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[Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice
] Jack Parkman
: What do you call that garbage? Rick Vaughn
: It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.
[Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park
] Jack Parkman
: I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.
: I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.
: [goes up to bat
] Parkman, my good friend. How you doing? Jack Parkman
: Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I'm doing just fine. Cerrano
: That last pitch man: that was beautiful.
[hits home run
: Not as beautiful as that though!
: [to Parkman after rounding the bases
] Look. At. The. Scoreboard. Now, Grasshopper!
: [Parkman visits Vaughn at the mound after Vaughn gives up three straight hits
] What? Jack Parkman
: WHAT? They're hammering the slow crap. Think your arm can handle the strain of throwing this guy a fastball? Rick Vaughn
: Look, I'll throw it, you just make sure you catch it. Jack Parkman
: I will if it ever gets to me.
: [Rick Vaughn shakes off fastball
] He's afraid of his fastball. Jack Parkman
: He's screwed. Johnny
: You're screwed Vaughn. Tanaka
: [in Japanese
] He's dicked.
Willie Mays Hayes
: Told you I wasn't gonna slide! Jack Parkman
: You got a long way to go peckerhead Willie Mays Hayes
: That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, PAL!
: [after knocking down Baker, who loses the ball
] Welcome to the Bug Leagues, Hayseed. Next time, don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through.
: I've got your timing now. I bet you don't have enough hair on your ass to throw me another. Rick Vaughn
: Well, here it comes, Parkman. The ol' number 1, the Terminator. You get a piece, you can rename it.
: Parkman, I saw your little interview in this morning's paper. You're benched for two games and if you ever rip any of your teammates like that, Jack Parkman
] Save your breath. Lou Brown
: What did you just say? Jack Parkman
: You oughta listen to the radio more, Lou. Your biggest gun just got traded to Chicago. As a matter of fact, your only gun. Au revoir.
: Say Parkman, I just want to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player. Jack Parkman
: Cut the crap, Taylor. I don't like you and you don't like me. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job.
: Ooh, must be tough to be old.