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Quotes for
Jack Parkman (Character)
from Major League II (1994)

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Major League II (1994)
[Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice]
Jack Parkman: What do you call that garbage?
Rick Vaughn: It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.
[Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park]
Jack Parkman: I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.

Jack Parkman: I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.

Cerrano: [goes up to bat] Parkman, my good friend. How you doing?
Jack Parkman: Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I'm doing just fine.
Cerrano: That last pitch man: that was beautiful.
[hits home run]
Cerrano: Not as beautiful as that though!
[laughs]
Cerrano: [to Parkman after rounding the bases] Look. At. The. Scoreboard. Now, Grasshopper!

Rick Vaughn: [Parkman visits Vaughn at the mound after Vaughn gives up three straight hits] What?
Jack Parkman: WHAT? They're hammering the slow crap. Think your arm can handle the strain of throwing this guy a fastball?
Rick Vaughn: Look, I'll throw it, you just make sure you catch it.
Jack Parkman: I will if it ever gets to me.

Nikki Reese: [Rick Vaughn shakes off fastball] He's afraid of his fastball.
Jack Parkman: He's screwed.
Johnny: You're screwed Vaughn.
Tanaka: [in Japanese] He's dicked.

Willie Mays Hayes: Told you I wasn't gonna slide!
Jack Parkman: You got a long way to go peckerhead
Willie Mays Hayes: That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, PAL!

Jack Parkman: [after knocking down Baker, who loses the ball] Welcome to the Bug Leagues, Hayseed. Next time, don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through.

Jack Parkman: I've got your timing now. I bet you don't have enough hair on your ass to throw me another.
Rick Vaughn: Well, here it comes, Parkman. The ol' number 1, the Terminator. You get a piece, you can rename it.

Lou Brown: Parkman, I saw your little interview in this morning's paper. You're benched for two games and if you ever rip any of your teammates like that,
Jack Parkman: [interrupting] Save your breath.
Lou Brown: What did you just say?
Jack Parkman: You oughta listen to the radio more, Lou. Your biggest gun just got traded to Chicago. As a matter of fact, your only gun. Au revoir.

Jake Taylor: Say Parkman, I just want to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player.
Jack Parkman: Cut the crap, Taylor. I don't like you and you don't like me. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job.

Jack Parkman: Ooh, must be tough to be old.