, Liddy put his hand over a candle, and he kept it there. He kept it right in the flame until his flesh was burned. Somebody said, "What's the trick?" And Liddy said, "The trick is not minding."

Carl Bernstein: [Walking up to the Sloans' house] All these neat, little houses and all these nice, little streets... It's hard to believe that something's wrong with some of those little houses.
Bob Woodward: No, it isn't.

[Woodward is woken up by a call from Bernstein]
Carl Bernstein: Woodward, What did you find out? What did he say?
Bob Woodward: What time is it?
Carl Bernstein: You fell asleep?
Bob Woodward: Oh God dammit!
[Woodward hangs up and runs out the door, realizing that he forgot about his secret meeting with Deep Throat]

Ben Bradlee: How much can you tell me about Deep Throat?
Bob Woodward: How much do you need to know?
Ben Bradlee: Do you trust him?
Bob Woodward: Yeah.
Ben Bradlee: I can't do the reporting for my reporters, which means I have to trust them. And I hate trusting anybody. Run that baby.

Carl Bernstein: I think it's Magruder.
Bob Woodward: I think it's Magruder too.
Carl Bernstein: Why do you think it's Magruder?
Bob Woodward: Because he was second in command under Mitchell. Why do you think it's Magruder?
Carl Bernstein: [Carl gets up and goes to open a jar of cookies] I think it's Magruder because at one time he was the temporary head of the Committee to Re-Elect before Mitchell.
[he flings one at Bob who, still furiously typing away, catches it without missing a beat]
Bob Woodward: I don't want a cookie.

Bob Woodward: Who told them not to investigate the break-in?
Deep Throat: Don't you understand what you're on to?
Bob Woodward: Mitchell knew?
Deep Throat: Of course Mitchell knew. You think something this size just happens?
Bob Woodward: Halderman had to know too.
Deep Throat: You'll hear nothing from me about Haldeman.
Bob Woodward: Segretti told me and Bernstein that...
Deep Throat: [interrupting] Don't concentrate on Segretti. You'll miss the overall.
Bob Woodward: The letter that destroyed the Muskie candidates... did that come from inside the White House?
Deep Throat: You're missing the overall.
Bob Woodward: What overall?
Deep Throat: The people behind all of this were frightened of Muskie and that's what got him destroyed. They wanted to run against McGovern. Look who they're running against. They bugged offices, they followed people, planted false press leaks, passed fake letters... they canceled Democratic campaign rallies, they investigated Democratic private lives, they planted spies, they stole documents... and now don't tell me that all of this was the work of one Donald Segretti.
Bob Woodward: Do your associates in the FBI and the Justice Department know about this?
[Woodward turns when a lone car passes by, when he turns back, Deep Throat is gone]

Deep Throat: What's the topic for tonight?
Bob Woodward: Ratfucking.
Deep Throat: [lights a cigarette] In my day it was called the double-cross. In simple context, it means infiltration of the Democrats.
Bob Woodward: Segretti wouldn't cooperate, but if he would we know he would implicate Chapin.
Deep Throat: And that will put you inside the White House.
Bob Woodward: Be specific. How high up?
Deep Throat: You'll have to find that out for yourself. I'm taking great risk meeting you here. I don't like newspapers. I don't care for any inexactitudes or shallowness.
Bob Woodward: CREEP's slush fund... we've just about got that down nailed town with the rat-fucking, I don't know how...
[footsteps are heard in the distance]
Deep Throat: Did you remember to change cabs before coming here?
Bob Woodward: Yeah. Does the FBI know what we know? Does the Justice Department? Why haven't they done anything?
Deep Throat: If it didn't deal directly with the Watergate break-in, they didn't pursue.

Bob Woodward: We haven't had any luck yet.
Ben Bradlee: Get some.

Wired (1989)
Bob Woodward: Why didn't you go home, John? Why did you kill yourself?
John Belushi: Vietnam, man!
Bob Woodward: You never served.
John Belushi: Society fucked me over, like Lenny Bruce!
Bob Woodward: Lenny Bruce? John, you were a living legend! Your friend Dan Ayrkoyd called you "America's guest". Come on, what was the real reason?
John Belushi: I have no idea!
Bob Woodward: What was it? Why did you do it?

Bob Woodward: John? John! John... Answer me, John. John! Why didn't you ever want to go home? What was so painful, that you couldn't even close your eyes at night without drugs?
John Belushi: I had an unhappy childhood!
Bob Woodward: Oh, come on, John. We all had an unhappy childhood.
John Belushi: Vietnam? Agent Orange?
Bob Woodward: You didn't go.
John Belushi: Society fucked me over, like Lenny Bruce!
Bob Woodward: Like Lenny Bruce? You were a living legend, John! Your friend Aykroyd called you "America's guest". Everybody loved you!
John Belushi: Then I give up!
Bob Woodward: Oh. John, why did you shove a needle into your arm, day after...
John Belushi: BECAUSE I NEED IT! BECAUSE IT'S MINE! Cold bastard.
[pause, sweaty and breathing heavily]
John Belushi: So you're just gonna sit there and watch me die, is that it?

Dick (1999)
Bob Woodward: [meeting Betsy and Arlene] You're Deep Throat?
Betsy Jobs: Yeah, we both are.
Bob Woodward: How old are you?
Betsy Jobs: Twenty-three.
Bob Woodward: Is that your combined ages?
Betsy Jobs: [scoffs] There's no need to be snotty.