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Quotes for
Pedro Cerrano (Character)
from Major League (1989)

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Major League (1989)
[Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]
Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?
[Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]
Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro Cerrano: [pointing to us] So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
[Roger snaps his fingers]
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
[Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]
Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Roger Dorn: Shit, Harris.
Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

Pedro Cerrano: Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Lou Brown: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please?
[picks up a bat and leans on it like a walking stick]
Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about.It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Dorn: Even me?
Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake Taylor: [Jake stands up] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger Dorn: What's that?
Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
[long pause]
Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah.
Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!
[everyone talks amongst themselves]

[last lines]
Pedro Cerrano, Eddie Harris: We did it! We did it!

Pedro Cerrano: Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad.

Eddie Harris: Hey, skipper. Are we gonna have a prayer?
[Dorn sulks]
Eddie Harris: you know, we're not all savages, like Cerrano over there.
Pedro Cerrano: Sigatte, carbon.
Roger Dorn: Excuse me. I'll be in the other room.
Eddie Harris: Dear lord, may we have...
[Cerrano ignites his ritual smoke]
Eddie Harris: Jesus Christ, Cerrano.
Pedro Cerrano: I gotta wake up my bat.

Pedro Cerrano: I'm pissed off now, Jobu. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You don't help me now. I say "Fuck you," Jobu, I do it myself.


Major League: Back to the Minors (1998)
[Gus Cantrell is gaining consciousness after being knocked out with the ball]
Gus Cantrell: God?
Pedro Cerrano: No.
Gus Cantrell: Moses?
Pedro Cerrano: No, but you're getting warm.
Gus Cantrell: Cerrano.
Pedro Cerrano: [chuckles] Hello, Gus.
Gus Cantrell: [laughs, then grabs the back of his head in pain] Oh, Jesus Christ.
Pedro Cerrano: Be careful, now.
Gus Cantrell: You scared me to death!
Pedro Cerrano: Do you mean when you realized God is black?
Gus Cantrell: Yeah... I thought She was white.
Pedro Cerrano: [laughs]
Gus Cantrell: I must've been out a long time if it's Halloween already.
Pedro Cerrano: What's your point?

Gus Cantrell: [looks ahead after reading the newspaper on the bus] Oh, my... Cerrano?
Pedro Cerrano: Yo?
Gus Cantrell: Cerrano!
Pedro Cerrano: [approaches Gus] Si, Gus, what?
Gus Cantrell: [points at sign ahead] Is that who I think it is?
Pedro Cerrano: [the sign is for Taka's Putt-Putt] Jesus Christo. Tanaka!

Rube Baker: Carlos Liston, a resident mad man and cleanup hitter.
Hog Ellis: I have to pitch to him today?
Rube Baker: Yeah.
[laughs]
Frank 'Pops' Morgan: Just remember one thing, Carlos is a bit like a mad dog.
Hog Ellis: Mad dog?
Pedro Cerrano: If he smells fear, he goes into attack mode.
Frank 'Pops' Morgan: So, whatever you do,
Pedro Cerrano: Don't let him know that you are scared.
Hog Ellis: I need to use the bathroom.
Pedro Cerrano: Use the mound.


Major League II (1994)
Tanaka: You have no... you have no...
[looks in translation book]
Tanaka: marbles! You have no marbles!
Cerrano: Marbles? Huevos?

Cerrano: [goes up to bat] Parkman, my good friend. How you doing?
Jack Parkman: Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I'm doing just fine.
Cerrano: That last pitch man: that was beautiful.
[hits home run]
Cerrano: Not as beautiful as that though!
[laughs]
Cerrano: [to Parkman after rounding the bases] Look. At. The. Scoreboard. Now, Grasshopper!